FicWad

Gerard began to stir slightly, letting his eyes flutter open blearily. He looked up towards Andy’s face and saw the taller man was already awake.

“Good morning, angel,” Andy said gently, bending his head to place a light kiss on Gerard’s hair.

Gerard smiled to himself and curled closer to Andy, smiling to himself. Then the memories came rushing back, momentarily forgotten in the tiredness of waking. Frank, crying because of him, telling him he loved him, realizing that Frank’s state was all his fault, wanting nothing more than to drink himself into oblivion once again. But he kept on smiling, having to put on a brave face. After all, he wasn’t the one being torn to shreds by his best friend.

“You okay, baby?” Andy asked, feeling Gee tense slightly and seeing his smile falter for a second before reappearing almost immediately.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine sugar,” Gerard said a little too cheerily, looking up at Andy with a too large smile. His eyes betrayed him though, swimming with hidden emotions.

“No you’re not,” Andy murmured sadly, “You don’t have to lie to me, sweetheart. It’s perfectly understandable, with what you’ve just found out. Talking about it might help.”

Gerard sighed in resignation, and cast his gaze down to his and Andy’s intertwined feet. “I told him I used to love him,” he whispered, “Why would I do that? It was putting salt in the wound...”

“Oh, baby,” Andy breathed, eyes wide, “I’m not gonna say saying that was a good idea, because it really wasn’t. But why did you stop loving him?

“You,” Gerard responded, looking back up to Andy, “I knew...well, thought, I would never have a chance with Frank, so I repressed my feelings for him. Then you came along, and you were so sweet, and funny, and almost perfect, and I still thought I would never have a chance, but in my mind it was safer to love you than my best friend. And then you loved me back, and everything was amazing.”

“Are you sure you ever really stopped loving Frank?” Andy asked, sadness lacing his voice, “Because it doesn’t sound like you did.”

“Does it matter?” Gerard replied, looking away again, “We’re together now, and we’re happy. Anything else means nothing.”

“The problem is,” Andy sighed, “I don’t think you’re happy. You still love Frank, Gee, and you will never be happy with me when you know you could have him.”

“What are you saying, Andy?” Gerard breathed, starting to panic, knowing exactly what Andy meant.

“I’m saying we should take a break,” And said regretfully, “You need to be with Frank, need to decide fairly which one of us is who you want.”

“Andy,” Gerard cried, grasping the front of the taller man’s shirt, “Please don’t do this. I love you.”

“And I love you,” Andy replied, sitting up and pulling away from Gerard, “But you need to do this. I know that this is the only way you can be happy, and that’s all that matters to me. Now, Frank’s out with Ashley right now, but when he gets back you are going to go over to him and explain what’s going on, without hurting his feelings in any way. Say this was your choice. Say you were the one who wanted to take a break. That way he’ll feel like you actually want him. God knows he doesn’t need to be hurt anymore than he already is.”

Gerard nodded in reluctant agreement, knowing that what Andy was saying was correct, that this was the right thing to do. “I think you should go,” he said looking at the other end of the bed from where Andy was sitting, unable to look at him any longer.

Andy shot Gee one more look of regret, then got up and walked stiffly out of the bus, unwilling to let anything betray about his expression or posture betray the tumult his emotions were in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gerard got up for a bit, making some coffee and walking outside for a smoke. Mikey and Ray were already awake, but they made it a point not to look at Gerard. Figures they would hear that, Gee thought glumly, lighting up his cancer stick.

Most people in Gerard’s situation would probably be still sitting in their bunk crying their eyes out. That’s what he wanted to be doing, actually, but he had had so much practice hiding his emotions and being the strong one, that his body simply wouldn’t let him. It was his natural reflex to keep living as normal. He thought of it as a gift, not having to wallow in misery.

After he had chain smoked through half of his pack of cigarettes, Gee retreated back into his bunk to read some new comics he had bought a few days ago. He had gotten some funny looks, seeing as he was a full grown man, but hey, if you need some Batman, you need some Batman. He loved letting himself get absorbed into the stories, where the good guys always won, and the hero always got the girl, and everything generally turned out okay. He wished real life was like that.

After Gerard had read and reread his comics into the ground, he brought out his sketch pad and charcoals, and just let his hand do as it pleased, drawing soft lines and sharp edges. Drawing was the one way he let himself freely express everything he was feeling and he didn’t censor himself at all. He never paid attention to what he was doing, liking to be surprised by the outcome.

When his hand stopped moving, Gerard looked down at what he drew. It was a boy standing in front of a bright white tunnel, the rest of the background being pitch black. His head was bowed, long hair covering his face, and his arms were stretched in front of him. In his hands, he held what looked like a bloody, mangled heart. There was a hole in his chest, like someone had dug the heart out of him.

Gerard sighed morosely and cast the sketch to the other side of the bed. He grabbed his iPod and, putting on his headphones, turned the Misfits up as loud as they could go, and let the music surround him as he lay back and closed his eyes.

After a while of that, Gerard opened his eyes and saw Frank lying on the bunk across from him. Gee paused his iPod and took off his headphones, and called over, “Hey, Frank.”

Frank whipped his head to look at Gerard, and said, “What is it Gee?” bracing himself for more pain.

“Me and Andy,” Gerard began, averting his gaze from Frank’s, “We broke up...”

Frank’s eyes widened in surprise. That was not what he had been expecting. “Why?” he asked curiously.

“We...I...” Gerard replied, forcing himself to look at Frank, “Thought it might be best to take a break. I thought I might love another person...”

“And who might that person be?” Frank asked, nervousness in his voice.

“Do I really have to say it?” Gerard said, smiling slightly, looking at Frank expectantly.

Frank suddenly understood, and when he did , he was flying off the bed and kissing Gerard with every single bit of energy he had. And it felt right.

A/N: Ooooh, plot twist...And I am so fucking sorry for taking this damn long. Go ahead, shoot me. I know you hate me right now anyway -gives you gun- But seriously, writer’s block sucks. For a while, I could only write smut, and yeah, that’s not exactly gonna work for this story right now. But I did it! R&R telling me how you much you hate me :3