FicWad

I waited, listening to the slight change in Brendon’s breathing. It speeded up, after a small catch. Was that a good or bad thing? Oh my, a manual would certainly help. I needed to know what was going on with him, and with me. I needed a guide for dummies because in this area I wasn’t going to be excelling anytime soon.

“Breath.” Brendon suddenly whispered, bringing warmth to my cheeks. Had I been holding my breath? I had been. It felt good to breathe again, though the humiliating of once again having to be reminded to breath in Brendon’s presence didn’t escape me.

Brendon chuckled lightly, running his hand down my arm. The skin tingled, wanting more. How were such simple touches so exotic? In my mind it felt like we were doing something so profound, making me wonder just how it would feel to truly do something sexual with Brendon. Even just the thought made me blush, making me grateful that the light was off.

My breath caught as Brendon’s warm fingers snuck underneath my tank top, his fingers moving in shapes over my stomach, so lightly that I pushed up, wanting to feel his movements.

Another light chuckle but I couldn’t help myself. I’d never wanted something so badly in my life as I wanted Brendon’s touch. I was about to speak but whatever words had been forming behind my lips were quickly forgotten as I felt Brendon breath against my ear, his lips lightly closing over my earlobe. It seemed I’d found that stop button for my brain because it had officially shut off.

Brendon’s laugh grew and his lips left my earlobe, leaving behind a trail of warmth. “Breath Juliet.” He reminded me once again.

“Do it again.” I requested, trembling inside.

Brendon didn’t object, instead lightly landing kisses along my neck. I felt the blanket pulled away, down to my hips. That was okay though because my upper body was warm enough without the blanket, so long as Brendon kept touching me.

Each light kiss felt so good, so soft… so erotic. My hands clenched on to the sheet beneath me and I tried desperately to keep breathing, and willed myself not to do anything embarrassing. I just wanted him to keep going.

I let out a light moan as Brendon’s teeth grabbed on to my earlobe, and gently tugged at it. Then his hands moved up further and I nervously wondered if I should have worn a bra to bed, it probably would have been a lot less… sensual. Maybe it was a good thing. Well, a bad but good thing.

Then just as things were actually about to go further Brendon stopped and lightly pulled my tank top back in place. The kisses stopped, the warmth fading away. What was wrong?

A heavy sigh fell from his lips and all I could do was imagine the worst. Was I supposed to be doing something? Did I mess it up? Brendon kissed me on the side of my forehead, before pulling the blanket back over us.

I didn’t have enough strength to say anything and so instead I faked sleep, listening to his breathing even out. My brain came back to life, and my insecurities soon followed.







**



I woke warm and comfortable but alone. Had Brendon left? I glanced around my room, slowly moving. I didn’t want him to be gone and that thought struck me too suddenly for me to actually think it through, and the complications implicated from that seemingly simple thought.

The second thing that struck me was the sweet scent coming from the kitchen. I grabbed some jeans and pulled them on quickly before leaving my room. “Mom?” My mom was always the one that baked in the family, so I figured she was baking something because of her good mood.

Brendon popped in to the hallway, smiling. “She’s not home yet. It’s just me.”

I smiled widely, finding myself extremely happy that he was still here and cooking! Well, baking; though that sounded even better to my morning sweet tooth. “What are you making?”

“Cookies. Want one?” Brendon led me in to the kitchen, which was spotless as usual. There were a few bags on the counter though, leading me to realize I had slept through Brendon not only baking but also taking a trip to the store.

The oven still seemed to be on but there were some delicious looking chocolate chip cookies sitting upon a plate, ready to be eaten. “Don’t mind if I do.” I replied, grabbing one and taking a giant bite out of it. Seconds later I was spitting the bite in to the sink, crying out, “It’s not chocolate chip!” I felt slightly betrayed quite honestly. I hated raisins in cookies.

Brendon laughed, “Yeah, its raisin. The chocolate chip ones are in the oven. I didn’t know which you would prefer but I guess now I know.”

I glanced down at the plate of cookies, picking one up and studying it carefully. “I wonder if raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are part of the reason as to why people have such huge trust issues.”

Brendon began laughing, “Really?”

“Well, come on! It’s freaking misleading.” I crossed my arms, annoyed that he was laughing at me.

Brendon nodded, grabbing the plate. I watched as he dumped them in to the trash can, “You’re right. These are clearly evil cookies and they must be destroyed.” I smiled, against my will. “Though we should really share this fact with some psychologists; it could help them greatly.”

I joined him in laughing but rolled my eyes at his teasing, “The chocolate chip ones smell good.” I commented, peaking in to his bags. “What else did you plan on making?”

Brendon shrugged, “Well I bought some steak but it’s in the fridge, and I just bought a few other things for you…”

I sighed, “You know I can feed myself, right? I don’t need you to buy me groceries.” That’s what it seemed like he was doing. We weren’t that poor.

Brendon shook his head quickly, “No, no. That’s not what I meant to do… It’s just every time I went to check out I saw something I figured you might like and well, I can’t make it all because I doubt either of us can eat that much in one day so I – I put it away. I’m sorry.”

I grinned, realizing that his actions were kind hearted. “Thank you.”

Brendon smiled back, “You are welcome.” He moved closer, placing his hands on my hips. I stared up at him, licking my lips. Slowly but surely he leaned down, pressing his own lips to mine.

I was starting to get in to the kiss when I pushed him away, gently but firmly. “Good morning but no.”

“No?” He looked confused.

“I haven’t brushed my teeth yet. Morning mouth is kind of disgusting.”

Brendon laughed, “Oh, well I guess I could use that spare tooth brush now then.”







**





“Are you texting Brendon still?” I looked up as my mom entered my bedroom. I quickly tried to smother my poor guitar with my pillow, in an attempt to cover it… despite the guitar being bigger than the pillow. Even just texting Brendon made my brain mushy.

She just laughed, “I heard you the other night so don’t even try to hide it.”

I blushed, “Yes, I’m texting Brendon.”

“And you’re playing the guitar again, and singing?” My mom smiled, sitting upon the bed next to me. “And you’re smiling in a way I’ve never seen you smile before.”

“I’m still just me.” I announced, trying not to smile like such a fool. “I’m still a good student, and medical school still dominates my mind and I still-“ I fought to think of past things that defined me but I really couldn’t think of much. “I still like frogs.”

That just gained more laughter, “I know it’s still you. All I’m saying is… It’s good to see you happy. You deserve it. I know you’ve been through a lot through my sickness. I just want you to know that it’s okay to be happy, it really is.”

I smiled weakly, knowing exactly what she was saying. “It’s just… weird. I feel like I’m betraying you by being happy.” That was something I’d never been able to admit to her, especially with music. “Whenever I saw you in pain from your treatments I just- I thought I was betraying you.”

She shook her head, frowning. “No, that’s the last way I want you to feel. No matter how bad my health gets, and despite whatever pain I’m feeling… you’re still the most important thing to me. I love you and I just want what’s best for you. I want to see you smile, and I want you to do what makes you happy because that’s what really, really makes me happy. You make me happy Juliet.”

I had no words when it came to that but tears did build behind my eyes and I leaned my head on my mom’s shoulder as she brushed my hair back. I loved her too and to hear her say that it was okay to be happy lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders. It made the music inside of me feel a little less criminal but the guilt just wouldn’t leave, the feeling of betrayal would never really disappear because I’d seen her at her worst and I knew the pain she’d felt was true pain. I couldn’t get her tears of pain out of my mind, even when she now cried tears of happiness.

It was in the back of my mind nagging at me but that nagging now grew fainter and I could only hope with time that it would disappear.

Maybe eventually I’d get better too.





**



The next day came much too early, and with it the sun. I could feel the heat on my shoulders as I exited my house, deciding that I would just jog to school. Ryan had all of my books, since I didn’t have any homework to bring home with me.

I stopped dead in my tracks as I noticed an unfamiliar car parked in my driveway, with someone I never would have expected sitting in the car.

It was one of Brendon’s friends. What was his name? I could barely remember. Spencer? Maybe that was it. The boy waved, calling out the window, “Get in.”

I wasn’t entirely sure that I wanted to start off my day by getting in a stranger’s car but I wasn’t quite rude enough to blatantly ignore him, and I didn’t really have good enough reason to. He wasn’t exactly a normal stranger; he was a stranger from school. That seemed somehow less deadly. I got in his car, shutting the door behind me. “Um, hello.” I wasn’t sure what to say but I figured I might as well greet him.

“Hi!” He happily greeted me in return, reaching in to his back seat. I nervously waited, hoping that he wasn’t going to pull out a gun or something similarly destructive.

Instead he pulled out a shoulder back pack, similar to the one I’d had before. It had colorful peace signs covering it, the background black. “This is yours.”

“No, it really isn’t.” Maybe he was confusedly trying to return something he’d found but that wasn’t mine. It was similar but not the same.

He smiled, “I bought it for you.”

“Why?”

“Well, since you’re now friends with Brendon I wanted to get to know you a little better. It seems we will be hanging out together so why prolong the inevitable?” I wasn’t sure how to take that. “Oh, and I’m Spencer Smith by the way.”

“I’m Juliet.”

“I know and Brendon is vying for the position of Romeo, as expected.”

“What the hell does that mean, as expected?” I was confused as to whether or not I should like Spencer.

Spencer watched me, an amused smile playing upon his lips. He reminded me of the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland and as much as I loved that movie I didn’t much care for the cat. “You’re a smart girl, you’ll figure it out.”

“How about you just explain it to me?”

Spencer started his car, ignoring me. I crossed my arms, annoyed with his cryptic message and his entire demeanor yet at the same time… I didn’t really want to dislike one of Brendon’s friends. What the hell was with him though?

It took much too long for us to arrive at the school and by the time we arrived the silence had become deafening, drowning out any thoughts I had.

I opened the door before the car had even fully stopped and I could hear Spencer calling after me as I escaped towards the school, “You forgot your bag!”

Ryan stopped me before I reached the front door, “Whoa, whoa slow down. Classes haven’t even started yet; you aren’t going to miss anything if you walk like a normal student.”

I stopped in place, awkwardly glancing behind me to see Spencer headed our way. “Let’s at least get inside.” And away from him.

“Juliet! Ryan!” Too late. Spencer called out to us and Ryan looked his way, unaware of my desire to escape the situation.

“What’s up?” Ryan asked, once Spencer reached us.

Spencer handed me the peace bag and I clutched on to it, awkwardly spitting out, “Thanks.”

“Not much. What’s been up with you Ry?” Spencer smiled at Ryan, and I noticed it was a kind, genuine smile.

“Not a whole lot actually. How are those drums going?”

“Never been louder.”



I began to zone out as we walked in to the school together. What would it be like to see Brendon at school? Would he ignore me and hang out with his friends, or would he acknowledge me? Would he kiss me in public, as he did when we were alone?

The curiosity began to wear on me as Spencer split apart from us, heading down the hallway. I followed Ryan towards the cafeteria, surprised to find that we were both so early.

Then again I’d left home giving myself enough time for a jog; I hadn’t expected Spencer to show up. “Are you hungry or something?” I finally asked, entering the cafeteria.

“Or something.” Ryan replied, grinning at me.

I realized what his grin was all about when I noticed the cafeteria was cleared out, except for a few tables which remained. There was a smaller stage like area in which the curtains were pulled back, revealing Brendon standing on stage, Jon beside him.

Imagine the surprise. Brendon and Jon? Yeah, they only seemed to hate each other what, last week?

Just a few minutes later Spencer walked past us, heading towards the stage. Ryan smiled, did a small shrug type gesture, and then followed him. What was going on?

“Morning.” Brendon smiled towards me, and waved at all of the gathered students. Once he was done with his short greeting he turned to each boy, said something out of the microphone, and then spoke in to the microphone once again. “Enjoy.”





I listened intently as the music began, finding myself staring at Brendon’s lips and the way they curved with each word sung.

Brendon’s voice dropped and a tone I didn’t even know could exist formed, echoing romantic fairy tales through my mind. I couldn’t stop her; Cinderella had taken control.

“I chronicled the days you made me want to live, memorized the way that it felt and then I turned it in to this kiss. Tonight I’m wearing my best smile and hope to make me worth your while. I’ll be the best mistake you’ll ever make. From the lack of sleep and the blood shot eyes to the nervous kiss and the butterflies. Does this make any sense at all? She said, she said. We’re not sleeping and I’m not breathing. If this means anything at all, I won’t let you leave me anymore.” I melted at the words passing from between his lips.

Might as well strip me and stick me in a corset. That free will thing us women worked so hard for? Yeah, it slipped right through my fingers as Brendon’s eyes met mine, seeking them out through the crowd of growing students. He had this planned. They all planned this together. Well, at least Jon and Brendon and Ryan were getting along, and well Spencer but… I wasn’t aware of any dislike between Spencer and the others.

The song ended much too quickly but I didn’t regain any of my will, staying melted in place. I opened my mouth, thinking for a moment that I’d actually be able to speak. Of course I couldn’t. Brendon hopped off stage, making his way towards me. I watched the way other girls stared at him, openly with such… desire. Was that the look upon my face? I wouldn’t be surprised.

He was speaking. I could see his lips moving. When did I lose my hearing, and my speech? Then things became clearer, but all I could do was stare at his lips. I needed to feel them on my own lips. I longed for just one more kiss, though I knew one more would never be enough. “Juliet, are you okay?” He sounded so concerned, his smile slipping out of place.

“I’m fine.” I choked the words out, surprised I was able to.

Brendon moved forward and I thought he was going to kiss me. The thought set my nerves on fire but surprisingly it was me who ruined the moment as I pulled away, blushing scarlet. “I have to go.” Though I really didn’t. The bell hadn’t yet sounded. We were all here so early.

Brendon looked wounded but said nothing, though I didn’t really give him the chance. I darted from the cafeteria, feeling as if I were being watched. Had I become so interesting, just because Brendon gave me the time of day? No one knew anything. They didn’t know his lips tasted sweet against mine. They didn’t know how I felt at the moment. They knew nothing. So, why couldn’t I shake the feeling that everyone was staring?





**



(Disclaimer: song is Best Mistake by Jamison Parker)