FicWad

“You won’t eat any of it?” I stared down at the untouched pizza. “But you were so hungry! I’m sure that toast didn’t fill you up.”

“I’m fine.” Juliet was sitting on a different couch now, with her knees pulled up to her chest. She looked as if she’d been violated.

The spider was dead now though. Actually, it had been dead the whole time.

“Come on, eat a piece. The spider’s body didn’t go anywhere near it!”

“But-but…” She trailed off, biting her lip.

“But what?”

“Spider particles from when you squished it.” She whispered, cheeks stained a lovely pink color.

I didn’t think laughing harder than I had earlier was a possibility but evidently it was because I let out a laugh so loud that it startled even me.

Once I was finished and could properly see out of my eyes again I saw that Juliet’s glare was slipping, a smile falling in place. She could barely keep a straight face. “Okay.” I breathed deeply, “I’m sorry. It was a bad spider and its spider particles ruined the pizza. How about popcorn and a movie?”

“That sounds-“ Juliet stopped, “Shoot, what time is it?”

“It’s still pretty early.” I really didn’t want her to leave. It felt as if she’d only been hanging out with me for five minutes, though I knew it had been longer than that. It just didn’t feel like it. “It’s…” I looked over at the clock behind me, “It’s six o’clock. See, early.”

“That’s not really early considering that I haven’t been home since yesterday.” She stood up, still looking violated from the spider attack. I noticed that she glanced around at the walls, in paranoia. “So, I should probably go…”

“You really shouldn’t.” I stood as well. “Why don’t you stay just a little longer? Please?”

I could tell that she was thinking it over; all I had to do was press a little harder. “I have food, and movies, and food… and I promise a spider free environment.”

Juliet sighed heavily, “… Fine.” She finally caved in. “It couldn’t hurt to stay a little longer but… I have to call home.” She checked her pockets in confusion. “Um… I’m not sure where my phone went… can I borrow yours?”

I don’t know why I didn’t just give her back her phone. “Sure, it’s upstairs in my room charging.” I guess I was worried Ryan would tell her. Or maybe Jon would tell her. I just didn’t want them to tell her. I didn’t really want to tell her either but I knew it would be best if it came from me, not them. It was just a matter of working my courage up.

I just hoped that in the end she’d forgive me because this was about more than getting in to her pants. I wasn’t sure what I wanted, I just knew that I needed to get it and ‘it’ had something to do with Juliet.

“Ooh.” Juliet smirked, “So I finally get to see your room?”

“I guess you do.” I responded, smiling in return. “Are you ready for this blast of pure awesomeness?”

Juliet just rolled her eyes as she made her way up the stairs.

This time I didn’t stare at her ass.

I surprised myself as I realized that it wasn’t really the most important feature she had. I had yet to figure that out. For now I had time though. Until the rest of the world got to her… I had time. I had time to figure out what I needed from her. I had time to- to what? To do to her what I’d done to all the other girls in our school?

My smile faltered but Juliet didn’t see.

I wasn’t used to feeling this confusion.

Playing girls was all I knew. It was what I always did. I knew there were girls everywhere. I knew they would always fall for my stupid come on lines, and they’d always spread their legs knowing it was just for the night. I knew I’d have that small sense of security for the rest of my life but right now… I was actually having fun with Juliet and it was confusing.

Everything was just so confusing.

It had to be the guilt. I felt bad about drugging her. I felt bad that she got hospitalized. I felt bad about the fact that she slept with Jon, and not with me.

That had to be it.

It was just guilt.





**



(Juliet’s POV)



“Wow, really?” Sure, I’d expected this but… come on.

Brendon shrugged, “It needs renovating.”

“Renovating? Have you been reading a dictionary behind my back?”

Brendon faked a glare before gesturing to a poster, “Most of these were gifts actually, for my birthday.”

“Well, if this is what you’re in to…” I trailed off, staring at one of the posters.

His room was full of magazines, pages torn out and scattered across the floor, his wall was plastered with posters of overly sexualized women. It was a classic horny teenage boy’s bedroom.

“It’s not.”

“You don’t have to lie.” There was nothing wrong with… being a pig.

“I’m not lying. I get one each birthday, from… friends.” He fell over the word, hesitant to use it. “It’s what they think I’m in to but they are wrong.”

“Then why don’t you take them down?”

“Will you help me?”

“Not if the only reason you’re taking them down is to please me.”

Brendon chuckled, “Now look at who is growing a big head.”

“Don’t worry Brendon. Your ego is still the most suffocating.”

“Damn right.”

I watched as Brendon tore a poster off of his wall. A random tack popped off and flew somewhere in to his room. “Brendon!” I sighed and went in search of the rogue tack.

Tonight was going to be a very long night.





**

“Juliet?” My mother’s voice sounded worn, as usual. It tore at me just how exhausted she was with just living. It was the things we all took for granted. Eating exhausted her. Walking, sitting up, lying down… It all thoroughly exhausted her.

“Hey mom.” I forced a smile upon my face, knowing that if I didn’t she would hear the frown in my voice.

“Where are you baby?”

“I’m at…” The thought of lying crossed my mind but I didn’t want to. It might be what some other teenager would do but I didn’t want to be like that. I didn’t want to lie to my parents. I didn’t want to start doing that. “…Brendon’s.”

“Are you having fun?”

“Yeah…” I swallowed hard, missing the way she used to be. The energy used to flow from her, even over the phone. “We are redecorating his room actually so…”

“You’re going to be home late, aren’t you?”

“Only if you don’t mind…”

Despite how exhausted she sounded I could still hear the smile in her voice, “I don’t mind honey. I just worry about you. Aren’t I allowed, as your mother?” She laughed lightly, but it sounded as if the action caused her pain and she didn’t laugh for long.

I forced a laugh for her sake, “Of course… I don’t know where my phone is but the number I’m calling from is Brendon’s. Call me if you need me to come home, okay?”

“Just have fun Jul.” She scolded. “I’ll still be here tomorrow.”

“Okay… I love you.”

“I love you too honey.” I waited for her to hang up before I handed Brendon back his phone. He was sitting on his bed, watching me.

“Are you okay?” I didn’t realize I was crying until he asked me that. Suddenly the tears stood out against my skin, almost causing a burning sensation. I quickly began wiping them away.

“I’m fine.” But that would always be a lie.

Brendon nodded, “Yeah… good.” He didn’t look convinced though.

I cleared my throat and tried to lighten the situation by changing the subject, “So, what are you going to put on your walls now?” We had successfully torn down all of his posters and I’d tracked down every single tack he sent flying.

“How about-“ He paused, seemingly lost in thought. “No, you know what… I’m not going to drop this.”

“Drop what?”

“Why are you upset?” Brendon’s eyes didn’t leave mine.

“I’m not upset.” I really wasn’t. It went beyond being upset in to something entirely different. I couldn’t even explain it to myself, how could I explain it to him?

“You were crying and they weren’t really happy tears.”

“Yeah, well… I didn’t realize and-“ And what? I didn’t even know what to say! “Why don’t you sing anymore?” I could easily turn this around on him.

Brendon looked away, “I still sing.”

“What, in the shower?”

“Sometimes and sometimes out of the shower too.” He said, looking towards his now plain wall. “Why don’t you?”

“I’m quite the shower singer actually.”

“Prove it.”

“I’m not in the shower right now.”

“Let’s shower then.” Brendon’s proposal made me laugh out loud.

“Seriously, that’s the best line you’ve got in hopes of getting me naked?”

Brendon stood up, offering me his hand. “We don’t have to be naked, though I wouldn’t mind that.”

I placed my hand in his, losing some of my amusement. “You aren’t serious, are you?”

“Completely.” Brendon responded, pulling me towards his bedroom door.

He had to be insane but the fact that I was following him to the bathroom door made my sanity questionable as well.





“So, like… you just want to shower with clothes on?” I asked, for what felt like the millionth time.

Brendon laughed, “Unless you’d like to go naked.”

I shook my head, glaring at him.

Brendon played with his stereo and then it came on, flooding the room with Fall Out Boy.

You only hold me up like this…

Brendon started the shower and I focused on the sound of the music, letting it drown out my growing insecurities.

The song changed as I began to unbutton my jeans. Brendon’s eyes were glued to me and for the following seconds I felt as if we were connected.

This song was only wishful thinking, and will you tell all your friends, you’ve got your gun to my head! This song was only wishful thinking. This song was only wishful thinking, let’s go!

Taking Back Sunday continued playing through my ears as I pulled my jeans off. Brendon did the same, kicking his jeans to the corner of the bathroom.

The fabric of my shirt against my skin felt scratchy and suddenly I wondered why I wore such an uncomfortable shirt in the first place. It felt better to have it gone.

Brendon’s shirt came off. I was staring. Why couldn’t I stop staring?

Then I was frozen in place. I was wearing the equivalent of a bathing suit yet I felt more revealed than I would at the beach.

Brendon’s warm hand closed over my equally warm hand and he pulled me towards the shower. The water was a shock to my senses at first but then it felt good. It was warm… soothing. Showers were always so soothing.

The song changed again and Brendon’s beautiful voice blended with Jason Mraz’s.

But I won’t hesitate, no more, no more. It cannot wait. I’m yours. Well, open up your mind and see like me. Open up your plans and damn you’re free.

It took me a long time to find my voice and then I simply hummed, more interested in listening to Brendon’s voice.

So please don’t, please don’t, please don’t. There’s no need to complicate because our time is short. This is our fate. I’m yours. Ba-dum-da-day. Mmm, ohh, I’m yours.

Brendon bowed, “Your turn.” He said, grinning.

I laughed, listening to the song that took over. “Perfect song.” I murmured, giving in to Brendon’s demands to sing.

Well, you can take me down with just one blow. But you don’t know what you don’t know. Someday I’ll be living in a big ole city and all you’ll ever be is mean. Someday I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me and all you’re gonna be is mean. Why you gotta be so mean?

Brendon pouted as I sang along with Taylor Swift’s song. It held a lot of truth for a lot of people. It was a song I could really get in to and I could tell it was getting to Brendon as well.

It was especially obvious when he stepped out of the shower and changed the song.

“Not fair!” I called out, “You didn’t say what I had to sing.”

Brendon stepped back in but the music had stopped. I watched him curiously, “Did that song hit a little too close to home for you?”

“I don’t want to hear every other artist on the radio. I want to hear you.”

“Well too bad. I’m more interested in hearing you.” I responded, sticking my tongue out at him. Warm water splashed on to it.

“How about we compromise?”

“What do you propose?”

“Let’s sing at the same time.” Brendon was grinning happily. I just couldn’t wipe that happy smirk away.

“Different songs?” I loved mash-ups.

“Random parts of different songs with nothing but the lyrics.” Brendon said, sticking his tongue out.

“Well, good proposition because I wasn’t quite ready to play guitar in the shower.”

Brendon laughed, “I could see it.”

“Only for you.” I joked, instantly blushing at the words.

Thankfully we both started laughing and the slip up seemed to go unnoticed. I wasn’t… I couldn’t be…

Brendon started first.

His pitch was all wrong and the words were quickly thrown out, yet still beautiful in their own way. I didn’t even think of hitting notes as I threw out equally random lyrics, not even sure if they all came from the same song.

All we were doing was making noise but it was beautiful noise and I liked it and…

I think I was beginning to like Brendon too.





**



“Are you still cold?” I was now wrapped in Brendon’s comforter as my clothing went through his dryer. It turned out that we had splashed water all over the bathroom floor; drenching the clothes I’d taken off in an attempt to keep them dry.

“No, I’m fine.” I responded, still disturbed by my realization. Why was it so bad to possibly like Brendon? Well, he would never actually return my feelings. It wouldn’t ever mean something. I’d never really thought of romance… not really. I always knew fairy tales were bullshit but in the back of my mind that was what I wanted. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to live happily ever after. I wanted what I knew would never happen, and with Brendon it was even more unlikely so why even crush on him? It would just be painful. Someway, somehow it would be painful.

“Here, drink this anyway.” Brendon slid the cup of hot chocolate across the table towards me.

“Thanks but it’s not like we went swimming in a lake in the middle of the winter. We took a warm shower.” I said, smiling.

Brendon laughed, “Well, as soon as the cold air hit your skin you started shivering pretty badly.”

“Okay, so I got cold but… I mean, it wasn’t serious in need of hot chocolate and a blanket cold. It was just regular cold.”

“Why isn’t regular cold worthy of a blanket and hot chocolate?”

“It just… I don’t know.” I couldn’t stop smiling though.

Why couldn’t I stop freaking smiling?

Brendon laughed, “So, wanna watch a movie?”

“We haven’t finished your room yet. It’s a mess.”

Brendon shrugged, “It’s generally a mess. Plus we can finish later. I’d rather watch a movie.”

“What movie?”

“Cinderella.” Brendon grinned, “Snow White, Sleeping beauty…”

I cut him off, “Is there a reason why you’re in the mood for Disney princess movies?”

“I just want to get to know my own princess a little better.” Brendon teased, grinning.

I rolled my eyes. “I can assure you I’m unlike any animated character you’ll see on Disney, or I try to be unlike them anyway… and I’m not going to fall in love in some dramatically ridiculous cliché way.”

“But isn’t that the best way?” Brendon asked.

“The best way is after school and once you both have jobs and security and-“

Brendon rolled his eyes, “Is that what you really think?”

“Well, yeah…” I trailed off. Wasn’t that normal? Who would want love before stability? Love couldn’t pay the bills. Love couldn’t keep your warm at night, despite all of the songs that claimed otherwise.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you want to wait to fall in love?”

“I just… I think it’s better to wait until I’m ready for things.”

“What if you’re ready right now?” Brendon asked. He began to lean across the table and his breath smelled of hot chocolate, making me wonder if my own hot chocolate was still hot enough to drink.

“How could I be? I’m just a kid.” It was only logical to wait to be in a relationship. I didn’t even understand relationships right now, not really. “Things like that are just out of our grasp.” I glanced at him. “We can’t even comprehend the message that those movies advertise. That’s what makes it so desirable and yet so horribly inaccurate.”

“I don’t think it’s inaccurate.”

“Yeah, well you also sleep with more girls than male prostitutes do. You’re not exactly an expert on ‘love.’” It was probably true but I mainly just wanted to end the conversation. I’d never felt so uncomfortable. This subject just hit a nerve and probably always would because love was something so unexplainable that it simply left me baffled. There wasn’t a class in school for it. It wasn’t something I could ask my teachers about. I’d tried when I was little. The first time my mom played Cinderella for me… I asked my teacher questions about it the next day. She just smiled and said ‘one day your prince will come’ but I didn’t want my prince to come. I didn’t want to be promised things I knew would never happen. I just wanted someone to explain all of it to me. Why was it what we were supposed to want? How could it even be a desire when it was so unrealistic?

Love wasn’t what was displayed in movies. It was something you worked hard for. It was something that happened when you were older. It was something… I didn’t understand and probably never would.

“That didn’t even make sense.” Brendon said, frowning. “You’re just trying to hurt me.”

“You’re right.”

”It’s not going to work.”

“I think it did.”

“I want to watch Cinderella.” Brendon said, pouting.

“Fine but when you fall in love and need a freakin’ shoe to figure out who the love of your life is… I’m not helping round up the girls in your life.”





*



(I’m so tired guys, two more 13- hr shifts until my weekend is here! I really wanted to get this updated though and then next focus is What Is Love? Thank you to anyone who is reading this.)