Categories > Celebrities > 30 Seconds to Mars > Apocalyptic And Insane
(Jared's POV) We get to see the story from the way Jared sees it, and how he feels about Shannon and Tomo seeing the funny side to his love of perfection.
0Unrated
AUTHORS NOTE: I don't own any member of 30 Seconds To Mars (although I wish I did) and none of this is real. I know nothing about their personal lives, and this is all a work of fiction.
“Jared, get your scrawny ass out of that bathroom now! Some of us want to shower too!”
“Hang on, I’m just-”
I finished placing on of the shampoo bottles on the very edge of the bath, making sure it was completely in line with the others, which were also standing in a perfectly straight formation on the side. Shannon wanted to shower, but I was busy, and that irritated him. He had to try and prise out of the bathroom so that he could get freshened up as we were attending a meeting with our record company. He wanted to look smart, maybe have a quick shave and make himself seem at least a little bit presentable. The big guys at the record company wanted to talk about the new album, hear some samples… I was nervous because I had no idea whether they’d like it or not. I didn’t even know if I liked it or not.
He threw me out of the bathroom, irritated by my attitude and my compulsion for everything to be perfect, and then I heard the sound of running water. I knew that he’d move the bottles, and then I’d have to move them back into their original place. Habits are habits, these ones didn’t grow old. I would come home after the meeting, to find that my house was a complete dump again, after Shannon, Tomo and the people that helped us make our record had been over. I would find myself throwing away dozens of empty Red Bull cans, washing dishes and clearing away hundreds of bits of paperwork.
After the meeting was annulled, I went around the house as normal, doing my usual daily routine. This included cooking meals for Shannon, Tomo, the crew and I, tidying and dusting, showering and making music. I tried to forget about the events of the past week, but somehow, every thought lead me back to when I woke up in the studio covered in gashes and wounds. I was terrified of what was going to happen to me next. Cleaning was the only thing that I really wanted to do, as I couldn’t find the inspiration to write and play new songs; I was literally stuck in a rut. Sometimes I even found myself making a mess, so that I could tidy everything away and make it look neat again. I then started to worry about the album; was it good enough? Would it sell? Would it get good reviews?
Tomo’s sarcastic comments, saying he was going to get me a pinafore, or some kind of Lolita maid dress, weren’t making my predicament any better. Both Tomo and Shannon would laugh, point and make jokes, not realising how much it affected me. It was my life, and they didn’t understand how much I was hurting. Cleaning was my only escape.
“Jared, are you… okay?” Shannon asked one day, walking into the kitchen, where I was tiding away the breakfast I had burnt.
Finally, he had noticed that something was wrong. Maybe he would stop tormenting me, and Tomo would do the same, following in his footsteps. I just wanted to get on with my life, making the music I loved with the people I loved.
“Does it look like I’m okay?” I asked quietly, anger in my voice.
Shannon glanced at me, looking upset, disappointed in himself. He had allowed me to get that far, so why did he care? He could laugh and judge, but when I was really in trouble, he noticed, and made a huge deal of it. He would be sorry when I had a nervous breakdown on stage, in front of all of the fans. Yes, I would make him feel guilty in some way or another. I was good at that.
“What’s gotten into you lately?”
“I don’t know, Shannon.” I sighed, scraping charred bits off of my whole-wheat toast into the trash.
“You seem… different. After the other night, you’ve been acting weird.”
Of course I was acting weird, I had unwillingly cut myself in my sleep, and because of that, I couldn’t stop cleaning, I couldn’t stop worrying. It had all set me off, causing a lot of stress and anxiety. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t concentrate on anything and I couldn’t believe all of those things were happening to me.
“Don’t you think I haven’t noticed? I know that something isn’t right, but I can’t figure out what.”
“You should see a doctor. Your OCD is really bad this week.”
I felt my anger boil up and bubble inside of me, ready to explode like an active volcano. How dare he insinuate that I had a mental problem, that there was something seriously wrong with me?! I was then convinced that he was going to get me locked up for sure, he was trying to get rid of me. He didn’t want me; I was a burden and a nuisance. He was much better off without me.
“I don’t want to see a doctor, and I don’t have OCD. Leave me alone, Shan.”
I blanked him for the rest of the day and kept myself under lock and key in my room, so that no one would come and disturb me. I tried to write a song, it went a little bit better than I expected it, an upbeat, happy song. I just hoped that Shannon and Tomo would like it, Steve definitely would, maybe the record company. I knew the fans would have something to say about the new direction, the new influences, but I liked it, so there was nothing to stop me from recording it and putting it on the album.
I’ve been up in the air,
Out of my head,
Stuck in a moment of emotion I destroyed,
Is this the end I feel?
“Jared, get your scrawny ass out of that bathroom now! Some of us want to shower too!”
“Hang on, I’m just-”
I finished placing on of the shampoo bottles on the very edge of the bath, making sure it was completely in line with the others, which were also standing in a perfectly straight formation on the side. Shannon wanted to shower, but I was busy, and that irritated him. He had to try and prise out of the bathroom so that he could get freshened up as we were attending a meeting with our record company. He wanted to look smart, maybe have a quick shave and make himself seem at least a little bit presentable. The big guys at the record company wanted to talk about the new album, hear some samples… I was nervous because I had no idea whether they’d like it or not. I didn’t even know if I liked it or not.
He threw me out of the bathroom, irritated by my attitude and my compulsion for everything to be perfect, and then I heard the sound of running water. I knew that he’d move the bottles, and then I’d have to move them back into their original place. Habits are habits, these ones didn’t grow old. I would come home after the meeting, to find that my house was a complete dump again, after Shannon, Tomo and the people that helped us make our record had been over. I would find myself throwing away dozens of empty Red Bull cans, washing dishes and clearing away hundreds of bits of paperwork.
After the meeting was annulled, I went around the house as normal, doing my usual daily routine. This included cooking meals for Shannon, Tomo, the crew and I, tidying and dusting, showering and making music. I tried to forget about the events of the past week, but somehow, every thought lead me back to when I woke up in the studio covered in gashes and wounds. I was terrified of what was going to happen to me next. Cleaning was the only thing that I really wanted to do, as I couldn’t find the inspiration to write and play new songs; I was literally stuck in a rut. Sometimes I even found myself making a mess, so that I could tidy everything away and make it look neat again. I then started to worry about the album; was it good enough? Would it sell? Would it get good reviews?
Tomo’s sarcastic comments, saying he was going to get me a pinafore, or some kind of Lolita maid dress, weren’t making my predicament any better. Both Tomo and Shannon would laugh, point and make jokes, not realising how much it affected me. It was my life, and they didn’t understand how much I was hurting. Cleaning was my only escape.
“Jared, are you… okay?” Shannon asked one day, walking into the kitchen, where I was tiding away the breakfast I had burnt.
Finally, he had noticed that something was wrong. Maybe he would stop tormenting me, and Tomo would do the same, following in his footsteps. I just wanted to get on with my life, making the music I loved with the people I loved.
“Does it look like I’m okay?” I asked quietly, anger in my voice.
Shannon glanced at me, looking upset, disappointed in himself. He had allowed me to get that far, so why did he care? He could laugh and judge, but when I was really in trouble, he noticed, and made a huge deal of it. He would be sorry when I had a nervous breakdown on stage, in front of all of the fans. Yes, I would make him feel guilty in some way or another. I was good at that.
“What’s gotten into you lately?”
“I don’t know, Shannon.” I sighed, scraping charred bits off of my whole-wheat toast into the trash.
“You seem… different. After the other night, you’ve been acting weird.”
Of course I was acting weird, I had unwillingly cut myself in my sleep, and because of that, I couldn’t stop cleaning, I couldn’t stop worrying. It had all set me off, causing a lot of stress and anxiety. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t concentrate on anything and I couldn’t believe all of those things were happening to me.
“Don’t you think I haven’t noticed? I know that something isn’t right, but I can’t figure out what.”
“You should see a doctor. Your OCD is really bad this week.”
I felt my anger boil up and bubble inside of me, ready to explode like an active volcano. How dare he insinuate that I had a mental problem, that there was something seriously wrong with me?! I was then convinced that he was going to get me locked up for sure, he was trying to get rid of me. He didn’t want me; I was a burden and a nuisance. He was much better off without me.
“I don’t want to see a doctor, and I don’t have OCD. Leave me alone, Shan.”
I blanked him for the rest of the day and kept myself under lock and key in my room, so that no one would come and disturb me. I tried to write a song, it went a little bit better than I expected it, an upbeat, happy song. I just hoped that Shannon and Tomo would like it, Steve definitely would, maybe the record company. I knew the fans would have something to say about the new direction, the new influences, but I liked it, so there was nothing to stop me from recording it and putting it on the album.
I’ve been up in the air,
Out of my head,
Stuck in a moment of emotion I destroyed,
Is this the end I feel?
Sign up to rate and review this story