Categories > Cartoons > Daria > To Annoy a Mockingbird
A New Nest
1 reviewWhen Daria was 8 years old she read "To Kill a Mockingbird", now she is ready to face Lawndale High School with a slighty different outlook on life.
2Original
To Annoy a Mockingbird.
Chapter 01: A new nest
Disclaimer: Daria and associated characters are owned by MTV and Viacom. This is fan fiction written for entertainment only. No money or other negotiable currency or goods have been exchanged. Special thanks to the Outpost Daria for the Transcripts available there, they were invaluable tools for the development of this chapter, and in the future I hope I can be less reliant on them. This chapter is dedicated to peetz5050 for his invaluable efforts proof reading this chapter.
* I II III IV *
Eight years ago…
The little girl was sitting in one of the chairs of the living room, farther away friends of her sister were chatting and laughing, once more Quinn had hijacked her birthday party.
Knowing from past experiences that if she started opening her presents no one would care about it, Daria went to the small table near the door where her parents had put the packages in a more or less neat pile. She ignored those presents brought by the other children, most of them Quinn's friends, save for a few other members of her class who were forced by their parents to come. They were probably filled with useless stuff like dolls and make-up kits, Quinn would steal them in a few days anyway.
While looking for the usual envelopes filled with money from either grandmother she found a suspiciously shaped package, one that looked like a book, which was weird since her parents had stopped giving her books for her birthdays, hoping that such things like balls and table games would encourage her to socialize more.
The card attached didn't have much information on it, just the usual From: Rita; To: Daria. And once she had gotten rid of the wrapping, she discovered a pink book with a photo of a bird flying away from a hollow tree which contained a clock and string; its title. "To kill a mockingbird" by Harper Lee.
* I II III IV *
"Girls, I just want you to know your mother and I realize it's not easy moving to a whole new town… especially for you, Daria, right?"
"Did we move?" The question as obnoxious as it sounded was from her point of view quite valid, her mother was as much of a workaholic as ever, maybe even more; Quinn was the same self-centered brat who decided to exchange her brain for a couple of shiny shoes; and her dad, well he kept trying. Probably the school would have the same kind of morons that Highland had, just with a different accent and less dust.
"I'm just saying you don't make friends as easily as... uh, some people." God as a witness her father did try.
As Quinn was turning the radio up, Daria asked. "Quinn, for instance?"
"That's not what I meant... necessarily." Turning the radio off. "The point is, the first day at a new school is bound to be difficult..."
"Dad, don't worry about it, I'm sure I will find a secluded spot far away from people to start plotting my revenge against humanity"
Distracted by his eldest's answer her father could only give an uncertain response just at the moment that they finally arrived to Lawndale High School, which was going to become their prison away from her homely padded room. "Uh, where was I? Oh, yeah... Don't get upset if it takes the other kids a little while to warm up to you."
It was at this point that Quinn left the car, just to be mobbed by the future Sycophants of America, the so called popular kids giving Daria's baby sister a warm welcome.
Steeling herself then Daria proceeded to leave the car as well. But not without favoring her father with one last sarcastic remark. "I'll try to help Quinn through this difficult period of adjustment Dad, don't worry. See you later"
She then left the vehicle, ghosting through the sea of people surrounding her sister without anyone giving her a second glance.
* I II III IV *
After arriving at the administrative offices of the school, she, alongside her sister and a few other new students, were given a tour by no other than Angela Li, LHS principal, who then committed the kids to the not so tender love of Miss Manson, the school's appointed psychologist. The meeting was a textbook example of hate at first sigh between Daria and the not quite doctor.
The meeting started with the wrong foot just by forcing her to do the five minutes psychological exam alongside her sister. At that moment she got her stenographer notebook, ready to record the entire session. At the very least, she was going to have enough fresh examples of Quinn's antics to write about later.
In that sense she was disappointed, since once more her popularity obsession was covered by her mindless prattle, and the reactions from Manson were even less promising, all but ignoring the signs of craziness and boy madness her sister weaved out of the displayed image. Good to know that this school had someone on the payroll to approve her desire for new slaves to praise their goddess.
At that point, while drawing on the notebook a series of circles and lines seemingly at random, Daria decided that if this wasn't taken seriously by anyone in the room, then it shouldn't be taken seriously by her. The fact that the fraud was getting her first name wrong wasn't a factor at all, not at all…
"Very good, Quinn! Now, Dora, let's see if you can make up a story as vivid as your sister's."
"It's Daria."
"I'm sorry... Daria. What do you see in the picture, Dara, and what is that in your hand?
While holding her notebook up high Daria responded in a serious monotone. "This is a notebook, it is used to write, as for your first question, Um... a herd of beautiful wild ponies running free across the plains."
It was so much fun baiting people who got their degree from a correspondence course.
"Uh, there aren't any ponies. It's two people. And what are you writing?"
"Last time I took one of these tests, they told me they were clouds. They said they could be whatever I wanted. And I'm recording every word we have been saying from the moment you opened the door til right now"
"That's a different test. In this test, they're people, and you tell me what they're discussing." Completely missing the fact that Daria had confessed her previous experience on this kind of tests. "And you should take this seriously instead of doodling."
"Oh... This is shorthand gibberish for the short minded. All right, then. It's a guy and a girl and they're discussing... a herd of beautiful wild ponies running free across the plains.
* I II III IV *
After that it was time to find history class under Anthony Demartino, a neurotic professor with a low tolerance of morons and a jumping eye. After the usual introductions said teacher took the decision to test her on the material.
"Daria, can you concisely and unemotionally sum up for us the doctrine of Manifest Destiny?"
"Manifest Destiny was a slogan popular in the 1840's. It was used by people who claimed it was God's will for the U.S. to expand all the way to the Pacific Ocean, this belief was what let to the Oregon Treaty of 1846, the annexation of Texas, California and Nuevo México, and of course to expand into the west through the nominally legal, by United States law, purchase of Native American land in treaties to the dislike of the people already living there."
Once her credentials as a Brain were properly, if suspiciously accepted, Demartino continued his interrogatory with a couple of morons who were the main promoters of the theory that an Intelligent Jock is truly an oxymoron. No wonder his eye was trying to escape the room, her IQ was already leaving her after hearing their answers.
* I II III IV *
It seemed that in a single day, in a scenario worst that any nightmare in recent memory, Quinn had managed to find a group of similar minded peers to interact in her chosen environment, the bloody sport that was the High School Social Arena. And to know that there were enough popularity and clothes obsessed drones in the school to have something called 'The Fashion Club' was worthy of a night of insomnia in her book.
"What about you, Daria? How was your first day?" And now was her turn in the rack.
"Well, my history teacher hates me because I know all the answers, but there are some interesting idiots in my class."
"That's great!" Her father might not listen, but he did try to encourage me.
"Daria, your father's trying to tell you not to judge people until you know them. You're in a brand-new school in a brand-new town. You don't want it to be Highland all over again." Her mother on the other hand was always doing full scale damage control on her nonexistent social life.
"Not much chance of that happening... unless there's uranium in the drinking water here, too."
"I'm talking about you making a friend or two. Don't be so critical. Give people the benefit of the doubt."
"It all boils down to trust. And you know how much I trust others."
"Exactly, it all boils down to trust. Show a little trust and you'll go far."
"But I don't want to go far, the school is ten minutes on foot"
It was at this moment that the phone chose to ring; As always it was Helen who got up to answer it.
"God, I hope that's not the booster society again." Quinn as charitable as always…
"Hello? ... Yes. … Uh, yes, she's my daughter. … I see. Listen, will this require any parent-teacher conferences or anything, and if so, is this the sort of thing my assistant can handle? … Okay, great. Bye!"
"You girls took a psychological test at school today?" This was Mom's question after hanging the phone.
"They said we wouldn't be graded!"
"Daria, they want you to take a special class for a few weeks, then they'll test you again."
"You flunked the test?" Quinn questioned using her usual tact.
"She didn't flunk anything. It seems she has low self-esteem."
"What? That really stinks, Daria!"
"Easy, Jake. Focus." Then speaking to Daria. "We tell you over and over again that you're wonderful and you just... don't... get it! Slamming her hand on the table. "What's wrong with you?"
"Is she going to have, like, a breakdown or something? 'Cause that could really mess me up with my new friends."
At this point Daria gave her opinion on the matter. "Don't worry. I don't have low self-esteem. It's a mistake. It seems that Miss Manson is not only incompetent, she is also vindictive"
"What do you mean, Daria? You cannot blame the psychologist for your problems, you should know that." Helen was still running on the previous message adrenalin, and it was evident she wasn't happy with her eldest's attitude.
"It means that Miss Manson is someone who can't remember my first name and distinguish sarcasm from anguish. It is no wonder I have low esteem for everyone else."
At this point while getting her stenographer notebook out of her green jacket and tearing a couple of pages from it, Daria answered her mother's statement.
Throwing a last remark while slamming the pages on the table Daria growled while leaving the room. "Why don't you ask your assistant to translate this for you, and then ask me who to blame for my troubles, mom?"
* I II III IV *
In self-esteem class a teacher who had introduced himself as Mr. O'Neill sat at the front desk, giving the memorized introduction to the workshop to a half-dozen students scattered throughout the room.
"Esteem... a teen. They don't really rhyme, do they? The sounds don't quite mesh. And that, in fact, is often the case when it comes to a teen and esteem. The two just don't seem to go together. But we are here to begin realizing your actuality..."
Jane was watching the new girl who yesterday had answered Demartino's question with such flair, she was a curious one; doodling wickedly fast on a small notebook from right to left. And, unless she was wrong, there was a method to the chicken scratches on the paper.
"…and when we do, each and every one of you will be able to stand proudly and proclaim, 'I am.' Now, before we…"
"Excuse me. I have a question."
"Sorry, question and answer time is later."
"I want to know what 'realizing your actuality' means."
"It means... look, just let me get through this part, okay? Then there'll be a video!" 'Poor girl' thought Jane, she was trying to understand Mr. O'Neill, when Mr. O'Neill wasn't able to understand it himself.
"Before we unlock your potential..."
It was at this point that Jane took pity on the new prisoner, leaning forward to explain the facts of life to the girl in green she murmured "He doesn't know what it means. He's got the speech memorized. Just enjoy the nice man's soothing voice."
"How am I supposed to follow him if I don't know what he's talking about?" Wasn't that impressive, even when she turned to talk with her, the girl was still doodling -writing?- those circles and lines at break-neck speed.
"I can fill you in later. I've taken this course six times."
* I II III IV *
Just as promised Jane, while walking to her home after a brief introduction between the Lovely Art Chick and the Budding Writer from Texas, gave Daria the full explanation of the gulag known as the Workshop for Self-Esteem and Auto-realization.
"So, then, after the role-playing, next class they put the girls and the guys in separate rooms and a female counselor talks to us about body image."
"What do they talk to the boys about?"
"A classroom full of guys and a male teacher?" At this point both girls stopped walking and in unison voiced their thoughts. "Nocturnal emissions."
As they resumed walking, Jane wondered about just how fast she had clicked together with Daria.
"I don't get it, Jane. You've got the entire course memorized. How come you can't pass the test to get out?"
"I could pass the test, but I like having low self-esteem. It makes me feel special." Plus it allowed her to study the freaks that Manson and Li had thrown there to avoid been seen by the rest of the school, including that weird art freak, of course.
"Well, there is Casa Lane, see you tomorrow Daria"
* I II III IV *
After her illuminating talk with Jane, Daria arrived home just in time to be surprised by her mother in the living room, more than three hours earlier than usual.
"Hi, honey."
"Mom? You feeling all right? It's not even 5:00 yet."
"I'm taking the rest of the day off, Marianne translated your transcription of the meeting with Miss Manson. She is very impressed with your Gregg Shorthand; she had to get the Gregg Shorthand Anniversary Edition from the firm's library to get all of your symbols."
"Then you should already know that Manson is as much of a psychologist as I'm a cheerleader."
"What I know is that you treated the test without the respect and seriousness it was due"
"I gave it the same level of seriousness as Dora and Dara, if someone can't or won't use my name for a meeting then I will not show then more respect than that. Plus I had my doubts of her competence from her treatment of Quinn's answers."
"Quinn's answers are not what we are talking about, while I'm not too happy about them, she does have the expectation of privacy in this kind of tests. And before you ask, since you gave me the transcription, then you gave me your consent. Haven't you thought that the reason you're taking this course is due to your ridiculous answer about ponies."
"Yes, my answer wasn't the most polite one, and if she was offended then she should have assigned me a detention, but at no point of the exam did I show anything near a lack of self-esteem, and the moment she send me there she showed either a lack of competence or a lack of professionalism."
Sighing, then Helen answered in a calmer tone. "I'll talk with the school later, but I don't think they will accept your transcription as evidence, and you can't deny that at least part of this whole mess is your fault anyway."
Then suddenly becoming happier, Helen continued. "Well now that I'm here earlier, I guess it's time to bond with my eldest daughter.
'Uh-oh' Daria realized what was coming. "Mom, I'm in the care of experts. Any meddling by an amateur could be dangerous."
"I don't pretend I'm going to cure you, but if a lack of mother-daughter bonding is part of your problem, we're going to remedy that right now. Plus I need some new clothes for the office."
The rest of the afternoon was spent in Cashman's Department Store, buying a number of business suits for Helen, and even a couple of formal clothes for Daria. It was the ideal bonding activity between mother and daughter… If said daughter's name was Quinn Morgendorffer.
* I II III IV *
Daria and Jane are walking down the hall; they pass Quinn and some boy talking by the lockers, discussing her favorite subject: Quinn.
"So... like, what do you like to do after school?"
"Oh, nothing special. Go to the movies... or, like, a theme park... or out for a really fancy meal now and then... or maybe go to a concert, if, like, I know somebody's got good seats and is renting a limo and stuff."
"You hear that? He hasn't got a prayer." To Jane, Quinn's expectations sounded ridiculous.
"Tell me about it. That's my sister."
"Oh. Bummer."
"So, you've got any brothers or sisters?"
"I'm an only child."
After hearing this Daria gets a sour look on her face, Jane did hear coming from her lips the words breach, accord, revenge. She suspected that Quinn should fear her not-a-sister's reaction.
* I II III IV *
A week ago Jane would have seen the Self-Esteem class as nothing more than an opportunity to do a cheap character study for some or her paintings and sculptures, a neutral time with no value positive or negative whatsoever, other than for the occasional cramming prior to exams, when she could get O'Neill to babble the tests' answers for an easy B, yet now she was having something resembling fun, passing a drawing of an ice cream cone with O'Neill's face on it, being attacked by a rabid wolf back and forth, each time adding nastier events to the picture.
"So, what are we talking about when we talk about ourselves? Anyone?" Pointing to a boy. "Yes."
"We're... talking about us!"
"Excellent! When we talk about 'ourselves' we're talking about 'us.' Now, guys, I've got a little challenge for you. Today we talked about turning your daydreams into reality. Tonight, I want each one of you to go home and do just that. What do you say? Um... you." Pointing to Daria. "What's a daydream that you'd like to see come true?"
"Well, I guess I'd like my whole family to do something together."
"Excellent!"
"Something that'll really make them suffer. But where am I going to get a rusty axe at this time of the day?"
"Uh... it's healthy to air these feelings... I think." Then O'Neill was saved from facing his inner Chihuahuas by the bell "We'll talk more about this tomorrow. Class dismissed."
"Nice one." For Jane it was always a pleasure to see a master making other people miserable.
"Thanks. Do you have a rusty axe?"
* I II III IV *
At Daria's house, the family is eating dinner, discussing the relevant parts of the day, as always the conversation is far from peaceful.
"How's the old self-esteem coming, kiddo?"
"My self-esteem teacher says that being addressed all my life with childish epithets like "kiddo" is probably a key source of my problem." She had to wonder if maybe with enough negative reinforcement her father would be less willing to try to help with her self-esteem problems and would instead try something more realistic, like charging at windmills. (tilting at windmills?)
"Really?" Dad was really distressed by the answer, time to end the joke. "No."
"Isn't she great? She's the greatest."
"She sure is." Helen had been watching her daughter play mind games with her father once more; thankfully she cut it off before she was forced to intervene. Now it was time to talk shop. "Daria I talked to the school today about what we discussed yesterday, dear I'm sorry but Principal Li tells me that she implicitly trusts Miss Manson, and that the graduation from the course is the sole responsibility of Professor Timothy O'Neill."
"Um… So to end this charade I just need to get O'Neill to sign my release from the Nut House for weepy children. I can work with that." A half smile resembling the one from a certain portrait by an Italian artist appeared on her face.
"Dear, don't forget that criminal trials are far less fun from the defense chair"
"Ok, I'll try to pin the blame on someone else first mom, hey Quinn can we talk upstairs?" At this point both girls took the chance to escape the parents' usual interrogatory.
"Quinn, one of the things that my Self-esteem advisor told me today is that I should think back to circumstances that brought me happiness as a child and replicate them... but I suppose you're here to stay."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You ought to know. You're the only child."
"How would you like to have a sister with a... a 'thing'!"
"I know what that feels like Sis, I also know that you broke our accord. What you should know is that now I will have my payback, and since I don't have Beavis and Butt-head around it means that I will have to get creative about it."
* I II III IV *
After class Daria and Jane are in Jane's room listening to music on the stereo while watching the muted TV. Jane had told to her new friend of one show in the local network that she was bound to like, and since most things that Daria liked were things that turned the stomach of her parents she was invited once more to Casa Lane for an afternoon of not so wholesome fun.
"Show's on." At this point Jane clicks the music off and un-mutes the TV.
'And now, back to Sick, Sad World.'
'This is just astounding! Here you are, blind, deaf, and barely able to walk, yet you conducted simultaneous affairs with three members of the Royal Family! The question on all of America's mind is: how did you do it?'
'What?' The Old Man leans forward, obviously not hearing a thing.
"She doesn't get it. It's the Royal Family. You'd have to be blind."
"Good point. Did you knew that in Highland, Texas this show is banned"
"Really and what do people do in that place forgotten by the rest of the world to pass the time"
The TV image now shifts to an overview of a cheesy-looking U.F.O. convention. 'U.F.O. conventions, once sneered at as the domain of so-called "kooks," have become big, big business, drawing hundreds of thousands of people each year, people as sane and rational as you and I, who come simply to satisfy a normal curiosity.'
"Mostly Court TV replays and finding real freaks to watch in their natural habitat." Abruptly changing the theme of conversation then Daria asked. "You know all the answers to the questions on the release test, right?"
"I've got them in my notebook."
"Well, why don't we just take the test tomorrow and get out of the class once and for all?"
"How would I spend my afternoons?"
"U.F.O. conventions."
"Now you're talking."
* I II III IV *
In self-esteem class Mr. O'Neill is once again doing his best impression of a parrot with the children as witnesses to his lack of understanding of the basic objectives of the course.
"And so, for tomorrow, I want you to make a list of ten ways the world would be a sadder place if you weren't in it."
"Oh, Mr. O'Neill, Mr. O'Neill?"
"Yes, um... you."
"Is that if we'd never been born, or if we died suddenly and unexpectedly?" Now this was someone who had been on the course one times too many.
"Never been born. See you all tomorrow."
As most of the kids usually left the classroom as soon as the bell rang if not earlier it was a surprise to see two females, one of them holding a small notebook and a pencil on her hands, staying behind.
"Hi! Did you need clarification on something we covered today?" Not that he was able to give such clarifications anyway but it was still his duty to ask.
While once more recording everything on shorthand Daria prepared the first salvo of their blitz. "We feel really good about ourselves."
"We want to take the graduation test." Jane was following the basic plan they had outlined the previous afternoon, to press forward and confuse the hell out of O'Neill so that he didn't ask himself just how were they able to cover the rest of the course on their self-esteem and if it actually mattered.
"Well! I'm glad your self-image meter is on the uptick! But there's still three more weeks of class left."
"This first week has been a real eye-opener. It must be the way you teach."
"Oh, well... thank you very much." To Jane. "You know, you look familiar somehow..."
"So can we take the test?"
"Well, it's not the way we usually do it, but... I guess so. Okay, question one: 'Self-esteem is important because...'"
"It's a quality that will stand us in good stead the rest of our lives."
"Very good. Now, 'the next time I start to feel bad about myself...'"
"Stand before the mirror, look myself in the eye and say, You are special. No one else is like you."
"You two really have been paying attention! Okay, 'there's no such thing...'"
"As the right weight." At this point their careful and methodical drill became apparent.
"Or the right height." Daria was complementing Jane's answers mid sentence. Just like creepy twins.
"There's only what's right for me." Jane was enjoying her little act, even if it gave Professor O'Neill an undeserved pride in his abilities as a teacher.
"Because me is who I am." On the other hand for Daria this was akin to the cross interrogation of a witness, Shock and Awe until they give you the answer you like.
"I don't think we have to go any farther. I am really pleased! I think the whole school needs to hear about this at assembly!"
It was a victory worthy of Pyrrhus; Daria mused to Jane in a few well chosen words "If we are victorious in one more battle, we shall be utterly ruined." Jane's answer is not the kind that could be said in polite company.
* I II III IV *
In the school auditorium Ms. Li is at the podium preparing everything for the assembly requested by Timothy. It was just so easy to throw the softhearted English teacher a bone from time to time, especially since he was so easy to manipulate for the good of Lawndale High, any other man would have asked for overtime in exchange for teaching an extracurricular class outside regular hours, he did it for the children. So she had taken as many teachers she could (only Coach Gibson, Mrs. Manson, and of course Mr. O'Neill) and then gathered as many students as possible. At least she would be able to do some announcements to fill the time.
"And once again, the bake sale was a tremendous success. We raised more than $400, which was subsequently stolen from the office, but I am confident we will get that money back. In a related note, the school nurse will be visiting homerooms tomorrow to collect DNA samples. Now, Mr. O'Neill has exciting news about our after-school self-esteem class."
"This is really going to help me gradually ease into student life." Daria was already thinking of different ways of humiliating herself to death, most of them included saying any word or none at all on the podium.
"Usually when I have this dream I'm wearing pink taffeta." Jane on the other hand was a little more used to be a freak in LHS.
"Thank you. You know, self-esteem is a little like your car's brake fluid. You may not even know you're low on it until, one day, you go to shift gears and nothing happens."
"That's transmission fluid!" As usual when putting a great number of unwilling teens in an enclosed space for a time they will resort to original ways to express their discomfort and in this case the reception of Timothy O'Neill was met with catcalls and stupid laughter from the audience.
"That's... what I said. Anyway, I'd like you to meet two students who have completed our self-esteem course faster than anyone ever before! Please join me in congratulations as I present these certificates of self-esteem to... Daria Morgendorffer and Jane Lane."
Only a meager halfhearted applause is given as response.
"Oh, what the hell." Jane boldly steps up to podium.
"I just want to say how proud I am today. Knowing that I have self-esteem gives me even more self-esteem." Feeling mischievous Jane glances at Daria with a smile, before turning on the anguish. "On the other hand, having all of you know that I had low self-esteem makes me feel... kind of bad... like a big failure or something."
At this point the audience starts to awaken; it seems that the assembly includes a free show in the entrance fee.
"I, uh, I want to go home. Her act ended with a heartfelt sob, complete with arm to forehead, before she flees the stage. O'Neill running behind her in hot pursuit"
It was Daria's turn, and now, after Jane's magnificent performance, she felt she was obliged to upstage it with some guided missiles of her own. It was after all a matter of honor, honor and vengeance.
"No one can battle a terrible problem like low self-esteem on their own. It takes the problem being detected on time, of which I'm grateful that Miss Margaret Manson, who only has an incomplete degree on Business Management and minimal training in the field of psychology yet she managed to find my difficulties with self-esteem as well as Dora's and Dara's…" Manson at this point was extremely flustered, trying to hide on her seat in the back of the podium, Li on the other hand looked furious. …good coaching...
Quinn was sitting in the audience, having been forced by Coach Gibson to come here after being found flirting after hours with the two boys at her side.
"Who cares about these losers?"
"Hey, beats algebra, though, doesn't it?" Then at Daria's remark about Manson he chortles and high-fives his buddy. "Did you hear that Quinn? That Manson gal was burned; and by a loser, man!"
"Burned down in flames."
"Funny. That's funny, Corey."
"...realize my actuality, which by the way I would still like to know what it means, Professor O'Neill was never able to tell me. Winning the fight against low self-esteem takes support... from teachers, from friends, and most of all, from family."
"Is that loser still talking?"
"And I am grateful for the support this class gave to me, especially when even my own sister, Quinn Morgendorffer denied my existence. At this point everyone who knew Quinn turns towards her, for once Quinn regretted working so hard to be known by everyone.
"I cannot blame her for not acknowledging me as a sister, I was too distant as an older sister, but this course showed me the errors of my ways, so I hope that I can from now on spend more time with her… if she'll still have me"
At this part the already mortified Quinn cringes and tries to burrow into her seat while most students, and even the few teachers on the podium look at her with emotions ranging from astonishment to disgust.
"That, like, brain is your sister?"
"Burned, burned down in flames man."
Daria finally leaves the podium, and then starts walking towards Quinn, sensing it was the time for the Coup de Grace, she leans down, hugs Quinn, and with a clear voice she proclaims her intentions. "Don't worry sis, we are going to be together from now on, inseparable."
* I II III IV *
That afternoon at Daria's house, Quinn had forced her sister upstairs the moment she had arrived from school after spending more than an hour doing damage control on her reputation. Luckily the teachers had only managed to catch a few popular kids for the assembly; most of the guys inside were other losers from the Self-Esteem class and geeky clubs.
"Daria, what the hell was that, my life is ruined, do you hear it? Ruined"
"That dear sister of mine is what I call retribution, it seems that you have forgotten our agreement regarding our interactions between third parties, and that denying my existence is an insult. This was payback, nothing more… yet"
"What do you mean with yet? Haven't you done enough? I'll have to lock myself in my room until I die! I'll never talk to anyone for the rest of my life!"
"You're right I'm satisfied with my revenge for the last few days of being an only child, but now that I've a baby sister I can't let alone, I want to kiss her and braid her hair, and I'm afraid I can do so only in school hours, and before she leaves for dates. And before you ask, no there is no point in the Accords regulating the affection shown between sisters, none of us ever thought we would need one"
"Ooooh! you… you…" Quinn was about to collapse, if her sister did that in front of the Fashion Club she was going to lose her Vice-Presidency, maybe even her membership. "What do you want?"
It was at this moment that the phone started ringing, interrupting the conversation "You better answer that, I'll write down the contract later."
"Hello? Matthew?"
* I II III IV *
The family was once more at the kitchen table, with Quinn still fuming about the incident at the assembly, but knowing better than to talk about it with her parents.
"…and with my speech at the assembly I was declared to have self-esteem and let free."
"Good for you, honey!"
"So, now you are no longer required to be in your self-esteem workshop?
"Nope, and before leaving I made sure they know that me being part of the class will be detrimental to their self-esteem."
"That's really… sweet, Daria."
Then after checking her clock she raised herself from the table, proclaiming. "Well, I have to leave for Jane's house if I want to get to the U.F.O. Convention in time for the Great Gray One arrival, see you."
* I II III IV *
This is a revised version of Chapter 01 done on 08/02/2012, the credit to this chapter goes to my first review on FF.Net peetz5050 who mentioned many issues which I had ignored and then help me by proofreading this chapter.
* I II III IV *
Chapter 01: A new nest
Disclaimer: Daria and associated characters are owned by MTV and Viacom. This is fan fiction written for entertainment only. No money or other negotiable currency or goods have been exchanged. Special thanks to the Outpost Daria for the Transcripts available there, they were invaluable tools for the development of this chapter, and in the future I hope I can be less reliant on them. This chapter is dedicated to peetz5050 for his invaluable efforts proof reading this chapter.
* I II III IV *
Eight years ago…
The little girl was sitting in one of the chairs of the living room, farther away friends of her sister were chatting and laughing, once more Quinn had hijacked her birthday party.
Knowing from past experiences that if she started opening her presents no one would care about it, Daria went to the small table near the door where her parents had put the packages in a more or less neat pile. She ignored those presents brought by the other children, most of them Quinn's friends, save for a few other members of her class who were forced by their parents to come. They were probably filled with useless stuff like dolls and make-up kits, Quinn would steal them in a few days anyway.
While looking for the usual envelopes filled with money from either grandmother she found a suspiciously shaped package, one that looked like a book, which was weird since her parents had stopped giving her books for her birthdays, hoping that such things like balls and table games would encourage her to socialize more.
The card attached didn't have much information on it, just the usual From: Rita; To: Daria. And once she had gotten rid of the wrapping, she discovered a pink book with a photo of a bird flying away from a hollow tree which contained a clock and string; its title. "To kill a mockingbird" by Harper Lee.
* I II III IV *
"Girls, I just want you to know your mother and I realize it's not easy moving to a whole new town… especially for you, Daria, right?"
"Did we move?" The question as obnoxious as it sounded was from her point of view quite valid, her mother was as much of a workaholic as ever, maybe even more; Quinn was the same self-centered brat who decided to exchange her brain for a couple of shiny shoes; and her dad, well he kept trying. Probably the school would have the same kind of morons that Highland had, just with a different accent and less dust.
"I'm just saying you don't make friends as easily as... uh, some people." God as a witness her father did try.
As Quinn was turning the radio up, Daria asked. "Quinn, for instance?"
"That's not what I meant... necessarily." Turning the radio off. "The point is, the first day at a new school is bound to be difficult..."
"Dad, don't worry about it, I'm sure I will find a secluded spot far away from people to start plotting my revenge against humanity"
Distracted by his eldest's answer her father could only give an uncertain response just at the moment that they finally arrived to Lawndale High School, which was going to become their prison away from her homely padded room. "Uh, where was I? Oh, yeah... Don't get upset if it takes the other kids a little while to warm up to you."
It was at this point that Quinn left the car, just to be mobbed by the future Sycophants of America, the so called popular kids giving Daria's baby sister a warm welcome.
Steeling herself then Daria proceeded to leave the car as well. But not without favoring her father with one last sarcastic remark. "I'll try to help Quinn through this difficult period of adjustment Dad, don't worry. See you later"
She then left the vehicle, ghosting through the sea of people surrounding her sister without anyone giving her a second glance.
* I II III IV *
After arriving at the administrative offices of the school, she, alongside her sister and a few other new students, were given a tour by no other than Angela Li, LHS principal, who then committed the kids to the not so tender love of Miss Manson, the school's appointed psychologist. The meeting was a textbook example of hate at first sigh between Daria and the not quite doctor.
The meeting started with the wrong foot just by forcing her to do the five minutes psychological exam alongside her sister. At that moment she got her stenographer notebook, ready to record the entire session. At the very least, she was going to have enough fresh examples of Quinn's antics to write about later.
In that sense she was disappointed, since once more her popularity obsession was covered by her mindless prattle, and the reactions from Manson were even less promising, all but ignoring the signs of craziness and boy madness her sister weaved out of the displayed image. Good to know that this school had someone on the payroll to approve her desire for new slaves to praise their goddess.
At that point, while drawing on the notebook a series of circles and lines seemingly at random, Daria decided that if this wasn't taken seriously by anyone in the room, then it shouldn't be taken seriously by her. The fact that the fraud was getting her first name wrong wasn't a factor at all, not at all…
"Very good, Quinn! Now, Dora, let's see if you can make up a story as vivid as your sister's."
"It's Daria."
"I'm sorry... Daria. What do you see in the picture, Dara, and what is that in your hand?
While holding her notebook up high Daria responded in a serious monotone. "This is a notebook, it is used to write, as for your first question, Um... a herd of beautiful wild ponies running free across the plains."
It was so much fun baiting people who got their degree from a correspondence course.
"Uh, there aren't any ponies. It's two people. And what are you writing?"
"Last time I took one of these tests, they told me they were clouds. They said they could be whatever I wanted. And I'm recording every word we have been saying from the moment you opened the door til right now"
"That's a different test. In this test, they're people, and you tell me what they're discussing." Completely missing the fact that Daria had confessed her previous experience on this kind of tests. "And you should take this seriously instead of doodling."
"Oh... This is shorthand gibberish for the short minded. All right, then. It's a guy and a girl and they're discussing... a herd of beautiful wild ponies running free across the plains.
* I II III IV *
After that it was time to find history class under Anthony Demartino, a neurotic professor with a low tolerance of morons and a jumping eye. After the usual introductions said teacher took the decision to test her on the material.
"Daria, can you concisely and unemotionally sum up for us the doctrine of Manifest Destiny?"
"Manifest Destiny was a slogan popular in the 1840's. It was used by people who claimed it was God's will for the U.S. to expand all the way to the Pacific Ocean, this belief was what let to the Oregon Treaty of 1846, the annexation of Texas, California and Nuevo México, and of course to expand into the west through the nominally legal, by United States law, purchase of Native American land in treaties to the dislike of the people already living there."
Once her credentials as a Brain were properly, if suspiciously accepted, Demartino continued his interrogatory with a couple of morons who were the main promoters of the theory that an Intelligent Jock is truly an oxymoron. No wonder his eye was trying to escape the room, her IQ was already leaving her after hearing their answers.
* I II III IV *
It seemed that in a single day, in a scenario worst that any nightmare in recent memory, Quinn had managed to find a group of similar minded peers to interact in her chosen environment, the bloody sport that was the High School Social Arena. And to know that there were enough popularity and clothes obsessed drones in the school to have something called 'The Fashion Club' was worthy of a night of insomnia in her book.
"What about you, Daria? How was your first day?" And now was her turn in the rack.
"Well, my history teacher hates me because I know all the answers, but there are some interesting idiots in my class."
"That's great!" Her father might not listen, but he did try to encourage me.
"Daria, your father's trying to tell you not to judge people until you know them. You're in a brand-new school in a brand-new town. You don't want it to be Highland all over again." Her mother on the other hand was always doing full scale damage control on her nonexistent social life.
"Not much chance of that happening... unless there's uranium in the drinking water here, too."
"I'm talking about you making a friend or two. Don't be so critical. Give people the benefit of the doubt."
"It all boils down to trust. And you know how much I trust others."
"Exactly, it all boils down to trust. Show a little trust and you'll go far."
"But I don't want to go far, the school is ten minutes on foot"
It was at this moment that the phone chose to ring; As always it was Helen who got up to answer it.
"God, I hope that's not the booster society again." Quinn as charitable as always…
"Hello? ... Yes. … Uh, yes, she's my daughter. … I see. Listen, will this require any parent-teacher conferences or anything, and if so, is this the sort of thing my assistant can handle? … Okay, great. Bye!"
"You girls took a psychological test at school today?" This was Mom's question after hanging the phone.
"They said we wouldn't be graded!"
"Daria, they want you to take a special class for a few weeks, then they'll test you again."
"You flunked the test?" Quinn questioned using her usual tact.
"She didn't flunk anything. It seems she has low self-esteem."
"What? That really stinks, Daria!"
"Easy, Jake. Focus." Then speaking to Daria. "We tell you over and over again that you're wonderful and you just... don't... get it! Slamming her hand on the table. "What's wrong with you?"
"Is she going to have, like, a breakdown or something? 'Cause that could really mess me up with my new friends."
At this point Daria gave her opinion on the matter. "Don't worry. I don't have low self-esteem. It's a mistake. It seems that Miss Manson is not only incompetent, she is also vindictive"
"What do you mean, Daria? You cannot blame the psychologist for your problems, you should know that." Helen was still running on the previous message adrenalin, and it was evident she wasn't happy with her eldest's attitude.
"It means that Miss Manson is someone who can't remember my first name and distinguish sarcasm from anguish. It is no wonder I have low esteem for everyone else."
At this point while getting her stenographer notebook out of her green jacket and tearing a couple of pages from it, Daria answered her mother's statement.
Throwing a last remark while slamming the pages on the table Daria growled while leaving the room. "Why don't you ask your assistant to translate this for you, and then ask me who to blame for my troubles, mom?"
* I II III IV *
In self-esteem class a teacher who had introduced himself as Mr. O'Neill sat at the front desk, giving the memorized introduction to the workshop to a half-dozen students scattered throughout the room.
"Esteem... a teen. They don't really rhyme, do they? The sounds don't quite mesh. And that, in fact, is often the case when it comes to a teen and esteem. The two just don't seem to go together. But we are here to begin realizing your actuality..."
Jane was watching the new girl who yesterday had answered Demartino's question with such flair, she was a curious one; doodling wickedly fast on a small notebook from right to left. And, unless she was wrong, there was a method to the chicken scratches on the paper.
"…and when we do, each and every one of you will be able to stand proudly and proclaim, 'I am.' Now, before we…"
"Excuse me. I have a question."
"Sorry, question and answer time is later."
"I want to know what 'realizing your actuality' means."
"It means... look, just let me get through this part, okay? Then there'll be a video!" 'Poor girl' thought Jane, she was trying to understand Mr. O'Neill, when Mr. O'Neill wasn't able to understand it himself.
"Before we unlock your potential..."
It was at this point that Jane took pity on the new prisoner, leaning forward to explain the facts of life to the girl in green she murmured "He doesn't know what it means. He's got the speech memorized. Just enjoy the nice man's soothing voice."
"How am I supposed to follow him if I don't know what he's talking about?" Wasn't that impressive, even when she turned to talk with her, the girl was still doodling -writing?- those circles and lines at break-neck speed.
"I can fill you in later. I've taken this course six times."
* I II III IV *
Just as promised Jane, while walking to her home after a brief introduction between the Lovely Art Chick and the Budding Writer from Texas, gave Daria the full explanation of the gulag known as the Workshop for Self-Esteem and Auto-realization.
"So, then, after the role-playing, next class they put the girls and the guys in separate rooms and a female counselor talks to us about body image."
"What do they talk to the boys about?"
"A classroom full of guys and a male teacher?" At this point both girls stopped walking and in unison voiced their thoughts. "Nocturnal emissions."
As they resumed walking, Jane wondered about just how fast she had clicked together with Daria.
"I don't get it, Jane. You've got the entire course memorized. How come you can't pass the test to get out?"
"I could pass the test, but I like having low self-esteem. It makes me feel special." Plus it allowed her to study the freaks that Manson and Li had thrown there to avoid been seen by the rest of the school, including that weird art freak, of course.
"Well, there is Casa Lane, see you tomorrow Daria"
* I II III IV *
After her illuminating talk with Jane, Daria arrived home just in time to be surprised by her mother in the living room, more than three hours earlier than usual.
"Hi, honey."
"Mom? You feeling all right? It's not even 5:00 yet."
"I'm taking the rest of the day off, Marianne translated your transcription of the meeting with Miss Manson. She is very impressed with your Gregg Shorthand; she had to get the Gregg Shorthand Anniversary Edition from the firm's library to get all of your symbols."
"Then you should already know that Manson is as much of a psychologist as I'm a cheerleader."
"What I know is that you treated the test without the respect and seriousness it was due"
"I gave it the same level of seriousness as Dora and Dara, if someone can't or won't use my name for a meeting then I will not show then more respect than that. Plus I had my doubts of her competence from her treatment of Quinn's answers."
"Quinn's answers are not what we are talking about, while I'm not too happy about them, she does have the expectation of privacy in this kind of tests. And before you ask, since you gave me the transcription, then you gave me your consent. Haven't you thought that the reason you're taking this course is due to your ridiculous answer about ponies."
"Yes, my answer wasn't the most polite one, and if she was offended then she should have assigned me a detention, but at no point of the exam did I show anything near a lack of self-esteem, and the moment she send me there she showed either a lack of competence or a lack of professionalism."
Sighing, then Helen answered in a calmer tone. "I'll talk with the school later, but I don't think they will accept your transcription as evidence, and you can't deny that at least part of this whole mess is your fault anyway."
Then suddenly becoming happier, Helen continued. "Well now that I'm here earlier, I guess it's time to bond with my eldest daughter.
'Uh-oh' Daria realized what was coming. "Mom, I'm in the care of experts. Any meddling by an amateur could be dangerous."
"I don't pretend I'm going to cure you, but if a lack of mother-daughter bonding is part of your problem, we're going to remedy that right now. Plus I need some new clothes for the office."
The rest of the afternoon was spent in Cashman's Department Store, buying a number of business suits for Helen, and even a couple of formal clothes for Daria. It was the ideal bonding activity between mother and daughter… If said daughter's name was Quinn Morgendorffer.
* I II III IV *
Daria and Jane are walking down the hall; they pass Quinn and some boy talking by the lockers, discussing her favorite subject: Quinn.
"So... like, what do you like to do after school?"
"Oh, nothing special. Go to the movies... or, like, a theme park... or out for a really fancy meal now and then... or maybe go to a concert, if, like, I know somebody's got good seats and is renting a limo and stuff."
"You hear that? He hasn't got a prayer." To Jane, Quinn's expectations sounded ridiculous.
"Tell me about it. That's my sister."
"Oh. Bummer."
"So, you've got any brothers or sisters?"
"I'm an only child."
After hearing this Daria gets a sour look on her face, Jane did hear coming from her lips the words breach, accord, revenge. She suspected that Quinn should fear her not-a-sister's reaction.
* I II III IV *
A week ago Jane would have seen the Self-Esteem class as nothing more than an opportunity to do a cheap character study for some or her paintings and sculptures, a neutral time with no value positive or negative whatsoever, other than for the occasional cramming prior to exams, when she could get O'Neill to babble the tests' answers for an easy B, yet now she was having something resembling fun, passing a drawing of an ice cream cone with O'Neill's face on it, being attacked by a rabid wolf back and forth, each time adding nastier events to the picture.
"So, what are we talking about when we talk about ourselves? Anyone?" Pointing to a boy. "Yes."
"We're... talking about us!"
"Excellent! When we talk about 'ourselves' we're talking about 'us.' Now, guys, I've got a little challenge for you. Today we talked about turning your daydreams into reality. Tonight, I want each one of you to go home and do just that. What do you say? Um... you." Pointing to Daria. "What's a daydream that you'd like to see come true?"
"Well, I guess I'd like my whole family to do something together."
"Excellent!"
"Something that'll really make them suffer. But where am I going to get a rusty axe at this time of the day?"
"Uh... it's healthy to air these feelings... I think." Then O'Neill was saved from facing his inner Chihuahuas by the bell "We'll talk more about this tomorrow. Class dismissed."
"Nice one." For Jane it was always a pleasure to see a master making other people miserable.
"Thanks. Do you have a rusty axe?"
* I II III IV *
At Daria's house, the family is eating dinner, discussing the relevant parts of the day, as always the conversation is far from peaceful.
"How's the old self-esteem coming, kiddo?"
"My self-esteem teacher says that being addressed all my life with childish epithets like "kiddo" is probably a key source of my problem." She had to wonder if maybe with enough negative reinforcement her father would be less willing to try to help with her self-esteem problems and would instead try something more realistic, like charging at windmills. (tilting at windmills?)
"Really?" Dad was really distressed by the answer, time to end the joke. "No."
"Isn't she great? She's the greatest."
"She sure is." Helen had been watching her daughter play mind games with her father once more; thankfully she cut it off before she was forced to intervene. Now it was time to talk shop. "Daria I talked to the school today about what we discussed yesterday, dear I'm sorry but Principal Li tells me that she implicitly trusts Miss Manson, and that the graduation from the course is the sole responsibility of Professor Timothy O'Neill."
"Um… So to end this charade I just need to get O'Neill to sign my release from the Nut House for weepy children. I can work with that." A half smile resembling the one from a certain portrait by an Italian artist appeared on her face.
"Dear, don't forget that criminal trials are far less fun from the defense chair"
"Ok, I'll try to pin the blame on someone else first mom, hey Quinn can we talk upstairs?" At this point both girls took the chance to escape the parents' usual interrogatory.
"Quinn, one of the things that my Self-esteem advisor told me today is that I should think back to circumstances that brought me happiness as a child and replicate them... but I suppose you're here to stay."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You ought to know. You're the only child."
"How would you like to have a sister with a... a 'thing'!"
"I know what that feels like Sis, I also know that you broke our accord. What you should know is that now I will have my payback, and since I don't have Beavis and Butt-head around it means that I will have to get creative about it."
* I II III IV *
After class Daria and Jane are in Jane's room listening to music on the stereo while watching the muted TV. Jane had told to her new friend of one show in the local network that she was bound to like, and since most things that Daria liked were things that turned the stomach of her parents she was invited once more to Casa Lane for an afternoon of not so wholesome fun.
"Show's on." At this point Jane clicks the music off and un-mutes the TV.
'And now, back to Sick, Sad World.'
'This is just astounding! Here you are, blind, deaf, and barely able to walk, yet you conducted simultaneous affairs with three members of the Royal Family! The question on all of America's mind is: how did you do it?'
'What?' The Old Man leans forward, obviously not hearing a thing.
"She doesn't get it. It's the Royal Family. You'd have to be blind."
"Good point. Did you knew that in Highland, Texas this show is banned"
"Really and what do people do in that place forgotten by the rest of the world to pass the time"
The TV image now shifts to an overview of a cheesy-looking U.F.O. convention. 'U.F.O. conventions, once sneered at as the domain of so-called "kooks," have become big, big business, drawing hundreds of thousands of people each year, people as sane and rational as you and I, who come simply to satisfy a normal curiosity.'
"Mostly Court TV replays and finding real freaks to watch in their natural habitat." Abruptly changing the theme of conversation then Daria asked. "You know all the answers to the questions on the release test, right?"
"I've got them in my notebook."
"Well, why don't we just take the test tomorrow and get out of the class once and for all?"
"How would I spend my afternoons?"
"U.F.O. conventions."
"Now you're talking."
* I II III IV *
In self-esteem class Mr. O'Neill is once again doing his best impression of a parrot with the children as witnesses to his lack of understanding of the basic objectives of the course.
"And so, for tomorrow, I want you to make a list of ten ways the world would be a sadder place if you weren't in it."
"Oh, Mr. O'Neill, Mr. O'Neill?"
"Yes, um... you."
"Is that if we'd never been born, or if we died suddenly and unexpectedly?" Now this was someone who had been on the course one times too many.
"Never been born. See you all tomorrow."
As most of the kids usually left the classroom as soon as the bell rang if not earlier it was a surprise to see two females, one of them holding a small notebook and a pencil on her hands, staying behind.
"Hi! Did you need clarification on something we covered today?" Not that he was able to give such clarifications anyway but it was still his duty to ask.
While once more recording everything on shorthand Daria prepared the first salvo of their blitz. "We feel really good about ourselves."
"We want to take the graduation test." Jane was following the basic plan they had outlined the previous afternoon, to press forward and confuse the hell out of O'Neill so that he didn't ask himself just how were they able to cover the rest of the course on their self-esteem and if it actually mattered.
"Well! I'm glad your self-image meter is on the uptick! But there's still three more weeks of class left."
"This first week has been a real eye-opener. It must be the way you teach."
"Oh, well... thank you very much." To Jane. "You know, you look familiar somehow..."
"So can we take the test?"
"Well, it's not the way we usually do it, but... I guess so. Okay, question one: 'Self-esteem is important because...'"
"It's a quality that will stand us in good stead the rest of our lives."
"Very good. Now, 'the next time I start to feel bad about myself...'"
"Stand before the mirror, look myself in the eye and say, You are special. No one else is like you."
"You two really have been paying attention! Okay, 'there's no such thing...'"
"As the right weight." At this point their careful and methodical drill became apparent.
"Or the right height." Daria was complementing Jane's answers mid sentence. Just like creepy twins.
"There's only what's right for me." Jane was enjoying her little act, even if it gave Professor O'Neill an undeserved pride in his abilities as a teacher.
"Because me is who I am." On the other hand for Daria this was akin to the cross interrogation of a witness, Shock and Awe until they give you the answer you like.
"I don't think we have to go any farther. I am really pleased! I think the whole school needs to hear about this at assembly!"
It was a victory worthy of Pyrrhus; Daria mused to Jane in a few well chosen words "If we are victorious in one more battle, we shall be utterly ruined." Jane's answer is not the kind that could be said in polite company.
* I II III IV *
In the school auditorium Ms. Li is at the podium preparing everything for the assembly requested by Timothy. It was just so easy to throw the softhearted English teacher a bone from time to time, especially since he was so easy to manipulate for the good of Lawndale High, any other man would have asked for overtime in exchange for teaching an extracurricular class outside regular hours, he did it for the children. So she had taken as many teachers she could (only Coach Gibson, Mrs. Manson, and of course Mr. O'Neill) and then gathered as many students as possible. At least she would be able to do some announcements to fill the time.
"And once again, the bake sale was a tremendous success. We raised more than $400, which was subsequently stolen from the office, but I am confident we will get that money back. In a related note, the school nurse will be visiting homerooms tomorrow to collect DNA samples. Now, Mr. O'Neill has exciting news about our after-school self-esteem class."
"This is really going to help me gradually ease into student life." Daria was already thinking of different ways of humiliating herself to death, most of them included saying any word or none at all on the podium.
"Usually when I have this dream I'm wearing pink taffeta." Jane on the other hand was a little more used to be a freak in LHS.
"Thank you. You know, self-esteem is a little like your car's brake fluid. You may not even know you're low on it until, one day, you go to shift gears and nothing happens."
"That's transmission fluid!" As usual when putting a great number of unwilling teens in an enclosed space for a time they will resort to original ways to express their discomfort and in this case the reception of Timothy O'Neill was met with catcalls and stupid laughter from the audience.
"That's... what I said. Anyway, I'd like you to meet two students who have completed our self-esteem course faster than anyone ever before! Please join me in congratulations as I present these certificates of self-esteem to... Daria Morgendorffer and Jane Lane."
Only a meager halfhearted applause is given as response.
"Oh, what the hell." Jane boldly steps up to podium.
"I just want to say how proud I am today. Knowing that I have self-esteem gives me even more self-esteem." Feeling mischievous Jane glances at Daria with a smile, before turning on the anguish. "On the other hand, having all of you know that I had low self-esteem makes me feel... kind of bad... like a big failure or something."
At this point the audience starts to awaken; it seems that the assembly includes a free show in the entrance fee.
"I, uh, I want to go home. Her act ended with a heartfelt sob, complete with arm to forehead, before she flees the stage. O'Neill running behind her in hot pursuit"
It was Daria's turn, and now, after Jane's magnificent performance, she felt she was obliged to upstage it with some guided missiles of her own. It was after all a matter of honor, honor and vengeance.
"No one can battle a terrible problem like low self-esteem on their own. It takes the problem being detected on time, of which I'm grateful that Miss Margaret Manson, who only has an incomplete degree on Business Management and minimal training in the field of psychology yet she managed to find my difficulties with self-esteem as well as Dora's and Dara's…" Manson at this point was extremely flustered, trying to hide on her seat in the back of the podium, Li on the other hand looked furious. …good coaching...
Quinn was sitting in the audience, having been forced by Coach Gibson to come here after being found flirting after hours with the two boys at her side.
"Who cares about these losers?"
"Hey, beats algebra, though, doesn't it?" Then at Daria's remark about Manson he chortles and high-fives his buddy. "Did you hear that Quinn? That Manson gal was burned; and by a loser, man!"
"Burned down in flames."
"Funny. That's funny, Corey."
"...realize my actuality, which by the way I would still like to know what it means, Professor O'Neill was never able to tell me. Winning the fight against low self-esteem takes support... from teachers, from friends, and most of all, from family."
"Is that loser still talking?"
"And I am grateful for the support this class gave to me, especially when even my own sister, Quinn Morgendorffer denied my existence. At this point everyone who knew Quinn turns towards her, for once Quinn regretted working so hard to be known by everyone.
"I cannot blame her for not acknowledging me as a sister, I was too distant as an older sister, but this course showed me the errors of my ways, so I hope that I can from now on spend more time with her… if she'll still have me"
At this part the already mortified Quinn cringes and tries to burrow into her seat while most students, and even the few teachers on the podium look at her with emotions ranging from astonishment to disgust.
"That, like, brain is your sister?"
"Burned, burned down in flames man."
Daria finally leaves the podium, and then starts walking towards Quinn, sensing it was the time for the Coup de Grace, she leans down, hugs Quinn, and with a clear voice she proclaims her intentions. "Don't worry sis, we are going to be together from now on, inseparable."
* I II III IV *
That afternoon at Daria's house, Quinn had forced her sister upstairs the moment she had arrived from school after spending more than an hour doing damage control on her reputation. Luckily the teachers had only managed to catch a few popular kids for the assembly; most of the guys inside were other losers from the Self-Esteem class and geeky clubs.
"Daria, what the hell was that, my life is ruined, do you hear it? Ruined"
"That dear sister of mine is what I call retribution, it seems that you have forgotten our agreement regarding our interactions between third parties, and that denying my existence is an insult. This was payback, nothing more… yet"
"What do you mean with yet? Haven't you done enough? I'll have to lock myself in my room until I die! I'll never talk to anyone for the rest of my life!"
"You're right I'm satisfied with my revenge for the last few days of being an only child, but now that I've a baby sister I can't let alone, I want to kiss her and braid her hair, and I'm afraid I can do so only in school hours, and before she leaves for dates. And before you ask, no there is no point in the Accords regulating the affection shown between sisters, none of us ever thought we would need one"
"Ooooh! you… you…" Quinn was about to collapse, if her sister did that in front of the Fashion Club she was going to lose her Vice-Presidency, maybe even her membership. "What do you want?"
It was at this moment that the phone started ringing, interrupting the conversation "You better answer that, I'll write down the contract later."
"Hello? Matthew?"
* I II III IV *
The family was once more at the kitchen table, with Quinn still fuming about the incident at the assembly, but knowing better than to talk about it with her parents.
"…and with my speech at the assembly I was declared to have self-esteem and let free."
"Good for you, honey!"
"So, now you are no longer required to be in your self-esteem workshop?
"Nope, and before leaving I made sure they know that me being part of the class will be detrimental to their self-esteem."
"That's really… sweet, Daria."
Then after checking her clock she raised herself from the table, proclaiming. "Well, I have to leave for Jane's house if I want to get to the U.F.O. Convention in time for the Great Gray One arrival, see you."
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This is a revised version of Chapter 01 done on 08/02/2012, the credit to this chapter goes to my first review on FF.Net peetz5050 who mentioned many issues which I had ignored and then help me by proofreading this chapter.
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