FicWad

"What the fuck is this, Gerard?"

I wondered the same thing. This had to be a dream. It had to be. There was no way I had drawn that. But I went all day without killing Frank. To prove to myself it wasn't a dream, I moved closer to Frank. No murderous feelings. Just intense mortification and guilt.

"I said, what is this?!" Mikey moved quickly to stand between me and Frank. That pissed me off.

"I don't know! Like I would ever draw something like that? I told you, I haven't been drawing. I don't see why you feel the need to protect Frank from me. I would never hurt him."

"I don't believe he's capable of hurting anyone, Mikey. It's okay, seriously." Frank put his hand on Mikey's shoulder and stepped closer to me. I bit my lip nervously and looked away.

"Gerard?" My shoulder was the next to be touched.

"Y-Yeah?" I noticed how concerned his soft voice sounded. How my brain could go from vengeful to enamored so quickly.

I'm not insane, I'm not insane...

"Gerard! Did you hear me?" Ray snapped his fingers.

"Uh... what?"

"I asked if you know who drew this. It's in your sketchbook and it looks a lot like your work."

"I-I might have drawn it. Who knows. I was drunk a couple nights ago." I had been drinking more lately...

"It looks a bit like me," Frank said quietly.

"No way is that you. It's most likely the male Demolition Lover. I'm sure the female must be in there somewhere. I guess I've been drawing them again. Don't know why. I did like them a lot. Maybe I'm just trying to figure out what the artwork and concept for the next album will be."

I cut off when I noticed I was rambling. They looked convinced, though. Everyone knows I'm a bit morbid.

"Maybe we should go home, Gerard. So that you can figure out the artwork. Maybe we'll have an album cover even before the album. That'll be cool," frank chuckled lightly.

I nodded and the others looked at me uneasily. I raised an eyebrow and Bob came over to pat me heavily on the back.

"Nice to see you, Gerard. You should try to stop being nocturnal more often. Maybe you'll stop being all creepy and shit."

"Thanks..."

"I'm kidding, as I always am. Go home and get some rest, alright?"

Frank and I said goodbye to Mikey, Ray and Bob and headed for the car. As I was buckling my seatbelt, Frank turned to me.

"Gerard, are you sure you're okay? You've been acting so distant lately. Well... you've been distant for quite a while. Especially from me. Since the Warped Tour, really. But now it's become a lot more pronounced. Hell, I was surprised you even let me in your room last night. Do I annoy you or something?"

"Not at all, Frank," I sighed.

"Then what could it be? Why are you so standoffish?"

I looked out the window and didn't reply. I couldn't. Frank turned on the car and didn't speak another word until we got home. As soon as I unlocked the door, Frank and turned to confront me.

"So should I move out? I don't want to cause you any emotional stress." He actually looked serious. No sign of bitter sarcasm. He was really that concerned for me.

"No. Please don't. You're awesome, Frank. A really good roommate. Plus, you make it cheaper for both of us to live here. And you're my best friend. Why would I want to get rid of you?"

"Thanks, Gerard. For letting me live here in the first place and for the ability to stay here, even though you're obviously going through some serious emotional turmoil. And I'm here to help, okay?"

I nodded and grinned, closing the door behind me as I walked to the living room. I sat on the couch and flicked on the tv in an attempt to seem normal. Frank had already gone through enough for one day, so why not make an effort to be friendly. He sat down next to me and put his feet up on the coffee table. We sat there for a while and watched South Park, which cheered us both up immensely. Before long, my stomach hurt for a reason other than hunger and dread. I hadn't laughed this hard in so long. And what made it better is that Frank was right there next to me, enjoying it just as much as I was.

"Frank?"

"Yeah, Gerard?"

"Thanks for this."

"For what?"

"Everything, really. You put up with my dumb moods and don't complain or even seem to mind. You've been keeping me alive by forcing me to eat, and well... you're here watching this with me. You're a great friend, Frank. Truly.

"That means a lot, Gerard. I'm so glad to know I've helped. It really scares me to see you cooped up all the time. I know you've spent most of your life that way, but after Revenge and the Warped Tour, you've seemed a bit happier. And now it's almost as if it's worse. I guess working on this new album will help. I really hope so."

I nodded and smiled. Maybe hanging out with them more often would pull me out of my dark mind. Hell, maybe I wouldn't even have any nightmares tonight.

"I hope so too. Either way, I know you're helping. So thank you. I'm sorry for acting as if I don't want you around. It's nothing personal."

It was.

"Yeah, I get that. Don't worry about it, man."

At that, Frank turned back to the tv and started laughing at Cartman's antics almost immediately. I joined in, but the laughter was less sincere this time. I had begun thinking again.

I wanted to tell him. I felt I had to. The problem was, however, that I wasn't sure which secret I needed to tell him first. If I even told them both. No, I told myself. I could not tell him about the dreams. Or the picture. I knew very well that was Frank. They had fallen for my story, but it was simply none other than him. I would look at the picture later. I couldn't bring myself to look at it in front of anyone else, especially not Frank.

"Gerard?"

"Yeah?"

"You're sighing. What's up?"

"Nothing, just thinking.'

"Ah, but the brain is a terrible thing. What're you thinking about? And this time, be honest."

I sat there for a minute and weighed my options. I would not mention the dreams. That much I knew. But I couldn't lie to him. So I had to tell him the only other thing I could. And that would be one of the hardest things I've ever had to say. But it was about time. Maybe if he knew my feelings for him, he would want nothing more to do with me. If he left, then maybe I would stop dreaming about him. I cringed and mentally slapped myself. Normal people have lusty dreams about the ones they have feelings for.

But no, you fuck up. No, you dream about killing him.

"Well?"

"Well... the truth is..."