FicWad

My thigh was bleeding now from another cut I had made with the same blade. No one was home. Jason told me to stop, but I would never listen. The gashes were now longer and much deeper. I wasn’t going to stop now. I had moved on from my arms since they were torn up. My thighs were now the only place I had left to keep it to myself. My parents worried about me all the time, asking me about how Mikey was doing, but I’d lie and said I talked to him everyday and he was doing good. When I told a lie all I wanted to do was cut me up even more. It felt really good though. It was like medicine; you get addicted to it. While I watched my thigh bleed I cried softly and lay in bed making sure the blood didn’t get on the sheets. I had to be careful of the evidence because I sure as hell needed to talk fast with a good excuse if my mother found out and saw the dark red blood.

Everyday I did the same things. First, check my email for any sign of Mikey, second, cut, third, cry until I felt better, and fourth, repeat. Today I tried something different. Instead I cut first and then checked my email. When I logged on I saw a message that made me stop crying. My breath caught in my throat and I stared at it confused at the words in black text. It read: What’s going on?

Mikey. I looked to see what time he sent it but the time was all messed up. I replied back annoying the cut in my leg for a few minutes which was still bleeding: Nothing. Why?

M: Jason told me everything.

G: Everything? What are you talking about?

M: You know exactly. Why?

G: I still don’t understand.

M: The cutting. 

G: Oh, that.

M: Why are you doing it? Because of me?

G: Because I love you.

M: I love you too. But, please, stop.

G: I don’t want to. You’re gone.

M: No, I’m not. I’m back.

G: No, you’re not.

M: I was never gone.

G: You didn’t want me anymore. You acted like you didn’t care about me so I thought that.

M: I know. I’m sorry. Just listen, please? :D

G: Fine. Go ahead.

M: I’m coming back in a few weeks and I want you to do something for me.

G: Ok, what is it?

M: Stop doing it. I’m here for you. I’m going to do the same for you that you did for me.

G: I’m not. You’re not coming back for me. You don’t care about me.

M: Yes, I do. A lot. Just do it for me.

I thought about that sentence quite often. That was the reason why I was cutting in the first place; just for him. I wanted him. But now he was asking me to stop for him. I know what I wanted to choose.

G: Maybe. I’ve been doing it everyday.

M: No, stop! You better say, “No!” Not maybe.

G: Refuse to stop. I don’t even know what to do, what to say. I don’t really know myself anymore.

M: This is why. Please??

It was like he was begging me now. I thought back to that night he felt the same way about himself and I kept telling all the good qualities about him. I missed and loved him so much, but I didn’t know if I would change.

G: Okay.

M: Good! So, keep talking to me. You can talk to me whenever you want. You know that!

G: I know. But you didn’t want to talk to me.

M: I know. I felt bad. I didn’t know what to say because we were both upset.

G: You should’ve told me you loved and cared about me earlier.

M: That was all my fault. I’m sorry.

G: You’re forgiven when you see me. Not now. You know, it’s been 2 months since we last talked. That’s definitely not cool.

M: No, it’s not cool. I’m sorry. I regret everything.

G: Well, I gotta go. I’m kind of busy so… I’ll talk to you later.

M: Oh. Ok… Well, I love you.

I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to answer that.

G: I don’t know if I’m supposed to respond to that. Bye.

M: I do love you still. Bye! :D