Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Poison
For some completely unrelated, inane news from my side of the internetz, I've recently utterly fallen in love with the "Phelps":http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lbz4liWrZa1qb7q38o1_400.jpg "twins":http://cdn.blogs.sheknows.com/harrypotterfans.com/2010/12/james-and-oliver-phelps-2.jpg- you know, the guys who play Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter? Yep, them. Ever since I found out they liked Green Day and Rage Against the Machine and were friends with Jared Leto... well, let's just say that they're my main bishies at the moment.
The Poison
Chapter Thirteen
You take me with you if you could
But if you could I'd lose everything
I looked him directly in the eyes and nearly cringed at what I saw. Pools of hazel, deep and blank. They gave away nothing and almost swirled me into a hypnotized state. There was no guilt in those eyes, and I knew full well why.
He was hiding.
Hiding from all of us- letting us see only the hard outer shell, instead of his true self. I’d done that before, I knew what it was like.
I also knew it was time for him to stop.
I didn’t say anything to him, just looked him in the eyes with my forehead pressed against his. He stared back, the blank veil fading with every passing second. Tears began accumulating in his eyes, and I saw someone completely different in him, someone who maybe wasn’t so bad.
I think that Gerard, the one who I only caught a glimpse of in day-to-day life, was the one whom I had fallen for.
Our lips barely touched in the kiss- it was more like a silent promise from him that he wouldn’t try to pull anything. That, if nothing else, gave me a little more confidence.
“I’m sorry.”
He finally dropped those two words, and it sounded like he meant it. Now it was time for me to drop mine.
“It’s okay now.” I could’ve added that it certainly wasn’t okay prior to Lindsey and Bandit, but I think he knew that.
Mikey and Alicia backed out of the room, giving us some personal space. I leaned back to look Gerard fully in the face, seeing his default apathetic expression replaced with something softer. His arms wrapped around my neck and pulled me closer, slowed breath mingling with my own.
“Thank you.” he said quietly.
“For what?” I asked.
“For understanding.”
I closed my eyes and felt a wave of happiness wash over me. I had done it. I’d fixed him. Now, I could rest in my bed in peace, without fear of him. I would miss Lindsey, but I would get over it. The house was finally beginning to feel like a home. I realized then that I could continue with the repairs...
A blue, translucent figure stood behind him. Her hands were folded and satisfaction was written on her face. Lindsey. I wondered if it was time for her to bid farewell.
“Not quite.” she said.
-.-.-
After that episode, things became disappointingly normal, for the most part. Except for Gerard’s smile. Every once in awhile, when he thought Mikey or Alicia weren’t looking, he’d give me a tiny grin that showed that what I had done was the right choice. It was his promise that he’d stay fixed, and maybe love for real- not necessarily with me. He started seeing other women (most of which I liked), all of them the right age for him. As I had said before, the two that he had seen over the course of two months seemed nice and uncompetitive when it came to mine and Gerard’s past relationship. The first one- Eliza, I think it was- actually referred to me as ‘cute’ on one occasion.
I continued on with my life with much ease, letting Alicia teach me wherever we pleased, rather than going to a conventional school. Places like the pond, her room, downtown were where we frequented, delving into math and science to make up for the past unproductive months. Our favorite spot, though, was the dilapidated swing set that sat, partially hidden, under a willow tree in the backyard.
We were sitting there on a particularly warm afternoon when an idea came to me as I was swinging idly on the rubber seat.
“We should build a playground.” I said, for no reason other than the fact that it was a fleeting idea that had passed through my mind in a fraction of a second.
“Huh?” Alicia asked, looking up from her book (The Complete Works of Edgar Allan Poe) to stare quizzically up at me.
“You know, a playground.” I repeated. “Have you seen the other one they have here? Resembles more of a graveyard than a playground.”
“Nice. But why?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know, I just thought it’d be nice. We have the space, the supplies and whatnot. Why not do it?”
Alicia closed the book, and opened it again, chuckling slightly at what she’d read. “I’m all for it, but I don’t think Gerard will be. He’s gloomier than Lord Byron! The last thing he’d want is a bunch of kids playing around on his front lawn.”
I looked away. “He’s gotten better, though. I’ll ask him about it.”
As I walked away, I heard her mutter, “Okay, then. I’ll be at your funeral.”
It took up much of my willpower not to burst out at her- I knew she didn’t mean any harm, but Gerard really had gotten better. He’s actually been smiling, and an aura of at least semi-happiness had been emitting from him lately. He was a changed person- why couldn’t anyone accept that?
I trudged through the mud that had accumulated from the last rain and wiped my feet at the door, leaving my still-soiled shoes outside on the porch. Mikey sat in the breakfast nook, a coffee in one hand and a comic book in the other (Transmetropolitan, in case you’re wondering). I gave him a small nod and he put the book down long enough to return it.
Does he do anything other than act apathetic? I wondered to myself.
Sparing a short glance behind me, I saw that he had already drifted off into his own little comic world.
Apparently not.
I continued walking toward Gerard’s room, weary of the rather suspicious creaking noises that came from it. I cautiously opened the door, looking just around the corner so only a little of the room was showing.
That small sliver that I saw was more than enough, though.
Gerard and another girl (that wasn’t Eliza- or the other one, come to think of it) were sprawled out on top of each other on the bed, playing a heated round of tonsil hockey.
I had seen enough.
I slammed the door shut without a second thought and hurried away, wiping away the tears that were inexplicably going to fall.
Mikey was still sitting in the corner with his book, but this time actually acknowledged my existence by looking up and saying, “You’re upset.”
I crossed my arms angrily, feeling on edge and annoyed. “No shit, Sherlock.”
“Penny for your thoughts?”
I looked out at Alicia on the swing set, who was now fully absorbed in her book, then back at Mikey. I sighed. “Sure.”
He pulled out one of the chairs and I sat down in it, staring down at my hands as I had when I first met Gerard.
After a moment of acute silence, Mikey finally spoke. “Well, I can’t help you if I have no idea what you’re upset about.”
“Gerard.” I said softly, not looking up.
“And his new girlfriend, I assume?” Mikey set down his coffee and offered me some. I shook my head. Caffeine wouldn’t do anything to clear my head right now.
“...I guess so, yeah. I just- I thought...” I trailed off, unsure of what to say.
“You just thought he wouldn’t do that sort of thing with them.” he finished for me. I looked at him with surprise- in the little time that we knew each other, he sure knew a lot about my thought pattern. “I know. Neither did I. But... I think I might know what he’s trying to do.”
Instinctively, I leaned forward almost conspiratorially. “Well?”
“He’s trying to stop himself from upsetting you.”
I fell back into my seat, a shock reverberating through me. What?
“Those things he did to you,” Mikey continued, heedless of my reaction. “He knows they upset you. So he’s making sure to stay away from you- to keep you happy.”
“Well, he’s doing kind of a shitty job, don’t you think?” I mumbled.
“Then you’ve been doing kind of a ‘shitty job’ expressing your feelings.” he responded blankly, returning to his book. “Normally, my brother’s kind of standoffish, so it’s your move.”
Your move. I looked down at my hands again, expecting to see a chess piece nestled in between them. I bit my lip hesitantly. I couldn’t exactly waltz in on them and say, “Hey Gerard, I love you even though you raped me twice, so could you please get off of her and propose to me instead?” I’ll be the first to admit I’m not the master of tact, but that was too direct, even for me.
“You don’t need to do anything now, obviously.” Mikey smirked. “He seems to be a little preoccupied at the moment.”
“You’ve got that right.” I grumbled.
-.-.-
About an hour later, the unknown girl stumbled out of Gerard’s bedroom, a dazed look on her face. She turned drunkenly to Gerard, uttering a few unintelligible sounds before walking out the door. Gerard nodded after her, looking uninterested. He leaned against the door frame, arms crossed, staring off into space.
I guessed it was time to spring my question.
“Hey, Gerard?” I asked. “Can I ask you something?”
“Shoot.”
“Um...” I nervously wrung my hands, looking at the floor, the ceiling, anywhere but at Gerard. “It’s kind of...”
He interrupted me by placing a slender hand on my chin, forcing me to look him in the eyes. “Look me in the eyes when you speak, please. I can hear you easier that way.”
I was about to ask what eye contact had to do with the ability to hear when he spoke again.
“Besides, I like your eyes.”
I stuttered out a few vowel sounds as a warm blush rose up to my face. “Well, I-I...”
“You’re adorable, you know that?” he chuckled, leaning closer. Maybe it would have been a better idea to wait until after he got off his sex-high to talk? Too late for that now, I suppose.
“A-about my question...” I stuttered.
“What about it?” he smirked, running his nose lightly across the shell of my ear.
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Because I had forgotten what I was going to say.
“I... stop, please.” If I was ever going to recollect my thoughts, it would be a good idea not to have an alleged incubus nipping at my ear.
He grudgingly obeyed, leaving a small bite mark on my jugular before he pulled back, making me shudder- with pleasure or disgust, I didn’t know what.
“As I was saying.” I began. “Do you maybe think that we could do something to the front yard?”
“Like what?”
“Like... maybe... a... playground of some sort?” I hesitated, preparing myself for the drop.
The effect was instantaneous. He took a half-step back from me, his seductive disposition completely gone.
“Well, I-I thought that the other one was kind of dismal and since we have the space, maybe we could... give them one?” I stuttered, unable to find the right way to say things.
Gerard closed his eyes, appearing to think.
“Well...” he paused. “I’ll think about it.”
I smiled. “Well, let me know when you make up your mind.”
And, since I could, I stood on my toes and kissed him lightly, happy to finally be the more dominant one. I started walking away, knowing that what I had just done would definitely have an influence on his decision. That was confirmed when Gerard called me back.
“Atropine,” he said. “I think I’ve made up my mind.”
“And that would be...” I turned around, feeling a smirk beginning to form on my face.
“A yes.” he answered. “A little something to remember it by...?”
He leaned down, lips barely touching mine. I solidified the kiss, effectively sealing the promise.
“One last thing.” I said. “I love you.”
No, this is not the end. Trust me, pray, when I say that I've got lots more up my sleeves.
The Poison
Chapter Thirteen
You take me with you if you could
But if you could I'd lose everything
I looked him directly in the eyes and nearly cringed at what I saw. Pools of hazel, deep and blank. They gave away nothing and almost swirled me into a hypnotized state. There was no guilt in those eyes, and I knew full well why.
He was hiding.
Hiding from all of us- letting us see only the hard outer shell, instead of his true self. I’d done that before, I knew what it was like.
I also knew it was time for him to stop.
I didn’t say anything to him, just looked him in the eyes with my forehead pressed against his. He stared back, the blank veil fading with every passing second. Tears began accumulating in his eyes, and I saw someone completely different in him, someone who maybe wasn’t so bad.
I think that Gerard, the one who I only caught a glimpse of in day-to-day life, was the one whom I had fallen for.
Our lips barely touched in the kiss- it was more like a silent promise from him that he wouldn’t try to pull anything. That, if nothing else, gave me a little more confidence.
“I’m sorry.”
He finally dropped those two words, and it sounded like he meant it. Now it was time for me to drop mine.
“It’s okay now.” I could’ve added that it certainly wasn’t okay prior to Lindsey and Bandit, but I think he knew that.
Mikey and Alicia backed out of the room, giving us some personal space. I leaned back to look Gerard fully in the face, seeing his default apathetic expression replaced with something softer. His arms wrapped around my neck and pulled me closer, slowed breath mingling with my own.
“Thank you.” he said quietly.
“For what?” I asked.
“For understanding.”
I closed my eyes and felt a wave of happiness wash over me. I had done it. I’d fixed him. Now, I could rest in my bed in peace, without fear of him. I would miss Lindsey, but I would get over it. The house was finally beginning to feel like a home. I realized then that I could continue with the repairs...
A blue, translucent figure stood behind him. Her hands were folded and satisfaction was written on her face. Lindsey. I wondered if it was time for her to bid farewell.
“Not quite.” she said.
-.-.-
After that episode, things became disappointingly normal, for the most part. Except for Gerard’s smile. Every once in awhile, when he thought Mikey or Alicia weren’t looking, he’d give me a tiny grin that showed that what I had done was the right choice. It was his promise that he’d stay fixed, and maybe love for real- not necessarily with me. He started seeing other women (most of which I liked), all of them the right age for him. As I had said before, the two that he had seen over the course of two months seemed nice and uncompetitive when it came to mine and Gerard’s past relationship. The first one- Eliza, I think it was- actually referred to me as ‘cute’ on one occasion.
I continued on with my life with much ease, letting Alicia teach me wherever we pleased, rather than going to a conventional school. Places like the pond, her room, downtown were where we frequented, delving into math and science to make up for the past unproductive months. Our favorite spot, though, was the dilapidated swing set that sat, partially hidden, under a willow tree in the backyard.
We were sitting there on a particularly warm afternoon when an idea came to me as I was swinging idly on the rubber seat.
“We should build a playground.” I said, for no reason other than the fact that it was a fleeting idea that had passed through my mind in a fraction of a second.
“Huh?” Alicia asked, looking up from her book (The Complete Works of Edgar Allan Poe) to stare quizzically up at me.
“You know, a playground.” I repeated. “Have you seen the other one they have here? Resembles more of a graveyard than a playground.”
“Nice. But why?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know, I just thought it’d be nice. We have the space, the supplies and whatnot. Why not do it?”
Alicia closed the book, and opened it again, chuckling slightly at what she’d read. “I’m all for it, but I don’t think Gerard will be. He’s gloomier than Lord Byron! The last thing he’d want is a bunch of kids playing around on his front lawn.”
I looked away. “He’s gotten better, though. I’ll ask him about it.”
As I walked away, I heard her mutter, “Okay, then. I’ll be at your funeral.”
It took up much of my willpower not to burst out at her- I knew she didn’t mean any harm, but Gerard really had gotten better. He’s actually been smiling, and an aura of at least semi-happiness had been emitting from him lately. He was a changed person- why couldn’t anyone accept that?
I trudged through the mud that had accumulated from the last rain and wiped my feet at the door, leaving my still-soiled shoes outside on the porch. Mikey sat in the breakfast nook, a coffee in one hand and a comic book in the other (Transmetropolitan, in case you’re wondering). I gave him a small nod and he put the book down long enough to return it.
Does he do anything other than act apathetic? I wondered to myself.
Sparing a short glance behind me, I saw that he had already drifted off into his own little comic world.
Apparently not.
I continued walking toward Gerard’s room, weary of the rather suspicious creaking noises that came from it. I cautiously opened the door, looking just around the corner so only a little of the room was showing.
That small sliver that I saw was more than enough, though.
Gerard and another girl (that wasn’t Eliza- or the other one, come to think of it) were sprawled out on top of each other on the bed, playing a heated round of tonsil hockey.
I had seen enough.
I slammed the door shut without a second thought and hurried away, wiping away the tears that were inexplicably going to fall.
Mikey was still sitting in the corner with his book, but this time actually acknowledged my existence by looking up and saying, “You’re upset.”
I crossed my arms angrily, feeling on edge and annoyed. “No shit, Sherlock.”
“Penny for your thoughts?”
I looked out at Alicia on the swing set, who was now fully absorbed in her book, then back at Mikey. I sighed. “Sure.”
He pulled out one of the chairs and I sat down in it, staring down at my hands as I had when I first met Gerard.
After a moment of acute silence, Mikey finally spoke. “Well, I can’t help you if I have no idea what you’re upset about.”
“Gerard.” I said softly, not looking up.
“And his new girlfriend, I assume?” Mikey set down his coffee and offered me some. I shook my head. Caffeine wouldn’t do anything to clear my head right now.
“...I guess so, yeah. I just- I thought...” I trailed off, unsure of what to say.
“You just thought he wouldn’t do that sort of thing with them.” he finished for me. I looked at him with surprise- in the little time that we knew each other, he sure knew a lot about my thought pattern. “I know. Neither did I. But... I think I might know what he’s trying to do.”
Instinctively, I leaned forward almost conspiratorially. “Well?”
“He’s trying to stop himself from upsetting you.”
I fell back into my seat, a shock reverberating through me. What?
“Those things he did to you,” Mikey continued, heedless of my reaction. “He knows they upset you. So he’s making sure to stay away from you- to keep you happy.”
“Well, he’s doing kind of a shitty job, don’t you think?” I mumbled.
“Then you’ve been doing kind of a ‘shitty job’ expressing your feelings.” he responded blankly, returning to his book. “Normally, my brother’s kind of standoffish, so it’s your move.”
Your move. I looked down at my hands again, expecting to see a chess piece nestled in between them. I bit my lip hesitantly. I couldn’t exactly waltz in on them and say, “Hey Gerard, I love you even though you raped me twice, so could you please get off of her and propose to me instead?” I’ll be the first to admit I’m not the master of tact, but that was too direct, even for me.
“You don’t need to do anything now, obviously.” Mikey smirked. “He seems to be a little preoccupied at the moment.”
“You’ve got that right.” I grumbled.
-.-.-
About an hour later, the unknown girl stumbled out of Gerard’s bedroom, a dazed look on her face. She turned drunkenly to Gerard, uttering a few unintelligible sounds before walking out the door. Gerard nodded after her, looking uninterested. He leaned against the door frame, arms crossed, staring off into space.
I guessed it was time to spring my question.
“Hey, Gerard?” I asked. “Can I ask you something?”
“Shoot.”
“Um...” I nervously wrung my hands, looking at the floor, the ceiling, anywhere but at Gerard. “It’s kind of...”
He interrupted me by placing a slender hand on my chin, forcing me to look him in the eyes. “Look me in the eyes when you speak, please. I can hear you easier that way.”
I was about to ask what eye contact had to do with the ability to hear when he spoke again.
“Besides, I like your eyes.”
I stuttered out a few vowel sounds as a warm blush rose up to my face. “Well, I-I...”
“You’re adorable, you know that?” he chuckled, leaning closer. Maybe it would have been a better idea to wait until after he got off his sex-high to talk? Too late for that now, I suppose.
“A-about my question...” I stuttered.
“What about it?” he smirked, running his nose lightly across the shell of my ear.
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Because I had forgotten what I was going to say.
“I... stop, please.” If I was ever going to recollect my thoughts, it would be a good idea not to have an alleged incubus nipping at my ear.
He grudgingly obeyed, leaving a small bite mark on my jugular before he pulled back, making me shudder- with pleasure or disgust, I didn’t know what.
“As I was saying.” I began. “Do you maybe think that we could do something to the front yard?”
“Like what?”
“Like... maybe... a... playground of some sort?” I hesitated, preparing myself for the drop.
The effect was instantaneous. He took a half-step back from me, his seductive disposition completely gone.
“Well, I-I thought that the other one was kind of dismal and since we have the space, maybe we could... give them one?” I stuttered, unable to find the right way to say things.
Gerard closed his eyes, appearing to think.
“Well...” he paused. “I’ll think about it.”
I smiled. “Well, let me know when you make up your mind.”
And, since I could, I stood on my toes and kissed him lightly, happy to finally be the more dominant one. I started walking away, knowing that what I had just done would definitely have an influence on his decision. That was confirmed when Gerard called me back.
“Atropine,” he said. “I think I’ve made up my mind.”
“And that would be...” I turned around, feeling a smirk beginning to form on my face.
“A yes.” he answered. “A little something to remember it by...?”
He leaned down, lips barely touching mine. I solidified the kiss, effectively sealing the promise.
“One last thing.” I said. “I love you.”
No, this is not the end. Trust me, pray, when I say that I've got lots more up my sleeves.
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