FicWad

Gerard POV

To my utter annoyance I had a severe panic attack. Oh and the fact I flipped out in the middle of school. Aha! And the fact that Mikey is trying to take Frankie away from and that the stupid ass doctors decided to up my dose on my medication, in fact new medication, which means the emotionless state I’m normally in will be heightened.

Mother fucker.

Closing Mikey’s door behind me I crept into my room, the darkness refreshing me a little, my anxiety decreasing. I was still slightly sedated still from the fucking needles they kept shoving in me to keep me calm. I fucking hate needles…

Flicking my bangs out of my face I stripped down too my boxers and lit a few candles, the dim light rippling the walls. Rubbing my sleep deprived eyes I crawled into my bed, hugging the duvet tight, wishing Frankie was next to me.

Sighing I stared blankly at my ceiling, painted bats fluttering around among a dark purple sky, a dull white moon shimmering slightly. I painted my ceiling a couple of years ago, I’m quite proud of it. I wanted something I could look up at and weirdly relate too. The unrealistic purple sky symbolizing the hidden evil the world, but the bats free and flying, not caring about the darkness the universe inhabits.

Clicking my fingers I reached for my cigarettes, and sparked up the one saying:

‘There’s a corpse in this bed’

It’s pretty correct. I mean, I may be alive, I may be still breathing, but it doesn’t mean I’m living. The medication has stripped away my personality, and here I am again lying in bed on my own wishing I was dead, my zombie-fied form pissing me off.

Wheezing a bit, I took the last drag, blowing the smoke into swirls of grey, my room looking misty. I started shivering, the room suddenly turning cold. I heard my posters rustle gently and my heart started to pump faster. Peeping up from under my duvet I glanced at my door, a small figure blocking the stair light, his shadow blocking the ripples on the wall.

Shutting my eyes tightly, I pretended I was asleep, in hope the figure would get the message and leave me along. I heard the door click shut and sighed silently in relief, until I heard the floorboards creaking, tiny footsteps slowly making their way too my bed.

Shit.

Swallowing in fear I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, clinging onto the duvet, the faint smell of Frankie lingering on the fabric. It was comforting.

‘Gee?’ A small voice whispered. ‘Are you awake?’

I shuffled slightly in bed, arguing with myself whether to make my awoken presence known. I decided against it. I heard the voice’s teeth chatter, as if cold. Carefully, I peeled the duvet away from my face, trying to figure out who the fuck it was. I was pretty over medicated so I had no idea what was going on.

The voices’ knee’s clicked as he knelt down. I could feel his hot breath hitting my pale cheeks, smelling sweet. Licking my lips I rotated my body to meet eye to eye with this strange person, deep hazel eyes staring back at me alarmed.

‘F-Frankie?’ I questioned softly, my hand reaching to touch is face, my fingertips lightly brushing his jaw line.

I felt him smile; his dimples making butterflies appear in my stomach. His skin was smooth and cold, so I moved over on my bed and flipped the duvet corner over, signalling him to lye next to me.

‘I couldn’t fall asleep, I keep having nightmares.’ His childish voice spoke.

Biting my lip I pulled him closer to me, my bare chest pressing against his back, my arms wrapping around his torso, skin icy cold. My leg entwined with his, whilst he held my hand loosely, fiddling with my long artist fingers, breathing lightly and regularly.

‘What did you dream about sweetheart?’ I hushed calmly.

He waited a second before he answered and simply said ‘You died.’

Shuddering, I kissed the back of his neck slowly, nipping the skin occasionally, making him moan softly. Craving the closeness, I started to gently rubbing his inner thigh, my fingertips drawing small delicate circles, then travelling up in a line, putting pressure on his skin, his breathing deepening.

I breathed in his smell, his soft hair tickling my nose. He smelt of musty cigarettes, honey and another scent I couldn’t quite put my finger on, but it was lovely. My other hand made way for his waist, my hand tracing over his prominent ribs, imagining his beautifully inked skin. I stroked the top of his boxer line, my nails scratching the surface fairly, my eyes shutting.

Intimately, my lips started to caress his jaw line, leaving small kisses along the bone, my hand massaging his thigh, I heard his metal lip ring clink against his teeth. Biting my own lip I moved away from his jaw line to his neck again, this time sucking deeply on his skin, my tongue slowly licking the surface of the bruise, then being rewarded with an involuntary moan on Frankie’s behalf.

Frankie twisted his body so we were facing each other, his cold hands brushing my hair back. Smiling to myself I leant in to kiss him, but a finger pressed on my lips, blocking me. Confused, I furrowed my eyebrows. Maybe he doesn’t like me…

Gulping I went to speak, but he gently shook his head and sat up, rubbing his face with his hands. I sat up with him and stared at the duvet, tugging at a stray piece of thread, my hair falling in my eyes.

‘Gee, I can’t see you like this any longer, it hurts too much.’ He spoke, delicately tucking my hair behind my ears.

‘I need you to stop drinking, to stop cutting, to start eating and just be…happy.’ He hesitated, his voice laced with concern.

Nodding, I thought deeply about what he just said. If I do what he says, he’ll be mine, if I don’t I’ll loose him…

Taking a sharp breath in I rested my head on his shoulder, kissing his neck, making him tilt his head back, his mouth slightly open.

‘I promise.’ I whispered.

Frankie smiled and leant in, stopping right before reaching my mouth. My heart pounding, my hands slithered round his neck, pushing his face to mine. Our lips collided, his mouth moving smoothly with mine, making me tug his hair lightly. Desperately, I pushed my tongue into his mouth, as he did the same, our lips moving fast. Frankie took my bottom lip between his teeth, biting down, making me moan loudly. Flinging myself on top of him I stared to deepen the kiss, our tongues dancing, and our hands busy.

I couldn’t think straight, all I knew is that I was kissing the most beautiful boy I have seen, the only person who I have ever met who meant the world to me.

Flustered, Frankie pulled away fast, his eyes widening and interrupting the moment.

‘What?’ I asked, trying to fill the gap between our lips again. He pushed me away and covered my mouth with his hand.

Mumbling in confusion, he told me to shh, my ears pricking up. The basement stairs were creaking under someone’s weight, before a soft knock filled the silence in the room.

‘Who is it?’ I hissed unstably, my heart pounding in terror rather than lust.

‘Hey baby, unlock the door.’ A gruff voice whispered.

Cursing I threw myself off Frankie, and pointed to under my bed, his little face scared. Crawling haphazardly under the bed I draped my duvet cover over the side, eloping Frankie in complete blackness.

Rushing to the door I shakily unlocked it, and a smiling Levi pulled me in towards him, is ruff kiss hurting me.

‘Mind if I crash?’ He asked, winking, his breath reeking of vodka.

Gesturing to my bed he skipped over messily, and flung himself on my bed, ripping his shirt off and his trousers, throwing them on the floor. He put his arms behind his head and awaited me to join him. Shuffling uncomfortably I reluctantly stumbled towards him, my head beginning to spin.

I anxiously opened my drawers and took out my medication, my body trembling. I could feel Levi’s stare burning my back. A pair of muscular hands snatched the bottle from my hands, my eyes twitching.

‘Oh dear Gerard. You don’t need these again babe. I have better medication.’ He spoke, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

‘N-no I need t-those.’ I croaked, my throat closing up again, a sense of panic rushing through my body.

Chuckling, Levi pressed two pills in the palm of my sweaty hands, licking his chapped lips.

‘I…c-can’t.’ I whispered weakly, reaching out my arm to give him them back.

Grinding his teeth he clawed over to my side, pulling me hard onto the bed. Not knowing what to do I tried to shuffle off, but that made him hold my wrists tighter, menace in his eyes. He started to kiss my neck , and then the corner of my lips, my body writhing.

‘Sit the fuck still and kiss me back Gerard.’ He ordered, his dominance frightening me.

Reluctantly I tried to kiss him back, our mouths messy and unorganised. I felt two lumps on my tongue and I panicked and attempted to push Levi away, but he pressed his tongue in my mouth, the two mysterious objects sliding down my throat with force. Choking I sat up, Levi flopping beside me stroking my bare back. Running a finger up my spine his breath lingered at my ear.

‘There, there, I can make it go away.’ He softly said, my spine tingling.

Coughing heavily I stood up shakily, then ran to my drawer, pulling the whole thing out on the floor, clothes falling to the floor like confetti. My hand wrapped around the neck of a vodka bottle and I necked half the content, desperate to stop my throat from feeling like it was strangling me.

Breathing heavily I stumbled to the side and fell to the floor on my knees heavily, my hazy eyes trying to focus on Levi sat on the bed. I heard a phone ring and Levi tutted and answered it, my head spinning vigorously.

‘For fucks sake, I have to go Gee, see you soon baby, you owe me.’ He grinned, strolling over to me and ruffling my hair.

Pulling my unsteady body up he pulled me into a hug, his mouth kissing my lips fiercely, his hands roughly tugging my hair, stinging my scalp.

‘You feel like you’ve put on weight baby.’ He said, frowning then chuckling slightly.

Tears brimming my foggy eyes he walked to the door and slammed it shut behind me. My legs gave way and I collapsed the floor, the pills dissolving in my stomach and the alcohol burning my throat, making me retch.

Frankie crawled out from beneath the bed and rushed over to me, cupping my face in his hands, his eyes watery.

‘You…you promised me.’ He managed to say, defeated.

I tried to explain but I just shook my head quick and looked down, my head messy, I heard Frankie sob and rush out, my heart shattering.

I can’t do this anymore.

Frankie POV

I rushed up the stairs, my legs aching and my eyes stinging, tears streaming down my face. I felt so betrayed, they’re all the fucking same.

Locking myself in the bathroom I sat on the floor, cradling my body, trying to muffle my hysterical cries, rocking back and forth.

‘You said you’ll stop drinking, please, for mine and Frank’s sake.’ My Mom whispered, her thinning brown hair hanging limply around her shoulders, cowering in the corner of her bedroom, protecting my small body.

‘Fuck you both. I got roped into being with you and that boy was a fucking accident.’ My Dad hissed back, taking sips from a nearly empty vodka bottle.

‘But you promised…’ She cried, her tears wetting my fluffy hair.

‘I don’t promise people who I hate.’ He screamed, smashing the empty bottle on the cabinet and staggering towards us, the sharp shards of glass glinting.

Choking, my mother tightened her grip around me, as I nestled my head in her neck, scared that she was going to get hurt again.

I just want a normal family.

Banging my head against the sink I tried to flush the memories out of my head, not realising how much noise I was making. Soft hands pulled my bruised head away and dragged me out carefully, my body collapsing in the arms of Donna, my tears flowing.

‘It’s okay Frankie honey, I’m here, let’s take you back to bed sweetie.’ She hushed sweetly, her arm threading round my waist, directing me to Mikey’s room.
A sleepy Mikey sat up slowly in bed, squinting at his bedroom light. He pushed his glasses on his nose and stretched, then noticed my hysteretic sate and threw himself out of bed, running to my side. He glanced at his mother worriedly then carried me to his bed, kissing my forehead and tucking me in.

Donna’s long black eyelashes blinked and whispered something inaudible to my ears at Mikey. Shuffling out she flicked the light switch off and closed the door, Mikey jumping into bed and wrapping his arms round me, stroking the palm of my hand.

I started to weep harder into Mikey’s chest, his collarbones digging into my head.

‘It’s okay Frankie, I’m here.’ He reminded me, my anxiety decreasing slightly when I heard his soothing voice.

‘He p-promised Mikes.’ I stuttered, my heart splitting again.

‘Who promised what baby?’ He questioned quietly, kissing my head again awkwardly.

‘Gee…He said he’d stop everything…then Levi came and he broke his promise,’ I stumbled, breaking down again.

I heard Mikey sigh and pull the duvet up more. After a few moments of silence I managed to calm down, my anger melting away and replaced with his black mist covering me, drowning me.

Closing my eyes, I drifted off into an uneasy nights sleep, dreams waking me up constantly in cold sweats.

But Mikey always stayed awake with me, comforting me. Mikey deserves someone to love him, and I think I could be that for him.