FicWad

CHAPTER TWO
Realization




The next day was a lot more cloudly than the previous and it looked much darker as well, making Stefan reluctant to get out of bed in the morning. He just lay there, staring up at the ceiling and blinking wildly in an attempt to wake himself up. He thought about staying in bed all day but a sudden thought struck him, taking him a little by surprise; what if Ashley was available today? Surely they could spend the day together? Actually, Stefan found that he was missing Ashley quite a large amount, much more than he normally would of.
Quickly, Stefan sat up and almost jumped out of bed, landing hard on the floor but ignoring the sharp pain that shot through him; he knew that everyone else would be in bed and then he realized that Ashley would probably be asleep too. He groaned in fustration and slumped down on the chair by his desk. The phone was just lying there next to his computer and Stefan couldn't stop thinking about the fact Ashley was somewhere there in his contacts and he was considering waking him up anyway. But then he was also sure that Ashley would get all pissy and just out of spite he wouldn't see him for the rest of the day.
For some reason, at the moment, Stefan couldn't bare that thought. Not seeing Ashley for two days in a row. He frowned to himself, staring at his phone, wondering why it seemed like Sophie's choice. Stefan actually began to feel an ache inside of him and he recognised that as missing somebody so much it hurt. Surely this ache wasn't for Ashley. That was impossible. They were just friends and he saw him the day before yesterday. If this ache was for his best friend then there was something surely wrong with Stefan.
He shook his head and sighed loudly. Something definitely wasn't right here. He guessed he was just ill and it was having some weird side affects on him. Maybe he had eaten something bad and it was having some bad consequences on him. He probably didn't even miss Ashley at all, it had only been two days and surely it unnatural to miss a male friend this much. That same sickness found itself in his stomach again but he swallowed hard and breathed heavily until it slowley faded away and he left the phone alone, deciding to leave it until later to phone Ashley.
Stefan left his bedroom and wondered into the kitchen, surprised to see Kyle sat at the table with a cup of tea infront of him and a newspaper in his hand. He didn't bother saying hello though, he was too deep into his thoughts, so he just wondered over to the fridge and pulled out some orange juice and then a glass from the cupboard above the sink. When he had poured himself the drink with some ice, he headed for the doorway but was stopped when Kyle spoke.
"Hey Stef, whats up?" he asked cheerily, beaming at Stefan when the fifteen year old turned around. Stefan just shrugged and took a sip of his drink.
"Nothin', I'm just going back to bed... " he mumbled in reply and walked out. He could almost feel Kyle's suspicious frown on his back as he left the room.

-

At around 11:00am Stefan picked up his phone, still sat at his desk and pressed speed dial number three. He had Ashley on speed dial because they both agreed it was 'cool', looking back he didn't see how but he was glad anyway, he could never remember phone numbers. His obvious dyslexia didn't help with that. The phone rung a few times before Stefan heard a beep, some rustling around and then Ashley's voice, which sounded croaky and Stefan then realized he had most likely woken him up. Lazy chops.
"Yup?" Ashley said and then coughed quietly. Stefan voice caught in his throat again and he desperately searched his minds for words. Why was this happening now? Ashley's voice seemed to have a weird effect on him as of late. He felt nervous all of a sudden and he had to cough to clear his throat before he spoke.
"Uh, Ash, hey... it's Stefan..." he wanted to wait for a reply before he spoke again because he needed time to gather his words and his thoughts. The next time Ashley spoke, he sounded a little bit more awake although slightly annoyed.
"I know. Your name comes up on my screen," he stated. Stefan smirked a little at Ashley's pointless comment but still waited for him to speak again, "anyway, what do you want Stef?" Stefan just hoped that Ashley wasn't bored of him because he was planning to spend the whole summer together. Maybe they could even go on holiday. He bit his lip.
"Well... I was just wondering if you wanna hang out today? I mean i'm bored and... I got a new video game!" Stefan suggested, already scanning his room for an old video game that Ashley probably wouldn't remember. He heard Ashley groan: "or not. I mean we could go outside, maybe get to the park and... play?"
"Umm... i'd rather play video games actually. I'm not a big fan of the outdoors anyway." Ashley replied, "but I cant. Sorry Stefan, i'm actually taking Melissa out shopping." he sounded really unenthusiastic. Stefan froze. Melissa? Who the fuck was Melissa? The only Melissa he could think of was the stick thin blonde in their class who sat at the back and popped gum ridiculously loudly.
"Whose... whose Melissa?" Stefan asked hesitantly, not completely sure that he wanted to know.
"You know, that stick thin blonde girl who sits at the back of the class popping gum ridiculously loudly?" Ashley replied to Stefan's question, "yeah, i asked her out and she said yes on one condition, that I take her shopping. It kinda sucks but whatever, she's hot, so..."
Ashley went quiet as his voice trailed away and Stefan found the silence press down on him as well. He felt something press down on his chest and he wanted to just hang up and slam the phone down on the desk. He wanted to take this terrible anger out on anything he could see. He felt so unbelievably mad at Ashley but he didn't even know why. He hated Melissa. He hated everyone. Why would Ashley choose that girl over his best friend? They were supposed to spend the whole summer together, right? And now Stefan would have to endure another day without Ashley. How was he supposed to do that? It wasn't fair. He closed his free hand up in a tight fist, his nails digging painfully into his palm. He wanted to see Ashley. It was so weird. Along with all that anger came a fear in his stomach that rose like vomit, something so strong that he wanted to just run and hide. Maybe just sit on a roof somewhere and think about what the hell was going on. He looked down at his hands and swallowed hard as he saw they were trembling and the shaking travelled up his arms until his whole body was shaking. He closed his eyes tightly and wished it away.
What the fuck was happening?
"Uh... Stef?" Ashley's voice was confused and maybe slightly worried. Stefan hated himself at that moment, although he wasn't entirely sure why. He nodded then realized Ashley couldn't see him so he cleared his throat and spoke up, his voice quiet and shaky.
"Uhm, yeah. Sorry, I... uh, got distracted. So yeah thats fine... you have a good time with Melissa." He kept his eyes closed and bit his lip, trying to stop himself from saying how he was feeling, from telling him how he felt about the situation. He really wanted to, more than anything. Just sit him down and pour his heart out but something definitely wasn't right here and he didn't want to freak Ashley out.
"Alright mate, sorry about that. I'll see you soon." Ashley put down the phone before Stefan could reply. Stefan just stood there, completely still with the phone still against his ear. His lip trembled and tears built up in his brown eyes, making them glisten sadly. He didn't know why he was acting like a girl on her period but he was and he hated it. It was as though he was hiding something from himself and just couldn't find out what it was. As soon as Ashley had hung up on him, Stefan felt his chest sting and his breath just leave his body. It was horrible, whatever he was going through, and he hated it. He just wanted to cry. He wanted to curl up and sleep. He just wanted Ashley.
At that sudden thought, Stefan's eyes flew open and he almost instantly ceased shaking. The sickness sunk right now and the tears froze in his eyes. He just wanted Ashley. That sentence went round and round in his head, flying in all directions and totally confusing him. What did that mean? He just wanted Ashley. He collapsed down in the chair and dropped his head onto his hands, which almost covered his entire face. Yes. He did want Ashley. But he also didn't know what the hell that meant.
He opened his eyes and just stared through the gaps between his fingers. He wanted Ashley. Wow, he never thought that would be the case. Did he have a crush on his best friend? Surely that wasn't it. He was straight. He was a boy. And boys didn't fancy boys. But this immediate hate towards Melissa was shocking and he was sure there some... jealousy somewhere amongst his mixed emotions. Whatever it was, it was stopping his sleep and scaring him. No. He wasn't gay. No way. He had girlfriends before. Well, one girlfriend. And he had crushes all the time! Just... not on guys.
A sudden flash of anger flushed through his body and he threw his phone across the room, not caring where it landed or if it broke. He didn't know what to do. He stood up feircely, causing the chair to fall back onto the floor, not caring that it made a huge bang, not caring if it worried his parents. Not caring about anything at all. He kicked the leg of his desk, regretting it as the pain seared up his leg, but it tried to ignore it none the less.
He ignored the pain and climbed up onto his bunkbed, drawing his knees up to his chest and hugging them, his nails digging into his skin, hurting himself more than necessary. He buried his head into his knees and screwed his eyes closed, groaning in fustration at himself. Tears built up again and escaped before he could try and stop them. He hated himself at that moment. He was such a baby. He hated everyone at that moment. And if anyone walked in he knew he wouldn't able to keep his temper. He had never felt this angry and upset at the same time in his life. Stefan remembered lying in bed all those nights when he couldn't sleep and now he thought back, Ashley had always been on his mind recently. All the time. Even now. Even when he was watching telly. He remembered how excited he got when Ashley was on his way, and how he tidied the house so he didn't think Stefan was a slob. And how much he cared what Ashley thought of him and his talents.
Oh my God. Stefan Abingdon couldn't possibly be straight if he felt this way for another male. And especially for Ashley Horne, his best friend since they were ten years old. What would he think? He wouldn't like it one bit. He would be scared and their friendship would completely fall apart, that much he knew. He would never tell a soul. Because this would pass over, right? He was straight. This was just a confused phase.