FicWad

Wait, wait, wait. You, there! Author! Isn’t there another girl?

Well, yeah, but Ficwad’s in trouble, and we should probably-

No! Be the crazy girl! Be the crazy girl!

If you say so. We are now the crazy girl.

________________

My name is Youtube.
I’m not crazy, okay? Don’t say shit like that, not cool, bro.
-Swear to God, you’re so stupid-
-Your mom is gay-
-PEEPLE LIK U SHULDN’T EVEN BE ALIVE!-

I just hear voices a lot. That’s all. A lot of them are angry and some of them are mad at me for reasons I can’t help, and some are nice, but the thing is, there’s just so many of them.
Like, millions. All the time. It’s actually like static now, so it’s not that big

SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! I’LL KILL YOU! JUST SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME IN PEACE!
PLEASE! PLEASE! JUST BE QUIET!

I just hear a lot of voices a lot of the time.

My internet friends put up with a lot from me. -Never even seen an episode, how stupid do you have to be?- I don’t know what they look like, because my dad doesn’t let me skype.
Ugh. My dad’s dumb. He doesn’t get what it’s like to be a kid. -OMG he’s sooooo hot!-
My dad’s really really really smart, like pretty much all-knowing. He always wears this stupid white suit with this really ugly tie, like, it’s actually phenomenally ugly, covered with weird blue, yellow, green and red splatters.
We live in the middle of nowhere in the middle of Switzerland or something, dad! Who’re you trying to impress?

-I love her music!-
-Sounds like a guy-

I spend a lot of time alone. I hunt stuff, but my dad won’t eat it. He always eats by himself, so more for me. I have my own weapon in my Like&Favourite Sylladex. It’s a razor-edged boomerang called Internet Argument.
My sylladex works like this: If I think I might need something, I ‘like’ it. If it’s something I need all the time, I ‘Favourite’ it, but I have to make sure not to like or favourite too much or else I’ll never find a damn thing.

WHAT DO YOU WANT? JUST KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT! QUIET THE DAMN BABY ALRIGHT! GOD! CANNOT EVEN SLEEP ANYMORE!

-No, YOU suck! XD-

I have a lot of scars on my hands from practicing with my boomerang. They don’t bleed very long, though. Shame.
I get a message from Fanfiction.net. Wonder what he wants. Maybe more sexting or something.

[Fanfiction.net (FFN) messaged Youtube (YTB)!]

FFN: I need your help!
FFN: BADLY.
YTB: what kinds a help?????
FFN: What do you know about Homestuck?

I look away from my handheld and mull that over. I know a lot, actually.

YTB: Whaddayya wanna know?
YTB: Tell ya whver u want. ;)
FFN: I sent a copy to my cousin, and now she’s not talking to me.
YTB: u even read the instruction manual?
YTB: so dumb not to.
YTB: SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! I’M TALKING TO MY FRIENDS! LEAVE ME ALONE!
FFN: Rrrrrrrright.
FFN: What if I didn’t read them?
YTB: LOLOLOLOL! TROLOLOLOLOL! SUX TO BE U, DUDE!
YTB: ICE CREAM CAKAND SLIPPERY NIPLES FOR ALL MY FREINDS!
FFN: .....I’m on the weird side of Youtube, aren’t I?

I choose not to answer back to that. It’s my fault I had a moment. FFN’s my friend, and although he’s a shit friend sometimes, we’re still friends.
Plus, that boy can dirty talk me into anything, yowza. Quite the mouth that boy has.

Hunting trip unsuccessful, I trudge home, back to my dad.
My dad’s in the living room, sitting in his armchair facing away from the door, so all I see is the back of his shiny bald head.
-Gonna get it now!-
-Sa-mooth criminal!-
-U ok?-

I erase any sort of thoughts of FFN, in case my dad can read minds. Last thing I want him to know is that his precious daughter’s been pulling her weight in perverted messaging.
“You Are Late.”
I scuff a toe on the floor, not making eye contact.
“Yeah. I know. Sorry, dad. Google.”
“Just 'Dad', Youtube. Did You Catch Anything?”
“Nope. Dead out there.”
My scraggly blonde hair falls over my eyes, and I pull the sleeves of my sweater over my hands so my dad can’t see the cuts.
He doesn’t respond, and I slip out the front door, running to the space I’ve been spending more and more time.
It’s an old cave in the woods behind my house. I’ve taken a bucket of chalk up, with drawings all over the walls, and drawn out pictures of what I think my friends look like all over them. We’re having adventures and fun. I’ve also hidden my copy of ‘The Great Gatsby’ out here. It’s my favourite book. The voices aren't always as loud out here either.

I reach over and smear the green sweater I’m wearing on a painting near the entrance. Too skinny to look good in anything, let alone green.
Picking up a slice of white chalk, I draw a white circle, then follow it with an itty-bitty slice of black chalk for eyes, nose, teeth. Snakebite piercing.
Dark blue for shirt, darker blue for pants, brown for flippy hipster-hair. I add horn-rimmed glasses, too, because boys in glasses are always cute.
Pressing my pointy shoulder blades into the cave wall, I slide my hand over where chalk FFN’s would be.
Slipping my handhold out of my sylladex, I message him back.

YTB: u there?
YTB: fws fine. prbly found sever player online and is playin w/out u.
YTB: u ther?