Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Skinny Love
Ryan slowly becomes conscious from a deep sleep, him feeling warm.
He notices him and Brendon tangled in each other’s limbs under the covers, Ryan’s head resting in the crook of Brendon’s neck. He doesn’t want to wake him up, so he just slides back to the other side of the bed and tries falling back asleep.
Ryan doesn’t know that Brendon is in fact awake, so they’re basically lying there with their eyes closed.
Brendon does have it worse with a hangover. He was very confused when he first woke up this morning, being in Ryan’s bed and Ryan snuggled close to him. First of all, Ryan was shirtless (he couldn’t sleep in that v-neck) and so was he. Second of all, Ryan and Brendon are barely friends, let alone boyfriends.
Brendon was surprised and confused, but happy he didn’t have to have his parents confronting him.
“I feel like shit,” Brendon whispers.
“Well, your fault.” Ryan whispers back, Brendon surprised he’s awake.
“Sorry,” he says, “I must have been a total dick last night."
“Wasn’t that bad. I was a bit bitchy though, sorry.”
“I remember some of it.” Brendon laughs lightly, getting up and grabbing his head from a headache. Ryan’s eyes widen.
“Oh,” Ryan whispers, Brendon winces and pulls on a shirt.
“Uh… yeah. Thanks for covering for me,” Brendon swallows, “I guess I’ll see you around.”
Ryan stands there quietly as Brendon leaves.
Brendon couldn’t stay. He couldn’t be around Ryan, he can’t fall for him again as he is still getting out of it.
Because how easy would it be for them to just kiss, right there?
Brendon makes his way to the door, “Wait,” Ryan blurts. Brendon turns around.
He could fix everything. Everything could be fine. Anything that was wrong he could just stop right now.
Never mind, see you around.” Brendon nods and walks out.
--
Ryan stands at the counter, his elbows resting on it as he leans down, playing with his thumbs.
He’s bored. He’s upset. Customers don’t deserve a good attitude.
“Hey can you help me out with grabbing one of the flat-rides on the top shelves?” A customer asks.
“No.” He says a bit sharply.
“Why not?” Ryan studies the short seventh grade boy. Nope. Not having it.
“I don’t want too.”
“It’s kind of your job though.”
“Do you honestly think I give a fuck?” Ryan says too loudly. Earl’s eyes narrow.
“RYAN. Back room, now.” Earl motions to the office as the boy sticks his tongue out at him.
Once Ryan closes the door, “Okay, what’s wrong.”
“Nothing.” Ryan whispers.
“You were always fine to the customers. But today—“
“Sorry.”
“Is it a girl?”
“No.”
“… guy?”
Ryan doesn’t answer.
“Ryan listen to me,” He grabs his shoulders and shakes him. “Whatever it is, whoever it is, forget it. I’m not saying this just as your boss, but because you’re like the son I never wanted.” He pauses and laughs to himself, “What happened is in the past okay? Just live in the moment. Whoever hurt you isn’t right now, that was just an innocent kid.”
“Nice pep talk.” Ryan sighs.
“I know, now go tune the guitars and bass’s for me. Some kids messed them up pretty bad.”
Ryan nods.
--
Brendon lies in his bedroom, still somewhat tired as he remembers he should be with Ally and a bunch of other kids. He pulls out his phone.
“Hello?” Ally voice says, her breathing heavy. “Brendon where are you!”
“I can’t come, I have a headache.”
“You’re hung over huh.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s fine. The teams would’ve been uneven anyway. I gotta go.” She sounds a bit irritated but hangs up quickly.
He stares at his phone, deciding to call Spencer.
“Hey,” Spencer answers. “I was gonna call and see if you want to go down to the music store with my friend Jon. You called just in time.”
“Who’s Jon? Anyway, sure.”
“He’s my buddy coming in from college this weekend.”
“Cool,”
“See you in like, two minutes.”
Brendon didn’t exactly remember the detail that Ryan worked there.
So when they get there Jon and Brendon are discussing the different types of picks. It’s actually a heated discussion.
“How the hell would lighter picks have a better grip. Once I touch the string I almost drop it.” Jon goes on.
“That happens more with thicker ones though!”
“You just have baby hands then.”
“Bitch.” Brendon bites, Jon smirks.
They walk through the music store as Spencer looks for new drum sticks; he broke most of his at home. Jon and Brendon are on his heels and Ryan approaches him.
“You’re going to need more than one pair. You’ll break those within an hour. Get this brand, they might even last two.” Ryan says, just now noticing Brendon and Jon. “Hey Jon, Brendon.” He says simply, even though he feels slightly awkward.
“Spencer does beat the living shit out of his drums,” Jon grins.
“So much anger inside of such a well composed man.” Ryan laughs lightly.
Brendon doesn’t talk, Ryan going back to tune the guitars. Well, not tune… more like fool around. Brendon can’t help but listen, the way he plays is… different. “Grab a guitar,” Ryan says, “just nothing over a thousand, Earl would kill me.”
Brendon didn’t know Ryan noticed him standing from twenty feet away, but he manages to grab a simple acoustic and sit near Ryan.
“Follow my lead,” Ryan says, beginning to play a piece familiar to both of their ears. Brendon joins in on the second part, smiling to hear the two parts come together. Other customers begin to come near, enjoying what they’re hearing.
Both of them are smiling like idiots, looking at each other as they go on. Spencer and Jon find them and try to get them to mess up. Brendon just mouths “fuck you guys” but they continue on their efforts.
Eventually Ryan has to stop and break out laughing, making Brendon laugh too. “We did it!” Jon high 5’s Spencer, looking pleased.
“That was harder than it looked.” Spencer comments.
“Spencer you pretended to give Jon head, it was too much.” Ryan continues to laugh hysterically.
Spencer just does a stupid grin, matching Jon’s.
Brendon shakes his head to himself as he gets up to look at more of the guitars. He basically has stars in his eyes from the Gibson, the Gretsh, and the fenders but he knows his parents would never get him. He can only wish. All he can do is stare at them in amazement.
“We’re going, Brendon! Have fun with your toys!” Jon calls, Brendon nods. He’ll walk home. It’s worth it.
“You wanna play them?” Earl says, Brendon somewhat jumping realizing a man right next to him. “I heard you and Ryan, you won’t kill them.”
“I couldn’t hurt these if I tried.” Brendon grins as Earl grabs a ’56 Gibson. Brendon’s jaw drops.
Ryan’s does too.
Ryan is the only person in the shop other than Earl who’s allowed to play it. Now Brendon?
“Don’t cry now,” Earl laughs at Brendon’s facial expression as he puts the strap over his shoulder.
Brendon tunes it, because Ryan hasn’t exactly gotten to the guitars yet and begins playing along.
Earl grins at his ear, “How old are you?”
“Uh, sixteen.”
“Close enough. Want to work here with Ry and I?” Ryan’s eyes grow wider. More time with Brendon?
Because he is getting torn apart just being around him with his friends and school.
“Really? Yeah, I would.”
“Ever have a job before?”
“No, but I can tune most instruments.”
“Good enough. When do you want to start?”
“Uh,”
“Now? Ryan’s off today for some reason. Tune the rest of these, any questions just ask, I’ll be at the desk.”
“Okay.” Brendon smiles, finally having an excuse to touch guitars.
“Thanks Earl,” Ryan says sarcastically, pulling him off to the side. “That’s the guy I’m not exactly good with being around.”
“Don’t talk all sarcastic with me; you will actually want to thank me later.” Ryan scoffs, going to help Brendon tune the guitars.
“I have to talk to you.” Brendon says as he finishes with the last E string, then touching up the guitars.
“We’re working.”
“Well nobody is in here, and you just finished the last guitar.”
“I don’t have anything to say.” Ryan interjects, voice slightly raised as he turns his head to Brendon.
“I know you do.”
“What?”
“You talk in your sleep.” Brendon turns his head to look right into Ryan’s eyes. “If you won’t talk I will. I like you, I do. I’m scared as hell, and the whole thing has been shitty, but you—you say things, Ryan. I’ve slept next to you enough times, and what you say is definitely not what you show. And I think that…” Brendon breathes.
“What do I say,” Ryan whispers.
“Enough that we need to have this conversation.”
“What do I say?” He asks again, sharper.
“You kept whimpering my name… and then you would curl up into a ball then you went ‘I lov—“
“I didn’t say that. Those words will never come out of my mouth. Not for anyone.”
“Ryan,” Brendon sighs.
“No. Not for anyone.”
Ryan walks into the back rooms, Earl following after him.
“What’s going on now?” Earl asks.
“Nothing. I’m getting a drink.”
“You been around me long enough that I know something just happened. You have that face.”
“Get rid of Brendon.”
“I’m not getting rid of him; I needed someone else for the shop.”
“Why? It’s been the two of us for three years.”
“I’m getting older Ryan, I can’t do half of that stuff anymore and you can’t cover all of that.”
“I was doing fine.”
“Barely. But listen. If I’m stalking correctly, you love him and he loves you. You two won’t admit for some bullshit reason. You never acted like this before and I’m worried. Now go home, get rest and come back tomorrow in a better mood.” Earl smiles and pats Ryan on the back, Ryan not moving.
He can’t. There are about a million things going through his mind.
Ryan is scared. He can’t actually fall in love with someone. He knows he will hurt them, and that’s that last thing he wants to do. Sure he can fool around, but people know he’s not one for relationships. He doesn’t want to be that dumb couple that ends up hating each other. He doesn’t want to be that couple that barely need each other. What Ryan wants is someone who is there for him as much as he’s there for them. He wants someone to hold his hand every time they come near each other. He feels like he can’t because he’s… himself.
What Ryan needs is Brendon.
-
A/N Kind of want to slap myself in the face repeatedly because of this chapter. It's killing me writing this.
If you are reading THIS and Not So Adaptable THANKS I LOVE YOU. I'm trying to keep up with both and I started the other last night so it should be done later. But now I'm gonna tan because I am gone right now.
I'm considering another fic after this one too, just so many ideas _.
R&R pretty please! It only takes a second and I love it. :)
He notices him and Brendon tangled in each other’s limbs under the covers, Ryan’s head resting in the crook of Brendon’s neck. He doesn’t want to wake him up, so he just slides back to the other side of the bed and tries falling back asleep.
Ryan doesn’t know that Brendon is in fact awake, so they’re basically lying there with their eyes closed.
Brendon does have it worse with a hangover. He was very confused when he first woke up this morning, being in Ryan’s bed and Ryan snuggled close to him. First of all, Ryan was shirtless (he couldn’t sleep in that v-neck) and so was he. Second of all, Ryan and Brendon are barely friends, let alone boyfriends.
Brendon was surprised and confused, but happy he didn’t have to have his parents confronting him.
“I feel like shit,” Brendon whispers.
“Well, your fault.” Ryan whispers back, Brendon surprised he’s awake.
“Sorry,” he says, “I must have been a total dick last night."
“Wasn’t that bad. I was a bit bitchy though, sorry.”
“I remember some of it.” Brendon laughs lightly, getting up and grabbing his head from a headache. Ryan’s eyes widen.
“Oh,” Ryan whispers, Brendon winces and pulls on a shirt.
“Uh… yeah. Thanks for covering for me,” Brendon swallows, “I guess I’ll see you around.”
Ryan stands there quietly as Brendon leaves.
Brendon couldn’t stay. He couldn’t be around Ryan, he can’t fall for him again as he is still getting out of it.
Because how easy would it be for them to just kiss, right there?
Brendon makes his way to the door, “Wait,” Ryan blurts. Brendon turns around.
He could fix everything. Everything could be fine. Anything that was wrong he could just stop right now.
Never mind, see you around.” Brendon nods and walks out.
--
Ryan stands at the counter, his elbows resting on it as he leans down, playing with his thumbs.
He’s bored. He’s upset. Customers don’t deserve a good attitude.
“Hey can you help me out with grabbing one of the flat-rides on the top shelves?” A customer asks.
“No.” He says a bit sharply.
“Why not?” Ryan studies the short seventh grade boy. Nope. Not having it.
“I don’t want too.”
“It’s kind of your job though.”
“Do you honestly think I give a fuck?” Ryan says too loudly. Earl’s eyes narrow.
“RYAN. Back room, now.” Earl motions to the office as the boy sticks his tongue out at him.
Once Ryan closes the door, “Okay, what’s wrong.”
“Nothing.” Ryan whispers.
“You were always fine to the customers. But today—“
“Sorry.”
“Is it a girl?”
“No.”
“… guy?”
Ryan doesn’t answer.
“Ryan listen to me,” He grabs his shoulders and shakes him. “Whatever it is, whoever it is, forget it. I’m not saying this just as your boss, but because you’re like the son I never wanted.” He pauses and laughs to himself, “What happened is in the past okay? Just live in the moment. Whoever hurt you isn’t right now, that was just an innocent kid.”
“Nice pep talk.” Ryan sighs.
“I know, now go tune the guitars and bass’s for me. Some kids messed them up pretty bad.”
Ryan nods.
--
Brendon lies in his bedroom, still somewhat tired as he remembers he should be with Ally and a bunch of other kids. He pulls out his phone.
“Hello?” Ally voice says, her breathing heavy. “Brendon where are you!”
“I can’t come, I have a headache.”
“You’re hung over huh.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s fine. The teams would’ve been uneven anyway. I gotta go.” She sounds a bit irritated but hangs up quickly.
He stares at his phone, deciding to call Spencer.
“Hey,” Spencer answers. “I was gonna call and see if you want to go down to the music store with my friend Jon. You called just in time.”
“Who’s Jon? Anyway, sure.”
“He’s my buddy coming in from college this weekend.”
“Cool,”
“See you in like, two minutes.”
Brendon didn’t exactly remember the detail that Ryan worked there.
So when they get there Jon and Brendon are discussing the different types of picks. It’s actually a heated discussion.
“How the hell would lighter picks have a better grip. Once I touch the string I almost drop it.” Jon goes on.
“That happens more with thicker ones though!”
“You just have baby hands then.”
“Bitch.” Brendon bites, Jon smirks.
They walk through the music store as Spencer looks for new drum sticks; he broke most of his at home. Jon and Brendon are on his heels and Ryan approaches him.
“You’re going to need more than one pair. You’ll break those within an hour. Get this brand, they might even last two.” Ryan says, just now noticing Brendon and Jon. “Hey Jon, Brendon.” He says simply, even though he feels slightly awkward.
“Spencer does beat the living shit out of his drums,” Jon grins.
“So much anger inside of such a well composed man.” Ryan laughs lightly.
Brendon doesn’t talk, Ryan going back to tune the guitars. Well, not tune… more like fool around. Brendon can’t help but listen, the way he plays is… different. “Grab a guitar,” Ryan says, “just nothing over a thousand, Earl would kill me.”
Brendon didn’t know Ryan noticed him standing from twenty feet away, but he manages to grab a simple acoustic and sit near Ryan.
“Follow my lead,” Ryan says, beginning to play a piece familiar to both of their ears. Brendon joins in on the second part, smiling to hear the two parts come together. Other customers begin to come near, enjoying what they’re hearing.
Both of them are smiling like idiots, looking at each other as they go on. Spencer and Jon find them and try to get them to mess up. Brendon just mouths “fuck you guys” but they continue on their efforts.
Eventually Ryan has to stop and break out laughing, making Brendon laugh too. “We did it!” Jon high 5’s Spencer, looking pleased.
“That was harder than it looked.” Spencer comments.
“Spencer you pretended to give Jon head, it was too much.” Ryan continues to laugh hysterically.
Spencer just does a stupid grin, matching Jon’s.
Brendon shakes his head to himself as he gets up to look at more of the guitars. He basically has stars in his eyes from the Gibson, the Gretsh, and the fenders but he knows his parents would never get him. He can only wish. All he can do is stare at them in amazement.
“We’re going, Brendon! Have fun with your toys!” Jon calls, Brendon nods. He’ll walk home. It’s worth it.
“You wanna play them?” Earl says, Brendon somewhat jumping realizing a man right next to him. “I heard you and Ryan, you won’t kill them.”
“I couldn’t hurt these if I tried.” Brendon grins as Earl grabs a ’56 Gibson. Brendon’s jaw drops.
Ryan’s does too.
Ryan is the only person in the shop other than Earl who’s allowed to play it. Now Brendon?
“Don’t cry now,” Earl laughs at Brendon’s facial expression as he puts the strap over his shoulder.
Brendon tunes it, because Ryan hasn’t exactly gotten to the guitars yet and begins playing along.
Earl grins at his ear, “How old are you?”
“Uh, sixteen.”
“Close enough. Want to work here with Ry and I?” Ryan’s eyes grow wider. More time with Brendon?
Because he is getting torn apart just being around him with his friends and school.
“Really? Yeah, I would.”
“Ever have a job before?”
“No, but I can tune most instruments.”
“Good enough. When do you want to start?”
“Uh,”
“Now? Ryan’s off today for some reason. Tune the rest of these, any questions just ask, I’ll be at the desk.”
“Okay.” Brendon smiles, finally having an excuse to touch guitars.
“Thanks Earl,” Ryan says sarcastically, pulling him off to the side. “That’s the guy I’m not exactly good with being around.”
“Don’t talk all sarcastic with me; you will actually want to thank me later.” Ryan scoffs, going to help Brendon tune the guitars.
“I have to talk to you.” Brendon says as he finishes with the last E string, then touching up the guitars.
“We’re working.”
“Well nobody is in here, and you just finished the last guitar.”
“I don’t have anything to say.” Ryan interjects, voice slightly raised as he turns his head to Brendon.
“I know you do.”
“What?”
“You talk in your sleep.” Brendon turns his head to look right into Ryan’s eyes. “If you won’t talk I will. I like you, I do. I’m scared as hell, and the whole thing has been shitty, but you—you say things, Ryan. I’ve slept next to you enough times, and what you say is definitely not what you show. And I think that…” Brendon breathes.
“What do I say,” Ryan whispers.
“Enough that we need to have this conversation.”
“What do I say?” He asks again, sharper.
“You kept whimpering my name… and then you would curl up into a ball then you went ‘I lov—“
“I didn’t say that. Those words will never come out of my mouth. Not for anyone.”
“Ryan,” Brendon sighs.
“No. Not for anyone.”
Ryan walks into the back rooms, Earl following after him.
“What’s going on now?” Earl asks.
“Nothing. I’m getting a drink.”
“You been around me long enough that I know something just happened. You have that face.”
“Get rid of Brendon.”
“I’m not getting rid of him; I needed someone else for the shop.”
“Why? It’s been the two of us for three years.”
“I’m getting older Ryan, I can’t do half of that stuff anymore and you can’t cover all of that.”
“I was doing fine.”
“Barely. But listen. If I’m stalking correctly, you love him and he loves you. You two won’t admit for some bullshit reason. You never acted like this before and I’m worried. Now go home, get rest and come back tomorrow in a better mood.” Earl smiles and pats Ryan on the back, Ryan not moving.
He can’t. There are about a million things going through his mind.
Ryan is scared. He can’t actually fall in love with someone. He knows he will hurt them, and that’s that last thing he wants to do. Sure he can fool around, but people know he’s not one for relationships. He doesn’t want to be that dumb couple that ends up hating each other. He doesn’t want to be that couple that barely need each other. What Ryan wants is someone who is there for him as much as he’s there for them. He wants someone to hold his hand every time they come near each other. He feels like he can’t because he’s… himself.
What Ryan needs is Brendon.
-
A/N Kind of want to slap myself in the face repeatedly because of this chapter. It's killing me writing this.
If you are reading THIS and Not So Adaptable THANKS I LOVE YOU. I'm trying to keep up with both and I started the other last night so it should be done later. But now I'm gonna tan because I am gone right now.
I'm considering another fic after this one too, just so many ideas _.
R&R pretty please! It only takes a second and I love it. :)
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