Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Starting Over in New Jersey
To my darling Belle,
you have made my life complete. You, alone, are my greatest achievement in this life. You make me so proud, as a mother and as a person on the whole. In your eyes I oculd do nothing wrong - but, darling, there are many a things I have done wrong and I think now is the right time to tell you them. Well a few at least.
I brought what happened with your dad onto myself. It started when you was about six, all we used to do was argue every night after I'd put you to bed. The arguements started after he'd told me that he'd fallen out of love with me and that I wasn't the easy going, laid back girl he'd first met. He said that I'd become a workaholic who wouldnn't spare a single second of my time. He told me he wanted a divorce and I refused to let him have one; i told him I could change - that I'd stop woorking weekends, that we could all go out at the weekends instead. He agreed to try it for a year.
I did try but two month's later I got promoted and I oculdn't help but work all the time. I tried to find a balance but it just wasn't working which is why you started staying at Cathy's most of the time because not only was I working loads but your dads' business had finally started takinng off. It carried on like this for a few years and then your dad started going on business trips for a week every now and again.
After he came home from his first one he asked me for a divorce again and I refused again because I didn't wanr you to start struggling and bottling things up. More than anything I wanted us to be a normal family. This is when he started working late and coming home smelling of beer, he said it was the only way he could face a woman he didn't love anymore.
He realised that he was trapped with me until he did something which would hurt and humilate me in fornt of everybody. So, he decided to do just that; he started seeing Cathy and he even told me to my face but I didn't believe him because he was drunk. I soon realised that he was teeling the truth because he couldn't even be bothered arguing with me anymore.
I let everything go though thinking he'll come back to me but he didn't instead he started spending more time away from home and then the thing I least wanted to happen happened. You started noticing his abscence and when I lied to you about where he was you gave me this look which made me thin that you knew.
That was when I 'discovered' that your dad was seeing Cathy and I threw everything into a big thing. I got lawyers involved, I took him to court for adultery ad lied sayinbg I knew nothing of it until I caught them outside the house kissing. Of course he told them that I knew but they didn't believe him, they chose to believe me. I ended up with oyu and they asked me where I intended on going and I said the first thing that caame to mind which was why we ended up in New Jersey.
I lied in court so that I wouldn't lose you, so that I could give you the life I wanted when I was a child. I lied to save my own skin, I made it look like it was all his fault, when really it was mine. If I had given him the divorce straight away none of this would have happened.
You also may want to know that you have a twin sister. I gave her up for adoption at birth because I didn't want her. It was nothing to do with money or anything like that; it was simply because I didn't want her. I only wanted you.
Sadly, all I can tell you about her is that she's called Maybelle Pattinson and that she was in an orphanage in Manchester for two weeks before she was adopted into a family. I haven't heard anything since about her.
I'm sorry I had to tell you this in a letter but I couldn't bare to see the disappointment in your eyes. I hope to God that you can forgive me for these and many other things which I have done wrong in the past.
Promise me that you'll never waste a tear on me once I'm gone and that you'll live a long and happy life to its fullest everyday.
Love you my dear,
mum xxx
Dear Mikey,
please look after my Belle for me.
Her happiness and her life rest in your hands.
Thank you for being a part of her life,
Alice Pattinson
I had sealed away the love I had for my daughter into twoo letters. Two letters was the last thing I managed to do before I leant back against my pillows in bed and closed my eyes for what was my last time.
you have made my life complete. You, alone, are my greatest achievement in this life. You make me so proud, as a mother and as a person on the whole. In your eyes I oculd do nothing wrong - but, darling, there are many a things I have done wrong and I think now is the right time to tell you them. Well a few at least.
I brought what happened with your dad onto myself. It started when you was about six, all we used to do was argue every night after I'd put you to bed. The arguements started after he'd told me that he'd fallen out of love with me and that I wasn't the easy going, laid back girl he'd first met. He said that I'd become a workaholic who wouldnn't spare a single second of my time. He told me he wanted a divorce and I refused to let him have one; i told him I could change - that I'd stop woorking weekends, that we could all go out at the weekends instead. He agreed to try it for a year.
I did try but two month's later I got promoted and I oculdn't help but work all the time. I tried to find a balance but it just wasn't working which is why you started staying at Cathy's most of the time because not only was I working loads but your dads' business had finally started takinng off. It carried on like this for a few years and then your dad started going on business trips for a week every now and again.
After he came home from his first one he asked me for a divorce again and I refused again because I didn't wanr you to start struggling and bottling things up. More than anything I wanted us to be a normal family. This is when he started working late and coming home smelling of beer, he said it was the only way he could face a woman he didn't love anymore.
He realised that he was trapped with me until he did something which would hurt and humilate me in fornt of everybody. So, he decided to do just that; he started seeing Cathy and he even told me to my face but I didn't believe him because he was drunk. I soon realised that he was teeling the truth because he couldn't even be bothered arguing with me anymore.
I let everything go though thinking he'll come back to me but he didn't instead he started spending more time away from home and then the thing I least wanted to happen happened. You started noticing his abscence and when I lied to you about where he was you gave me this look which made me thin that you knew.
That was when I 'discovered' that your dad was seeing Cathy and I threw everything into a big thing. I got lawyers involved, I took him to court for adultery ad lied sayinbg I knew nothing of it until I caught them outside the house kissing. Of course he told them that I knew but they didn't believe him, they chose to believe me. I ended up with oyu and they asked me where I intended on going and I said the first thing that caame to mind which was why we ended up in New Jersey.
I lied in court so that I wouldn't lose you, so that I could give you the life I wanted when I was a child. I lied to save my own skin, I made it look like it was all his fault, when really it was mine. If I had given him the divorce straight away none of this would have happened.
You also may want to know that you have a twin sister. I gave her up for adoption at birth because I didn't want her. It was nothing to do with money or anything like that; it was simply because I didn't want her. I only wanted you.
Sadly, all I can tell you about her is that she's called Maybelle Pattinson and that she was in an orphanage in Manchester for two weeks before she was adopted into a family. I haven't heard anything since about her.
I'm sorry I had to tell you this in a letter but I couldn't bare to see the disappointment in your eyes. I hope to God that you can forgive me for these and many other things which I have done wrong in the past.
Promise me that you'll never waste a tear on me once I'm gone and that you'll live a long and happy life to its fullest everyday.
Love you my dear,
mum xxx
Dear Mikey,
please look after my Belle for me.
Her happiness and her life rest in your hands.
Thank you for being a part of her life,
Alice Pattinson
I had sealed away the love I had for my daughter into twoo letters. Two letters was the last thing I managed to do before I leant back against my pillows in bed and closed my eyes for what was my last time.
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