FicWad

Gerard:

I sat in the park. Just waiting. I made a deal with my mum that I'd meet her today. I made her promise not to tell dad. I also made promise not to bring, nor tell, Mikey. Why? Because I didn’t want him knowing about what’s happened. I don't want my 12 year old brother knowing about what happened with dad or about my boyfriend having cancer! I don't wanting finding out anything about me.

I've never been a very good brother. Well, once I was. Then I changed, I became closed off and cold. I used to close to him. I used play games with him, stick up for him, look after him, being the usual good big brother. Now I'm not. But not only am I a bad brother, but a bad role model... I just pray to god that he doesn't follow my foot steps and become a teenage runaway who has a secret addiction to alcohol, tobacco and self harm... God, I've fucked up.

I noticed someone sit down beside me. They wore a yellow coat with big black buttons, a pair of sunglasses, and a scarf round their neck. They had a ciggy in one hand.

"Hello, Gerard", said my mum, flattly, looking straight ahead and not at me.

"Mum", I said, doing the same.

"What’s up?"

"Nothing, you?"

"Nothing...", she paused, "Now tell me. Why have you left us…?"

"I needed to get away. I didn't belong there."

"I see", she merely said.

"Sorry", I said weakly.

"But why? We could have got through it together sweetheart..."

"No we couldn't. Not with dad around. He doesn't want a gay son... Its better if I don't stay..." I said sadly.

"But me and Mikey wouldn't care... and I'll deal with your father!"

"No. Like I told you. Better if I don't. If I stay, I'll be a bad role model for Mikey. If I leave, I'm still a bad one, but better. He'll understand that you have to face up to mistakes and to do things for others and not just for yourself. Which is what I'm doing. I'm doing this for Frank…"

"Frank?"

"My boyfriend, mum. He has cancer" I made it sound so simple and normal, when it was the total opposite.

"Oh. R-Right...", replied my mum
I sighed and light a cig.

"Gerard!"

"You smoke as well. I'm giving up a lot mum, don't start trying to get me off the one thing that keeps me sane"

She nodded at my argument.

"Please, Gerard. Come home", she tried, as one last attempt

"I said no!", I said angrily, turning to totally face her. I gritted my teeth with annoyance, "Look mum. I know its a bit cheeky, but I need you to do something for me"

"What?"

"I need you sign a form", I pulled out the paper from my leather jacket pocket.

"What is it for?", she asked, taking the form.

"Its permission to leave school so I can be with Frank. It means I can go back later next year for 6 months and finish my GCSEs" I told her.

I saw her eyes scan the page.

"I'm not signing this", she said putting the paper on the bench and pushed it towards me.

"What? why?" I cried, picking up the form.

"I want you in school, Gerard!"

"Mum! Please listen to me!", I yelled, making a few head in the playground turn and stare, "Please. Mum, I know I'm only 15, but I NEED to grow up. Because being a kid is killing me. I'm growing up by leaving education for a year to look after my Frank. Isn't that what you would do mum? You'd leave work to look after Mikey and Me?"

"Yes but…"

"It’s the same thing mum. Just think it like this... I've grown up, I'm an adult and I'm leaving home."

"But you’re not an adult Gerard. Your my 15 year old baby...", she croaked, a tear rolling down her cheek. I hated seeing her cry. It just didn’t seem natural when she did it. She covered her mouth with her hand as she sobbed, "Where did I go wrong?", she whispered.

This statement hurt me but I didn’t let it show, "You never went wrong. I went wrong. And that was never your fault. It was all because of school life. Something you could never really save me from. But now you can. You can save me from the bullies, and let me start over. I need this mum... please.", I said with plea in my voice.

I pushed the form towards her.

She stared at it for a second, before agreeing. She signed it.

"You will keep in touch? With me at least?", she begged, as I began to make my leave.

"Of course. Your my mother, and I need you..."

"Well, let me help you a little more..."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Did it go okay?", asked Frank, when I got home and entered our room.

"Yeah. She gave us some cash.", I pulled the two 50s out of my jean pocket and threw them at the bed, "She said she knew it wasn't much but it should do for now. She wants to give us money every month or so..."

"Cool", yawned Frank, leaning back in his bed, "I'm so tired..."

"Nice to know, now, if your going to sleep don't snore too much please, because I want to draw in peace" I told him, slightly laughing.

Frank smiled weakly at me before putting him self in bed.

I pulled my art pad and pencils out my bag, and began to draw. I was drawing something for Frank. Something that could cheer him up.

After a while, I began to feel tired. So I gave up on my art for the day and went to bed, or mattress, and thought about Frank. Was he really happy? Well, of course he wasn’t, but how scared was he really? Sometimes he acted almost normal again, but the when he thought I wasn’t watching he went so bad and lost...

He seemed in a daze all the time. Like he was in a dream, or nightmare, rather He seemed so far away.
He wouldn't talk to me properly. It made me feel terrible. I couldn't get a proper sentence from his mouth. Whenever I asked him how he was feeling, he’d just mumble something like "’m okay" I'll have to get him to talk tomorrow...