Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Winter Rose
A lil bit gay
1 reviewfirst of all, it'll be nice to see reviews. and... easy saying, Gee is kinda gay :p
1Original
-Gerard's POV-
"For 20 years?" Franks eyes widened. He looked at me with an expression of disbelief even thought he didn't look straight to my eyes, but I was sure that he looked at me. He was in shock, I knew, it shocked me when I heard about it too.
"Oh wait, I'm sorry, don't cry…" I knew my eyes were wet, tears ready to drop and I wanted to cry too, but I didn't know why I still trying to stop it. I couldn't hold the emotion of guilt and regret buried deep inside my heart.
I couldn't face the truth that I have wasted my 20 precious years by laying on the gloomy hospital bed, listening to people's miserable voice and cries, and sometimes I listen to my own pleading soul who was alone and lonely, in the dark world that none ever reach. I've missed all the happy and the sad time around me. I missed Mikey's graduation as the best student at elementary, junior-high and high school, Mikey's bachelor degree, my beloved Grandma's death, my mother and father car crash which took their lives away… and person by person just gone from the list of my most loved living-people of my life and goes to my most loved death-people of my life and death.
As everyone walks their world, dying and living… I only walk in the darkness getting lonelier when everyone was just too busy to come visit me and eventually forget me, the pathetic guy who live no world but misery. Mikey, my brother was also too busy working, earning money to pay off my hospital cost and for his own survival, I don't even know if he actually have times to enjoy his life and laid back a bit. And I… I could just wait in despair, not knowing where God going to take me, heaven, hell or back to the world… but honestly, I wish I was dead instead of being in a coma, burdening and waste everyone around.
I sobbed. I couldn't stop my tears as I thought of those scary things I always have in mind ever since I understand the situation I was in.
"Well, you know what, Gerard?" Frank got up, I wish he wasn't mad or something, he sounded cold yet expressionless, I just couldn't make sure.
"I'm sorry for what I've said." He kneeled over me and gave me this warm looks, the warmth I've been craving to see.
"You don't have to tell me about it, or maybe, if you need someone to talk. I can listen to you anytime you want. Its okay I don't mind." He smiled like if I was his child or a lost kid, he ruffled my hair and laughed as he wipes my tears off as I watch him standing and took his sweater off.
"Well, I'm going to cook some random seasoned chicken now… if you want, you can tail me to the kitchen…" he threw the sweater randomly to one of the couch and walks down to a door-less framed room.
As what he let me to do, I tailed him to the brownish door-frame.
As I enter the huge room, I could see some guitars hanged as display on the wall, the guitars had different shape than those in the living room. The dinner table of six chairs was on the left side of the table, along with six black leather dinner table, there's also a fire-stove in the room and a painting of a black rectangle with a do-re-mi music note shaped like a boat above the stove-frame, the wall was pasted by a wallpaper with coffee brown as the background and pattern of white colored music note which looks really gracious to my eyes. The right side of the room was a kitchen with a bar-like wooden-counter that split the room into two sides, there are 3 dark-gray bar-chairs but I see no liquor at all. The kitchen was pretty small, with few marble counters, a big two door fridge, a black stove which attached with the oven and some kind of fan and light above it, there's also a metal sink and a rack for clean and dirty utilities near the sink, the tiled wall are also painted with a music notes which I thought really cool, there's some cupboard under and above the counter which might be the place for keeping stuff in the kitchen.
As I sat on the bar-chair, he took some bowl out and offers me a gum-flavored ice cream straight from the box, "Eat this while I'm cooking~ consider it as an appetizer." He smiled warmly and gave me a small spoon, he open the lid and start to be busy with his cooking.
"Don't you want it too?" I asked as I gulp down the whole spoon into my mouth, digging for another spoon and stare at him, waiting for an answer. I felt bad to eat the delightful ice cream without offering the guy who gave me.
He took the chicken out from the nosy oil and left the filter hanging, drying the greasy chicken. "Nope" he shook his head without looking at me as he seems to be busy smashing something in a blue big bowl. He seemed to really enjoying smashing the thing inside that bowl… could it be something creepy like… eyeballs or something sweet like cookies? I'd never know.
Frank took two mauve-colored round plates from a wooden-cupboard above him and put it in front of me. He grabs a spoon and a fork for me and also a pair for him, and then he took a big spoon and scoops something inside the big blue bowl.
"Would this be enough?" he asked as he landed some mashed potato (which I thought as eyeballs or cookies before) to my plate and form a small mountain on my plate which I actually like. I nodded slowly as he stare on down to me and see if it was enough for me, and then he gave me two pieces of chicken as he later serve himself.
He patted my head and smiled to me, "Eat well, Gerard." He sat besides me and starts to eat.
We were eating quietly as then he broke the silent, "So… umm… Gerard… I mean Gee…" he digs the mashed potato and munches again. "My curiosity could kill… so I'm going to ask you something…" I don't think he asked for permission.
"Yeah, sure…" but I answered him while closing the ice cream life, it started to melt.
He put his spoon down and face me, "How old are you?" his question sounds really stupid or umm… pure? He sounded like if he was only curios about it.
I dug the mashed potato, "30 this year…and I'll be waiting for my 31st birthday in few hours again. It's 31st of December right?" I said as I start to eat again. I couldn't make my tongue stop tasting his sweet-moist yet well seasoned fried chicken and his super moist well-smashed mashed potato. I can taste the buttery-sweet-salty flavor dissolved in my throat. I looked at him who was busy eating while being adored by his foods.
"Wow…" he already finished his food. I could remember his portion was double mine, but I guess he was a quick eater isn't he?
He looked at me but not in the eyes, I wonder… "You looked really young you know!" I blushed and stare down to my food, hoping he didn't realize my heating face. "I thought you're still an adolescent or something!"
"And I thought I was still 10 when I woke up…" I mumbled, trying hard to hide the fact that my coma feed me sorrowful memories. I wanted to laugh it off, like I did on other things, but this one was just impossible to do.
Frank lean over and patted my head, I could feel his breath brush my cheek as he stand up and took his plate to the sink. "If you not going to finish this fast… I'm going to feed you." He teased me as he left his plate in the sink.
He made my face feel hotter and my heart beats faster, I could just explode at that very time. "O-of course NOT!" I dug a big amount of mashed potato and chicken and stuff it in my mouth. "I can eat it myself!"
"Of course you can~" he laughed playfully and put away the ice cream to the freezer. "I'll wash the dish when you're done." He said while getting out a Popsicle from the freezer.
I've finish my food but I didn't tell him, I was distracted by his unique gestures and shining piercings. He opens the paper carefully and shoves the whole red thing into his mouth. He gets it out and licked his lip-ring, and then his tongue slowly licks the body of the popsicles and enjoys every gulp of it. As his tongue reached the bottom of it, he gulp down the whole thing again and took it off in a sexy way, the Popsicle was bathed with his saliva and his tongue was playing with the top of it. I realized that my heart throb went really fast as I witness the melting red ice and his saliva mixed together and being gulped down by Frank. I found the urge to gulp down my own saliva in desire when I watched over him, I feel somehow delighted… like having my wet-dream once again.
He was about to leave me alone in the kitchen, so I purposely made a noise, signaling that I've finish my food.
"Where are you going?" I asked as he turns his back, facing me again. I jump down from the bar-chair and put the plate into the sink.
"Oh, you've finish?" he rushed my way and pushes me back slowly till I lean on the fridge. He grabbed a sponge and starts to wash the dishes, with Popsicle in his mouth and the Popsicle's stick hanging.
"Yeah… you should just let me clean the plates." I said, being really nervous around him. His tattoo got my full attention and I didn't wish to go to other place. So I relaxed my head on the cold fridge door, waiting for him to finish.
He finishes the whole Popsicle in one last glom. I suddenly feel the jean he lends me became tighter than before. I hold my breath, trying to hide the embarrassing scenery he might don't want to see.
"Here, dry them with this towel, when you finish, put them here." He gave me a mauve-colored towel and went somewhere I can't guess.
He came into the room again after I finish the drying up.
"Do you like music, Gee?" he kept on walking to the back of the room; he pulled off a curtain and opens the glass-door, walked down to the back yard. He was holding a white-colored classical guitar and sticking a cigarette in between his ringed-lip while gesturing me to come with him.
"Of course!" I tailed him and sneezed as soon as a cold breeze strike both of us, and I sneezed again when Frank blow the smoke from his cigarette. "Umm… sorry Frankie, but I hate cigarette's smell…"
"Whoops, sorry, my bad..." he put off his cigarette. "I made a resolution to stop next year. So I thought I'd smoke some more but… nah, if I keep it on I will never stop."
I felt bad. "Its 10 now… you can smoke… you only got 2 hours left anyway…"
He chuckled, "Nah, earlier is better~" He seated on a swing-able-bench and patted his right, gesturing me to sit there.
"Anyway, Gee, can you sing?"
"Um… I think I can… but I don't know… my voice change…" I sat beside him and feel a little cold, but he was so close to me and his body was warm, at least I didn't freeze.
"My grandma taught me to sing… but she passed away on my 10th year of coma…" I didn't know why, but I wanted to tell him this, tell him about my pathetic past.
"Uh… well… I'm sorry…"
Silence… no sound for more than an hour. Frank didn't make any effort to talk and didn't even press a chord on his guitar, he was just staring at the sky while playing with his lip-ring. I felt bad… I shouldn't tell him about it. There was no use either if I say its okay… because it was not okay.
"Umm… euh… Frankie… since I got no New Year resolution… I'd like to hear yours…" I at last break the silent.
"Mine?" suddenly he faced my and throw me a big smile. "It's all simple… I want to quit smoking, get a cashier for the shop, adopt some puppies, drink less alcohol, be a vegetarian, live happy life, think happy thought and maybe get married with someone I really love~"
"Married?" he gave me a little shock, he wanted to be married already… "You have a girlfriend?"
"Nope…" The launched fireworks were like a background sound of my happy thought, its New Year already.
"You gay?" okay, stupid question, I knew… I was just curios.
"I'm a bi."
"For 20 years?" Franks eyes widened. He looked at me with an expression of disbelief even thought he didn't look straight to my eyes, but I was sure that he looked at me. He was in shock, I knew, it shocked me when I heard about it too.
"Oh wait, I'm sorry, don't cry…" I knew my eyes were wet, tears ready to drop and I wanted to cry too, but I didn't know why I still trying to stop it. I couldn't hold the emotion of guilt and regret buried deep inside my heart.
I couldn't face the truth that I have wasted my 20 precious years by laying on the gloomy hospital bed, listening to people's miserable voice and cries, and sometimes I listen to my own pleading soul who was alone and lonely, in the dark world that none ever reach. I've missed all the happy and the sad time around me. I missed Mikey's graduation as the best student at elementary, junior-high and high school, Mikey's bachelor degree, my beloved Grandma's death, my mother and father car crash which took their lives away… and person by person just gone from the list of my most loved living-people of my life and goes to my most loved death-people of my life and death.
As everyone walks their world, dying and living… I only walk in the darkness getting lonelier when everyone was just too busy to come visit me and eventually forget me, the pathetic guy who live no world but misery. Mikey, my brother was also too busy working, earning money to pay off my hospital cost and for his own survival, I don't even know if he actually have times to enjoy his life and laid back a bit. And I… I could just wait in despair, not knowing where God going to take me, heaven, hell or back to the world… but honestly, I wish I was dead instead of being in a coma, burdening and waste everyone around.
I sobbed. I couldn't stop my tears as I thought of those scary things I always have in mind ever since I understand the situation I was in.
"Well, you know what, Gerard?" Frank got up, I wish he wasn't mad or something, he sounded cold yet expressionless, I just couldn't make sure.
"I'm sorry for what I've said." He kneeled over me and gave me this warm looks, the warmth I've been craving to see.
"You don't have to tell me about it, or maybe, if you need someone to talk. I can listen to you anytime you want. Its okay I don't mind." He smiled like if I was his child or a lost kid, he ruffled my hair and laughed as he wipes my tears off as I watch him standing and took his sweater off.
"Well, I'm going to cook some random seasoned chicken now… if you want, you can tail me to the kitchen…" he threw the sweater randomly to one of the couch and walks down to a door-less framed room.
As what he let me to do, I tailed him to the brownish door-frame.
As I enter the huge room, I could see some guitars hanged as display on the wall, the guitars had different shape than those in the living room. The dinner table of six chairs was on the left side of the table, along with six black leather dinner table, there's also a fire-stove in the room and a painting of a black rectangle with a do-re-mi music note shaped like a boat above the stove-frame, the wall was pasted by a wallpaper with coffee brown as the background and pattern of white colored music note which looks really gracious to my eyes. The right side of the room was a kitchen with a bar-like wooden-counter that split the room into two sides, there are 3 dark-gray bar-chairs but I see no liquor at all. The kitchen was pretty small, with few marble counters, a big two door fridge, a black stove which attached with the oven and some kind of fan and light above it, there's also a metal sink and a rack for clean and dirty utilities near the sink, the tiled wall are also painted with a music notes which I thought really cool, there's some cupboard under and above the counter which might be the place for keeping stuff in the kitchen.
As I sat on the bar-chair, he took some bowl out and offers me a gum-flavored ice cream straight from the box, "Eat this while I'm cooking~ consider it as an appetizer." He smiled warmly and gave me a small spoon, he open the lid and start to be busy with his cooking.
"Don't you want it too?" I asked as I gulp down the whole spoon into my mouth, digging for another spoon and stare at him, waiting for an answer. I felt bad to eat the delightful ice cream without offering the guy who gave me.
He took the chicken out from the nosy oil and left the filter hanging, drying the greasy chicken. "Nope" he shook his head without looking at me as he seems to be busy smashing something in a blue big bowl. He seemed to really enjoying smashing the thing inside that bowl… could it be something creepy like… eyeballs or something sweet like cookies? I'd never know.
Frank took two mauve-colored round plates from a wooden-cupboard above him and put it in front of me. He grabs a spoon and a fork for me and also a pair for him, and then he took a big spoon and scoops something inside the big blue bowl.
"Would this be enough?" he asked as he landed some mashed potato (which I thought as eyeballs or cookies before) to my plate and form a small mountain on my plate which I actually like. I nodded slowly as he stare on down to me and see if it was enough for me, and then he gave me two pieces of chicken as he later serve himself.
He patted my head and smiled to me, "Eat well, Gerard." He sat besides me and starts to eat.
We were eating quietly as then he broke the silent, "So… umm… Gerard… I mean Gee…" he digs the mashed potato and munches again. "My curiosity could kill… so I'm going to ask you something…" I don't think he asked for permission.
"Yeah, sure…" but I answered him while closing the ice cream life, it started to melt.
He put his spoon down and face me, "How old are you?" his question sounds really stupid or umm… pure? He sounded like if he was only curios about it.
I dug the mashed potato, "30 this year…and I'll be waiting for my 31st birthday in few hours again. It's 31st of December right?" I said as I start to eat again. I couldn't make my tongue stop tasting his sweet-moist yet well seasoned fried chicken and his super moist well-smashed mashed potato. I can taste the buttery-sweet-salty flavor dissolved in my throat. I looked at him who was busy eating while being adored by his foods.
"Wow…" he already finished his food. I could remember his portion was double mine, but I guess he was a quick eater isn't he?
He looked at me but not in the eyes, I wonder… "You looked really young you know!" I blushed and stare down to my food, hoping he didn't realize my heating face. "I thought you're still an adolescent or something!"
"And I thought I was still 10 when I woke up…" I mumbled, trying hard to hide the fact that my coma feed me sorrowful memories. I wanted to laugh it off, like I did on other things, but this one was just impossible to do.
Frank lean over and patted my head, I could feel his breath brush my cheek as he stand up and took his plate to the sink. "If you not going to finish this fast… I'm going to feed you." He teased me as he left his plate in the sink.
He made my face feel hotter and my heart beats faster, I could just explode at that very time. "O-of course NOT!" I dug a big amount of mashed potato and chicken and stuff it in my mouth. "I can eat it myself!"
"Of course you can~" he laughed playfully and put away the ice cream to the freezer. "I'll wash the dish when you're done." He said while getting out a Popsicle from the freezer.
I've finish my food but I didn't tell him, I was distracted by his unique gestures and shining piercings. He opens the paper carefully and shoves the whole red thing into his mouth. He gets it out and licked his lip-ring, and then his tongue slowly licks the body of the popsicles and enjoys every gulp of it. As his tongue reached the bottom of it, he gulp down the whole thing again and took it off in a sexy way, the Popsicle was bathed with his saliva and his tongue was playing with the top of it. I realized that my heart throb went really fast as I witness the melting red ice and his saliva mixed together and being gulped down by Frank. I found the urge to gulp down my own saliva in desire when I watched over him, I feel somehow delighted… like having my wet-dream once again.
He was about to leave me alone in the kitchen, so I purposely made a noise, signaling that I've finish my food.
"Where are you going?" I asked as he turns his back, facing me again. I jump down from the bar-chair and put the plate into the sink.
"Oh, you've finish?" he rushed my way and pushes me back slowly till I lean on the fridge. He grabbed a sponge and starts to wash the dishes, with Popsicle in his mouth and the Popsicle's stick hanging.
"Yeah… you should just let me clean the plates." I said, being really nervous around him. His tattoo got my full attention and I didn't wish to go to other place. So I relaxed my head on the cold fridge door, waiting for him to finish.
He finishes the whole Popsicle in one last glom. I suddenly feel the jean he lends me became tighter than before. I hold my breath, trying to hide the embarrassing scenery he might don't want to see.
"Here, dry them with this towel, when you finish, put them here." He gave me a mauve-colored towel and went somewhere I can't guess.
He came into the room again after I finish the drying up.
"Do you like music, Gee?" he kept on walking to the back of the room; he pulled off a curtain and opens the glass-door, walked down to the back yard. He was holding a white-colored classical guitar and sticking a cigarette in between his ringed-lip while gesturing me to come with him.
"Of course!" I tailed him and sneezed as soon as a cold breeze strike both of us, and I sneezed again when Frank blow the smoke from his cigarette. "Umm… sorry Frankie, but I hate cigarette's smell…"
"Whoops, sorry, my bad..." he put off his cigarette. "I made a resolution to stop next year. So I thought I'd smoke some more but… nah, if I keep it on I will never stop."
I felt bad. "Its 10 now… you can smoke… you only got 2 hours left anyway…"
He chuckled, "Nah, earlier is better~" He seated on a swing-able-bench and patted his right, gesturing me to sit there.
"Anyway, Gee, can you sing?"
"Um… I think I can… but I don't know… my voice change…" I sat beside him and feel a little cold, but he was so close to me and his body was warm, at least I didn't freeze.
"My grandma taught me to sing… but she passed away on my 10th year of coma…" I didn't know why, but I wanted to tell him this, tell him about my pathetic past.
"Uh… well… I'm sorry…"
Silence… no sound for more than an hour. Frank didn't make any effort to talk and didn't even press a chord on his guitar, he was just staring at the sky while playing with his lip-ring. I felt bad… I shouldn't tell him about it. There was no use either if I say its okay… because it was not okay.
"Umm… euh… Frankie… since I got no New Year resolution… I'd like to hear yours…" I at last break the silent.
"Mine?" suddenly he faced my and throw me a big smile. "It's all simple… I want to quit smoking, get a cashier for the shop, adopt some puppies, drink less alcohol, be a vegetarian, live happy life, think happy thought and maybe get married with someone I really love~"
"Married?" he gave me a little shock, he wanted to be married already… "You have a girlfriend?"
"Nope…" The launched fireworks were like a background sound of my happy thought, its New Year already.
"You gay?" okay, stupid question, I knew… I was just curios.
"I'm a bi."
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