FicWad

**



I took my seat in class much too early, finding that I had nothing to do but sit and stare. I didn’t even have my book or notebook for the class, since Ryan had it in his locker. How could I have forgotten? I didn’t want to leave the safety of the classroom to find Ryan to get my book though. I didn’t want to open the door because I knew that metaphorically it would mean more, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. I was just like any other person in this world. I wanted to feel wanted but I was too afraid to let that happen. I was too afraid to feel the bad, so I couldn’t let myself admit the good in to my life. I hid from situations, frightened that things could get too uncomfortable… or uncomfortable at all.

Brendon was good. The more I knew him the more sure of that I became. But what did that make me? Before all this began I thought I was good and he was bad. I thought it was that clear but it wasn’t. Brendon turned out to be the good one, did that make me bad? Did we all have the ability to be good and bad, was it all that simple? I liked to think so but at the same time the thought frightened me further. What if Brendon’s bad came back? Luck doesn’t just strike like this. There was no reason for Brendon to really like me, the way he claimed too. All I had was fear left after his beautiful song, and all I had was myself to blame for that. Maybe I just didn’t know what I was thinking; maybe I had no idea at all. I’d never felt like this before. Maybe it was normal.

I could ask Ryan.

The bell finally rang.

The door opened and I expected the teacher to come in, though instead it was another student. It was another one of Brendon’s friends; the one who had called me cheap on my first day at this school. What was his name; Alex? I held my breath, hoping to avoid any awkward conversation. Hopefully it wouldn’t be like the situation with Spencer. Hopefully he’d just overlook me completely.

I had no such luck.

The chair beside me moved and he set his books down upon the desk we were to share, seeing as how the room was filled with two seated desks. Oh fuck. I was going to be stuck sitting next to him for an entire class period.

I tried to look straight ahead, pretending to pay him no attention. My nerves strained to break free, and show just how uncomfortable they were. Somehow I managed to keep a straight face and breathe normally once I decided to start breathing again. “This class is the only class that I like.” I was startled to hear him speak, and so casually.

“So, you’re creative then.” It could have been a question had I used a different tone but I didn’t need to question him about it. I was surprised I’d even responded. This class was one to flex your creativity in. It wasn’t aimed towards anything complex. Then again creativity was so very complex, so maybe that was just my judgment. What did I know anymore? It felt as if my knowledge had become useless. I was on a different level now.

“I am.” He chuckled. “You’re nervous.”

“How can you tell?” I thought I was hiding it quite well.

“You just admitted it.” Alex shot back. “I’m Alex, I’m not sure if I’ve formally introduced myself to you yet.”

“I wouldn’t call that a formal introduction but I seem to recall a different introduction on my first day. Don’t worry; you made me well aware of who you are.”

“Forgive my vulgarities.” I could hear him moving and I wondered why no one had entered the classroom yet. Wasn’t it the bell I’d heard?

“Forgive my lack of manners but what the hell do you want?” I finally turned to look at him and realized that wasn’t the smartest move to make. His eyes tore right through me, with such a hot flame burning inside. What was with this guy? The only thing that came to my inexperienced mind was ‘sex on legs’.

Alex cracked a smile and nodded, “Forgiven.” He glanced behind him, towards the door. It finally opened and students began piling in. It was about fucking time.

We both fell silent as students around us took their seats. I wasn’t paying much attention until I heard soft rapping upon my desk and my eyes fell upon a pair of fingers. I glanced up, finding Ryan standing in front of my desk. Ryan, who I would prefer seated next to me. “Are you okay? Brendon said you ran off.”

“I’m fine.” I sighed heavily, already tired of today. Why’d I have to go and think? Things were going so well without my own interruption. “I forgot to grab my books, sorry.” Ryan set our books on the desk and separated them.

“It’s no problem.” The teacher cleared his throat and Ryan rolled his eyes. “We need to talk at lunch.” Then he hurried to a different seat and I noticed that he sat beside Jon.

Today the subject at hand was art appreciation. I tried to pay as much attention as I could as the teacher spoke of the language of art, and how to recognize techniques that artists used, as well as the qualities that characterized art and specific artists. As much as the subject intrigued me I still found myself drifting off to other, unwelcome thoughts. My insecurities could only grow it seemed, for my confidence had headed for the hills, hiding out of sight.

“Not in to art?” Alex whispered, leaning towards me.

I was in to art. I loved it. It was beautiful; how could anyone dislike it? “I just don’t think I have a creative bone in my body.” I responded, attempting to whisper.

Alex leaned closer, much too close. “What kinds of bones inhabit your body then?” He whispered huskily, catching me off guard.

I didn’t dare answer, knowing he didn’t want a technical answer; his tone of voice gave that away. I did attempt to lean back however, simply wanting to put some distance between myself and Alex. Unfortunately gravity was a lot nicer when you’re leaning forward, than it was when you leaned backward. I barely had time to register the shaky chair, or the fact that I was falling, until I was on the ground, the chair beside me sideways. I’d leaned back a little too far.

I glanced up to see that I’d gained the classroom’s attention. My eyes fell on Brendon and he raised his eyebrows questioningly, glancing from me to Alex.

Alex cleared his throat and I looked back, realizing he was now standing with his hand outstretched. I nervously took it, a lump forming in my throat. What was that all about? I’d lived the experience and I still had questions, plus overwhelming warmth took over my face and I knew I was blushing out of embarrassment. That really didn’t make things any less embarrassing.

The teacher didn’t miss a beat, continuing on with his speech of famous artists and their artwork. Brendon’s eyes didn’t leave me though, and I couldn’t force myself to look back… I was too frightened of what he might see.





**



“Can I carry your books for you?” Alex asked, just as the bell rang.

I glanced towards Ryan, seeing that Jon and Brendon were standing next to him deep in conversation. None of them were in my next class so I nodded, slowly, wondering why Alex was being so nice. It caught me off guard, like much of the day.

Alex quickly took hold of my books, gesturing for me to go ahead of him. Nervously, I did. My emotions were going insane, I couldn’t focus on them anymore or I would explode. I needed to learn to just… go with things. “I saw your drawing in class. It was good.” I muttered, trying to make conversation.

Alex smiled widely, “I’m glad you liked it. The presentation was a little boring for my tastes. You seemed quite out of it though, penny for your thoughts?”

I bit back a frown, forcing a smile. “Oh, believe me… they aren’t worth that much.”

Alex shrugged, “I wouldn’t dream of forcing you to tell me something you don’t want to but it doesn’t hurt to ask.”

I nodded, “You’re right; it doesn’t hurt.” That didn’t mean I would tell though. They really weren’t that important. They were just thoughts, thoughts which would soon change… hopefully.

We made it to class in one piece, though my mind was working on fixing that. There weren’t two spots in one place available so I figured Alex and I would split up. It would be nice to sit alone, away from Brendon’s friends. I wasn’t prepared for their attention. What had he said about me?

Alex stood in front of a boy, whose name I didn’t know. “Move.” His tone was rough, leaving no room for argument. I froze, glancing at this side of him. It seemed so much more realistic on him, so why was he faking nice with me?

The boy grabbed his books, quickly evacuating the seat. I stood, not prepared to sit yet. Alex elegantly lowered himself in to the seat, setting our books down. “Please join me.” He gestured to the empty seat beside him and with a deep breath I sat down, feeling beyond uncomfortable.

“Why did you do that?” I finally asked, since we had time before our next class.

“Do what?” Alex pulled open his notebook, not even looking at me as we spoke.

“You kicked that boy out of his seat.” I whispered, for some unknown reason not wanting to say it loudly. It had to be humiliating for the boy. Why should I rub that humiliation in?

Alex glanced up, eyes once again burning with something foreign to me. “I did it so that we could sit together.”

The words were sweet but the questions continued to swarm in my mind. “So, you want to avoid the inevitable and hang out with me too?” I repeated Spencer’s words, somewhat annoyed that Brendon’s friends wanted to be friends with me just because Brendon and I… Just because we could sometimes be friendly towards each other. I wasn’t even sure how to word it but that about summed it up.

Alex frowned, “Huh?” He seemed genuinely confused.

“Look, I’m just trying to say you don’t have to be friends with me because I’m now kind of sort of friends with Brendon and you definitely don’t have to be mean to other people just so that you can sit next to me. Kindness matters, despite whatever you think. Plus, if you want to attempt to be friends with me, even if you’re just faking it, then you’re going to have to be nice or I won’t be around you.” That was a mouthful.

Alex sighed heavily, running a hand through his ridiculously perfect hair. “Hey Skyler!” He shouted the boy’s name, and I noticed how Skyler’s eyes widened.

“Y-yeah?” Why was he so damn jumpy?

“I’m sorry that I was so rude.” Alex said, making his apology sound genuine. “Would you like your seat back?”

Skyler looked startled but he quickly shook his head, “It’s yours man.” But then I noticed a hint of a smile upon his face as he turned away from us.

“Is that better?” Alex finally asked, leaning a little closer since the teacher had started talking.

I said nothing, pretending to pay attention to the teacher’s words. Alex spoke again, his head inches from mine. “I’m not trying to be your friend because you’re friends with Brendon.” That caught me by surprise.

“You don’t have to lie about it.” I mumbled back, still watching the teacher.

“I haven’t spoken to Brendon all weekend.” Alex whispered, “How would I even know you’re friends with him now?”

“Then why?” Well, that’s a weird turn of events.

“I feel bad about how we met.” Alex said, sighing heavily. “I don’t usually act like I’m on my period.”

I couldn’t help but grin at his wording, though the grin quickly fell. “You called me cheap.” My feelings were still somewhat hurt, though I’d pushed the hurt away. I tried not to care about what people said about me but sometimes that was hard. I’d had so many harsh things said to me but for some reason that was something that had stuck.

Alex’s frown was evident in his tone, “I did and I’m sorry; you’re someone I’d be really happy to get a blowjob from.” I was sure the words were meant well but they weren’t the greatest choice and they set my face on fire, with burning embarrassment.

“Is there a problem here?” The teacher had stopped in front of our desk, surprising me. I’d been staring at him without seeing him approaching. My cheeks became hotter, as I blushed harder than I ever had before.

“No problem.” Alex responded, “At least I hope not.” I caught the last whispered part and fell in to silence as I thought his words over. Was he really just trying to be nice, for the sake of being nice?

With the way Brendon turned out I felt I had no place to judge him. Why not expand my mind and give him a chance too? Hell, it couldn’t hurt anything.

“You’re forgiven.” I whispered, not looking at Alex. The teacher had gone back to speaking to the class, standing far enough away that he couldn’t hear us.

“Here; this is for you.” Alex slipped a piece of paper towards me.

I noticed it was his drawing from the previous class. The one I’d sat and admired, while ignoring the actual lesson. I didn’t say anything, staring down at it. It was beautiful; a picture of a rose with broken thorns falling towards the ground. The symbolism showed that Alex did have a deep side.

I was starting to think that everyone did, this school was teaching me more than I ever thought it would.





**



I exited the classroom, while Alex was busy talking to yet another person whose name I didn’t know. I was glad for the escape. As nice as his gestures seemed I still didn’t trust him, though I wanted to give him a chance. I also wanted to be alone, for just a fraction of a second.

Instead I ran in to a hard body as I exited the classroom, ahead of everyone else. “Whoa, slow down.” Brendon’s voice met my ears, making my brain begin to melt.

Get a hold of yourself! Cinderella retreated inside of me, just slightly. At least I had control for a few sweet moments, and I wasn’t a bowl of putty in Brendon’s hands. “What’s up?” I stepped away from the door so that people could pass. “Is this your next class?”

“No, I have gym.” Brendon replied, watching my face carefully.

“Oh, well you’re on the wr-“ I was cut off as Brendon grabbed for the piece of paper on top of my book.

“What’s this?” He looked down at it, past the drawing to the bottom where Alex had written a small message. -I’m sorry that one of my thorns broke skin. It won’t happen again. –Alex.-

“It’s just a drawing.” I mumbled, pressing myself further in to the wall, hoping to disappear. Today was so confusing, being made even more confusing by the look upon Brendon’s face. Had I made him angry? He looked angry.

“Alex?” He repeated, finally tearing his gaze from the drawing. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Tell me this is a joke Juliet.”

“I’m not sure what you mean.” I definitely wasn’t trying for funny today. I was just trying to make it through the day.

“Why did Alex give you this drawing?” Brendon’s eyes were burning in to mine and I didn’t like the intensity. I didn’t like it at all.

“Why does it matter?” I shot back. “Why are you even here? Gym is on the other side of this school.” I stared back at him, defiantly. I wanted him to know that he couldn’t just push me around, like he currently seemed to want to. So what if I was hanging out with one of his friends? I had every right to hang out with whoever I wanted to, right?

Brendon’s gaze softened, but he still looked angry. “I came to see you. I didn’t get the chance to talk to you earlier.”

“Well, you should get going.” I snapped, still frustrated. “We are both already late.” The halls had cleared up, students disappearing in to classrooms.

Brendon just nodded, looking wounded once again. I just wanted to go back to my bed, were things seemed easy. I wanted to lay my head against Brendon’s chest and feel the warmth but something inside of me told me now wasn’t the time and I probably wouldn’t get the reaction I’d want. Things between us at school were different, that much was clear. Brendon was different. Or maybe by telling him I liked him… I’d made things different.

“Brendon, the drawing.” I reminded him, as he turned to walk away.

“What; this?” He held the drawing up, looking disgusted.

“Yeah, can I have it back?” I stepped towards him.

“Sure.” Brendon whispered but his actions didn’t meet his soft tone as his fingers roughly ripped the paper in half. He then stepped forward, placing the pieces upon my book once again.

I gasped, surprised by the action. “That was cruel.” I spoke with a steady tone, trying not to betray my emotions by letting Brendon know just how much that small action hurt me.

“Oh well.” Brendon responded, leaning towards me.

I leaned back, accidentally dropping my books along with the drawing. I watched the pieces separate as they fell to the ground. Sighing loudly Brendon bent over, picking up all that I’d dropped. I stood in place, just watching him. He was different here. What had happened? Was it me? Was it what I’d said the other night?

Brendon’s lips found my forehead and he pressed a gentle kiss upon my skin. I was too deep in thought to pull away in time and the kiss burned against my skin, no longer feeling as good as it had the other night. “I’ve got to get to class babe.” Brendon placed my books in my hands and I held on tightly, grateful for the distraction.







**



Oh well.

The way the words were spoken stuck in my head, stuck on repeat. Ryan was the one who finally broke me from the horrible thoughts that were piling in to my head. “Why weren’t you in class?”

I glanced up from the floor in the hallway, where I’d been sitting since Brendon left me to go to gym class. “I didn’t feel like it.” My voice sounded dead but at least it wasn’t betraying my pain.

“What’s wrong?” Ryan extended his hand but I just stared at it.

“Jon, I found her!” Ryan yelled down the hallway.

I was surprised, listening as I heard Jon’s footsteps. “Is class still going on?” I asked, wondering where all the other students were.

“Yeah, but I didn’t see you in class so I figured something was wrong. You aren’t the skipping type.” Ryan said, frowning at me.

Jon appeared, jogging down the hallway. “What the hell?” He glanced at me, “What’s wrong?”

I didn’t want to hear that question again.

Then the tears started, and it definitely didn’t help put an end to their line of questioning. I jumped as Ryan’s soft fingers brushed the tears away and Jon sat down beside me, pulling me in to a hug. “Hey, whatever it is… It’s okay.”

I hesitantly pulled myself from his warm embrace, “I need to go.” I muttered, attempting to stand up while holding on to my books. Ryan ended up prying them from my hands as Jon grabbed my arm, pulling me up.

“Where are you going?” Jon asked, as Ryan glanced down at the pieces of the drawing.

“Anywhere but here.” I responded, wiping the rest of my tears away. “I must be about to start my period.” I muttered, thinking of Alex’s earlier apology. “These emotions just won’t go away.”

Jon laughed nervously, “God that kind of makes me a little frightened. Should we be hiding?”

I laughed as well, “I’m sad, not violent… so you should be fine for now.”

“Alex drew you a picture?” Ryan asked, frowning.

That caught Jon’s attention as well, “Alex?”

“He drew a picture in first period.” I answered, “Then gave it to me after I said I liked it.”

Jon whistled lightly, “Well, that’s weird.”

Ryan nodded, “Very weird. Alex isn’t a nice guy Juliet.”

“He seems nice enough to me.” I snapped, frustrated with how everyone seemed to be against me being friends with Alex, even if I was somewhat against it as well. I didn’t need anyone else’s opinion on the subject. It didn’t matter what they said. I had my own opinions.

“But you still felt the need to rip the picture in half?” Ryan questioned me, eyebrow raised.

I didn’t answer. How could I? I didn’t want to talk about Brendon. I didn’t want to explain how he felt the need to rip the drawing in half, and I definitely didn’t want to explain to them that it felt like he’d ripped something inside of me in half with the picture.

It wasn’t even the fact that it was Alex’s drawing. It was the fact that Brendon had done it with such hate and then turned around and kissed me on the forehead. What the hell was wrong with him? What gave him the right to treat me like that?

What gave him the right to make me feel like this?





“Can you just talk to me about this?” Ryan asked, following me out of the school. Jon trailed behind, not saying anything.

“I don’t have anything to say Ryan. You’re looking for answers that just aren’t there.” I continued walking, before realizing I hadn’t driven to school. Crap.

Jon spoke up, “Do you need a ride somewhere?”

“Yeah.” I mumbled, “I’d appreciate that.”

“I’m coming with.” Ryan added.

“I’d hope so since you won’t give me my books.” I responded, letting Jon take the lead so he could lead us to his car.

It wasn’t too far. I climbed in to the back, hoping to be forgotten behind them. Unfortunately that wasn’t how it went. Ryan turned to look at me as Jon drove, to wherever the hell he was going. “So?” Ryan prompted, holding up half of the drawing.

I crossed my arms, sighing loudly. “You guys did great this morning. You’re both so talented. I never knew you were in to music Jon.”

Jon grinned, taking a sharp turn. “It was nice playing on stage.” He glanced at Ryan, with a look that I caught. “I’d like to do it again.”

Ryan smiled nervously, “Yeah, I’d like to do it again too.” Then he narrowed his eyes at me, “Brendon said you ran away from him after though.”

I shrugged, “I had to get to class.”

“Why?” Jon asked, confused.

“Yeah, I don’t think staring at a blank board qualifies as a need.” Ryan said, glaring at me.

They just wouldn’t let go of anything. They were two of a freakin’ kind.

“I wasn’t staring at a blank board.” I snapped, my annoyance growing. My shoulders slumped and I stared out the car window as I realized I’d have to tell them. If I didn’t then Jon probably wouldn’t let me out of the damn car. “I wasn’t ready for what he did.”

“I think he realized that.” Ryan said softly, “That’s why he didn’t say your name on stage.”

“Yeah, he just wanted to let you know how much he likes you.” Jon chipped in, surprising me. Evidently their hate for each other dissipated quite quickly.

“He could have done that without a public display.” I felt really bad about being angry, but then again that wasn’t what had really made me angry. He had no right to treat me like he did and rip apart Alex’s picture. “I just wasn’t ready.” I repeated, feeling lame. “But I’m really proud of you guys. You did so well.” I wanted to assure them that their display of talent was very much appreciated, and very good. Wait, why couldn’t I tell Brendon that? A little seed of guilt planted itself inside of me and began to blossom. I’d never even thanked Brendon for singing the song. I didn’t even tell him how good he was…

Ryan finally turned to face the front but he crossed his arms, letting me know that he wasn’t done with the subject. I took hold of the silence, enjoying it while I could.











**



“Why her?” Brendon’s voice echoed down the hallway, as students stood by and stared.

Alex shrugged, displaying a smug smile upon his face. “Why not?”

“Because I want her.” Brendon snapped. “That’s it, isn’t it?”

“You’d do the same thing.” Alex replied, still smiling.

“I’ve never gone after someone you actually care about.” Brendon responded, the anger surging through his veins. He’d never felt so out of control before. “You’ve never had someone that you actually cared about.”

“I have.” Alex answered, frowning.

Brendon was momentarily stunned but it didn’t last as Alex’s fist came crashing in to his face, knocking him off balance.

The fight began.





**



Jon frowned down at his phone, before passing it to Ryan. I watched both boys, curiosity peaked. “What?” They both looked at me.

“Brendon got suspended for three days.” Ryan said, watching my reaction.

I did my best not to react. “Why?”

“Fighting.” Jon answered.

My mouth dropped open and the worry flooded through me, “Is he okay?”

Ryan nodded, “I would assume so. He got three days, while Alex only got one.”

“Alex? He was fighting with Alex?” The worry was still there but anger took its place beside it.

“Yeah but since Alex had more injuries he got less time suspended. Plus, I guess none of the students could clearly define who threw the first punch so the school assumed it was Brendon.”

“Why would they assume that?” Why was he fighting with Alex? Alex was his friend!

Jon sighed heavily, “Brendon’s had a lot of… physical fights.”

I thought of the look on his face when he ripped the piece of paper in half. “So, he’s violent?” I glanced towards Ryan, heart beating quickly. “Ryan you never told me that.”

Ryan glared, but there wasn’t much attitude behind it. “You never really questioned me about Brendon. Why does that seem to…” He trailed off, staring at my face. “Are you afraid of him?”

Was I?

“He’s never hit a girl before.” Jon said, “Just guys.” Then he paused. “Wait, he didn’t hit you, did he?”

I quickly shook my head, shaking the absurd thoughts of a violent Brendon away. “No, he’s never hit me.” I assured them, not wanting either boy to get the wrong idea.

Ryan was still watching my face closely though, so I fought against showing any emotion, sadly realizing I was getting better at not showing it.

Jon nodded, relief flooding his face. “Yeah, he’s got a mean streak.”

I nodded, already well aware of that.







**