Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > recovering my life
Tammy's POV
So I agreed to go shopping with Frank annd was actually quite looking forward to it! He told me that he was going to introduce me to the magical world of hot topic which from it's online site I could see was awesome. We spent ages looking at clothes and I bought loads, although despite Frank's attempts to persuade me not the 70's style platform boots in hot pink. Why he even wanted me to buy them I don't know, he seems to dress normally himself. So after we finished up there we went to starbucks to have a coffee. Then I saw a different side to Frank, a more serious side.
"when did you last cut?" he asked. I almost spat out my coffee; he had taken me completely unaware.
"3 months ago, but I started to stop a year ago."
"why did you do it?"
"Because I hated who I was. I thought I was fat, ugly and useless, I would get so frustrated that it felt like the only way to calm down was by cutting."
"why did you stop?"
"Several reasons, I was so scared of people finding out I had to constantly hide, I started to realise that it wouldn't help in the long run and also it was getting worse and that terrified me more than anything. You can go on the internet and see pictures and some of them are so bad... I was slowly heading in that direction and one day I was looking through the pictures and just told myself I was gonna stop." He nodded thoughtfully.
"So what happened with your mum" he paused being careful not to upset me "it didn't push you back over the edge?"
"It almost did" I admited "Several times I so badly wanted to but I looked at my scars and told myself I didn't need to be that person anymore."
"I'm glad. I know that you've only just arrived you probably aren't completely comfortable here yet... but if you ever need to talk let me know." I started to cry then. I couldn't help myself he was just being so nice to me, I poured my fucking heart out too. I told him about how much I missed my mum, the nagging feeling of betrayal that she had lied to me, numb shock at how quickly everything had happened, worry about starting school in a new country and fear that I would mess up this second chance at life I was getting. He new I didn't need advice, I just needed someone to listen and offer me comfort and that is exactly what he did. Well almost. He did have one piece of advice and I guess i'm glad he suggested it, otherwise I might not have had the courage to do it myself.
"When you get home you need to tell your Dad everything you just told me. It will both help you past these feelings and strengthen your relationship with him." I was glad I had, had this talk. I felt more free and a hell of a lot more happy. Frank the proceeded to tell me that he had an idea of a way to cheer me up and to wait in the car while he organized it. After a while he came back and drove me home. He banished me to the living room so he could "set up". Dad was sitting on one of the sofas playing with uncle Mikey on the xbox.
"what is Frank doing?" Dad asked me
"said he has a suprise and that I have to wait in here while he gets it ready"
"Dear god" he said rolling his eyes.
"We may well not survive the night" Uncle Mikey added
I giggled whilst wondering what on earth Frank could be doing.Then I remembered what he had said about talking to dad about how I was feeling and I figured no time like the present, it was just us and uncle Mikey after all.
"can I talk to you both?" I asked tentatively
"sure honey" Dad said looking concerned. He and uncle Mikey switched the xbox off so they could give me their full attention and then I began to tell him what I told Frank. An hour later I had told them everything and they had been wonderfull, Frank was right. Having it all out in the open felt so much better and I also felt like I could truely trust my new family now. After much hugging Uncle Mikey was just pointing out that Frank was taking ridiculously long when the man himself put his head round the door to tell us he was ready... somehow he had managed to get something that looked suspiciously like chocolate on his cheek. Dad turned to us, shrugged and headed towards the door telling us he would go in first and that if we didn't hear from him in five minutes to run.
he walked in and we heard him laugh. I exchanged confused glance with uncle Mikey before we heard dad call out to us.
"Okay it's safe! And you REALLY need to see this!"
I walked in and gasped, unable to keep a goofy smile off of my face at the sight before me. Frank was standing by the table wearing a floral apron and looking very proud of himself. On the table was a giant chocolate fountain.
"so what do ya think?" he asked with a wink.
"OMGWOWCHOCOLATEWOW" I squealed "IT'S GIANT!!"
"That's what she said" Frank giggled
"can we stop with the innuendos and just eat?!" Uncle Mikey interupted.
The rest of the evening was full of chocolatey fabulousness which Ray, Lindsey and Bandit also got to joing in with (something Bandit was very excited about). Later on we all colapsed in the living room feeling stuffed.
"THAT. WAS. HEAVEN." Ray informed us... as if we didn't already know.
"thankyou so much Frank!" I said
"No problemo kid. I told you Uncle Frank new what you needed." He replyed in a knowing voice. I lay on the floor and stared happily up at the ceiling, finally feeling that this new life was mine and just someone else's on loan. Finally feeling that maybe things would be okay afterall.
So I agreed to go shopping with Frank annd was actually quite looking forward to it! He told me that he was going to introduce me to the magical world of hot topic which from it's online site I could see was awesome. We spent ages looking at clothes and I bought loads, although despite Frank's attempts to persuade me not the 70's style platform boots in hot pink. Why he even wanted me to buy them I don't know, he seems to dress normally himself. So after we finished up there we went to starbucks to have a coffee. Then I saw a different side to Frank, a more serious side.
"when did you last cut?" he asked. I almost spat out my coffee; he had taken me completely unaware.
"3 months ago, but I started to stop a year ago."
"why did you do it?"
"Because I hated who I was. I thought I was fat, ugly and useless, I would get so frustrated that it felt like the only way to calm down was by cutting."
"why did you stop?"
"Several reasons, I was so scared of people finding out I had to constantly hide, I started to realise that it wouldn't help in the long run and also it was getting worse and that terrified me more than anything. You can go on the internet and see pictures and some of them are so bad... I was slowly heading in that direction and one day I was looking through the pictures and just told myself I was gonna stop." He nodded thoughtfully.
"So what happened with your mum" he paused being careful not to upset me "it didn't push you back over the edge?"
"It almost did" I admited "Several times I so badly wanted to but I looked at my scars and told myself I didn't need to be that person anymore."
"I'm glad. I know that you've only just arrived you probably aren't completely comfortable here yet... but if you ever need to talk let me know." I started to cry then. I couldn't help myself he was just being so nice to me, I poured my fucking heart out too. I told him about how much I missed my mum, the nagging feeling of betrayal that she had lied to me, numb shock at how quickly everything had happened, worry about starting school in a new country and fear that I would mess up this second chance at life I was getting. He new I didn't need advice, I just needed someone to listen and offer me comfort and that is exactly what he did. Well almost. He did have one piece of advice and I guess i'm glad he suggested it, otherwise I might not have had the courage to do it myself.
"When you get home you need to tell your Dad everything you just told me. It will both help you past these feelings and strengthen your relationship with him." I was glad I had, had this talk. I felt more free and a hell of a lot more happy. Frank the proceeded to tell me that he had an idea of a way to cheer me up and to wait in the car while he organized it. After a while he came back and drove me home. He banished me to the living room so he could "set up". Dad was sitting on one of the sofas playing with uncle Mikey on the xbox.
"what is Frank doing?" Dad asked me
"said he has a suprise and that I have to wait in here while he gets it ready"
"Dear god" he said rolling his eyes.
"We may well not survive the night" Uncle Mikey added
I giggled whilst wondering what on earth Frank could be doing.Then I remembered what he had said about talking to dad about how I was feeling and I figured no time like the present, it was just us and uncle Mikey after all.
"can I talk to you both?" I asked tentatively
"sure honey" Dad said looking concerned. He and uncle Mikey switched the xbox off so they could give me their full attention and then I began to tell him what I told Frank. An hour later I had told them everything and they had been wonderfull, Frank was right. Having it all out in the open felt so much better and I also felt like I could truely trust my new family now. After much hugging Uncle Mikey was just pointing out that Frank was taking ridiculously long when the man himself put his head round the door to tell us he was ready... somehow he had managed to get something that looked suspiciously like chocolate on his cheek. Dad turned to us, shrugged and headed towards the door telling us he would go in first and that if we didn't hear from him in five minutes to run.
he walked in and we heard him laugh. I exchanged confused glance with uncle Mikey before we heard dad call out to us.
"Okay it's safe! And you REALLY need to see this!"
I walked in and gasped, unable to keep a goofy smile off of my face at the sight before me. Frank was standing by the table wearing a floral apron and looking very proud of himself. On the table was a giant chocolate fountain.
"so what do ya think?" he asked with a wink.
"OMGWOWCHOCOLATEWOW" I squealed "IT'S GIANT!!"
"That's what she said" Frank giggled
"can we stop with the innuendos and just eat?!" Uncle Mikey interupted.
The rest of the evening was full of chocolatey fabulousness which Ray, Lindsey and Bandit also got to joing in with (something Bandit was very excited about). Later on we all colapsed in the living room feeling stuffed.
"THAT. WAS. HEAVEN." Ray informed us... as if we didn't already know.
"thankyou so much Frank!" I said
"No problemo kid. I told you Uncle Frank new what you needed." He replyed in a knowing voice. I lay on the floor and stared happily up at the ceiling, finally feeling that this new life was mine and just someone else's on loan. Finally feeling that maybe things would be okay afterall.
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