FicWad

I just couldn’t believe it. He was right in front of me. Gerard was right.there. His shaggy dark locks were longer than I remembered but otherwise looked the same in the most beautiful way. I had gone so long, it had been three years since That Day, without seeing him or anyone that had connections with him. I remember the phone calls, the voicemails, and even the occasional visit. I never answered the phone or called back. I never even answered the door for them. I was a coward. I still am.

I didn’t know what I should do. What could I say? I felt something in my stomach twist and had to resist the urge to cringe at all the familiarity as he spoke to me, for the first time in years. It didn’t feel real. I thought I was dreaming. Maybe this whole day is just another one of my sick dreams every night taunts me with.

“Frank, it’s so good to see you.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm. My heart dropped. I hoped, that maybe he would smile at me and we could talk like civilized people. That maybe we could become friends again. And maybe, just maybe, we could go back to the way things were. Back when was happy and so carefree. But of course that couldn’t happen. I knew, deep down, the possibility of us being like that ever again were slim to none. Not to mention my lack of trust. Nonetheless, if he were to offer I would snatch the opportunity within a millisecond.

“Gerard.” was all I could choke out. I wanted to cry and laugh and scream all at the same time. I couldn’t fathom that this was how we would meet again, if we ever did. He was still wearing that smirk on his face, that trademark smirk like he knew exactly what I was thinking. For all I knew, he might. Gerard had always been able to read me well.

“Gerard! Hurry yo’ ass up! If we don’t get going we’re going to be late for the wedding rehearsal!” came an irritated voice from the passenger side of Gerard’s car. It was a male voice, a voice that I could never forget, not for the rest of my life. Just to confirm what I already knew, he exited the car. Staying on his side, hidden behind his door he glared at me with, most likely, bloodshot eyes. His tangled greasy hair fell longer than Gerard’s and he still looked the same as, That Day.

I felt my blood boil. I hated that man, he ruined my life. Gerard must’ve noticed my anger as he decided to fuel the fire. He seemed to enjoy it, making my life Hell. I don’t understand why, we had been so fond of each other, more than fond.

“Bert, baby, I’ll be there in a minute. You remember Frank, don’t you dear?” Gerard purred in a sickly sweet voice, eyes still trained onto my face. I saw as recognition click onto Bert’s face and caught on to Gerard’s sick little game. I couldn’t stand the sight of Bert, of either of them. Most of all, I couldn’t stand the sight, the thought, of them together. It wasn’t something I could stomach. Not now, or not ever.

“I see you’re still with Fuck-twat over here” I spat out. I clenched my fists in order to hopefully disperse some of my anger. It didn’t work. Bert seemed rather unsettled by the comment. He gasped like he had never heard a worse insult thrown at him. I had a feeling that it wasn’t. Maybe it was part of the game, I didn’t know. Gerard looked unaffected but waved his and in an odd manner towards the other. To my relief, Bert took this as a cue to get back in the car.

“Frankie, you pathetic fuck.” Gerard sighed. He was calm as day, sounding as if he was talking about the weather or something equally as mundane. I, on the other hand, was taken aback. I wasn’t expecting that at all. “Why are you even still standing there? You are making a fool of yourself. Oh, wait. I forgot you are. You should just go wallow in your own sorrow, you little bitch. Why was I with you in the first place? Oh that’s right, you were an easy fuck and a good one at that.” He chuckled at his own rant. At me. I was humiliated. I knew what he was saying couldn’t be true. Could it?

“That’s not true.” I whispered. By this point I had tears welling up in my eyes. Why was he doing this to me?

“But it is true. I never loved you. I used you, babe. I dropped your sorry ass when I was done with you. Now why don’t you go cry to your friends? No, you probably don’t have any. Mikey told me all about how you magically erased yourself from everyone’s grids, just to get away from me.” Gerard smiled with satisfaction as my tears finally escaped my eyes and flowed freely down my face. “It’s actually quite touching, knowing you would try so hard to make my life easier. With you gone, I didn’t have to worry about you trying to come back to me.”

I was shaking, trembling with so much sadness and heartbreak my knees got weak. I slowly collapsed onto my knees as I cried. My head fell forward and put my head in my hands. After a moment, I heard footsteps retreat into the car. The door slammed and the tires squealed as they sped away. I couldn’t believe that happened. That Gerard had turned so cold. Or had he always been that way and I was just blinded by love?

Soon enough, I was surrounded by noises of the outdoors. I pulled myself together as best I could and dragged myself into my car. I sat in the driver’s seat, still trembling. I rest my head against the steering wheel as reached for my phone. I couldn’t call Brian. He doesn’t know about Gerard. I couldn’t call my mom, as far as she knew I was long over my former lover.

I pulled my contacts list and searched for the person I knew could make me feel better. I just hoped he would hear me out, and not hate me. When I found who I was looking for, I struggled to press send. The ringing seemed endless. My breath caught in my throat when he finally picked up.

“Erm.. hello? ” All I could do was give a choked sob at all the familiarity. “Frank? Is that you?” he questioned, obviously puzzled as to why the number of one of his best friends would call after years of no contact.

“Ray.” It was such a relief to hear his voice. I could hear him take a sharp inhalation of breath.

“Frank. It’s really you! Oh my god, how have you been? Where are you?” His rapid fire of questions came to a halt when all he could hear was me weeping. “Frank, are you okay?” Ray seemed so genuinely caring and full of concern.

“I’m not. Ray, I-” he hushed me and told me it was okay. Man, I loved Ray. How could I ever have ever considered that he hated me? Ray was not one to hate. I don’t even know if it Ray was capable of such an emotion. “I need to talk to someone, Ray. I just- please..”

“Yeah, yeah. Of course! Just, umm.. come over, yeah? Same place as before. Can you make it here alright?” Ray was amazing. Sure I now lived in the next town over but not far away. I told him I’d be fine and be there soon. I hung up and started driving to the house I used to spend so much time at. But only if I hadn’t rushed off the phone or if I listened harder, I would’ve heard the second voice in the backround.

~

When I arrived in front of Ray’s house I was beginning to have second thoughts. This was a bad idea. I was parked on the same side in front of the house. I considered putting the key back in the ignition and leaving, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t run. Not again. My face was no doubt blotchy and I could feel tear streaks down my face.

Slowly but surely I exited my car, making sure I locked it- come on, this is Jersey we’re talking about- and walked sluggishly up to the front door, keeping my head bowed. I was so scared to knock. I didn’t know exactly why. Maybe it was the fear that things would be awkward or weird between us now. Maybe he was just being nice and doesn’t really want to be friends again. Sucking up my fear, I softly knocked on the door.

It swung open almost immediately and there he was. Ray Toro. My old friend from forever ago was right there staring at me with eyes filled with concern and concern only. I jumped into his arms for the hug I so desperately needed. His large arms wrapped around me and hugged me tight, engulfing me in warmth. We stay there for a minute, at his door just hugging and just barely swaying back and forth. But then I heard a noise, a small creak of floorboards coming from behind Ray. He must’ve felt me tense up because he whispered that it was okay into my ear, patting my hair with one hand.

“Come on, let’s get you inside.” Ray talked in a soothing hushed voice. I physically relaxed and peeled myself away from Ray. He led me into his living room when I noticed a slender figure sitting there, an all too familiar figure. There sat Mikey, twiddling his thumbs nervously. When he saw we had entered the room he promptly stood up. It was too familiar, my head was spinning. I could hear Ray calling my name but I sounded so distant. I felt like I was struggling to swim inside my head, and I was drowning. Everything went black.

~

“ Frank, come ON. I’m sure they’ll love you. They don’t bite ya know.” Ray laughed and my obvious nervousness.

“Shut up, Toro.” I felt my cheeks start to heat up. We walked up the flowery path to Ray’s front door. “And thanks for picking me up man.”

“No problem. It was kind of short notice and I wanted everyone here because my parents are out for the weekend.” Ray was almost bouncing, hair bobbing back and forth. I chuckled. “Oh man, did I tell you my parents said I can have the house after I graduate? They’re going to be moving to be closer to my grandparents.” If possible Ray’s smile got wider.

“That’s great!” I was genuinely excited for him. I knew he loved this house and I didn’t want him to move away. We had gotten inside the house and I heard soft laughter from the other room. I followed Ray into his living room where two boys sat. When Ray announced he was back, the skinny awkward boy with glasses immediately stood up.

“I’m Mikey.” He happily introduced himself. I acknowledged him and introduced myself. Then, my eyes roamed over to the other one. He gave me a heartwarming smile and strode over to me.

“And I’m Gerard.” He said with a velvet voice that flowed through the air straight into my ears, causing them to ring. He was so gorgeous. He had shining hazel eyes, a slightly upturned button nose and small teeth that showed when he smiled. His jet black hair fell into his face when he stuck his hand into mine a shook it slowly, without braking eye contact.

“Frank.” Was all I could squeak out in reply. I flushed embarrassed. When I realized he was still holding my hand I coughed and squeezed his hand a little. His cheeks burned a shade of red and pulled his hand back.

“Oh god..” Mikey groaned. And that was the first time we met.

~

“Frank? Frank, can you hear me?!”

I groaned and turned over, burying my face into a pillow. Wait, a pillow? I shot up almost instantly, wondering where I was. I was so relieved at first. It was all a dream and I’m back at home in bed. I’m probably just a little late for work and I was just, once again, plagued with nightmares and memories.

But I wasn’t at home. I was in Ray’s living room, on his couch more specifically. I must have fainted. My face instantly reddened, seeing Ray and Mikey staring at me concerned.

“Are you okay?” Mikey asked in a hushed tone. Mikey didn’t have glasses now. His ridiculous hair that somewhat resembled a bird, was also gone. His eyes were the same, but he now had long brown hair with blonde.

“I-I’m fine. I sh-should go. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have come.” I bit back tears looking at the younger Way brother. I struggled to sit up and tried to lave the room.

“Frank, there is absolutely no fucking way I’m allowing you to leave now. You look like a wreck. You call me crying your eyes out after years, for crying out loud! So sit down, and tell us what’s wrong.” Ray’s voice was stern yet caring. I sighed and sat back down, both of them sitting on next to me on the couch. Ray on my left and Mikey on my right.

“I- I ran into Gerard today for the first time since.. That Day..” I blinked rapidly to hold back tears that I knew wouldn’t fall. I had cried all my tears out. I just couldn’t anymore. Ray soothingly started to rub my back. I turned and buried my face into Mikey’s side. “Mikey, what happened to him? He was.. horrible!” my voice cracked. Mikey took a hold on my shoulders and pushed me back, looking me I the face.

“What are you talking about? Sure he’s been different after…” He trailed off not knowing how to approach the delicate subject. “But he hasn’t been horrible.” Mikey seemed genuinely confused so I felt bad when I then got angry at him.

“’Hasn’t been horrible’?! Mikey you have no idea the things he said to me!” I was shaking with anger as I jumped up and was string at Mikey. He just looked so shocked. Ray reached out and touched the back of my hand affectionately.

“What did he say, Frank?” Ray asked cautiously. They both looked almost scared to hear what I was going to say. They had no idea of the monster I had encountered.

“He.. he called me pathetic, a fool. He said he never actually loved me..” my voice cracked, raw from crying. I kept head down, looking at my feet. “He said that.. he used me for sex. I thought he loved me?” I must’ve looked like a wounded puppy when I looked up, I sure felt like one. Ray looked so sympathetic and Mikey looked a cross between wanting to cry and kill his brother in a fit of rage. They both stood up to trap me in a hug at the same time.

We sat back down, still embracing one another, Ray assuring me Gerard was lying or that I was better than him anyways. I still didn’t believe him, but didn’t voice this. We stayed there until I eventually fell asleep, just waiting for the nightmares to terrorize me once again.