Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Winter Rose
- COMMENT IS MY DRUGS and I NEED IT -
-Gerard's POV-
There was my house, the old wooden-style house standing there proudly, clean, neglected and strong-looking like the first time I ever live there. The Way's sign was still there, proudly graven on the wooden empty-mailbox, seems like Mikey kept it mail-less. The house was painted light-grey, not like the last time I see it, painted white and innocent, but the light-grey paint made it looks warm and proud, just like the house of mine.
It was clean, really clean, as I say, the front-yard was snow-less and the trees were trimmed, I guess Mikey must have done some cleaning or take care of it, of course, if not, where would he live in? But yet it looked so empty, and lifeless, perhaps Mikey was out shopping or something, its weekend after all.
I crossed over the front-yard, found my old dog house being empty, the garage was shut tight and I don't even think I'd found a car if I open it. I have to sigh when I reach the front door; it smells like rotten leaf somehow. I shrugged as I couldn't open the door, it was surprisingly locked. I lift the front mat and found a key, Mikey, always too lazy to bring his key around.
As I enter the house, I found some weird-looking furniture and those who looks normal, they were all new to my eyes but with the same formation as how I left the house twenty years ago. The old wallpaper changed to this light blue and grey strip, the big old TV became this really thin hanged box, the sofa looks more fluffy than before and there were some weird boxes or machines or whatever under the thin box, weird, how many time I should say my eyes wouldn't be easy to absorb all these lights into my eyes' retina? Life just got as lame as girls' talk.
I walked across the living-room unsurely; hoping that I could find the same stairs like it was twenty years ago. As I found it, I got upstairs and rush to my room. I found my black door standing greatly on the corner, I could see its hands were open wide, welcoming me to its' warm and save hugs, my precious hide out. My feet were flying lightly towards it, and when I touch the knob, I feel like touching my father's hand again, comfortably cold.
I sighed, new furniture too. My single bed changed to a king sized bed and some unused stuffs were gone, well yeah, I used to keep some random stuff. My wallpaper changes into black and white strips, and the sheet was dirty white. Some of my drawings were still hanged there as a display, too childish to be there but I knew I won't have the guts to put it down, I've only draw the things I like and like the things I draw, rejection was never been one of my acceptable thing.
I looked back and found a mail-pocket besides my black door. I've always had one of them ever since I learned to read, it's to make easy when people need to say something to me when I'm busy, away, asleep, or distracted with something. Curios, I dig into it.
I found a letter… it says, "Gee, I know you'll read this letter one day, one time, because I'm not like other people who doubt about your living chances, I gave all my faith believing that you'll survive through all that, alive and happy with me. But somehow I don't want you to read this too… I don't want to remind you of the sorrow you have miss, the hollow life you have to go through, I beg you, be strong.
"At the first year of your coma, I should say things went wrong, mom and dad never argue, never fight, and loved each other like they suppose to be. Mom quits smoking, like how you always demand her too and dad never home drunk, like how I always wanted to, sober and right. Dad took care of us caringly and sees you every day after work, telling you story and jokes, teaching you the school-thing you should know, he always stayed for the least of 4 hours a day, especially at weekend, he seems to enjoy being with you than hunting or fishing with his friends. And… about 'him' you-know-who… he never know what happen to you, why you didn't come, where were you… and why were you there.
"On the second year, he sends me no news; he was disappointed I can guess. People stops coming for you, only mom and dad new colleagues, some cousins, my new babysitter and some teacher came, and oh, Ray, Jared and Billie came for you every weekend they'll laugh with you, tell you funny stories but in the end I could hear their sobs, I'm glad you've got yourself some good friends. Mom and dad stills stay there every weekend, talking to you patiently, teaching you carefully, they knew you hear them, that's why never did they try to show you their misery.
"Third year, the three stills coming for you. I went to your school, just in case of curiosity, was as old as you and all teacher talk about you with me. They told me that you were a brilliant student, you were not quiet bright but not too quite either, they have liked your Peter pan play, they liked your voice, they liked your pretty face, they like your everything even though they complain a bit about how you act every day, but I could come to a conclusion that you were their favorite student. And… there was no news about him too.
"Forth year, 3 stills coming. No news from him. Grandma was ill, she went into the same hospital as yours, lets pray for her.
"Fifth year, 3 stills coming. No news from him. Mom and dad both got a promotion, we had a fine happy life, and no… don't think you were a burden to us. Granny Elena died… life became a disaster."
I stopped reading for a while. My eyes were wet; no… tears start rolling down my eyes and wet my cheek. Life was hard for Mikey, he must go through all these shits alone, he doesn't have me to hug, he doesn't have me to cry on, and he only had our parents. Yet, mom and dad must feels really sad to, they must be miserable; it must be hard for them to pay the hospital cost. I must have been a bad son to them. Maybe I wasn't supposed to be born into this family; I couldn't help myself or them. I was a fucking jerk.
I gather all my guts to read again, I sighed and open the letter for the second time. "9th year," so there was no record from 6th till 8th years eh? "The 3 are still coming for you, I've never seen better people than them, you're so lucky, Gee. Even though they only came for once a year now, they live far away and went to college, the only came back home at certain time but visit you when they're here, they stills love you, they told you how it's like to live out there, outside from here, they wanted you to comeback and sees it with them. And about him, just forget about him already, he's a jerk, never call, visit or anything, just leave every single thing about him and live peacefully, don't you ever try to gather everything he had left for you." Fuck, since when did Mikey become so matured and lordly?
"Mom and dad become so weird, they talks about their money and everything to me, they say that they'll give 50% of their wealth to me and another 50% to you, they say the money on their bank account would be enough for us to live for about 5 years without work and with luxuries (which is proved). They even gave this house to you and the empty house next to this house for me. And you know what makes me feels so happy about it? It's because we'll be neighbor forever! But still, isn't it weird? Talking like this all of the sudden, making me feels like if they're going somewhere far. I questioned them about this for many time, but they had only answered me with a brief smile, and I could not dig more than their smiles.
"10th year… mom and dad got a car crash… its answer all my questions about last year… this time, with a peaceful smiles." I fell down on my knee, I could hear the thud when I collide my bones with the floor, I could feel the pain but the reaped soul of mine was more painful. My heart was collapsing into the sorrow, I told myself to read a little more… then I could drown myself into the flush of hollow.
"11th year. I'm 18, ready enough to live alone, but I won't feel lonesome, I got you, even though you're not by my side, I'll cry on your side, no I would but I couldn't it don't want to makes you hear feel my sadness. Our parents gave me an extra account, to pay off your hospital cost; they believe you'll be awake on your 20th year, but who knows?"
It stops… there were tears mark all over the last page, it wasn't mine, it was Mikey's.
My heart tremble down, the wind would blow it off, I became so weak, my spirit flew high. I threw my whole body to the carpeted surface, it shook. A chime ringing in my ear whispering the howling pain of desperation sound my soul speaks. My brain was vibrating and I could feel how my elbow got my hands numbed, the pain was awful buy, but I could be careless. My eyes were wetting my hair, flowing down like waterfall; slowly swim down its surface, forming every curve there was until it stops at the absorbing surface. I couldn't breathe, no my lungs won't let me breathe the dirty life; it would just let me breathe the painful wound along with all vicious imagination. I should be gone, I shouldn't cost this much pain from the first time, I now feels like a squid without it 10 tentacles and suckers, I could just sprout my ink and water from my siphon, not much better than a creature that waits to be death.
I sat up, drifting out the miserable thought I had, if I live like this forever, all the things my family had sacrifice would mean nothing but empty dream that they'd never dream in their sleep or reality, I've got to be strong. Strong enough to live for a thousand years.
I found a clock on the end-table that says 2pm… holy fuck! Frank said he'd pick me up at 3. I open my wardrobe and found a note fell as soon as I open it, it says, "I've fill your wardrobe with clothes of your size." It must be Mikey.
I grab some random clothes and drag it all to my luggage that I found inside of the wardrobe. I found a locked-case and it took the curiosity out of me. I tried to open it with 0904 password and it opens. I found some very important letters, a lot of cash and a bank account that made my jaw almost drop, there was also a note saying that some-cleaning service came to clean the house once every 2 weeks, no wonder why it's so clean.
I walked out of the house with all my things, locked it and put the key on my pants pocket. I didn't hesitate to leave this house even though I knew Frank wouldn't mind, might even be very happy, if I decide to live alone and be neighbor with my brother instead but no, I just couldn't leave him alone, my heart won't let me too.
I still got some time, I told myself and walks across the road, toward another Way's house. I stood in front of the mail-box; it was graven with our family name too, exactly like the one in our old house, wonder if the postman ever post Mikey's letter to mine. I looked around, wondering if Mikey was home, but I could just make sure how empty it was.
I wanted to walk in and just knock but then I caught the form of Frank's car by my right-eye edge. I sighed, there was some kind of gravity made by Frank that makes my whole heart obeying his call, wanting exist only to his eyes.
I knew, this was a selfish decision I made. I knew I should live with my baby brother and accompany him to go through this awful road, to throw away the pebbles and protect each other from the defying death. But one egoistic man was needed to build this pave and made it stand to a building called love.
-Gerard's POV-
There was my house, the old wooden-style house standing there proudly, clean, neglected and strong-looking like the first time I ever live there. The Way's sign was still there, proudly graven on the wooden empty-mailbox, seems like Mikey kept it mail-less. The house was painted light-grey, not like the last time I see it, painted white and innocent, but the light-grey paint made it looks warm and proud, just like the house of mine.
It was clean, really clean, as I say, the front-yard was snow-less and the trees were trimmed, I guess Mikey must have done some cleaning or take care of it, of course, if not, where would he live in? But yet it looked so empty, and lifeless, perhaps Mikey was out shopping or something, its weekend after all.
I crossed over the front-yard, found my old dog house being empty, the garage was shut tight and I don't even think I'd found a car if I open it. I have to sigh when I reach the front door; it smells like rotten leaf somehow. I shrugged as I couldn't open the door, it was surprisingly locked. I lift the front mat and found a key, Mikey, always too lazy to bring his key around.
As I enter the house, I found some weird-looking furniture and those who looks normal, they were all new to my eyes but with the same formation as how I left the house twenty years ago. The old wallpaper changed to this light blue and grey strip, the big old TV became this really thin hanged box, the sofa looks more fluffy than before and there were some weird boxes or machines or whatever under the thin box, weird, how many time I should say my eyes wouldn't be easy to absorb all these lights into my eyes' retina? Life just got as lame as girls' talk.
I walked across the living-room unsurely; hoping that I could find the same stairs like it was twenty years ago. As I found it, I got upstairs and rush to my room. I found my black door standing greatly on the corner, I could see its hands were open wide, welcoming me to its' warm and save hugs, my precious hide out. My feet were flying lightly towards it, and when I touch the knob, I feel like touching my father's hand again, comfortably cold.
I sighed, new furniture too. My single bed changed to a king sized bed and some unused stuffs were gone, well yeah, I used to keep some random stuff. My wallpaper changes into black and white strips, and the sheet was dirty white. Some of my drawings were still hanged there as a display, too childish to be there but I knew I won't have the guts to put it down, I've only draw the things I like and like the things I draw, rejection was never been one of my acceptable thing.
I looked back and found a mail-pocket besides my black door. I've always had one of them ever since I learned to read, it's to make easy when people need to say something to me when I'm busy, away, asleep, or distracted with something. Curios, I dig into it.
I found a letter… it says, "Gee, I know you'll read this letter one day, one time, because I'm not like other people who doubt about your living chances, I gave all my faith believing that you'll survive through all that, alive and happy with me. But somehow I don't want you to read this too… I don't want to remind you of the sorrow you have miss, the hollow life you have to go through, I beg you, be strong.
"At the first year of your coma, I should say things went wrong, mom and dad never argue, never fight, and loved each other like they suppose to be. Mom quits smoking, like how you always demand her too and dad never home drunk, like how I always wanted to, sober and right. Dad took care of us caringly and sees you every day after work, telling you story and jokes, teaching you the school-thing you should know, he always stayed for the least of 4 hours a day, especially at weekend, he seems to enjoy being with you than hunting or fishing with his friends. And… about 'him' you-know-who… he never know what happen to you, why you didn't come, where were you… and why were you there.
"On the second year, he sends me no news; he was disappointed I can guess. People stops coming for you, only mom and dad new colleagues, some cousins, my new babysitter and some teacher came, and oh, Ray, Jared and Billie came for you every weekend they'll laugh with you, tell you funny stories but in the end I could hear their sobs, I'm glad you've got yourself some good friends. Mom and dad stills stay there every weekend, talking to you patiently, teaching you carefully, they knew you hear them, that's why never did they try to show you their misery.
"Third year, the three stills coming for you. I went to your school, just in case of curiosity, was as old as you and all teacher talk about you with me. They told me that you were a brilliant student, you were not quiet bright but not too quite either, they have liked your Peter pan play, they liked your voice, they liked your pretty face, they like your everything even though they complain a bit about how you act every day, but I could come to a conclusion that you were their favorite student. And… there was no news about him too.
"Forth year, 3 stills coming. No news from him. Grandma was ill, she went into the same hospital as yours, lets pray for her.
"Fifth year, 3 stills coming. No news from him. Mom and dad both got a promotion, we had a fine happy life, and no… don't think you were a burden to us. Granny Elena died… life became a disaster."
I stopped reading for a while. My eyes were wet; no… tears start rolling down my eyes and wet my cheek. Life was hard for Mikey, he must go through all these shits alone, he doesn't have me to hug, he doesn't have me to cry on, and he only had our parents. Yet, mom and dad must feels really sad to, they must be miserable; it must be hard for them to pay the hospital cost. I must have been a bad son to them. Maybe I wasn't supposed to be born into this family; I couldn't help myself or them. I was a fucking jerk.
I gather all my guts to read again, I sighed and open the letter for the second time. "9th year," so there was no record from 6th till 8th years eh? "The 3 are still coming for you, I've never seen better people than them, you're so lucky, Gee. Even though they only came for once a year now, they live far away and went to college, the only came back home at certain time but visit you when they're here, they stills love you, they told you how it's like to live out there, outside from here, they wanted you to comeback and sees it with them. And about him, just forget about him already, he's a jerk, never call, visit or anything, just leave every single thing about him and live peacefully, don't you ever try to gather everything he had left for you." Fuck, since when did Mikey become so matured and lordly?
"Mom and dad become so weird, they talks about their money and everything to me, they say that they'll give 50% of their wealth to me and another 50% to you, they say the money on their bank account would be enough for us to live for about 5 years without work and with luxuries (which is proved). They even gave this house to you and the empty house next to this house for me. And you know what makes me feels so happy about it? It's because we'll be neighbor forever! But still, isn't it weird? Talking like this all of the sudden, making me feels like if they're going somewhere far. I questioned them about this for many time, but they had only answered me with a brief smile, and I could not dig more than their smiles.
"10th year… mom and dad got a car crash… its answer all my questions about last year… this time, with a peaceful smiles." I fell down on my knee, I could hear the thud when I collide my bones with the floor, I could feel the pain but the reaped soul of mine was more painful. My heart was collapsing into the sorrow, I told myself to read a little more… then I could drown myself into the flush of hollow.
"11th year. I'm 18, ready enough to live alone, but I won't feel lonesome, I got you, even though you're not by my side, I'll cry on your side, no I would but I couldn't it don't want to makes you hear feel my sadness. Our parents gave me an extra account, to pay off your hospital cost; they believe you'll be awake on your 20th year, but who knows?"
It stops… there were tears mark all over the last page, it wasn't mine, it was Mikey's.
My heart tremble down, the wind would blow it off, I became so weak, my spirit flew high. I threw my whole body to the carpeted surface, it shook. A chime ringing in my ear whispering the howling pain of desperation sound my soul speaks. My brain was vibrating and I could feel how my elbow got my hands numbed, the pain was awful buy, but I could be careless. My eyes were wetting my hair, flowing down like waterfall; slowly swim down its surface, forming every curve there was until it stops at the absorbing surface. I couldn't breathe, no my lungs won't let me breathe the dirty life; it would just let me breathe the painful wound along with all vicious imagination. I should be gone, I shouldn't cost this much pain from the first time, I now feels like a squid without it 10 tentacles and suckers, I could just sprout my ink and water from my siphon, not much better than a creature that waits to be death.
I sat up, drifting out the miserable thought I had, if I live like this forever, all the things my family had sacrifice would mean nothing but empty dream that they'd never dream in their sleep or reality, I've got to be strong. Strong enough to live for a thousand years.
I found a clock on the end-table that says 2pm… holy fuck! Frank said he'd pick me up at 3. I open my wardrobe and found a note fell as soon as I open it, it says, "I've fill your wardrobe with clothes of your size." It must be Mikey.
I grab some random clothes and drag it all to my luggage that I found inside of the wardrobe. I found a locked-case and it took the curiosity out of me. I tried to open it with 0904 password and it opens. I found some very important letters, a lot of cash and a bank account that made my jaw almost drop, there was also a note saying that some-cleaning service came to clean the house once every 2 weeks, no wonder why it's so clean.
I walked out of the house with all my things, locked it and put the key on my pants pocket. I didn't hesitate to leave this house even though I knew Frank wouldn't mind, might even be very happy, if I decide to live alone and be neighbor with my brother instead but no, I just couldn't leave him alone, my heart won't let me too.
I still got some time, I told myself and walks across the road, toward another Way's house. I stood in front of the mail-box; it was graven with our family name too, exactly like the one in our old house, wonder if the postman ever post Mikey's letter to mine. I looked around, wondering if Mikey was home, but I could just make sure how empty it was.
I wanted to walk in and just knock but then I caught the form of Frank's car by my right-eye edge. I sighed, there was some kind of gravity made by Frank that makes my whole heart obeying his call, wanting exist only to his eyes.
I knew, this was a selfish decision I made. I knew I should live with my baby brother and accompany him to go through this awful road, to throw away the pebbles and protect each other from the defying death. But one egoistic man was needed to build this pave and made it stand to a building called love.
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