FicWad

I'd always thought that if me and a girl went out on a date, I'd be the one thinking of where we should go and all that stuff. But it turned out Kirsty was really sweet. She took me to Red Lobster which I'm sure you kind of guessed, is a really posh lobster restaurant.

"I can't believe you brought me to the nicest restaurant in town." I smiled at her "This is swank. I was beginning to think that there was no such thing as class." Bit rich coming from me, huh?

"Yeah. What's better than getting to select your dinner and have nice conversation while they boil in the back?"

"I think Kirsty Jr. doesn't mind the sacrifice. You don't mind that I named her Kirsty Jr., do you?"

"Not at all. I'm actually kind of honoured."

"Do you believe this whole thing about lobster being an aphrodisiac?"

"I didn't know it was." Kirsty said a little uncertain.

"Y'know, medical science has not substantiated claims that any particular food increases sexual desire or performance. It's so funny when guys ply women with food that's going to get them laid. I mean, what's really sexy about slurping back oysters? You know, native people believed that you gained the strength of the animal by consuming it. Some people grined up rhinoceros horn, because it's thought to stiffen the male sex organ. It's all bullshit. And spanish fly? It's pulverized beetle that people eat! Although, it's illegal for human consumption in the United States and do you know why? Because if you take just that bit too much, it causes painful urination, fever and bloody discharge." I saw the look on Kirsty's face "Sorry am I oversharing?"

"Uhh no..." Kirsty said though the look on her face gave her away "You're just burning through a lot of topics. Really fast."

"Oh I'm sorry. I shouldn't have had that coffee... Three weeks ago." I laughed "I'm totally kidding!"

At that moment the waiter came over and Kirsty seemed relieved that our conversation could now come to an end so we could begin to eat. The waiter set down the lobster in front of us then walked off "Yum!" I cried before tucking in.

Kirsty looked at the food for a moment, clearly a little ill from my science lesson before finally deciding to eat as well. Suddenly from across the restaurant a line of waiters walked into the room, the one at the front holding a cupcake. The one holding the cupcake just happened to be Anna! "I don't know what I've been told!" Anna chanted.

"I don't know what I've been told!" The rest of the waiters sang.

Anna lead them through to another part of the restaurant while I said to Kirsty "I didn't know Chipmunk Anna worked here! And she's a lobster! I wonder if I should start calling her Lobster Anna."

"Marguerite is getting old!"

"Marguerite is getting old!"

Marguerite? That name sounded familiar. I craned my neck to see who the birthday girl was and- "Shit!" I cried as I looked over at their table.

Zia was sitting there, miserable of course, in between her parents. It was her Mom's birthday today! I immediately felt uneasy.

"The best thing is the dessert is free!"

"The best thing is the dessert is free!"

"The worst thing is I sing off-key!"

"The worst thing is I sing off-key!"

I squirmed in my seat as Anna cried "Sound off!"

"Happy!"

"Sound off!"

"Birthday!"

"Sound off!"

"Happy Birthday to you!"

Everyone in the restarurant applauds unethusiastically. At that moment Kirsty noticed how uncomfortable I looked "What's wrong?"

"Zia's over there."

"So?"

"Well, she's my best friend."

"I thought you two weren't speaking."

"We're not, but it doesn't mean I should be out with you." Then I clamped my hand over my mouth quickly.

"Then why are you?"

"I don't know. You asked me out."

"Exactly. I don't even like Zia in any way. I mean I sort of get along with her but-"

"She can't see us!" I cried, looking at her pleadingly.

Although Kirsty looked disappointed she asked "Do you want me to get the check?"

"Would you mind?"

She gestured for the waiter to come back over "Could we have the check please?"

"Is everything okay?" The waiter asked, looking confused.

"I just remembered I'm allergic to shellfish." I gabbled "I always forget that my respiratory system would collapse and I'd die. It sucks I know."

Even more confused, he obliged and came back seconds later with the check. I dug around in my wallet "Don't worry, let me get it. I have a gift certificate."

"But I asked you out."

"And I ruined it, so let me bear the financial brunt. I'm so sorry about this. She really likes you."

"She and I just don't have much in common."

"And you and I do?"

"I think so. For instance, I, too think Sile Ryte's a twat."

"Yeah, well, if that's our magical connection I might as well date the whole school."

"Haven't you?"

That comment made me feel a little self-concious and pissed. Had she asked me out on a date or so she could sit there and judge me?

I was about to make a snappy response when she cried "Kidding!" But I don't think she was. She only said it because of the look on my face.

"Yeah, about that-"

The waiter returned to the table with the check "You have a remaining balance of fourteen dollars and thiry sex cents." He told me, gesturing to my gift card.

"Keep it. Tip."

He smiled at me then left. "Let's get out of here." Kirsty whispered.

The two of us ducked down and made a bolt for the door, trying to keep our heads out of sight. But I can't help it. I have to look up to see if Zia's seen us. She has. The two of us make eye contact. The expression on her face nearly makes me cry. She looks like she's just been stabbed in the back - Which she has.

Her parents see me as well and wave. It's painfully obvious to me that Zia hasn't told her parents about our differences. I started to go over but the look on Zia's face said 'Come anywhere near me and I'll stab you in the face with this fork.' So instead I just waved sheepishly and left with Kirsty.

The two of us walked over to Kirsty's car. I felt like shit and extremely guilty but I tried not to show it too much to Kirsty in case I ruined the evening further. Kirsty put her hand on my knee "I have something for you."

I managed a smile. Until Kirsty reached into her pocket and pulled out a $500 gift card to Anthropologie. The disappointment is hard to hide "Oh. I didn't realise-" I took a deep breath "Okay. So what did we 'do' on this date?"

"Whatever five hundred dollars gets me." Kirsty grinned, leaning over and planting her lips on mine.

I pushed her off me "Wait! This isn't how this works. I don't actually-"

But Kirsty was kissing me again, a little too forciby. It was making me sick. I pushed her off me again "You don't get it. I'm not technically having sex with people for money. You know that, right? Besides, even if I was, we're in the parking lot of Red Lobster."

"We can go wherever you want, but I think it'd be kinda hot here." She took of her tee-shirt and I went bright red.

"I gotta go. It's been... Sad."

I opened the car door and got out. Kirsty rolled down the window "Gerard, stop being stupid. Get back in. I'll drive you home."

"No thanks." I hiss. Kirsty sighed heavily, rolled up the window and drove off. "Fuck." I whispered as I realised I was now stuck in the parking lot which was at least an hours walk away from my house without a cell phone.

But as luck would have it, Anna was just leaving the Red Lobster. She noticed me and came running over "Hey Gerard!"

"Hi Anna."

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I'm jut hanging round the parking lot. I do that sometimes. Not necassarily just here. The one outside of Applebee's is cool too."

Anna laughed at my oddness "You want a ride somewhere?"

"No thanks I'm fine."

"Your friend Zia is inside. It's her Moms birthday today."

Tears start stinging my eyes as I say "She's not my friend anymore."

Anna sighed and put her arm round me, leading me towards her car.