Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > But No One Sees the Gnashing Teeth of My Heart [Frerard]

Awkward's Here to Stay

by eccentricpaige 2 reviews

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama - Characters: Frank Iero,Gerard Way - Warnings: [?] - Published: 2012-08-12 - Updated: 2012-08-12 - 2380 words

My strong will to man up and attend school today was thwarted almost immediately once I came to and realized just how hard it was to breathe steadily enough to even shift out of bed. My coughing was so hard to suppress that for a moment I actually considered finding my old asthmatic breathing machine from the medicine cabinet so I could reclaim my lungs as my own.

"Honey, you're not going to school like that, I don't care what you say." my mom says sympathetically though we both know she's right. I nod and turn over on my side, hoping she'll shut the door back and leave me to rest alone. After a few minutes of defiance, she leaves me in the dark to fall asleep again only to come back within the hour to inform me that she would be out for a large portion of the day. As I tried raising my voice loudly enough to be heard in order to ask her where she was off too, she was already down the stairs and out of the house. I was home alone and actually just as contented by this as ever.

By the mid-afternoon I could safely pronounce myself awake. Food was hard to stomach as it scraped the tender lining of my throat before being washed down with whatever liquid I could find. Staying hydrated is definitely a factor I have no intention of ignoring. I decide to glance at the kitchen clock and notice it's just after three, causing my mind to go directly to school and try to think of exactly what everyone is doing right around now. I realize they're all probably on the buses or being dropped off by this time, which is a definite mindfuck seeing as how I've only just woken up. I smile to myself at the thought before racking the refrigerator for more food.

Just as I'm about to leave for the upstairs again, the front door sounds off in a fit of very timid knocks. My first thought is that it has to be my mother and so I automatically ignore it because I know she has a key. But after a minute or so, I realize she would have had the sense to fish it out by now if it were really her, which brings me to the conclusion that there's a stranger at my door instead.

I pad over to the peephole sat directly beside of the deadbolt and stretch my legs until my eyes are lined with the very middle of its line of sight. I gasp after only a moment of allowing my eyes to focus and find myself backing away with my fingers wrapped generously around my own head of hair. Gerard is here and I'm completely blindsided by such an unexpected visit. But I can't ignore him. God I wish I could. But I can't and so I muster the courage it takes to slide back the lock and allow him to see inside of the hallway leading into my house.

"H-hey. I know you're... sick. I just wanted to see how you were doing." Gerard says in a rush as if he's afraid I'll slam the door in his face. I take in his appearance and realize he probably drove straight here from being dropped off by the bus. I quickly offer him a place inside from the cold, which he accepts almost immediately with a smile rounding off his face. I look up to him and notice the pink clinging onto his cheeks and nose, as well as the way his lips are quivering over top of his chattering teeth. I suddenly wish I had the fireplace his home seemed to have so I could help him warm up properly. I'm the least hospitable person in the world and it's almost pathetically embarrassing.

"Oh, I could take your coat..." I trail off as it occurs to me that we have no fucking coat rack or closet for his jacket to stay in. He agrees anyway as if to humor my uneasy feeling so I take it and drape it across the couch in as smooth a manor as I can.

"So uhm... hi." he says after a moment of inspecting my living room. I give a stupid wave before deciding to use my words. Not three seconds has gone by after my hello before I'm coughing up a lung in Gerard's presence, undoubtedly scaring the life out of him in the process. I shake my head as an apology as I breathe shallow breaths to try and regulate what I can. Gerard only gives a soft It's fine before we're both over by the loveseat.

"I brought these." Gerard says with an amused expression. I follow the direction of his gaze and feel my chest tug itself away from my body when I notice the tiny packets of cider crumbled up in his tight pocket. I can't help the grin spreading like wildfire across my face so I only try to thank him appropriately instead. He nods, easing the tension only slightly before offering to make a mug for me.

"Maybe in a few minutes. I'm trying to finish this Mountain Dew right now." I say, pointing over to the dining room table where my 16 oz. has been sitting, untouched for the better part of five minutes.

"Oh. Healthy." Gerard jokes before putting the packets back to rest in his pocket so his hand is free to run through the unruly knots in his hair. He sighs deeply as if he's on edge about something I can't quite place.

"Are you all right?" I ask after a second of wondering the question internally. Gerard laughs dryly as he turns to face me intrusively.

"You're the one with Bronchitis and you're asking me if I'm okay?" I go mute in noticing the irony of his statement, but my curiosity lingers still. So I ask once more to get a definite answer and am surprised by his reply.

"No, actually. I don't even know what I'm doing here. I practically just invited myself and now I feel like an idiot." Gerard confesses. I instantly get the very warm and appealing urge to wrap my arms around him like I had before, but I understand I could very well be contagious, which is incentive enough to stay at arm's length away from the unsuspecting victim.

"Well... I'm glad you showed up. It was a pleasant surprise." I practically mouth, knowing he could only understand me if his eyes were right on my lips. His lips curl up into something much short of a grin but carrying the essence of one anyway, and I feel easier in my seat at the simple thought that I've done something to make him comfortable.

We sit and talk for a little while with the TV going on softly in the background. I warn him my mom's to come home soon and that maybe we should try and take ourselves from the eye of the "public" which instills a bit of fear into him that I'm quick to rebuke with excuse after excuse. Eventually he's up and the television's turned off. I lead him through the kitchen and over to the set of stairs before telling him my dungeon of love isn't quite finished being renovated yet so there's nothing to be afraid of. Surprisingly, this relieves him for reasons I'll never want to know.

"Well, here it is." I say in a somewhat disinterested way as our eyes fight to adjust to the dim setting before us. The black curtains are drawn and the dull surroundings have the forced label of mundane blaring so loudly across the walls that I'm surprised Gerard can't hear it as well as I can. He gives a soft whistle before turning to me with a cheery expression.

"Like a fuckin' paradise, Frankie."

A little while later once Gerard has taken a seat in my desk chair and I've found myself on the bed, the forced small talk is pushed aside almost completely as we delve right into the uncharted territory that is conversation. I notice how I'm the only one doing any of the major talking, which makes me self-conscious like nothing else ever has before. I think Gerard begins to realize this too as his responses take on a lengthier side than before. I'm thankful and lie back with my elbow propping me up so that I can see Gerard by my closet door as he struggles to come up with a few topics off of the top of his head.

"Holy shit, do I need to take you somewhere?" Gerard asks after an exceptionally long coughing fit and it's all I can do to shake my head No before he's gone back to simply staring at me from his seat in the corner. I explain to him that my immune system's just always been shit, which doesn't do much of anything to put him at ease, but it at least eliminates a bit of the worry he was feeling before. Gerard's eyes travel aimlessly along my belongings while I'm giving him answers to the many vague questions he's asked me in the span of an hour. Once I think he's finished exploring, he does something I hadn't been expecting, which switches my nonresponsive nature into reverse.

"Is that a genuine Swiss Army Knife?" Gerard asks with visible excitement. I'm quick to tell him yes before he's over by my nightstand with desire in his eyes. I see him stare it down as if he wants to touch it, which rises the panic, among other things, in my throat and grips my voice like a vice.

"My dad used to buy these for me. C-can I see it?" he asks, completely oblivious as to what's holding me back from the expected Yes anyone in their right mind would give. Finally, once his gaze is planted on me instead of the knife, I nod with a single shake of my head and pray his exploration is swift and with little to no actual observation. Of course I'm wrong, as I usually am.

"It... it looks like it's been sharpened just recently. What do you use it for, anyway?" Gerard asks with genuine curiosity. I'm instantly devastated when a lie doesn't pop into my head like it should. I'm dumbfounded and absolutely lacking in any response at all. He turns to me expectantly and tries to define my frozen expression in his mind, and I feel like I could cry as I watch the cogs turn in his head until he has the answer himself with no help from me.

"Oh. Oh I... oh." Gerard mumbles, dropping the knife back in its spot almost as quickly as his excitement about the thing had diminished. I have no words left inside to even mutter a half-assed apology for letting him touch it in the first place. All he can do is watch his feet as he tries to change the subject, but I can see that the atmosphere has changed drastically and there's no way of getting it back.

"I had better go. Your mom'll probably be home soon and I have to go take care of some stuff." he offers, and as I get a peek at his eyes, I can tell despite the obnoxious layer of awkward tension surrounding us both, he's telling the truth. I nod and offer him a shy goodbye as he practically rips the bent packets from his side and sits them neatly on my bed.

"Feel better, huh?" he says, and I can tell he isn't only speaking about my sinus condition. I nod and stand with no real purpose about a foot away from his position by the door. He paces over to me like a man on a mission before taking me by the shoulders and gently pulling me into him. I have to bite my lip to keep the cough from shooting out of my mouth, but it's perfectly worth it as I'm given the permission to sink into him and feel him like I had last week. It isn't until unexpected times like these that I realize I've had very little contact with anyone in the past few years, which only makes this embrace harder to get out of. He's just so... warm. And I'm almost embarrassed as I try to talk myself out of inviting him to stay longer, because I hardly want to let go of him even if he doesn't exactly feel the same way about me. He touches my left arm hesitantly before wrapping it around himself as if to force me into a hug. I think I could die. I think I could actually die from such displayed mortification, but it doesn't even matter. Nothing matters but his hold on me and the uninterrupted moment we're having that could almost pass for pure sin if you wanted to be technical.

Finally, he's the first to back away. I lean forward instinctively as if my sudden movement's going to keep him from leaving. He giggles just a small laugh, but it's enough for me to feed off of for months if I had to. I see him out of the room and down the stairs as I walk him to the front door where he surprised me a few hours earlier.

"I'll see you tomorrow, hopefully?" he asks, piercing what was left of my composure to shreds. It's all I can do to nod and wish him a safe drive before he's gone and I'm able to force myself calm again. I shut the door and feel relief enter the room, which is so entirely backwards as it's probably the least expected feeling to come crashing in when a hug like that was displayed just a minute ago. I dare to smirk gently to myself as if what just happened was a beautiful inside joke before sauntering up to my bedroom to try and sleep away every mixed emotion. My cough returns, but I can hardly find it within myself to complain, even on a mental level. Because things feel better. For now, things are better.
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