FicWad

I woke up to the sound of the shower running. The smell of overly clean hotel room filled my senses and I remembered where I was. I groaned and rolled onto my stomach. Yawning, I reached for my phone to check the time. 10 am. Ugh. Too Early. For normal people, that would be a little late in their day, but I fell asleep at 6 am last night due to a concert high and clouded thoughts. I sighed and flopped myself onto the bed, back on my back again as the pillow caught the back of my head. Damn Ray and his early bird habits waking me all the time. I found myself going through my texts, our late night conversation on my mind.

“From: Taylor
Sounds good! Talk to you soon, I bid you a goodnight. :)”

I smiled. I’ve never met someone so genuine and…well, enchanting before. The aura she had was welcoming and warm. Almost like a fire during a cold winter night I got this weird feeling in my heart. It was a mix of guilt and excitement. I was confused by this feeling. It felt familiar yet in the distance. It almost felt…wrong. I jumped at the sound of Ray swinging the bathroom door open. His hair bounced as usual, throwing droplets of water all around. Only wearing a white tee and boxers. Typical morning look for Ray Toro.

“Mornin’ Mikes.” he greeted with a big smile. I sometimes wonder how he can be so cheerful in the morning, especially without having a cup of joe first. “You look happy. You excited to go home to the wife?” He said to me. Did I look happy? Well, I felt happy, but not from the mention of my wife. That guilty feeling dreaded my chest even more. I looked at my wedding band on my finger and sighed.
“Yep, couldn’t be more excited” I sported a lack luster smile up at Ray. It was the biggest lie to ever come our of my mouth. It’s not that I didn’t love my wife. I love her with all of my heart and being, but it seems that we’ve been slowly fallen out of love. On top of that, we’ve been fighting a lot lately. I’m trying so desperately to hold on to this relationship, but Alicia on the the other hand. It seems like she could care less about us anymore. But the worst part of all of it? I haven’t told anyone about our crumbling marriage yet.

I sat up in bed and decided it was time to get some coffee. I wondered if Gerard was up yet. I really needed to go on a walk with him. I could use my brother’s comforting words and advice. He was the only one I could think of that would listen to me. I decided to call him.
“Hey Mikes.” he sounded tired, “what’s up?”
“Sorry if I woke you,” I said, “I was just wondering if you wanted to go on a walk”
“Sure, just give me a few minutes and I’ll be right over.” I heard Frank in the background talking to Gerard. Something about going out so he could sleep. I laughed. I said okay and hung up.

I freshened up and dressed in clean clothes, making me feel like a human being again. Gerard was let in by Ray, who was currently devouring a bag of chips
“Hey, you ready to go?” Gerard asked, waiting by the door of the room.
“Yeah, let me just-“

“It’s a spark. A connection. A rush of something new.” I looked over to the tv, the familiar voice soothing to my ears. “And once you’ve been struck, you’ll never be the same again.” I got chills by the smoothness of her voice. Taylor sprayed herself with a bottle of perfume, and the music played. Enchanted. Her elegant singing voice captured me, stopping me in my tracks. “Wonderstruck; The beginning of something magical.” The last line made my fingers tips, and went through me like electricity. Surely I was familiar with her song, but I didn’t know anything about the perfume.

I heard Gerard clear his throat. I stumbled mentally. Shit, I must look so stupid right now. I looked at Gerard and could feel Ray staring holes into me.
“Oh! um..” I grabbed my phone and wallet off of the table. “R-ready.” My voice shook out of embarrassment. I didn’t look at Gerard, but I could feel the look on his face of confusion.
“alright…let’s go. See you Ray.” I looked over to Ray and I was right. Ray looked the most confused here. I sighed and followed Gerard out, leaving my embarrassing moment in the dust forever.

———-

We made our way to Starbucks and ordered our usuals. We were soon on the streets of Asbury Park. We were silent for most of the walk, appreciating the scenery of the town. We walked down the boardwalk to look at the beach where we were yesterday.
“Mikey, you only ask for a walk when something is up. Is everything okay? You’ve been acting weird ever since we’ve gotten back from LA.”
We turned to each other and locked eyes. The concern and curiosity in his eyes was very evident. I’m sure my eyes were a world of emotion and mystery as well. I raveled on his question. If I was going to tell anyone what was going on, it would be Gerard first. He is my best friend after all. I looked down at the cup in my hand and sighed. It was time to tell him. There was no turning back now. I looked out onto the beach as the waves licked at the sand.
“Alicia and I…have been having a hard time. We’ve been fighting a lot, and I don’t think it can be fixed. Especially if it keeps happening.” I just said it straight. There was no sugar coating this situation.

I looked over to Gerard to read his reaction. He looked hurt, sad. I could tell he felt sorry for me. I gave him a sympathetic smile.
“Fighting? about what? did something happen?” he asked, decking out a pack of smokes. I watched him take a cigarette and light up. I’m sure if I was a smoker I’d need one right now too to make my feelings ease.
“Just, about everything. I don’t think she’s happy being with me anymore. And I’m not happy if she’s not happy. It’s been happening ever since the Honda Civic tour.” I said and sipped my coffee. The smell of smoke overcame me.
“It’s been that long and you haven’t said anything? Is that why you came to LA unexpectedly?” he asked. Well it was half true. I really did want to see him, but Alicia also gave me shit for leaving. So I left.
“Sort of, kind of. I guess.” I replied, brushing my hand in my dirty greasy hair. I’m in need for a shower.
“Do you think…now don’t get offended Mikes” he said, warning me. I waited for him to continue, “Do you think you’d be better off without her?” he asked.
His words made me choke on my tongue. Would I be? I haven’t thought about it of course, but it has been a good chunk of time that Alicia has been this way. For the most part, I am happy. But as for my marriage, the flame is almost out and Alicia keeps blowing out the spark.

I heard a phone go off. I checked to see if it was mine, but to my disappointment, it wasn’t the source of the sound. I looked over to see Gerard with the biggest smile on his face.
“Lindsey just texted me.” he said. “She’s eager see me come home.” I was envious. Gerard and Lindsey haven’t seen each other in a long time. She was finally on break from the MSI tour. I felt pain and jealousy fill my chest. Alicia and I have been in love at one point, but never like them. The seem to be stuck in the lovesick teenager stage of love and have no intention of getting out of it.

“Are you going to be okay without me here Mikes?” he asked me, holding onto my shoulder. I forgot that he was flying back home to his wife. I felt a little panicked, but I swallowed the feeling down with my coffee.
“I’ll be just fine, I promise.” I said, and pulled my brother into a hug. I didn’t know if my words were fully true or not, but I knew I wasn’t very confident in them.

I hope everything will be okay.

——-

My heart pounded so badly that I could feel it in my ears. I was standing outside my New Jersey home, key in hand. Alicia’s car was in the drive way, but the door was locked. I haven’t talked to her since I flew out to LA. I unlocked the door and slowly pushed lugging in my suitcase with me.
“Alicia?” I tried to make myself known in the little home, but all was silent. I plopped the suitcase down and made my way up to the bedroom. As I reached it, I saw Alicia in bed sound asleep. I walked up to the bed and threw my phone and keys down. I leaned over and kissed my wife on the forehead. She didn’t stir. She must have had a long day. I was was about 10 at night now and I was still in need of a shower. Yeah, it was time. I made my way to the bathroom to finally find a way to relax for the first time today.

As I dressed myself in pj’s in the bathroom, I could hear Alicia in the other room walking around. I smiled. I was hoping everything would be okay. I exited the bathroom and looked over to Alicia in bed. The smile instantly dropped by the look in her eyes.
“Hey Honey.”
“Don’t Mikey.” she blurted. The fire in her eyes so scary. Then my eyes trailed down to what she had in her hands. My phone. Then she started reading.
“I’ll be in Jersey this weekend. Maybe a bite to eat?”

Oh shit.


”Who the fuck is Taylor?”

”It’s not like that-“

”Like what? What are you assuming, Mikey? That I think you’re cheating?”

”Well…are you?” bad choice of words Michael.

I watched her scroll up on my phone

”Well there is this…I can’t stop thinking about you too.” She said, mocking my voice. She was always so good at that. It was her go to action in an argument. “Oh, and let’s not forget this. ‘It’s a date then?’”

”Ugh no, we met in LA and one of her fans was a fan of us too and just-“

”Wait, Taylor Swift? That shitty pop singing virgin goody goody? Your guilty pleasure shit?”

I groaned. I really didn’t want to hear bad things about Taylor right now. Ugh, she really did know how to push my buttons. I really didn’t want to justify my music taste right now.
“Yes, her.” I said, the anger dripping from my reply.

“You seem offended Mikes, did I pinch a nerve in there somewhere?” She said, her condescending tone making my skin crawl lividly. She got out of bed and walked towards me.

”You know, I knew we weren’t exactly happy with things in our relationship, but you didn’t have to jump from me to another so quickly. How do you think that makes me feel?” There she goes playing the victim again. Fuck.

”I told you it wasn’t like that!” I yelled. I couldn’t hold my anger in anymore. “For the last time Alicia, I am not the fucking bad guy here!”

She looked shocked. I saw the anger in her eyes now, and it was more than scary. It was straight up terrifying. She came up to me and before I knew it, the stinging in my cheek was rising. She slapped me. She fucking slapped me!
“Don’t you dare raise your voice at me Michael Way!” she yelled. I couldn’t move. The shock had overcome me. I could hear her crying now. Ugh no, I didn’t want crying. I watched her walk across the room and grab something from the corner. A suitcase all packed and ready. She knew she was going to happen?
“I’m sorry Mikey, but.” she handed something to me. I looked down. Her wedding ring. No. No. NO. “It’s over.” She said that as she walked out, never turning back. I heard the front door slam shut.

She didn’t even say goodbye.

I made my way to the bed. I held my head in my hands. The sadness was hitting me, and it was hitting me fast. I let some tears fall. I looked at the ring in my hand, and started sobbing. I pulled mine off too. I set them on the nightstand. I tucked myself into my now lonely cold bed and sobbed into my pillow. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I felt my phone in the sheets. I grabbed it and looked at all the open texts. I cried more. Fuck, it wasn’t supposed to be this way. I replied to the text that no one was supposed to see.

“Sounds good. I’ll even pick you up. Need a place to stay?”

I then threw the phone out of my reach. I could reply to her tomorrow. As for now, I will bury myself in my anguish and misery.
I surrounded myself with the blankets, as if to block out the rest of the world to be alone of my thoughts. I felt my exhaustion of all of my crying get to me, and felt sleep coming for me. My thoughts were filled with a certain blond and her soothing lyrics and voice easing the pain.

“Just close your eyes, the sun is going down, You’ll be alright, no one can hurt you now, come morning light, you and I will be safe and sound.”