Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Poison
Because of the incessant begging from last chapter and the fact that I really want to finish this story, I've awarded you with another update!
The Poison
Chapter Twelve
Look at yourself, look in the mirror, don't you see a lie?
That you tell yourself again a thousand times
With two quick strides, Gerard had me pushed up against the wall, his arms forming a cage around me. I struggled to resist gagging on the stale smell of beer when he breathed on me, the very image of rage stretched across his face.
“What. Are. You. Doing. In. Here?” he snarled, centimeters away from my face.
I didn’t answer, still trying to cope with the pungent scent that clogged my nostrils. Alicia put a restraining hand on his shoulder, but he threw it off, focused on me. I felt tears of panic spring into my eyes- I knew that look he was giving me all too well. A look of wanting, but at the same time pure, vehement hatred. I knew what was coming and dreaded it, because there was nothing I could do about it. A quick, frantic glance around the room told me there was no Lindsey to help me now, and I would have to suffer the consequences of my own curiosity.
His lips were nearly touching my own now, literally millimeters away. Those lips were stretched into a malicious smirk now, relishing what was to come.
“Oh, Atropine…” he sang in a taunting voice, so quiet I could barely hear it. “There’s something I need to discuss with you…”
I suddenly lost the ability to speak, silently beseeching Alicia for help. But she, too, was frozen in shock, aqua blue eyes wide. With one last, regretful look over her shoulder she darted out of the room- hopefully going to get Mikey.
“How about you come with me?” Gerard said. It wasn’t a suggestion.
He grabbed me by the arm and began pulling me out of the room, the photograph of Lindsey still clutched in my hand. I knew what was doing- didn’t we all? I also knew he probably wouldn’t take this to his own bedroom, like he had last time. Too much distance to cover, and there was the chance that Mikey could stop him. No, whatever happened tonight would be in my own- what used to be my only source of solace would now become my prison for the next few hours.
The room seemed pitch black although the lights were still on, as if a black hole had suddenly appeared. I was thrown roughly onto the bed, Gerard’s face again too close to mine.
“Well, Atropine. What do you have to say for yourself?” he asked, tongue darting across my closed lips.
I said nothing- I couldn’t.
“Too bad. I guess I can’t go easy on you this time.”
I wanted so badly to scream for help, but his mouth covered mine long before I could, silencing me. While one hand sensually traced along my side, the other held my arms above my head, restraining me- just like in the dream. I couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe- all this was too much to process. I needed to get out of there, to find help and escape.
The scariest part was that I found myself almost enjoying it.
My eyes fluttered closed as my shirt was roughly ripped off of me- there went my chance, the brief moment when he wasn’t pinning me down, to escape. The zipper on my pants was again pulled down, the shameful heat combining with Gerard’s.
“Please, Gerard,” I panted. “Stop. Please.”
“Sorry, sweetheart.” He replied. “I can’t do that.”
-.-.-
Sleep came easily- that wasn’t surprising. Rough sex was probably his middle name. But the dreams that came with the sleep- those were different entirely.
I dreamed about the day my mother would inevitably discover my whereabouts and whisk me away from all my newfound friends, back to my own personal hell, about Lindsey suddenly turning evil and choking me in my sleep, and about Gerard. Not the sex demon that he portrayed himself as that night, but a far gentler person. One who might actually care about my feelings and help me through all this post-traumatic stress.
But I knew that that Gerard would only appear in my dreams- he was about as gentle as a rattlesnake, as far as I was concerned.
In the dream, I was in a house.
The same house I lived in in the waking world, actually. The same walls, same floors, same furniture, nothing new.
But in the dream, everything was much nicer- all good as new, the wood floors no longer scuffed, the wallpaper now a bright combination of gold and red, all the chairs and tables arranged perfectly.
Everything was fixed.
I walked slowly through the front hall, often pausing to fully observe the enhanced appearance of the place, admiring the perfect sheen of the cherry planks. I didn’t even notice the person walking beside me until she placed a supportive hand on my shoulder- Lindsey. Now in full color, looking as alive as I did. I smiled at her briefly, feeling a strange intimacy between us- almost a fraternal relationship, in a way. Suddenly, Alicia and Mikey were on the other side of me, twin smirks painted on their faces. Mikey took my hand in his, his large one nearly swallowing mine. Alicia looked ahead of us into the great room, her default mischievous grin replaced by a subdued calmness. I watched as the tip of her nose disappeared, followed by the rest of her face. Soon, the invisibility travelled down her arm and made its way to Mikey. The strange power passed right through me with a shudder and continued on to Lindsey.
Soon I was left all alone, standing in the great room, with only the dust particles floating around to keep me company.
“Hey.” Someone said- that someone being Gerard.
I turned to him slowly, warily folding my hands behind my back. In the hazy morning light that filtered through the window, he seemed iridescent, the light glistening around the edges of his form. A ghost of a smile danced across his lips, and he slouched sheepishly, hands stuffed in his pockets. He reminded me of a young schoolboy in that moment- much more childish than I normally perceived him to be.
“Where’d everyone else go?” I asked, not expecting an answer.
“Away.” he said vaguely, carefully avoiding my eyes. “They knew I needed to tell you something.”
He stopped talking for a few minutes, looking down at the floor. Finally, he looked back up, meeting my eyes.
“Atropine.” he said. “I...”
“You what?”
“I...”
He started fading away, his mouth still moving but making no sound. I bounded toward him, grabbing him by his shoulders before he could disappear.
“You what?! Answer me, Gerard!” I exclaimed, shaking him roughly. But he just shook his head, staring distantly into the hallway behind me.
“I’ll tell you when you’re awake.”
I awoke to arguing. Poorly muted and heated, with at least three voices, all yelling at each other. My first instinct was to roll over and cover my ears with the pillow, but I eventually forced myself out of bed to see what the noise was about. As a draft of freezing air blew through the room, I realized that first I would have to get dressed. I grabbed my clothes off the floor and almost instantly dropped them, my hand coated with something sticky and white. A gag rose in my throat and I felt something foul on my tongue. I grimaced, wiping my dirty hand on the wall. I couldn’t wear those clothes, with the state they were in now. They were unclean in more ways than one.
The lumpy plastic bag with the dress and shoes lay in the corner, mutely inviting me. I slowly pulled out the white fabric, glad that the unholy substance hadn’t touched it. The cotton scraped gently against my skin as I pulled it on, agitating the lacerations and bruises that covered my body. I grit my teeth. Applying some sort of bandage to those would probably be a good idea.
Before I left the room, I realized that there was a better way of eavesdropping- the hole in the floor that was directly above the living room. I turned back around and leaned carefully over the sharp fencing, seeing Alicia, Mikey and Gerard enraptured in a rather heated argument. And the argument seemed to be about... me.
“Gerard.” Mikey said, a low, dangerous undertone to his voice. “You need to stop. I don’t know if you can see what you’re doing to her, but I can, and I can’t fucking stand it!”
“She’s fourteen, for fuck’s sake!” Alicia put in. “Look, I know you... you’re...”
“Mentally disturbed?” Gerard interrupted bluntly.
Alicia sighed. “Fine. But it’s not her fault! She had nothing to do with Lindsey. Nothing. You don’t have the right to bring her into this.”
“I could hear everything, Gerard.” Mikey continued. “I don’t know if you realize that, but all night, I had to deal with her crying the whole night through. It was like a fucking nightmare. I just can’t... I just can’t deal with this anymore.”
Gerard said nothing, but slowly sank into the sofa, head in hands. He didn’t speak for awhile, letting Mikey and Alicia’s anguished words hang in the air. I leaned further, straining to hear.
“I would if I could.” he said. “But I can’t. I can’t stop.”
He paused and let that sink in. His head remained hidden by his arms and mop of hair. Mikey didn’t speak, staring intently at the floor.
“What do you mean, you can’t stop?!” Alicia exploded. “Have you even tried looking her in the eyes lately? You’ve been torturing her for the past three months. Don’t tell me you can’t see it.”
“I-“ Gerard started.
“Just shut up.” Alicia snarled. “I don’t want to hear it.”
I felt tears beginning to sting at my eyes- but for whom, I didn’t know. Me? Gerard? Who knew. All I had on my mind in that moment was that Gerard probably would need a little help.
The yelling continued as a simple background noise as I walked down the stairs, growing louder when I neared the living room. I stayed hidden by the doorway for some time, leaning heavily against the wall for support. Alicia and Mikey yelled endlessly, not even allowing Gerard a small rebuttal.
I clenched my hands into tight fists. What did I care? Hadn’t he forced himself on me not twelve hours ago? As far as anyone was concerned, he was getting what he deserved now.
But love is a confusing, irrational thing. a voice in the back of my head lamented. It can make you do strange things, as you and Gerard would know.
Shut up. I thought back. Lay off all that ‘love’ nonsense. It’s stupid to even begin thinking about that.
Well, I think you should get off your high horse and admit everything. the voice responded, ever-so-annoyingly.
Back in the living room, the argument continued. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, wondering if what I was doing was a good idea. Then I heard something that confirmed my decision.
“I’m beginning to think we should call the police.” Mikey declared, a combination of sorrow and malice tainting his voice.
My knees suddenly straightened and I walked robotically into the room, eyes fixed on Gerard’s broken, pathetic form. Hunched over and suddenly a lot less powerful than he seemed. It made me feel sorry for him- how couldn’t I? It was time for me to admit everything.
I loved him.
Maybe.
Slowly, very slowly, I leaned down and pressed my lips to his forehead.
Oh, you didn't want a cliffhanger, you said? Sorry, too bad. It's how I roll, bro.
The Poison
Chapter Twelve
Look at yourself, look in the mirror, don't you see a lie?
That you tell yourself again a thousand times
With two quick strides, Gerard had me pushed up against the wall, his arms forming a cage around me. I struggled to resist gagging on the stale smell of beer when he breathed on me, the very image of rage stretched across his face.
“What. Are. You. Doing. In. Here?” he snarled, centimeters away from my face.
I didn’t answer, still trying to cope with the pungent scent that clogged my nostrils. Alicia put a restraining hand on his shoulder, but he threw it off, focused on me. I felt tears of panic spring into my eyes- I knew that look he was giving me all too well. A look of wanting, but at the same time pure, vehement hatred. I knew what was coming and dreaded it, because there was nothing I could do about it. A quick, frantic glance around the room told me there was no Lindsey to help me now, and I would have to suffer the consequences of my own curiosity.
His lips were nearly touching my own now, literally millimeters away. Those lips were stretched into a malicious smirk now, relishing what was to come.
“Oh, Atropine…” he sang in a taunting voice, so quiet I could barely hear it. “There’s something I need to discuss with you…”
I suddenly lost the ability to speak, silently beseeching Alicia for help. But she, too, was frozen in shock, aqua blue eyes wide. With one last, regretful look over her shoulder she darted out of the room- hopefully going to get Mikey.
“How about you come with me?” Gerard said. It wasn’t a suggestion.
He grabbed me by the arm and began pulling me out of the room, the photograph of Lindsey still clutched in my hand. I knew what was doing- didn’t we all? I also knew he probably wouldn’t take this to his own bedroom, like he had last time. Too much distance to cover, and there was the chance that Mikey could stop him. No, whatever happened tonight would be in my own- what used to be my only source of solace would now become my prison for the next few hours.
The room seemed pitch black although the lights were still on, as if a black hole had suddenly appeared. I was thrown roughly onto the bed, Gerard’s face again too close to mine.
“Well, Atropine. What do you have to say for yourself?” he asked, tongue darting across my closed lips.
I said nothing- I couldn’t.
“Too bad. I guess I can’t go easy on you this time.”
I wanted so badly to scream for help, but his mouth covered mine long before I could, silencing me. While one hand sensually traced along my side, the other held my arms above my head, restraining me- just like in the dream. I couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe- all this was too much to process. I needed to get out of there, to find help and escape.
The scariest part was that I found myself almost enjoying it.
My eyes fluttered closed as my shirt was roughly ripped off of me- there went my chance, the brief moment when he wasn’t pinning me down, to escape. The zipper on my pants was again pulled down, the shameful heat combining with Gerard’s.
“Please, Gerard,” I panted. “Stop. Please.”
“Sorry, sweetheart.” He replied. “I can’t do that.”
-.-.-
Sleep came easily- that wasn’t surprising. Rough sex was probably his middle name. But the dreams that came with the sleep- those were different entirely.
I dreamed about the day my mother would inevitably discover my whereabouts and whisk me away from all my newfound friends, back to my own personal hell, about Lindsey suddenly turning evil and choking me in my sleep, and about Gerard. Not the sex demon that he portrayed himself as that night, but a far gentler person. One who might actually care about my feelings and help me through all this post-traumatic stress.
But I knew that that Gerard would only appear in my dreams- he was about as gentle as a rattlesnake, as far as I was concerned.
In the dream, I was in a house.
The same house I lived in in the waking world, actually. The same walls, same floors, same furniture, nothing new.
But in the dream, everything was much nicer- all good as new, the wood floors no longer scuffed, the wallpaper now a bright combination of gold and red, all the chairs and tables arranged perfectly.
Everything was fixed.
I walked slowly through the front hall, often pausing to fully observe the enhanced appearance of the place, admiring the perfect sheen of the cherry planks. I didn’t even notice the person walking beside me until she placed a supportive hand on my shoulder- Lindsey. Now in full color, looking as alive as I did. I smiled at her briefly, feeling a strange intimacy between us- almost a fraternal relationship, in a way. Suddenly, Alicia and Mikey were on the other side of me, twin smirks painted on their faces. Mikey took my hand in his, his large one nearly swallowing mine. Alicia looked ahead of us into the great room, her default mischievous grin replaced by a subdued calmness. I watched as the tip of her nose disappeared, followed by the rest of her face. Soon, the invisibility travelled down her arm and made its way to Mikey. The strange power passed right through me with a shudder and continued on to Lindsey.
Soon I was left all alone, standing in the great room, with only the dust particles floating around to keep me company.
“Hey.” Someone said- that someone being Gerard.
I turned to him slowly, warily folding my hands behind my back. In the hazy morning light that filtered through the window, he seemed iridescent, the light glistening around the edges of his form. A ghost of a smile danced across his lips, and he slouched sheepishly, hands stuffed in his pockets. He reminded me of a young schoolboy in that moment- much more childish than I normally perceived him to be.
“Where’d everyone else go?” I asked, not expecting an answer.
“Away.” he said vaguely, carefully avoiding my eyes. “They knew I needed to tell you something.”
He stopped talking for a few minutes, looking down at the floor. Finally, he looked back up, meeting my eyes.
“Atropine.” he said. “I...”
“You what?”
“I...”
He started fading away, his mouth still moving but making no sound. I bounded toward him, grabbing him by his shoulders before he could disappear.
“You what?! Answer me, Gerard!” I exclaimed, shaking him roughly. But he just shook his head, staring distantly into the hallway behind me.
“I’ll tell you when you’re awake.”
I awoke to arguing. Poorly muted and heated, with at least three voices, all yelling at each other. My first instinct was to roll over and cover my ears with the pillow, but I eventually forced myself out of bed to see what the noise was about. As a draft of freezing air blew through the room, I realized that first I would have to get dressed. I grabbed my clothes off the floor and almost instantly dropped them, my hand coated with something sticky and white. A gag rose in my throat and I felt something foul on my tongue. I grimaced, wiping my dirty hand on the wall. I couldn’t wear those clothes, with the state they were in now. They were unclean in more ways than one.
The lumpy plastic bag with the dress and shoes lay in the corner, mutely inviting me. I slowly pulled out the white fabric, glad that the unholy substance hadn’t touched it. The cotton scraped gently against my skin as I pulled it on, agitating the lacerations and bruises that covered my body. I grit my teeth. Applying some sort of bandage to those would probably be a good idea.
Before I left the room, I realized that there was a better way of eavesdropping- the hole in the floor that was directly above the living room. I turned back around and leaned carefully over the sharp fencing, seeing Alicia, Mikey and Gerard enraptured in a rather heated argument. And the argument seemed to be about... me.
“Gerard.” Mikey said, a low, dangerous undertone to his voice. “You need to stop. I don’t know if you can see what you’re doing to her, but I can, and I can’t fucking stand it!”
“She’s fourteen, for fuck’s sake!” Alicia put in. “Look, I know you... you’re...”
“Mentally disturbed?” Gerard interrupted bluntly.
Alicia sighed. “Fine. But it’s not her fault! She had nothing to do with Lindsey. Nothing. You don’t have the right to bring her into this.”
“I could hear everything, Gerard.” Mikey continued. “I don’t know if you realize that, but all night, I had to deal with her crying the whole night through. It was like a fucking nightmare. I just can’t... I just can’t deal with this anymore.”
Gerard said nothing, but slowly sank into the sofa, head in hands. He didn’t speak for awhile, letting Mikey and Alicia’s anguished words hang in the air. I leaned further, straining to hear.
“I would if I could.” he said. “But I can’t. I can’t stop.”
He paused and let that sink in. His head remained hidden by his arms and mop of hair. Mikey didn’t speak, staring intently at the floor.
“What do you mean, you can’t stop?!” Alicia exploded. “Have you even tried looking her in the eyes lately? You’ve been torturing her for the past three months. Don’t tell me you can’t see it.”
“I-“ Gerard started.
“Just shut up.” Alicia snarled. “I don’t want to hear it.”
I felt tears beginning to sting at my eyes- but for whom, I didn’t know. Me? Gerard? Who knew. All I had on my mind in that moment was that Gerard probably would need a little help.
The yelling continued as a simple background noise as I walked down the stairs, growing louder when I neared the living room. I stayed hidden by the doorway for some time, leaning heavily against the wall for support. Alicia and Mikey yelled endlessly, not even allowing Gerard a small rebuttal.
I clenched my hands into tight fists. What did I care? Hadn’t he forced himself on me not twelve hours ago? As far as anyone was concerned, he was getting what he deserved now.
But love is a confusing, irrational thing. a voice in the back of my head lamented. It can make you do strange things, as you and Gerard would know.
Shut up. I thought back. Lay off all that ‘love’ nonsense. It’s stupid to even begin thinking about that.
Well, I think you should get off your high horse and admit everything. the voice responded, ever-so-annoyingly.
Back in the living room, the argument continued. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, wondering if what I was doing was a good idea. Then I heard something that confirmed my decision.
“I’m beginning to think we should call the police.” Mikey declared, a combination of sorrow and malice tainting his voice.
My knees suddenly straightened and I walked robotically into the room, eyes fixed on Gerard’s broken, pathetic form. Hunched over and suddenly a lot less powerful than he seemed. It made me feel sorry for him- how couldn’t I? It was time for me to admit everything.
I loved him.
Maybe.
Slowly, very slowly, I leaned down and pressed my lips to his forehead.
Oh, you didn't want a cliffhanger, you said? Sorry, too bad. It's how I roll, bro.
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