FicWad

I present you, the most incoherent chapter in the history of fan fiction. I hope that it doesn't bother you too much, I was having a good time writing it which sort of obscured my subjective look on the quality of it. Sorry!



I was sitting on Frank's lap as I'd been doing for the past hour or so. He was complaining about his legs starting to get numb and my ass being too hard and bone-y.

"My ass is soft enough" I scowled

"Yeah, well my legs beg to differ" He said pushing my back making me have to jump up and find my feet before my face would make far too close contact with the floor again.

"You've got a perfectly decent looking girl sitting on your lap, and all you do is whine" I wanted to stuck my tongue at him, but glared instead.

"You must be gay" I added with a smug smile, now taking a seat beside him on the couch.

Frank let out a little laugh, and once he was sure no one was listening, he leaned in towards me,
"You should know better than to think i'm gay" he whispered, his tone was very meaningful but I had no idea what it was that he wanted me to remember.
I stared at him. There was something off in that smirk.

"...Because?" I urged him on.

Now he was the one staring at me, eyebrows raised.
Suddenly he threw his hands up in a sign of frustration, and I felt like doing the same, but the dramatic effect was lost now that he did it first.
Then he started laughing again.

"Can't believe you don't remember, I really thought I was better than that" He shook his head in fake disappointment and I was quite sure my eyes just bulged out of my skull, all of a sudden I had a feeling of what he was talking about but the part that scared me shitless was that I was 110 percent sure nothing like that had ever happened. Atleast, I had no memory of such impossibility.

I was seated close to him, and our legs were touching the tiniest bit. Instinctively, I scooted over to the other side of the couch, and pointed my finger at him in horror.

"You!" I exclaimed, not being able to say any of the terrifying shit that was going through my head. Frank nodded with a laugh.

"And you" He added, a little smug

"So you... And me?!" I shrieked, hearing the panic in my unnaturally high voice, and of course, he could hear it too. "When?" I shrieked again

"Party at Tim's"

Tim, Tim, Tim.... Tim? I was desperately trying to attach a face to the name. I thought of it as a bulletin board inside my head, full of photos of familiar faces and small pieces of paper with names written on them, pinned to the board in no specific order. Tim, Tim... hmm.

"Our drummer" Frank informed blankly, very disappointed in my ability of memorizing anyone that had anything to do with any party I'd attended.

"Oh"

"Yesterday, Em"

I think I'm going to throw up.

"You wanted to celebrate the college thing and we went to the party"

"Yes." The shrieking had become a shocked monotone.

"Oh please, you're fucking with me aren't you? You gotta remember"

I winced at his choice of words
"Could you please use the words 'messing with me', instead, from now on?" I muttered with a venomous tone.

Frank started laughing uncontrollably now, I swear it sounded like he was choking on something. Which I hope he was. If he wasn't, I would be more than glad to take care of that. Why was he laughing? This wasn't nowhere close to being funny!

Had we fucked -I shuddered now at my choice of word- up our friendship without me even knowing? How fucking -I winced again, I really got to stop saying that word- awful was that? Fuck! I groaned, I really really needed to stop using that word!

I had been about to smack Frank in the back of his idiotic head if I hadn't been so scared of touching the guy ever again. To my relief, the laughing started dying out and he was looking at me again. Though I was changing my mind about that 'to my relief' - part now, he could go back to laughing for all I cared, as long as he kept his eyes off me. I didn't want him looking at me either! Ugh, I felt so damn naked!

"I'm most definitely not talking about having sex, Em" he snickered "So you can stop looking at me like I'm contagious and come back over here"

Oh.
Oh.
Well that was... A relief. Good. Perfect, actually. I hadn't had sex with one of my best and only friends, totally at memory loss about it and I also hadn't cheated on my stupid boyfriend Nick. Though that would've solved my problem quite nicely, I wouldn't have had to think about breaking up with him when he would just break up with me.

I only had to misbehave, which usually came very naturally to me. But cheating wasn't my thing, it wasn't how I rolled. I wasn't the nicest girl in town, but that's a division of stupidness I wouldn't be touching.

"We only kissed. I kissed you, in fact. You were looking pretty hot and of course I was drunk out of my mind. It was only a little kiss, though, nothing to worry about" He explained
"But seriously, I would give anything to get a picture of your horrified face just a minute ago. It was priceless!" He giggled and I could detect another laughing fit on the way.

"Yeah well that was me picturing us having sex. If I was you, I wouldn't be laughing, I would be having serious second thoughts about my self-esteem" I hissed under my breath.
Much to my disappointment, he kept laughing.

Okay, so we kissed. That's not a big deal, is it? Actually I was far more worried about not remembering anything, the bulletin board had a three years' supply of faces, names, places and dates attached to it and they were all messed up.

I had some flashbacks, yeah. If I got a minute to sort it out I usually found the right face to match the name. But exactly how much shit had I done while drunk that I had no recollection of? I shuddered. This wasn't good.

And I'd been wrong about the cheating part, as well. A kiss couldn't be explained in any way that would still keep my resume clear.

I rose up and dragged my feet to the back door, hating my drunken ass. I needed a cigarette.
I was sitting on the lawn chair when I heard someone walk up to me.

"Em? Is that you?"

The voice sounded familiar enough, but even after picturing myself shaking my brain and turning it up-side-down to pour out its contents, I couldn't find the right name. Or the face. And I was way too comfortable in my currect position to turn around and see who it was.

"Yep" I answered.

"I thought so. Funny how this place is the size of a shoe box and I hadn't seen you until I heard you shrieking" He mused and sat on the lawn chair next to me.

"Shit!" He jumped up immediately "It's wet"

Oh? It was? I hadn't noticed that. I frowned. These were my favorite jeans.
The guy seemed to be ill at ease by my lack of response. I took another drag and blew out a few, perfectly round smoke circles in the air.

He seemed impressed, "You can do those? Cool"

"Only when I'm drunk" I specified.
I decided it was worth turning my head a few inches to see who I was talking to.

"Oh, Gerard?" I half asked when I saw his face. It was dark outside, but I recognized his features in the dim light that gleamed from the windows.

"You said something about a shoe box"

"Wasn't the point, exactly" he chuckled.

I hadn't noticed how slurred his speach was until now. I wondered if he had noticed that mine was, too. I made a mental point to articulate.

"Did you have a fight with that guy - the short one with tattoos?" He asked.

I laughed a little, "It was close, but I decided to spare him this time"

"Is he, what, your cousin?"
What an odd question.

"No, why?"

"No reason" he said nonchalantly "Just that, you were sitting on his lap for a long time, I was sort of hoping you two were related so I wouldn't have to tell Nick about him"

I felt the blood escape my face at first, and then rush right back with excessive force, turning my cheeks bright red. I turned to face him.

"You said you hadn't even seen me until I started shrieking! Were you actually fucking spying on us?" I hissed "That is outrageous!" I exclaimed fully aware of the fact that I sounded like my aunt Tabitha with the last comment.

"Ooh, touchy" was all he said as he dug his pockets for a lighter, a smug smile twitching his stupid loose lips. Actually, though I hated to admit it, he had nice lips.
But the phrase 'loose lips sink ships' was more than appropriate.

"ooh, touchy" I mimicked him making my voice sound as stupid and slurred as possible, while stretching my face to imply that he not only sounded, but also looked retarded. Yeah, I know. Third grade shit but I couldn't help myself.

"Fierce, what next - you're gonna stick out your tongue at me?" He giggled.

"For your information, Frank and I are friends. Good friends. And Nick knows that. But how is this any of your business?"

"It isn't"

"Then shut the fuck up"

I glared at him. He glared at me.
I felt like being dramatic so I stood up, spun around and marched towards the door making a sloshing sound as I crossed the lawn. I groaned as I realized I'd only gotten the back of my jeans wet as the dirt water sprayed from under my feet onto my calves.

I heard him snickering behind me so I made a point to slam the door shut behind me as hard as I could. I searched the room for Mikey, hell, the kid should've given me some kind of warning, a warning that his brother was the most infurieting and idiotid person in a 200 mile radius.

I take all the saint talk back. He was not a saint, he was more likely the devil's little insignificant minion, not important and cool enough to hang out with the big menacing demons, but irritating enough to get sent to the field and annoy the hell out of people.

I couldn't find the guy. The room was twice as full now as it had been before. None of the faces I saw rang a bell so I made my way through the crowd and found myself standing next to the punch bowl. There was a half full bottle of vodka standing next to it, so I grabbed it and poured out the remaining fluid into the bowl.

"Hey, I know you" I winked at the bowl "Remember me?"

Grabbing a plastic cup and filling it with punch, I went on "Do you come here a lot? I've been seeing you around" I winked again.
I was playfully waiting for a reply, then pouted when the bowl remained silent.

"You taste good" I gave it one more try, then sighed and slumped on the chair nearby.

I was having a great night. Frank giving me a heart attack, Gerard giving me gray hair, and a punch bowl turning me down. The only thing that was missing, the detail that would perfect the consept of a horrible night out, was getting a worried call from Nick.

He would threaten to come pick me up, I'd refuse to tell him my exact location, he would ask if I was with Frank, I'd tell him to stop being a dick to Frank just because he was cooler than Nick and needless to say, we'd have a huge fight which would end up in him tracking me down, carrying me into the car and ruin the rest of my night.

That was also why in the mornings after I always had several text messages waiting for me, each one asking where I'd disappeared to.
After recalling all the nights that had ended too soon to my liking, I felt like tossing my cell phone in the punch bowl was a magnificent idea. I watched it hit the bottom, a few lonely air bubbled rising to the surface.
There, much better. I had saved what was left to save.

"Guarantee won't cover that" I heard Mikey's voice state.

"I didn't realize it came with a guarantee" I mused

"Well, doesn't matter anymore" he shrugged.
I decided to let him in on the fact that I currently hated Gerard.

"Your brother is a disgrace to 4 billion years of evolution"

"oh?"

"He's a jerk, Mikes. I can't believe you never mentioned that" I scoffed

"I'm sorry, Em. I can't believe I never mentioned that" he smiled, and I was forced to smile back at him. He was like the little brother I never wanted, but man I loved him despite that.

"Are you having a good time?" He asked asked after a moment of silence

"Got from crappy to crappier"

"Gee, thanks"

"I mean before you showed up"

"Right.. So what did Gerard do to piss you off? I'm starting to think it's him I should've warned"

"You're just trying to make me feel better.. I'm actually not that scary, he kept laughing at me" I frowned at the memory.

"He laughed at you and you officially hate him? That's a little hasty" He cocked an eyebrow at me, with the glasses it made him look like a smartass teacher.

"No" I scowled "He said he was gonna tell Nick about me sitting on Frank's lap. He made it sound like I'd been caught red handed having wild sex with Frank and now he was going to tell on me"

Putting the words 'Frank' and 'sex' in the same sentence still made me a bit comfortable, which I hid from Mikey by taking more than a few sips from my punch cup after I spoke. He glared at me disapprovingly and shook his head sadly,

"What, it's a party!" I exclaimed "You really need to stop being such a middle-aged pain in my ass, man, it's getting kinda fucking old"

"Whatever"
Again with the whatever.

We both jumped when my cell phone started vibrating in the punch bowl. The liquid turned bright blue and the glass jolted.

"That damned thing is still working!" I groaned

"Amazing" Mikey stared at the bowl.

"Come on, Mikes, we need to kill this cursed gadget"

I grabbed the wet vibrating phone from the bowl, took Mikey by the hand and headed outside in my quest to have atleast an iota of fun tonight.



Yeah, it's all fun and games now but I can't wait to fuck them all up in their own special ways..