FicWad

A/N: Oh Geesus, i don't know why i'm posting this. It's an experiment, I guess. I never wanted to post my works to the Internet, but well... my friend, er, inspired me to. -looks at Hostile Halo warily- So yeah, if this doesn't go well, I'll take it down and go back to what I do, which is lurking around Ficwad leaving random reviews. (;
I do not own MCR, Bert McCracken, Frank's grandpa, or your mom. Just the shitty assed plot.
I hope I'm doing this right. ._. -xoxoKat


Well, it started on the Internet.
My brother and I were being dumb kids as usual, and fooling around one late night on Omegle. Plus, we had our good friend Bert over. Of course, my mom didn't know this because she hates Bert. The kid's a riot. Always getting into trouble and dragging people down with him. I happened to know this because this was one of those nights.
Mikey adjusted the webcam and we squished all our faces together so that we could all be seen by the stranger on the other end. The guy was shirtless, of course, and way older than I thought was allowed on sites like these. Someone ought've just stamped PEDOPHILE across his forehead. I could hear Bert snicker, and my brother sigh.
"Can you hear us?" Bert asked, smushing his face against the microphone like a douchebag. I sighed. Noseprints all over an expensive laptop.
The guy nodded. "How old are you ladies?" he asked in a gruff sounding voice. He chuckled, and I could see his nasty belly fat rippling along his body. I threw a look at Bert, the one "is this really a good idea" look. He returned it with the mouthing of "shut the eff up and don't be a female private part". Glancing at Mikey I could tell he wasn't too chill with this idea either. I mean, I don't even know why he hangs with me and Bert. The kid's thirteen, for Pete's sake.
Bert snorted. "I'm not a lady, ass." He sneered and flipped the bird at the camera. The guy on the other end laughed even harder.
"Missy, shouldn't you be in bed? You got school tomorrow and it's late you know," he purred all pedo-y, reaching his hand out of view in the camera. I covered my face with my hand, already knowing where this was going.
"I'm sorry, I lost you after 'in bed'," Bert replied sarcastically. "You better keep that hand where I can see it, Santa."
"Whatever you say." I saw the guy reach up and tip down his laptop lid so the webcam could see downwards. I gasped and shielded my eyes as I saw the exposed flesh of the old guy's... "Bert, what the hell do you think you're doing?" I snapped, socking him in the shoulder.
Bert ignored me. "Think you're being impressive, Gramps? Even my aunt's is longer than yours, ya douche."
I heard the guy grunt. "Ladies, I need to see all your pretty faces to finish me off," he said, apparently ignoring Bert also. Then suddenly, I felt Bert's warm, rough hands tilt my chin up, and before I knew it, he was kissing me right on camera.
Kissing Bert was normal for me, even though we didn't date. But doing it right in front of horny old men on the Internet was not. I shoved him away fast, my cheeks flushing like a toilet. "Bert!"
"Oh Gee, just do it for the guy so he'll leave us alone," Bert insisted, snaking his arms around me and pulling me close again. Hell no bitch. I was not planning on being Santa's helper any night. Especially not with Mikey here, and--
Suddenly I heard a loud crash. Our heads snapped up in surprise, looking around for the culprit. Then I noticed it had come from within the computer.
The screen on the old man's end was all blurry and I heard this thumping noise. A door slammed. Fast breathing, and then another thump. The laptop webcam focused on a small boy.
"Sorry about that," he gasped. "My grandpa... yeah... I'm so sorry."
Bert burst out laughing. "HA! Your grandpa's a fucking retard. Is that where you get it, Frankie?"
The kid looked down, and suddenly I realized it. This was Frank Iero. I knew that shaggy dark hair anywhere. That short, lean frame. That sullen facial expression. He went to our school. I could hardly believe it. The school's loser was sitting here, having just rescued us from his grandpa jacking off to us.
But then, Frank looked up at glared into the webcam. "Maybe I should have just left you to him, ass hole," he hissed.
"Nah, he's your grandpa, I wouldn't want to deprive you of the fun," Bert shot back.
"Both of you, shut up!" I screamed.
"I'm going to the bathroom," Mikey sighed. I let him go. That was always his excuse to get away from our drama.
"Loosen up, Gerard. This kid is a freak. So is his grandpa," Bert scoffed. "Isn't that right, little fag? You and I both know about the little crush you have on Gerard."
I saw Frank turn a deep red. Yeah, I'd heard that rumor too. I guess now was the time to learn the truth.
"What do you care?" Frank muttered.
"I saw you sniffing his clothes in the locker room," Bert sneered.
"Wait, whaaaaat??" This was certainly new to me.
"Was not! He's a whore anyway," Frank retorted, crossing his arms.
"I am not a whore!" I protested. It was true, no matter how much Bert makes me look like it, I am not and never will be a whore.
"Suuuuuure you're not, Gee," Bert cooed in my ear, licking my cheek. "Does this get you off, Frankie? Huh? Does it?"
"Mother fucker!" I cried, shoving Bert off the bed and taking the laptop for myself. "Okay, listen here, doucheface. If you breathe one word about this to anyone at school, or anyone at all, I'll smother you in Bert's dirty underwear. Got that?" Before he had a chance to respond, I bit my lip and smashed the laptop closed.
Bert is the fucking devil on my shoulder.

The following day~

I slung my backpack on the hook in my locker, yawning for the millionth time that morning. My sleep had been nightmare infested last night, with visions of old men and naked Berts stomping all over my brain throughout the night. I still felt pretty guilty about popping the cap on Frank last night. I knew the kid had a hard enough time at school. And, okay, maybe I bullied him once in a while. So I probably deserved to see his grandpa's little friend, and deserved to have Bert suck my face in front of him... and...
My head slammed into my locker door. Oh jeez, I was falling asleep standing up. I hadn't even had a coffee this morning. Maybe I could skip first hour or something. Whatever. Every decision in my life by now was influenced by Bert. Even though I hadn't even seen him at all yet this morning. Maybe there was some sort of psychotic link.
I stumbled discreetly out the back door, through the courtyard of the school and headed down the sidewalk to the nearest Starbucks, where I ordered the usual vanilla latte and collapsed on the table in the back of the room.
I couldn't think of what to do next. Why did I hang out with Bert? The devil reincarnate, my mom called him. Maybe she's right. And Frank, the loserest loser in school, maybe wasn't such a loser after all. He was just trying to be a friend. He saved us from the horrors of his grandfather's old wrinkled nether areas...
Did he really like me?
Come to think of it, I did feel eyes on me every so often. In the cafeteria, in the locker room, in art class, even though he sat across the room from me...
Uhhhh... what was in this coffee? It sure wasn't helping me.
I must have been asleep for point two seconds, before I was awakened by sudden loud noises around me.
"Gerard, tell us about your latest movie?"
"Will you sign my lingerie?"
"I'll pay you $300 to sleep with me tonight!"
Huh?? What the fuck??
I looked around. I was surrounded by people in the Starbucks. They were all jumping around me like hungry animals, asking me these strange questions. Lingerie? Movies? Sleep with me tonight? Suddenly, I heard a high pitched girl scream, "Hey, look! It's Gerard Way! The porn star!"
Porn star?!
Well, fuck.

TOLD YOU I SUCK. Okay, rate and review, whatever. Constructive criticism please, as long as you're not a douche about it. Kthxbai.