Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Lethal Force
Chapter 6
Ryan’s POV
He was deploying in a week? In a week, I wouldn’t see him for a year… Not that he wanted to see me anyway. And shove it up my ass? I took a deep breath, “I love you!” I yelled after him. All I got in return was the middle finger. Now what? What was I supposed to do now? Lieutenant Sexy was leaving and there was nothing I could do. He wouldn’t want to talk to me or think about me or go near me. I wasn’t sure what to do anymore.
I finally forced myself to get up before I headed back to my bunk. As soon as I lay down, the lights flipped on and a voice yelled through the barracks, “GET UP MAGGOTS,” and off he went, closing the door. I sat up and pushed myself off of the bed. I slowly got dressed and stood in front of the bunk. I couldn’t see my face, but I’m pretty sure it didn’t look nearly as bad as I felt.
Sergeant Beckett came up to me and crossed his arms, “You have bad dreams, maggot?” he asked in a threatening voice. I winced, unsure of what to say. He growled, “Did you hear me, Private Rebel?”
I took a deep breath, “Sir yes sir! I do not have bad dreams, sir!” I gulped. Sergeant Beckett scared the shit out of me. I never knew what to say or do around him. Every move I made, I was afraid he’d kill me or make me do push-ups. I hadn’t gotten much stronger, but all the push-ups had helped a little.
“Then wipe that depressing look off your face before I slap it off, Rebel!” and he kept going down the line, checking on everyone. Later that day, we had just finished the obstacle course when Beckett lined us all up and paced a while. Then he finally stopped and looked at us, “We’re trying something new. In the case that you need to jump from a plane, knowing how to land properly is a necessary task. So you will each be given an instructor to teach you. You will be placed in jumpsuits and inside a tank that you can simulate flying in. I will pair you off with your instructors…” he went down the list before he got to my name, “Private Rebel, you will be with Lieutenant Urie.”
I felt my breathing stop. Lieutenant Sexy was going to be my instructor? This was not going to end well, I could tell. We were all separated into our duos and I slowly walked over to Lieutenant Sexy. He said nothing, only gestured for me to follow him. He handed me a jumpsuit and crossed his arms, “Put it on.”
“Sir yes sir,” I managed softly before pulling it on over my clothes. I looked at him and shifted my weight a little awkwardly. If this wasn’t one of the most awkward encounters with the male ever, I didn’t know what would be. I moved closer to him and gestured to the tank that was standing there next to us. He pushed a few buttons and grabbed me by the wrist. He stood in the door and pulled me close to him.
“Lift your chin, put your hands in a cross right under your chin, and fall into my arms,” he put his arms out. I did as I was told and he stepped inside, holding me. I felt my face convulse almost as the current of air pushed up into it. My lips were flapping and my cheeks must have looked like I was a chipmunk, “Now hold your arms out and bend your knees,” again, I did as I was told. He then kept instructing me on what to do, what I was doing wrong, etc. I just wasn’t getting it. He groaned and kept repeating himself before grabbed me by a flap on the top of my shoulder and then around the leg, his hands grazing my crotch. Not good, so not good.
He pressed off the ground and we were flying in the current of air that was pushing up from the ground, “Do you see what I’m doing?” he asked—more like yelled. I nodded and he kept flying me around the tank before he landed and yelled again, “Now try it yourself. I’m going to let go!” and he did. I attempted to fly around myself, but I kept running into the wall. He grabbed me a little too roughly, making me fall into him, my face merely inches from mine. Instead of kissing me, he pushed me away from him, causing me to fly up awkwardly.
I stared down at him as I floated on the current of air. When he flew up to meet me, I yelled, “I love you!” to which he growled and went downwards. He landed on his feet and looked up at me. He gestured for me to come down. I shook my head and yelled again, “I’m not coming down until you listen to me!” so he flew back up and I continued, “I didn’t mean to hurt you. You know I didn’t. I never stopped caring about you. I’m not going to stop either. Why won’t you listen to me?”
“Because of what you did. You don’t understand how much that hurt me. So I’m not listening to you and your bullshit because I find it all hard to believe,” he flew back down and looked up at me, “Now come down, Private Rebel, before I PULL you down.”
So I listened. I landed on my feet and followed him out of the tank, “Lieutenant Urie… Thanks for teaching me,” he scoffed and walked away. He was never going to forgive me and I couldn’t live with that. Not only that, but he probably was never going to talk to me again. Yeah, this was going to kill me.
The rest of the day passed and I caught glimpses of him. I wish I could do something, anything. In my head, I concocted a speech that I could tell him sometime between now and when he’d have to leave. I had less than a week now and no clue what I could say to make him listen. What could I say that I hadn’t said?
I sat there with a piece of paper in hand during dinner and wrote down something, crossed it out, wrote something else, crossed that out, and repeated the process over and over again until there wasn’t a single empty spot left on either side of the paper. I couldn’t ask for another or else Sergeant Beckett might have slapped me for asking for superfluous amounts of paper (even though, in my opinion, one extra isn’t asking too much).
I watched as Lieutenant Sexy walked into the mess hall and sat with the other officers, not even tossing a glance my way. It shouldn’t have hurt, but it did. I wish that this could be like it used to be. He could casually steal a look at me when no one else was looking. I looked over at the other privates who were all eating and laughing at jokes I couldn’t hear.
And here I sat, alone. Someone came and sat across from me, “Private Rebel, right? I’m Private Killer. I don’t know how I got the nickname, so don’t ask,” he cracked a grin, “Is it okay if I sit here? You looked lonely and I figured you don’t have friends, I don’t. We’d get along fabulously,” he grinned.
I looked into his icy blue eyes and I blinked a few times, “Now I can’t stop thinking about how you got your nickname,” causing the other to laugh, “What’s your real name?”
“Spencer. Spencer Smith.”
I spat out what I was eating. I wiped my lips and sat up, “Smith… Like General Smith?”
“Well, Smith is a very common last name, you know. But yeah, like General Smith. Most people don’t make a connection. Do I look like him?”
“Well… You have blonder hair than him and your eyes are bluer, but yeah. You kinda do.”
He shrugged, “Well, I never saw my dad growing up. In fact, my mom always told me my dad was dead until she died. I had no other family, so at age 10, I was moved out here to live with my dad here on the military base. For 8 years, I just kind of was one of those kids everyone loved until he forced me to join the military. It was military or military. College wasn’t an option.”
I frowned, “That sucks… Well, I’m Ryan… I’m just here because my dad is an ass.”
He laughed, “Sounds like most people’s reasons.”
I smiled a little. I liked him. Maybe he could make life a little easier without Lieutenant Sexy around. I shrugged, “Probably is most people’s reasons,” I grinned, “So how’s that cole slaw? I bet it’s tasty.”
He laughed and threw some at my face, “Oh yeah, so tasty it makes me wanna puke,” he shoved his fork into the steak, picking the entire thing up with his fork, “So Private Rebel, what’s the whole reason you got sent here?” he asked, taking a chunk out of the meat.
“Well, if you promise not to tell anyone, I’ll tell you,” I muttered. Spencer raised an eyebrow and nodded. I sighed, “My dad caught me with my boyfriend, got pissed, and enlisted me without telling me.”
“Ah, the gay reason,” he winked, “Gotcha. No worries. You’d be surprised how many people have a similar reason. Did you know that only about 30% of our boot camp class is actually here by choice? 50% is the same reason as you. The other 20% are just people who were forced because their parents didn’t see any other option for them, which is where I fall,” he took another chunk out, chewing as he continued, “But I’m okay with that. The minority is awesome,” he grinned.
I laughed, “Nice to know I’m in the majority,” I joked, shrugging a little, “It’s hard for me to get used to all of this. I’m not strong and I never have been. So all of this hard work is killing me. Not to mention, I can’t jerk off because everyone would find out that I’m gay…”
“Most people here don’t care. I mean, aside from Nicholas and a few other privates, no one gives a shit. I mean, I’m not gay, but I know plenty of guys who are here. So don’t even worry about it. Once DADT gets repealed, the homophobes will just have to deal with it. And you, and the other gay guys, will all thrive in a mostly gay atmosphere,” he joked.
I laughed a little. I liked Spencer. Really. He made me feel better about my situation. Except Lieutenant Sexy. That was the only part of my situation that I didn’t feel better about, “Thanks. That makes me feel better…”
“So what happened with your boyfriend? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“Well… I told him that I was going into the military and he basically said ‘Good riddance.’ Not the nicest thing to hear, but hey, not much I could have done. It’s not like he’d want me back after I’ve been gone for years with PTSD,” I shook my head.
He shrugged, “Got any crushes since you got here? I won’t tell, I promise.”
“Uh… Lieutenant Urie.”
“Ah, the Lieutenant all the gays call Lieutenant Sexy, hmm?” he grinned, “I getcha. Yeah, I’m not surprised. If I was gay, I’d be all over that too.”
My face turned bright red. So Lieutenant Sexy wasn’t my nickname? Someone else had come up with it at the same time I had? Oh well… Speak of the devil. I heard his voice, “Private Killer, your father wants to see you.”
“Ugh,” he got up, “Thanks, Bren. Did you try to make up an excuse? Or did that just fail miserably?”
“Sorry, did the best I could. He called through my bullshit.”
Spencer laughed, “Okay, sir,” he made a face and waved at me, “See ya, Rebel,” he grinned and walked off.
I didn’t look up, figuring Sexy would walk away, but he sat next to me, “I know you cheated on me once, but it’ll still kill me if you do it again… Especially with the General’s son.”
I looked over at him and blinked, “What? He’s not even gay. I don’t like him that way. I don’t like anyone else that way. I have a type. My type is 100% what you look like. He looks 0% of what you look like… I didn’t mean to cheat on you…”
“Sure,” he got up from his seat, looked at me, laughed a little, “You’ve got coleslaw on your cheek,” and walked off. I frowned and let my head slam on the table. I didn’t mean to cheat on him! He knew that too, the fucker…
----
A/N: So I wasn't planning on posting this today, but I got a fifth review, so voila! Here you go, haha. I introduced Spencer... Just cause Private Pretty Boy needs a friend, dammit! There you go! I hope you enjoyed it. And remember: Five reviews means an update!
Ryan’s POV
He was deploying in a week? In a week, I wouldn’t see him for a year… Not that he wanted to see me anyway. And shove it up my ass? I took a deep breath, “I love you!” I yelled after him. All I got in return was the middle finger. Now what? What was I supposed to do now? Lieutenant Sexy was leaving and there was nothing I could do. He wouldn’t want to talk to me or think about me or go near me. I wasn’t sure what to do anymore.
I finally forced myself to get up before I headed back to my bunk. As soon as I lay down, the lights flipped on and a voice yelled through the barracks, “GET UP MAGGOTS,” and off he went, closing the door. I sat up and pushed myself off of the bed. I slowly got dressed and stood in front of the bunk. I couldn’t see my face, but I’m pretty sure it didn’t look nearly as bad as I felt.
Sergeant Beckett came up to me and crossed his arms, “You have bad dreams, maggot?” he asked in a threatening voice. I winced, unsure of what to say. He growled, “Did you hear me, Private Rebel?”
I took a deep breath, “Sir yes sir! I do not have bad dreams, sir!” I gulped. Sergeant Beckett scared the shit out of me. I never knew what to say or do around him. Every move I made, I was afraid he’d kill me or make me do push-ups. I hadn’t gotten much stronger, but all the push-ups had helped a little.
“Then wipe that depressing look off your face before I slap it off, Rebel!” and he kept going down the line, checking on everyone. Later that day, we had just finished the obstacle course when Beckett lined us all up and paced a while. Then he finally stopped and looked at us, “We’re trying something new. In the case that you need to jump from a plane, knowing how to land properly is a necessary task. So you will each be given an instructor to teach you. You will be placed in jumpsuits and inside a tank that you can simulate flying in. I will pair you off with your instructors…” he went down the list before he got to my name, “Private Rebel, you will be with Lieutenant Urie.”
I felt my breathing stop. Lieutenant Sexy was going to be my instructor? This was not going to end well, I could tell. We were all separated into our duos and I slowly walked over to Lieutenant Sexy. He said nothing, only gestured for me to follow him. He handed me a jumpsuit and crossed his arms, “Put it on.”
“Sir yes sir,” I managed softly before pulling it on over my clothes. I looked at him and shifted my weight a little awkwardly. If this wasn’t one of the most awkward encounters with the male ever, I didn’t know what would be. I moved closer to him and gestured to the tank that was standing there next to us. He pushed a few buttons and grabbed me by the wrist. He stood in the door and pulled me close to him.
“Lift your chin, put your hands in a cross right under your chin, and fall into my arms,” he put his arms out. I did as I was told and he stepped inside, holding me. I felt my face convulse almost as the current of air pushed up into it. My lips were flapping and my cheeks must have looked like I was a chipmunk, “Now hold your arms out and bend your knees,” again, I did as I was told. He then kept instructing me on what to do, what I was doing wrong, etc. I just wasn’t getting it. He groaned and kept repeating himself before grabbed me by a flap on the top of my shoulder and then around the leg, his hands grazing my crotch. Not good, so not good.
He pressed off the ground and we were flying in the current of air that was pushing up from the ground, “Do you see what I’m doing?” he asked—more like yelled. I nodded and he kept flying me around the tank before he landed and yelled again, “Now try it yourself. I’m going to let go!” and he did. I attempted to fly around myself, but I kept running into the wall. He grabbed me a little too roughly, making me fall into him, my face merely inches from mine. Instead of kissing me, he pushed me away from him, causing me to fly up awkwardly.
I stared down at him as I floated on the current of air. When he flew up to meet me, I yelled, “I love you!” to which he growled and went downwards. He landed on his feet and looked up at me. He gestured for me to come down. I shook my head and yelled again, “I’m not coming down until you listen to me!” so he flew back up and I continued, “I didn’t mean to hurt you. You know I didn’t. I never stopped caring about you. I’m not going to stop either. Why won’t you listen to me?”
“Because of what you did. You don’t understand how much that hurt me. So I’m not listening to you and your bullshit because I find it all hard to believe,” he flew back down and looked up at me, “Now come down, Private Rebel, before I PULL you down.”
So I listened. I landed on my feet and followed him out of the tank, “Lieutenant Urie… Thanks for teaching me,” he scoffed and walked away. He was never going to forgive me and I couldn’t live with that. Not only that, but he probably was never going to talk to me again. Yeah, this was going to kill me.
The rest of the day passed and I caught glimpses of him. I wish I could do something, anything. In my head, I concocted a speech that I could tell him sometime between now and when he’d have to leave. I had less than a week now and no clue what I could say to make him listen. What could I say that I hadn’t said?
I sat there with a piece of paper in hand during dinner and wrote down something, crossed it out, wrote something else, crossed that out, and repeated the process over and over again until there wasn’t a single empty spot left on either side of the paper. I couldn’t ask for another or else Sergeant Beckett might have slapped me for asking for superfluous amounts of paper (even though, in my opinion, one extra isn’t asking too much).
I watched as Lieutenant Sexy walked into the mess hall and sat with the other officers, not even tossing a glance my way. It shouldn’t have hurt, but it did. I wish that this could be like it used to be. He could casually steal a look at me when no one else was looking. I looked over at the other privates who were all eating and laughing at jokes I couldn’t hear.
And here I sat, alone. Someone came and sat across from me, “Private Rebel, right? I’m Private Killer. I don’t know how I got the nickname, so don’t ask,” he cracked a grin, “Is it okay if I sit here? You looked lonely and I figured you don’t have friends, I don’t. We’d get along fabulously,” he grinned.
I looked into his icy blue eyes and I blinked a few times, “Now I can’t stop thinking about how you got your nickname,” causing the other to laugh, “What’s your real name?”
“Spencer. Spencer Smith.”
I spat out what I was eating. I wiped my lips and sat up, “Smith… Like General Smith?”
“Well, Smith is a very common last name, you know. But yeah, like General Smith. Most people don’t make a connection. Do I look like him?”
“Well… You have blonder hair than him and your eyes are bluer, but yeah. You kinda do.”
He shrugged, “Well, I never saw my dad growing up. In fact, my mom always told me my dad was dead until she died. I had no other family, so at age 10, I was moved out here to live with my dad here on the military base. For 8 years, I just kind of was one of those kids everyone loved until he forced me to join the military. It was military or military. College wasn’t an option.”
I frowned, “That sucks… Well, I’m Ryan… I’m just here because my dad is an ass.”
He laughed, “Sounds like most people’s reasons.”
I smiled a little. I liked him. Maybe he could make life a little easier without Lieutenant Sexy around. I shrugged, “Probably is most people’s reasons,” I grinned, “So how’s that cole slaw? I bet it’s tasty.”
He laughed and threw some at my face, “Oh yeah, so tasty it makes me wanna puke,” he shoved his fork into the steak, picking the entire thing up with his fork, “So Private Rebel, what’s the whole reason you got sent here?” he asked, taking a chunk out of the meat.
“Well, if you promise not to tell anyone, I’ll tell you,” I muttered. Spencer raised an eyebrow and nodded. I sighed, “My dad caught me with my boyfriend, got pissed, and enlisted me without telling me.”
“Ah, the gay reason,” he winked, “Gotcha. No worries. You’d be surprised how many people have a similar reason. Did you know that only about 30% of our boot camp class is actually here by choice? 50% is the same reason as you. The other 20% are just people who were forced because their parents didn’t see any other option for them, which is where I fall,” he took another chunk out, chewing as he continued, “But I’m okay with that. The minority is awesome,” he grinned.
I laughed, “Nice to know I’m in the majority,” I joked, shrugging a little, “It’s hard for me to get used to all of this. I’m not strong and I never have been. So all of this hard work is killing me. Not to mention, I can’t jerk off because everyone would find out that I’m gay…”
“Most people here don’t care. I mean, aside from Nicholas and a few other privates, no one gives a shit. I mean, I’m not gay, but I know plenty of guys who are here. So don’t even worry about it. Once DADT gets repealed, the homophobes will just have to deal with it. And you, and the other gay guys, will all thrive in a mostly gay atmosphere,” he joked.
I laughed a little. I liked Spencer. Really. He made me feel better about my situation. Except Lieutenant Sexy. That was the only part of my situation that I didn’t feel better about, “Thanks. That makes me feel better…”
“So what happened with your boyfriend? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“Well… I told him that I was going into the military and he basically said ‘Good riddance.’ Not the nicest thing to hear, but hey, not much I could have done. It’s not like he’d want me back after I’ve been gone for years with PTSD,” I shook my head.
He shrugged, “Got any crushes since you got here? I won’t tell, I promise.”
“Uh… Lieutenant Urie.”
“Ah, the Lieutenant all the gays call Lieutenant Sexy, hmm?” he grinned, “I getcha. Yeah, I’m not surprised. If I was gay, I’d be all over that too.”
My face turned bright red. So Lieutenant Sexy wasn’t my nickname? Someone else had come up with it at the same time I had? Oh well… Speak of the devil. I heard his voice, “Private Killer, your father wants to see you.”
“Ugh,” he got up, “Thanks, Bren. Did you try to make up an excuse? Or did that just fail miserably?”
“Sorry, did the best I could. He called through my bullshit.”
Spencer laughed, “Okay, sir,” he made a face and waved at me, “See ya, Rebel,” he grinned and walked off.
I didn’t look up, figuring Sexy would walk away, but he sat next to me, “I know you cheated on me once, but it’ll still kill me if you do it again… Especially with the General’s son.”
I looked over at him and blinked, “What? He’s not even gay. I don’t like him that way. I don’t like anyone else that way. I have a type. My type is 100% what you look like. He looks 0% of what you look like… I didn’t mean to cheat on you…”
“Sure,” he got up from his seat, looked at me, laughed a little, “You’ve got coleslaw on your cheek,” and walked off. I frowned and let my head slam on the table. I didn’t mean to cheat on him! He knew that too, the fucker…
----
A/N: So I wasn't planning on posting this today, but I got a fifth review, so voila! Here you go, haha. I introduced Spencer... Just cause Private Pretty Boy needs a friend, dammit! There you go! I hope you enjoyed it. And remember: Five reviews means an update!
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