- An interesting story to say the least. I do like the personality you have bestowed upon the characters, although i would have imagined Ginny as a bit more forward. With her maternally reinforced delusions of entitlement, i would expect her to assume Harry's undying devotion immediately. I did have a hard time accepting the crime-and-punishment thing in the beginning, but i don't feel it's important. You needed an innocent kid in the CJSystem so you made it so. I'm looking forward to the continuation. I've never read a story like this before and i quite like it.
- I like this.
I've never read an HP fanfic with this basis. That I can recall, at least. I've read a ton of them, so I can't really remember them all.
You see too have a problem with a space after an I. You end up with Iwas, Ihave, and so on.
Its just a typing quirk, yeah, alot of people have'em. I have a problem with periods. I always end up hitting the comma button, or the period button and the comma button. So I've made a habit of watching out for that and fixing it.
Aside from that, I can't see any errors as far as grammar/spelling.
Lookin' forward to the next chapter!
- I'm not sure what Dumbledore's game is here. Is he trying to 'break' Harry to his will? He's certainly not getting on Harry's good side with their last confrontation. Harry believes he is still in prison with Dumbledore the warden and Snape a sadistic guard. I can't tell what Dumbledore is hoping to accomplish. He cannot think he is molding Harry into someone who cares about the magical world. Harry might begin to care about Hermione, but would he fight for that reason or just take her and disappear into the non-magical world?
- This is an interesting story, not just PWP.
I have a comment about your note at the top. The situation with Dudley being seen as an angel and Harry being seen as the troublemaker when the reverse is true is not all that uncommon. In fact, I saw it first hand with a gang of "elite" boys that were bullying thugs, although they are better compared to Draco Malfoy than Dudley Dursley. Especially with the protection from consequences.
The situation with Snape and the Headmaster was spot on for how I remember the principal reacting to an abusive teacher that combined most of the undesirable elements of Snape and Umbridge in a teacher.
- This is a amazingly gripping story. I've not been this excited about about a fanfiction since 'Make a wish' and 'Methods of Rationality'! Even with the work day looming I couldn't stop reading, sleep be damned, until I was at finished. I love that even in prison the classic 'Potter nobility' stayed true.
I look forward to future updates.
- A fun story although it does require some suspension of disbelief.
I'm looking forward to seeing Hermione being trained, and becoming more confident.
And is it just me or is the groundworks being laid for a small Harem? Probably just me wishfully dreaming about a Hufflepuff or Patil sandwich :-)
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