FicWad

I’m not ready. Oh my god, I’m not ready. “Juliet, you look like you’re dying. What the hell?” Ryan’s voice interrupted my panicked thoughts.

“I have to go- home and-“ I swallowed hard, “I have to get ready to go out to dinner with Brendon and his parents.” I’d been hanging out with Ryan for the past few hours but I failed to inform him of this dinner… date. I didn’t want to talk about it for fear of psyching myself out, though it seemed that had already happened.

“Whoa, dinner date?” He raised an eyebrow, wanting to hear more. “Please do explain this change of heart towards all things Brendon.”

I shook my head, “I can’t explain- I can barely think Ryan. What was I thinking in the first place? Dinner with his parents? My god, I’m going to make a fool of myself!”

Ryan laughed, “If you don’t start forming actual sentences when you talk then yeah, probably but I know you Jules and I know you can do this.” Ryan’s voice had a calming effect and though I disagreed with his words I still calmed down, listening intently to the tone of his voice.

“So-“ I breathed out, “What are your plans tonight?”

“Actually Jon and I were going to hang out at his place.” Ryan said, shrugging quickly. “He wanted to read more of my lyrics so I’m bringing them over, along with my guitar.”

“Ryan!” I surprised myself with how loudly I yelled his name.

“Yeah?”

I knew Ryan wrote lyrics but I’d never had the pleasure of reading said lyrics. “May I read some of these amazing lyrics?”

Ryan sighed, “Of course Juliet but could you do me a favor and not blow out my hearing next time you want something?”

“I can only try.”

Ryan smiled, “Trying is something.”

Twenty minutes later I was leaving Ryan’s house feeling a lot calmer and I had a notebook filled with lyrics in my hand, while Ryan was leaving to Jon’s with two other notebooks. It actually wasn’t just lyrics but also musical notes written out for various different songs and beautifully drawn instruments, along with other art work. Ryan waved goodbye but as I got in to my car I didn’t leave immediately, instead reading through the first few pages of the notebook.

I was absolutely sure that Ryan didn’t know just how talented he was, but now I did.









“Are you almost ready?” I stared in disdain at the text I’d received from Brendon just minutes ago. Was I ready? Hardly. I wasn’t sure I’d ever really be ready.

“Wow.” I heard my mom’s shocked voice from the doorway. “You look spectacular.”

I rolled my eyes and flattened out the dress once again, glancing in to the mirror. “Come on mom, be honest. How do I look?” I felt fake. I felt as if my body didn’t belong in the fancy outfit. It was like I was dressing up who I really was but that person was still showing through, blowing the whole damn disguise.

“You look beautiful Juliet.” She appeared behind me in the mirror and I noticed she was wearing a loose white dress, instead of pajamas.

“Talk about beautiful!” I turned to fully look at her, “Are you and dad going somewhere?” I’d asked them if they wanted to go out to dinner with us but they declined. If they already had plans then that would make total sense but it had been years since my parents had actually gone out together.

My mom had been much too sick to leave the house. This would be a good sign, a great sign.

She smiled, nodding. “We are going out to a small family restaurant in town. We just wanted to celebrate.”

“Celebrate what?”

Her smile grew wider as I waited, impatiently. Something good had happened but what? I held my breath, hoping desperately that it was in regards to her deteriorating health. “My cancer has gone in to remission Juliet.”

“Oh my god, really?!?” I couldn’t contain my absolute excitement. That was a good sign, a huge step towards what would be considered normality for our family. My mother had fought for so long, to get a break, even a small one, was a huge deal!

“Really.” She smiled as I heard a knock on the door.

It was Brendon. Damn.

“Do I- Do you want me to stay?” I glanced towards the door. “I can cancel.” I kind of wanted to cancel. I was still nervous. “I can celebrate with you guys instead.”

She shook her head, gesturing to the door. “Go and have a good night. I’ll be here tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Your father and I are going to be gone all night.” She laughed. “No wild parties but have a fun night sweetheart.”

I smiled in return, too excited to really speak.

The knocking continued and another gesture from my mother sent me on my way, opening the door to find Brendon looking hotter than I truly expected. He looked really good in a black suit, really good.

But was I underdressed? The worries continued to grow and I wondered if it was healthy to be so nervous. It had to have a pretty terrible impact on my system, seeing as how every body part of mine was on fire, every beat from my heart coming out faster than normal.

“You look great.” Brendon said, giving me a once over.

“I- you-great.” I nodded, remembering Ryan’s words of wisdom. I had to work on correctly putting my words together to form sentences in Brendon and his family’s presence. “You look even greater.” I blushed quickly at my own truthful comment.

Brendon smiled, “That’s definitely not true.” He noticed my never ending smile, “Not that I’m against your happiness or anything but why are you so happy?”

I let out a squeak of happiness that embarrassed me horribly but I couldn’t help it and then I wrapped my arms around Brendon’s neck, hugging on to him tightly. Brendon hugged back, inhaling deeply. “This is nice.” He murmured.

Finally I pulled away but Brendon’s smile faded fast, “Why are you crying?” He didn’t realize the tears were ones of joy, not sadness.

I couldn’t help but throw my arms around him once again, loving the feeling of his tight embrace. It made this all feel so much better, it made me feel safe. For once I felt like things would actually be alright. “Hey, it’s okay.” Brendon mumbled, rubbing my back as he tightly held on to me.

“I know.” I whispered back, “My mom’s cancer went in to remission.”

Brendon’s embrace tightened and I could hear the happiness in his voice, even though he didn’t know of my mom’s cancer in the first place. “Holy shit Juliet, that’s so great!”

I pulled away again, wiping my tears away. “Crap, did I just mess up my make up?” I was trying to look good for his parents, not look like a clown they might have hired for his tenth birthday party.

Brendon laughed, “Here, let me get it.” He gently wiped some mascara from my cheek, where the tears had taken it. “Perfect.”

All I could do was smile.

This was more than I could ever hope for and it was real, it was my life and it was really happening. What could be better?







“Sorry we’re late.” Brendon started as we approached the table his parents were sitting at. It was a spectacular restaurant, twenty minutes out of town, somewhat similar to the one he’d taken me to on our very first, very disastrous date.

“No worries. It’s so nice to see you again Juliet and you look beautiful. Doesn’t she look beautiful?” Mrs. Urie looked to her husband as well as Brendon, and both nodded their agreement, quietly mumbling their positive opinions on the matter.

All I could do was blush, hoping to disappear in to the chair that Brendon pulled out for me. His mother beamed in approval as she watched him, and I couldn’t help but notice how his parents watched us. This felt like more than just a get together between two friends, and one of the friends’ parents. This felt like… like they were sizing me up, but for what?

The waiter quickly arrived though I noticed both of Brendon’s parents already had wine in front of them. This restaurant wasn’t what I was used to. The menu wasn’t one I was used to. The people were dressed so nicely. The dress I was wearing was the nicest thing I owned and even it didn’t really compare. I was so horribly out of place, was it so noticeable to everyone else? Where were the snarky, annoyed to serve you waiters, and the crappy menu’s, with no originality written in plain English?

Brendon ordered something that I’d never even heard of before, as did his parents. They all seemed so confident with their orders, as I nervously searched for a regular hamburger. Why was everything so damn dressed up on the menu?

“I-I-“ Great, start stuttering. That’s not cute. Wait, cute? Why did I want to be cute? Well, because you like Brendon and want his parents to like you so that he likes you more, if he even really likes you. Just because he said it doesn’t mean it will stay true, or that it was ever true in the first place. “I wish there was an off button for my brain.” I blurted out, having meant to think it, not say it.

Brendon laughed, his parents soon joining him. “Isn’t that what we all wish for?” Mr. Urie finally said, as the waiter stood by holding his pad.

I nervously bit my lip, feeling my heart beat dramatically grow louder as it beat harder against my chest. I honestly felt as if my chest couldn’t hold my heart in for much longer. I mean, the heart was a pretty powerful organ, if it beat hard enough…

No, that was silly. The heart would end up damaging itself if it beat that hard against the chest cavity. My god, I really didn’t need to think this over right now. I glanced at Brendon, setting down the menu. “Brendon, I don’t know what any of this stuff is.” I finally admitted.

No one said anything as Brendon shifted closer, “Well, what are you wondering about?”

“You just don’t get it.” I closed my eyes, hoping I wouldn’t cry from the embarrassment. That would just make things more embarrassing, didn’t my body get that? “I don’t even know what to want because I don’t understand what any of it is. I’ve studied a few different languages but French was never one of them and this all seems to be in French and I just- I don’t get it. I don’t get what is on everything; I don’t even know where to start. You know that the fanciest place I like to go to is Taco Bell. I’m not like you and I’m not like your family.” I glanced at his parents, “I’m sorry. I don’t mean any disrespect to either of you but I’m just not like you. I’m not used to this- this extravagance and quite frankly I think it’s a waste, and could be put to much better use. I just don’t get it and I hope I never do.” I stood, letting the silence sink in. “I’m sorry to ruin the night. I’ll leave so you guys can properly enjoy dinner. Goodnight and thank you so much for inviting me.” I quickly left the table, knocking in to a nearby, and thankfully empty, table.

It wasn’t until the cold air hit my face that I let myself stop. I leaned against the building, sighing heavily. “You’re an idiot Juliet.”

“I’m going to have to agree.” Brendon’s voice responded, causing me to jump.

“I’m sorry.” I guess just leaving would be getting off much too easily. I deserved whatever words he could think of to throw at me.

“You’re the one that doesn’t get it Juliet.” Brendon leaned against the building as well, resting beside me. “I know that you don’t understand the restaurant’s menu, or the reasoning behind making this place so fancy, or the waste of money we spend on all the things we don’t need. I also get that you’re nervous around my parents, I don’t know why though. I understand more than you think though, so give me a little credit. We’re all just human Juliet and that’s the reason. It’s a lame reason but it’s still the reason. This is all that life is, this right here. You and me and all of those other people; the fancy building to the dressed up menu. It’s life. It’s what we work so hard for, and it’s why we’re so frivolous.” I let Brendon’s words sink in as I looked up at the stars, shining brightly in the sky.

He was right. He was so very right. We were all just human and we all deserved to live how we wanted, who was I to judge the way others lived? “I’m sorry.” I whispered the apology once again, meaning it in a different way this time.

“I don’t want you to be though.”

“I can’t help it. I was wrong. I’ve got a big mouth and I let it get ahead of my actual thoughts.” I shook my head. “How can I expect to get anywhere in life, let alone medical school, if I’m too stupid to even have a normal dinner with your family?”

“You’re anything but stupid.” Brendon said, moving in front of me. I looked away from the stars to let my eyes settle on my own earth bound star. “And we’re all wrong every now and then. You know what would make it right?”

I knew but I didn’t want to know. I wanted to go home and hide in bed. I wanted to be wrong but I wanted to be the graceful type of wrong, where I got to hide away and ignore that I was wrong. “How?” I asked, hoping he had a different suggestion. I could always write an apology letter or something.

“Go inside and finish dinner with us. I ordered you some pasta, like last time. You’ll enjoy it, I promise.” Brendon glanced down at me, smiling the sweetest smile I could remember ever seeing. It was weird how liking someone made you all sappy and soft hearted. Everything he now did seemed amazing, even if it really wasn’t. It just all seemed to have a bigger impact on me, which made sense. It was just strange.

I bit my lip but nodded, knowing I’d have to do it anyway. I couldn’t just leave. I knew it wasn’t right. Brendon nodded in return and extended his hand towards me. I took it, feeling a little better.

Hand in hand we walked back to the table, gaining his parents full attention. “I owe you both a huge apology.” I really did.

They each shook their heads though. “Don’t. We’d rather you tell us how you feel, instead of pretend. We both appreciate your honesty and next time we’ll let you pick where we eat.” Mr. Urie smiled kindly, his wife smiling in what seemed like a mutual reply but… next time?

I smiled, surprised with how easily things seemed to revert back to normal.

Our food quickly arrived, smelling wonderful.

Brendon stole glances at me while I shamelessly stared at him, unable to look away for too long. I just had to drink in his every move, the way he did things. I knew his parents would notice but I couldn’t help it.

God help me, I was falling in to an exquisitely woven trap of unexplainable emotion.









“So, I guess this is where I have to say goodnight.” Brendon stared towards my house. “It looks kind of dark; do you want me to walk you to the door?”

“Sure.” I didn’t move to get out just yet however, “My parents are out for the night to celebrate the good news. It’ll be weird spending the night inside, all alone…”

“Well, if you don’t want to… You could spend the night at my house.” I looked towards my house again, imagining my cozy bed. “My parents really wouldn’t mind.”

“Or…” I licked my lips, wondering if Brendon would say no. “You could spend the night at my house. That is, if you wanted, and if your parents were okay with it.”

Brendon smiled, “Is that really an invitation for me to spend the night with you that I’m hearing Juliet?” I could sense his teasing tone but I also noticed that he immediately pulled his cell phone out. I waited for a few minutes as he held it to his ear, holding a quick conversation with what sounded like his father.







“Mhm, your bed is very comfortable.” Brendon called out, as I brushed my teeth in the bathroom. Brendon’s bed was about twice the size of mine so I doubted he was all that in love with it and I really hoped he wouldn’t kick in his sleep, better yet I hoped I wouldn’t kick in my sleep.

Once I returned to my bedroom I found Brendon lying in my bed, under the comforter. “I have a spare toothbrush if you need to brush your teeth.”

“I’m too comfortable. If I don’t brush my teeth tonight, will you still kiss me?” The question caught me off guard and I found myself blushing instead of answering, though that was answer enough.

Thankfully Brendon let the question go as he glanced at my pajama shorts and tank top, seeing as how the matching pajama top was too uncomfortable at night when I was under blankets I instead wore the tank top. “So, that’s your pajamas? Here I was thinking some nice lingerie, maybe crotch less underwear.” Brendon continued to tease.

“Sorry to disappoint. I wear what I find comfortable and this, this is definitely comfortable.”

Brendon kept a completely straight face and dropped his teasing tone, “I sleep naked.”

“W-what?” I bit my tongue, nearly crying out in pain.

Brendon suddenly laughed, “Just kidding! I wish I had a camera. That was a priceless reaction.”

I simply rolled my eyes, shutting off my bedroom light and closing my door. I took a deep breath, preparing myself for what was to come. I knew I had to do this though, even if I had to do it in the dark just so that I didn’t have to see the expression on Brendon’s face.

I easily made my way to my bed, lifting the comforter and crawling in. My hand lightly touched Brendon’s bare chest and I jumped, startled.

Brendon chuckled, “Well, you didn’t expect me to sleep fully dressed, did you?”

“I’m just not used to having someone in my bed.” I answered, curling up next to him. He was a great source of heat and I didn’t even object when his arms pulled me a little closer.

I rested my head on his chest, letting his arms remain around me. I let a few minutes pass by as I simply enjoyed the feeling of Brendon. I could hear his soft breathing and was hoping he’d fallen asleep. “Brendon?”

“Yeah?” He hadn’t.

“I-“ I bit my tongue again, “Ow.”

“What?” Brendon sat up a little, still keeping me in place. “What happened?”

What happened? Well, let’s see… You made me start to like you and now I’m doubting every ounce of sanity I thought I’d had inside of me before now. Oh, and I’ve lost my ability to speak evidently.

“What is it?” Brendon asked. I felt him pull me closer.

“I need to tell you something.” Well there, an actual sentence.

“What’s that?”

“I can’t.” This could mess up so much.

“You can tell me anything Juliet. Remember, no judgment? I won’t ever judge you.” I laid my head back down on Brendon’s chest, inhaling his scent.

I felt the overwhelming need to breath but I didn’t want to move; to get out of bed seemed a terrible idea. I couldn’t stand the idea of running away from Brendon now. It seemed so cowardly. He was right. We were just human and this was all we had. This was life; this was one of the things we lived for. Why not just live for it now and deal with the consequences later?

“I like you too.” I let the words slip from between my lips, and I nearly laughed at how easily they came out. It was as if I hadn’t been struggling with the words all night, wondering whether or not to say them, and then wondering how to say them.

Now Brendon knew.