FicWad

I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised when Laguna began to slowly drift away, when we found ourselves frequenting The Nightclub even while we were supposed to be on duty, when I realized Laguna was falling in love with Julia Heartily. It shouldn't have been any surprise at all-half the army seemed to be in love with her as well.

But then again, I wasn't sleeping with half the army. It hurt to see Laguna watching her and know I couldn't say anything. It hurt to know that I couldn't make him stop falling in love with Julia, any more than I could change the color of the sky.

Or make him fall back in love with me.

"Kiros?"

I offered him a smile, and he stole a kiss instead. It was hard to kiss him when my mind was filled with childish jealousy. He broke the kiss sooner than I expected, drawing me towards him with his escaping lips, and I opened my eyes as he sat down next to me.

"You okay?"

"Of course."

"You don't look okay."

"Why are you out here, Laguna? Shouldn't you be in watching Julia play?" That came out more vindictive than I had meant, but he didn't seem to catch it. He grabbed my hand though, and squeezed my fingers tenderly. I couldn't look at him.

"I came to see if you were okay."

"Well, you have it figured I'm not." I took my hand back, folding it into my lap and turning my face away from him, so I couldn't even see him out of the corner of my eye.

"Did I do something wrong, Kiros?" I sighed; he was like a child sometimes, and if it weren't so endearing, it would have been the most annoying thing on the planet. Very slowly, I turned my gaze back to him, preparing myself to speak my mind.

Looking into his blue eyes, I couldn't bring myself to tell him what I needed to say. He took my hand and squeezed gently.

"What's /wrong/? I can't make it better if I don't know."

"You of all people should know," I grumbled, trying to take my hand back. He held on tight, callouses roughing my fingers brutally. With a sigh that sounded more like a growl, I said, "We've been through this conversation. More than once. Don't make me say it again."

"This is about Julia?" He laughed at my hardened stare and demanded, "What are you so afraid of from her?"

"I'm afraid of losing you," I thought I whispered, but Laguna made no move to acknowledge my words and I made no move to repeat myself. He just watched me silently for several minutes, before sighing and shaking his head.

"I don't know what you're so afraid of. I/love/-."

"Don't say that!" I got my hand away from his. A couple of other people on the dining balcony turned to give us strange little looks. I could feel tears pricking the corners of my eyes, and lowered my voice threateningly: "Don't you dare say that when I know it isn't true."

"Kiros, what the hell are you-?"

"You just won't stop staring at her," I barked, but to my ears it sounded my like a sob. People were beginning to whisper to each other behind their hands, darting cautious glances our way.

I left him sitting there-I was too disgusted with him, or myself, or something, and the only way I was going to deal with it all would be to /not be around him/. Ward almost stopped me in the lobby, but retracted his bracing hand almost as soon as his gaze fell to my face. I could hear Laguna calling after me, could hear Ward telling him to give it a rest.

When I reached the street, I ran. It was stupid. You're being childish/, I told myself sternly. /Turn around. Talk to him. Make him understand what's wrong.

I didn't want to make him understand. I wanted him to understand on his own. But the stern voice seemed to have a different idea. I slowed, sank to the curb, and stared at my knees sullenly as people streamed passed me. Eventually, a bus would come and I could ride back to the barracks without incident. Any more incident.

You're being stupid. But I could see him watching her so intently, could see the love that festered below the appreciation in his eyes.

There's nothing you can do to change who he is. But I wanted to. I wanted to keep him the way he was before he knew who Julia Heartily was, before he knew I was so much younger than him, before we were Enlisted men.

I didn't look away from my knees as he sat down next to me, even though I knew he was watching what he could see of my face. From the corner of my eye, I could see him; and beyond him, Ward standing at the bus stop, giving us a bit of space but still watching out.

I raised my head a little, and turned my face more towards him. Didn't actually look at him; I couldn't. "You said your mother always wanted you to bring home a good Galbadian woman."

"Kiros-." But I smiled a little, perhaps a little resolved, and stood up. When I offered my hand to pull him up, he held on longer than needed. His hand was burning hot against my wrist, and his lips tender against my forehead.

He sighed, and smiled that cheesy little smile of his, rubbing the back of his neck as he dropped my wrist.

"I know you can't hate me forever," he said, and I knew he was trying to be light about it, but it still hurt a little. I shook my head.

"I don't hate you, Laguna."

"Exactly."

"Guys. The bus."

There wasn't anything more to say. And though it pained me to watch it happen, I saw the weight lift off Laguna's shoulders and a certain light I knew came into his eyes as he hummed a bar from one of Julia's pieces.

And so, we parted ways a little.