Categories > Anime/Manga > Naruto > Why the Hokage Takes Meds

Chapter 1

by KyoSan93 0 reviews

Academy Exam Day

Category: Naruto - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor - Characters: Naruto - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2012-08-01 - Updated: 2012-08-02 - 1341 words


Chapter One



Twelve years have passed, leaving some rather humorous memories. Kushina had woken up and found herself alone in the room. Naruto, Kyo, Haruhi, Minato, and Kyuubi were all gone. There was a scroll on her lap, forged by the council, declaring them all dead. This caused the flaming habanero to leave the village, thinking nothing was keeping her there anymore. So she went to live with Tsunade and Shizune for a few years. Meanwhile, the council dumped the three kids in an unnamed orphanage, registering them as siblings and taking special care to mention Naruto's special condition. When the siblings celebrated Naruto's fourth birthday, a pretty blonde woman with huge knockers came to the place of the dam- ah, uh, I mean... orphanage, and adopted three children. Siblings, in fact: Naruto, Haruhi, and Kyo Uzumaki. The following day, all of the Uzumaki's were back together. The next year, Kyo and Haruhi graduated from the Konoha Shinobi Academy and were placed on a team led by a young (and stunningly beautiful)Anko Mitarashi. The two fell in love with their sensei, and the three would spend countless hours discussing their favorite torture methods, becoming the first Team 9.

Now, Team 9 has merged with another small team forming Team 666 (kukuku...). On this team was Hotaru Hyuuga of the Main Branch, and Yuki Inuzuka, along with her wolf pup(A/N: look for the story "How Yuki Met Yami" to find out why she has a wolf and not a dog). Both being a year older than their precious Naru-chan, Hotaru and Yuki are now chunin.

Currently, Team 666 was at the training field chatting, once again, about their favorite way to castrate someone.

"No, no, no. The best way is nice and swift with a kunai, severing the major artery, leading to a bloody and quick death."

"Oh, please. The best way is to use your claws and rip them off, shoving them into various orifices, causing the person extreme discomfort and to chock to death."

A short distance away, Mitarashi Anko, proud sensei of Team 666, was listening in on her students' conversation, grinning madly and proudly at the gruesome... yet deliciously stunning torture techniques her students described.

Yuki paused the twins' debate. "We were only talking about castration, not torturing someone WITH castration!"

The twins blinked blankly, then said in unison, "so? This is ten times more fun!"

Hotaru giggled softly at the Uzumaki twins' antics, "Well I have to go and pick up Hinata. Yuki, want to come along?"

The young Inuzuka nodded and they left, leaving the twins.

Kyo blinked and shook his head. "I'm going to go and bother good ol' Iruka. See ya sis!" He grinned and was gone in a swirl of black flames.

Haruhi sighed and thought about what she should do. She sat on the grass, playing with the slightly charred remains from Kyo's transportation as she thought.

Anko saw her student sitting there and grinned. The girl was almost legal, rather shapely, and a bit of a masochist. These qualities made the sadistic snake woman grin. It was hard for her to find masochists in Konoha, and one fell right into her lap at a young age, allowing the perverted woman to shape her into the perfect BDSM uke, who also knew how to be assertive and a seme when Anko wanted one. Anko just had to take the sexually innocent girl and teacher to be... naughty.

(Author 2: Scene change. NOW!)

Kyo appeared in asilent swirl of black flames in front of the door to Iruka's classroom, grinning in an excited, yet sadistic, and some-how evil, grin. Not only was he going to bother Iruka, but since it was Naruto's graduation day, he wanted to see Naru-chan pass... then tease him about his possible teammates afterwards. After all, why shouldn't he? He was the fishcakes older brother, it was his job to tease him. As he reached for the doors knob, he turned on the hidden camera in his headband and the mic in his Ibiki-style trench coat. The rest of the family would want to see this, and if he timed it right, the paper tests should be ending and the physical test would be next. Snickering, he knocked on the door.

Iruka's friendly, innocent voice came from the other side, "Come in!"

Kyo licked his lips. 'he would make an excellent uke.' "Iruka-sempai was wondering if I could help supervise the exam."

"Why?" Iruka asked, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.

'So cute!' "What?Can't I see my baby brother graduate?" Said Kyo, smiling like the fox he is and cocking his head to the side.

Iruka and the girls in the class blushed hard (GASP!).

'Damn! I can never say no to that! Control yourself Iruka. You only have to deal with that damnably sexy grin for a couple more hours.' Fighting back the blush, Iruka answered back. "Fine, I guess you can stay."


Kyo looked around, analyzing the genin hopefuls, until he say a mop of blonde hair trying to hide under the desk. He smirk, "Hello, otouto." The whole class looked at Naruto."Good luck on the exam. Kami-sama knows what Kaa-san and Haru-chan will do to you if you fail again." Naruto tried to hide further under his desk, his face looking like a glowing strawberry. Kyo was grinning so much, it looked like his mouth was about to fall off, sprout legs and jump out of the window. But it didn't last long, due to a certain pink slut(A/N: coughSakuracough).

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? NARUTO-BAKA'S AN ORPHAN! BESIDES HE'S TOO STUPID TO DESERVE AFAMILY!" screeched the pink abomination sitting near Emo Queen. Everybody covered their ears, except Kyo who was on the floor, writhing in pain. Pinky kept going until Kyo threw a kunai, blunt-end first, at her head knocking her out. He stood up shakily, using the teacher's desk as support, his ears bleeding. He looked at Iruka, "how could you stand to have her for five years without losing your hearing, Iruka-sempei? I would have cut her vocal cords the first day."

Iruka held out apair of ear plugs, " these help somewhat."

Kyo took them and put them in, "much better."

At this point, Iruka decided to speak to the class. "Alright, let's get started..."

(Author 1: Scene Change Biznatch!)

Haruhi was sitting under a tree when Anko appeared. "Haruhi! As part of your ninja training, Imust teach you the facts of life!" Haruhi gave her a blank look. "The birds and the bees." Blink, blink. "SEX!!"

"Haha! You said sex!" Haruhi giggled, then paused. "Shouldn't we wait for Kyo, Hotaru, and Yuki?"

Anko grinned ,thinking of the best way to embarrass her cadets and Iruka. "Of course!And we'll do this tomorrow with Iruka's help!"

Haruhi saluted before standing up. The seventeen year old girl smiled at her friend and sensei; though, she had an awkward feeling in her stomach. It felt like butterflies on roller-skates were flying on jet packs and moshing. It was just like when she saw Itachi yesterday, and it confused her greatly. It was definitely she had to talk to Father and Aunt Ku-Ku about...that, and explain to Naru about how she and Kyo were actually Naru-chans cousins. So much talking!

Anko stared at her silent prot
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