FicWad

It just wasn't the same
It's as if everyone around me has gone, blown to pieces, died.
I just get so sick of being on my own, now the devil wont leave me alone.
I fight the urge to cry which doesn't work.
Thoughts are a devilish thing when though of too loudly.
It's funny that such a quiet thought can be yet so LOUD.
Did I do the right thing?
Is Spencer the one I'm in love with?
Or am I just in love with being in love?
Should I go back to Sarah?
She probably won't take me back.
Should I kill myself?
No.
Do I want to?
Yes.

The next morning, I turned on the radio to hear Northern Downpour playing.
Of fucking course.
I start to cry again
I miss Ryan.
The gentle hugs, the kisses, the whispers, the long nights at the cabin.
Everything I every wanted didn't want me back.
Or did he?
Pretty much my whole life just went to shit.
YEP.
I slide UNLOCK on my iPhone, type in the password,look at my messages.
0. Zip. Nada
No body wanted me, that was all.
Oh well, I guess this is it then?
I'll just quit music and go back to being a smoothie maker in Summerlin, Nevada
Or, even better, I'll just quit life.
Spencer, Sarah, and Ryan.
Three of my loves never returned the favor.
Besides for Sarah.
HA! I'm not going to kill myself
That's just crazy
Or is it?
Easy,Painless, and quick
nobody will even know I'm gone
or will they?
I stare at the blade in the drawer that I once used before
I cut with my right hand
I shake with the pain
I can't forget the way these tears taste
So lonely
so bitter
so...so
pathetic
so good
painless
Sooner or later, I forgot how pain felt
Atleast in my mind I did
Because true pain has got nothing on me
I close my eyes
hoping to never wake up again
So long guys
if this is the end
Just remember,
I wont be seeing you on the other side