FicWad

I Couldn't Be (Everything to You)



Watching the sunset, like I usually do.
Standing here with my arms crossed.
Just me and the wind. Alone.
And like usual, the memories come.

You were such a whiney little brat,
crying because your dad was gone
and you were afraid. Heh.
But I don't think you were afraid of me.

You looked into my eyes and I scowled.
I didn't want to see trust where
I used to inspire fear. Yeah.
Fear, that's what I wanted.

Seeing that trust I panicked.
For the first time in my life,
I was really afraid. Terrified.
So I dumped you in the wilderness.

What was my excuse?
Oh yeah, you had to survive.
A test of worthiness. Spirit.
A convenient but necessary trial.

But I couldn't go far,
it was already too late.
You had me kid. Trapped.
One touch and I was soft.

So I trained you, taught you.
All the while fighting what
was growing inside. Humph.
I didn't like it one bit.

You weren't much good, that first fight.
Still a whiney little brat who
couldn't wait to run away. Bah.
I was embarrassed at first.

But when that blast came for you,
something snapped in me.
My mind probably. Heh.
Cause I took that hit.

I know that you know what pain
a warrior can feel when he fights death.
It burned like... Well.
I don't need to relive it, thanks.

You cried for me, surprising me.
Because I never thought anyone would.
You melted me with those. Tears.
Who knew you had that power?

I was proud of you, kid.
By that time you had shown
a glimmer of what you had. Heart.
The greatest strength, even if I couldn't admit it.

It all went downhill from there.
Too many battles, too many deaths.
Time and again. Endless.
A vicious cycle of wait, train, fight.

And I was always stepping in,
when your dad wasn't there.
Watching you grow. Mature.
Only to see your delight when he returned.

Each time you were farther away.
Every time you needed me less.
But I hung on until that day. Damn.
The day you looked into those eyes.

I'd never known jealousy to name it.
So I seethed in silence.
What could I say? Nothing.
I didn't understand myself to tell you.

I wanted to kill her, you know.
Wipe that smile from the face of the planet.
But you stopped me. You.
Just by being happy with her.

Closing my eyes, I can still hear it.
The joy in your voice, the rage in mine.
I pushed you away. Stubborn.
Declared I'd be dead again before I'd attend.

We hurt each other, didn't we kid?
Not with blows or blasts,
but with words. Insults.
I still cringe when I think of that.

But you forgave me, later.
You offered a truce and
I was too tired to refuse. Yeah.
You still had me.

Now I wonder, after all this.
What was I to you?
Could I have been...? Maybe.
I don't know the answer.

Mother, father, teacher, friend.
A shoulder to cry on, a willing spar partner.
Someone to fight beside you. Ally.
Even to be the villain, a ruse, a decoy.

The truth dawns as the day fades.
Night frees me from the bonds.
In the darkness, I can face it. Truth.
I couldn't be everything to you.