FicWad

FUTURAMA
Wedgies are only healthy for Shunsuke

Daddy I’m so sorry I’m so s-s-sorry yah
We just like to party like to p-p-party-yah

Shunsuke & his lovers wake up on a rainy overcast morning. Shunsuke is wearing his pale light grayish cerulean pajamas. He loves his clothes. They turn him on every time he wears them. Fry-A, Fry-1, & the Fry clones are wearing their white T-shirts & plaid pajama pants. Shunsuke & his lovers wanna make out. Shunsuke merges Fry-A, Fry-1, & the Fry clones into 1 body to save time. Shunsuke hugs, kisses, & tongue kisses Fry while Bender touches his body & teases his rear with his off-screen 3rd camera. Shunsuke & Fry stick their hands down the front, back, & sides of each other’s pajama pants. Shunsuke hugs & kisses Bender while Fry touches his body & teases his rear. Shunsuke touches Bender’s crotch. Shunsuke unmerges Fry-A, Fry-1, & the Fry clones. Shunsuke & his lovers stay in their pajamas all-day.

We’ve got a redlight pornographic dance fight
Systematic honey
But we got no money

Our hair is perfect while we’re all getting s**t-wrecked
Its automatic, honey
But we got no money

Leela walks with Trenton to the estate. Leela says “Being engaged to a boy that idolizes & stalks Shunsuke & his lovers every day is intriguing.” They arrive at the estate. Trenton says “Have fun, honey.” Trenton hugs & kisses her. Leela says “You, too.” She walks to the mall while Trenton visits his friends.

What makes you happy?
Maybe happiness is doing nothing

Shunsuke answers the door. Trenton says “Hey, everyone.” Shunsuke & his lovers say “Hey, Trenton.” Trenton says to Shunsuke “I noticed more of my underpants are missing.” Shunsuke says “If you want them back, you’ll have to catch me & make me give them back.”

Let's play until it's disgusting
Let's play in a world that has everything
Let's play until you let go
Come and catch me here

Let's play the way I like to
Let's play and get sweaty
Let's play while you're alive
Come and catch me quick

Trenton starts chasing Shunsuke around the living room, circling around the couches. Shunsuke’s lovers watch & laugh. Trenton wraps his arms around Shunsuke’s stomach & catches him by pulling him towards his body. Trenton faces Shunsuke & says “I’m gonna give you a lot of wedgies today, Shunsuke! I’m gonna say Fry’s favorite phrase again.” Fry-A, Fry-1, & the Fry clones say “Yay!” Shunsuke thinks Fry’s favorite phrase is really embarrassing but he likes hearing it. Trenton says “Get ready to record, Bender!”

Your kindness or your tricky side will probably be understood
You are free
Nothing can stop you
Do as you like
It’s ok
I’ll be right here

Trenton lifts Shunsuke’s shirt. With 2 hands, he grabs the light goldish gray back waistband of Shunsuke’s tighty-whities & the underpants material. He says "Wedgie! Wedgie Shunsuke!" as he repeatedly pulls to heights approaching the shoulder blades, exposing the leg holes. Shunsuke’s lovers are laughing hysterically on the floor. Trenton says “I wonder why I never get tired of doing this.” Bender says “Probably the same reason as the rest of us. Wedgies are fun & never get boring.” Trenton smiles & says while pale raspberry & brilliant arctic blue hearts appear around him “Oh yeah.” Trenton gives the super finishing yank but he’s not done with Shunsuke yet. After Shunsuke’s lovers get their turns giving Shunsuke wedgies, Trenton starts unbuttoning Shunsuke’s shirt. He pulls down Shunsuke’s pants & gives him more wedgies. After Shunsuke’s lovers get their turn, Bender places Shunsuke on the rounded sphere part of the wall attachment by the back of his underpants, with his pants around his ankles, for a while so he can record video & take photos. Trenton still isn’t done with Shunsuke. Bender lets Shunsuke down. Shunsuke lets Trenton take his shirt & pants. Shunsuke is now in only his underpants. He’s always really comfortable when he’s only wearing his underpants, no matter who sees him. After Trenton & Shunsuke’s lovers give Shunsuke more wedgies, Trenton & Bender carry Shunsuke outside by the back of his underpants so they can place Shunsuke on the rounded top of the flagpole & salute him. Bender says “We salute you, wedgie flag Shunsuke, our loveable dorky companion forever.” Shunsuke’s face is bright red. Trenton & Shunsuke’s lovers chill out & watch Shunsuke for a while. Shunsuke feels like he’s dead from humiliation.

Bender lets Shunsuke down. Shunsuke gives back Trenton's underpants. Shunsuke & his lovers hang out with Trenton. Shunsuke says “Trenton, can you please stay for a sleepover?” Trenton says “Of course! Can I bring Leela?” Shunsuke says “Yes. I hope she doesn’t make you wear pants around me.” Trenton says “Heh, heh! I don’t think she cares about who sees my underpants.” Shunsuke says “Yay ~ !”

The view through a donut hole
Alone, a curse
I don't seem to be trusted
Since I get jerked around

Trenton is wearing his shirt & boxer shorts while sitting down on a couch in the living room. He notices Shunsuke is looking at him. Trenton asks “Like what you see, Shunsuke?” Shunsuke blushes & says “Yes!” Trenton says “Cool.” Shunsuke sighs. Trenton asks “What’s wrong?”

I love you so determinedly
Is it OK to submit to you so much?
Always be nice to me
Don’t yell at me or anything, OK?

Shunsuke says “I’m glad you’re here but I hate when you leave.” Trenton says “How about I visit every day from now on?” Shunsuke hugs Trenton. They smile. Shunsuke & his lovers hang out with Trenton & Leela before bed.

Shunsuke & his band perform the glam rock song from their newest single.

Drums: Shunsuke Yoshimura Onuki
Bass: Scruffy Scruffington
Hammond organ: Philip J. Fry-E
Programmed percussion: Bender Bending Rodriguez
Guitars: B.R. McKay-A & B.R. McKay-1
Piano: John A. Zoidberg
Wurlitzer organ: Philip J. Fry-F
Handclaps & background vocals: Philip J. Fry-B, Philip J. Fry-C, & Philip J. Fry-D
Vocal: Philip J. Fry-A & Philip J. Fry-1

Shunsuke & his band are riding on their tour bus through snowy mountains in Nepal. They’re gonna perform at Yak Fest. They drive by smiling yaks. Shunsuke is on his cell phone. Shunsuke says “Uh huh. Yep. No. We’re in the Himalayas to play Yak Fest. Isn’t that awesome? I can’t wait to see all those yaks. They’re so cute. I know. I know.”

[Pan out to show annoyed Fry-A, Fry-1, & Fry clones]

Shunsuke says “Oh my gosh! Isn’t that awesome?” ... Fry-A says “If he doesn’t get off that phone soon, he’s in for some serious wedgie time.” Hermes walks into the room & says “Almost there. Are you ready for Yak Fest?” Fry-1 says “It’s already a Yak Fest around here with Shunsuke on the phone all the time. It’s driving me crazy! & how you seen our phone bill?” Fry-A shows Hermes the long list of calls. He’s shocked. Hermes says “Kalamazoo? Beijing? Antarctica?! Who do you even know in Antarctica?”

[Screen: Horizontal slide to reveal a penguin on a cell phone]

The male penguin says “Is that Hermes? Tell him I said hi.” Shunsuke says “Phil says hi.” Hermes says “Shunsuke, you’re costing me a fortune.” He takes away his phone. “No more phone for you, young boy.” Shunsuke says “But I need that phone!” Amy realizes everyone in the band is in the lounge & says “Hey! Who’s driving the bus?” Hermes says “Huh? Ah ~ we’re in the middle of nowhere. What could happen?” The bus hits the break & crashes into something. Hermes screams “Aaaah!” as all the band members are sent flying. The bus crashed into a large yak. The band jumps off the bus. Shunsuke is going crazy. He’s thinking about how he can get his phone back. Shunsuke desperately tries 4 times to take the phone out of Hermes’ right hand but fails ‘cause he keeps moving his arm. He puts the phone in his right pocket & gives Shunsuke a wedgie. Hermes asks “Lesson learnt?” Shunsuke says “Yes.” Hermes lets go of his underpants. Shunsuke tries to find a phone. He picks up a rock & says “Hello?” He throws it back on the snowy ground. He picks up a sheep & says “Hello?” He throws the sheep back on the ground. He picks up 2 white cats & says “I can’t hear you!” as he throws the cats back on the ground. Shunsuke sees a radio. He picks it up & listens. The male radio DJ says “You’re listening to K-YAK: the #1 radio station in rural Nepal.” Shunsuke says “Oh. Hi. I’m Shunsuke. So, what’s up?” Fry-A, Fry-1, the Fry clones & Bender are watching Shunsuke. Bender says “Radio, Shunsuke. He can’t hear you.” The DJ says “Get ready to dial in to win, folks! Our contest starts right now! & here’s the question: Who plays the drums in the band [insert band name here]?” Fry-A, Fry-1, the Fry clones, & Bender look confused as Shunsuke gasps from delight. Shunsuke says “I think I know this 1!” They glare at him. The DJ says “You have 6 minutes to call in & win our grand prize.” Shunsuke starts pressing on the front of the radio as if it’s a phone. Bender says “Um ... Shunsuke ... radio.” Shunsuke looks confused. He throws the radio on the ground. His lovers & the cats watch him walk away. He says “Must ... get ... phone ... NOW!” They’re confused. The cats look at Shunsuke’s lovers. They shrug.

Hermes walks by with Shunsuke’s phone in his right hand. Shunsuke is at a booth. Shunsuke says “Free manicure! Have a seat. & put down that heavy phone.” Hermes says “No thanks. I don’t need a manicure. My cuticles are already clean.” Hermes continues to walk. The moment Shunsuke is off-screen, he reappears at another booth. Shunsuke says in a foreign voice “Stranger. Today is your lucky day. I will trade you these 6 day old nachos, a Himalayan delicacy, for that cheap worthless phone.” Hermes says “No thanks. Watching my figure, don’t ya know.” Hermes keeps walking & finds Shunsuke on a hospital bed. Shunsuke says with light brilliant scarlet dots on his face & a thermometer in his mouth while hiding a can of paint under a moderate azure blanket “Hermes, I’ve come down with the Himalayan speckle face disease. I need that phone to call a doctor.” Hermes says “Doctor? Pishposh. Doctors cost money. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you.” He returns with Zoidberg holding a pair of scissors. Shunsuke screams “Aaaaaah!” He gets up, takes the thermometer out of his mouth with his right hand, removes the paint off his face with his wand, & says “Hallelujah! I’m cured.” Shunsuke tries to make Hermes let go of his phone. Hermes says “Noooo! Give it back!” Shunsuke says “I need it! Give it to me!” They lose their grip on the phone. The phone falls to the ground & breaks. Shunsuke freaks out & shouts “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” He causes a snow avalanche. Hermes is trying to sell a blue T-shirt with his face & name underneath on it to a seller. “Regional Hermes T-shirt. Never been washed.” He screams “Kya ~ !” as the snow carries him away. Shunsuke is struck by the snow, too. The avalanche makes the radio appear on screen. The DJ says “Who plays drums for [insert band name here]? If you know, you have 5 minutes left to call us at K-YAK!” Shunsuke’s right arm appears from underneath the snow & picks up the radio. The man in charge of Yak Fest appears while riding on top of his smiling yak. His name is Yogi Llama. The festival is his annual birthday celebration. He asks “Is everything alright?” Shunsuke gets out of the snow while still holding the radio. “Oh gentle joyful quirky (bows with left hand on stomach) knower of all things unknown.” Shunsuke angrily asks while making a fist with his left hand “WHERE CAN I FIND A PHONE?!” Yogi says “One must not let an itch go unscratched.” Fry-A, Fry-1, the Fry clones, & Bender run to Shunsuke. Fry-A says “I get it, Shunsuke. He’s saying that we should try other ways to achieve our goals. Let’s go!” The lovers smile, hold hands, & walk away. Yogi says “No. I meant my back is itchy.” He uses his cane to scratch his back.

A large group of people are in front of a large birthday cake. Yogi is on a ladder next to his smiling yak. Yogi says “Happy birthday to me.” Shunsuke & his lovers are on top of a cliff with a large horn. Shunsuke loudly shouts into the horn “COME ~ IN ~ , K-YAK ~!” His voice is so loud that the cake, Yogi, his yak, & all the people in the crowd fly several yards. The radio DJ says “2 minutes left & still nobody has answered our question.” Shunsuke says to Yogi “Oh Yogi Llama. (bows) Knower of things unknowable. See-ier of un-see-able. Wearer of the ... cake.” Shunsuke angrily shouts “SERIOUSLY! I NEED A PHONE!” Yogi says “To claim your most desired goals, you must 1st climb Mt. Everest.” Bender says “Oh. I think I get it. You mean that life is like climbing the highest mountain.” Yogi says “No. I mean some guy with a cell phone passed by a few days ago on his way to climb Mt. Everest.”

[Screen: Horizontal slide to reveal the man climbing up the mountain with rope & an ice axe]

The climber reaches the top of Mt. Everest & says “At last! Now to tell the world -” Shunsuke & his lovers appear. Bender is holding the radio. Shunsuke punches the climber with his right fist in the stomach. He screams as he loses grip of his phone & falls off the mountain. Shunsuke takes his phone. Shunsuke thinks to himself “Oops!” He dials the radio station phone number. He angrily says “Darn. Out of range.” The man screams until he hits the snow covered ground. He says “Crikey!” Shunsuke tells his lovers “We gotta get back into range.” They jump into snow & quickly roll down the mountain in giant snowballs. They’re back at the village. Shunsuke is lying in the snow. He says “Got a signal! Here goes!” He tries to call the radio station. Shunsuke realizes something’s wrong with the phone. He says “Dead battery!” He tosses the phone into the snow. He cries “Oh ~ no ~ !” & pounds on the ground with his fists & feet. His concerned lovers try to comfort him. Fry-A says “Aw chill out, Shunsuke. It’s okay.” Shunsuke says “It’s all Hermes’ fault! If he had let me keep my phone, I would’ve won.” Shunsuke gets on his knees. Fry-1 says “So you didn’t win the grand prize. Think about how much fun we had trying. Lately you’ve been on the phone so much, we don’t get to spend any time together.” Shunsuke is smiling. The radio in Bender’s right hand broadcasts “30 seconds left.” Shunsuke turns a dial on the radio to the right. He turns off the radio. Shunsuke says “You guys are right. It was much more fun hanging out with you guys. I don’t need a phone.” Shunsuke & his lovers smile. Yogi says while riding his smiling yak “The answer was right beside you the whole time.” Bender says “Right. Our romance was the real prize in this quest.” Yogi says “No! The other side.” He points with his cane to the direction behind them. They turn around & see K-YAK. The DJ says “20 seconds left.” Shunsuke runs up to the open window & says “Excuse me. I know the answer. It’s - ” The DJ says “Sorry. Phone calls only. 10 seconds left!” Bender grabs Shunsuke’s left hand & runs away with him. Bender returns with a can & string phone. He says “Ring!” The DJ picks up the phone & asks “Uh ... hello?” Shunsuke says “Hi. The drummer for the band [insert band name here] is - ” The man that fell off the mountain finds Shunsuke. He gets behind him. The painkiller candy Shunsuke ate temporarily fails as he gives him a painful wedgie that lifts him off the ground. Shunsuke says “Ouch!” The DJ says “Sorry. Wrong answer.” Shunsuke is really frustrated.

The tour bus leaves Nepal. Hermes says “Sorry you didn’t win, Shunsuke.” Shunsuke says “No big deal. After all, I did win the consolation prize: a brand new cell phone.” Hermes face palms. Fry-1 says “Wonder what the grand prize was.” Shunsuke says “Yeah. & who won it.”

[Screen: Phil with his grand prize - a yak]

Shunsuke & his lovers are in the locker room at work while wearing only their underpants. They give Shunsuke a lot of wedgies. Hermes walks in & tells Bender “We need to talk. Alone.” Shunsuke & his lovers walk away. Fry-A wants to find out his secret. He hides behind a locker. Bender & Hermes leave the room. Fry-A thinks to himself “Darn. I’ll try to figure out what they’re up to later.”

Shunsuke & his lovers are wearing only their underpants while at home. They walk into their bedroom after playing to fall asleep. Bender yawns & says “That was a fun wedgie session.” Shunsuke walks into the room with his underpants still yanked up his rear. He fixes himself. Shunsuke & his lovers get into bed. Fry-A is thinking to himself about Bender’s secret while Shunsuke, Fry-1, & the Fry clones fall asleep. Fry-A opens his eyes when he hears Bender get out of bed. Fry-A pretends to be asleep & waits until Bender is outside to get dressed & follow him.

Fry-A thinks to himself “What’s Bender up to?” Bender goes to the park. Hermes is waiting for him. Fry-A thinks to himself “What’s Hermes doing out here so late?” Bender & Hermes enter a nearby building. Fry-A looks inside the building. Bender & Hermes walk out of a private room to reveal they’ve become The Green Hornet & Kato.

The Green Hornet & Kato get on The Black Spaceship & leave. Fry-A follows them. 2 men rampage a nearby city by kicking people through football goals. The Green Hornet & Kato park the spaceship. They get out of the spaceship. They punch both men in the stomach & kick them in the butt. They run away, defeated. The Green Hornet & Kato get on their spaceship & fly back to their building to celebrate. Fry-A says “Wow! I know 2 super heroes. I can’t wait to tell everyone else.” Fry-A sneaks back home. The 2 men heard what Fry-A said. They want revenge.

Fry-A tells Shunsuke, Fry-1, & the Fry clones Bender & Hermes’ secret in the morning while in the living room. Bender is in the kitchen. Shunsuke is angry. He angrily shouts “Bender ~ !” Bender enters the living room & asks “What’s up?” Shunsuke says “You’ve been sneaking out without telling us?!” Bender asks “Who told you?” Shunsuke says “That doesn’t matter!” Shunsuke gives Bender a wedgie. He makes Shunsuke let go of his back metal sheet. They give each other wedgies. Bender gives Shunsuke the most. He repeatedly yanks at Shunsuke’s underpants until he gets his fill. Shunsuke & Bender fix themselves. Shunsuke says “All right. You won.” Bender says “From now on, I’ll say when I’m leaving.” Shunsuke says “You’ll return, right?” Bender says “Of course, Shunsuke. I love you guys!”

All those helpless boys and girls
Calling out around the world
Need you much more tonight than this lovesick little boy

Shunsuke & his lovers get ready for work. They arrive at the Planet Express headquarters on time. While running errands, Bender & Hermes starts to get worried. The rest of the crew are being held hostage. The Green Hornet & Kato get on their spaceship & look for the crew. They find Shunsuke, Fry-A, Fry-1, the Fry clones, Leela, Calista, Amy, Scruffy, Farnsworth, & Zoidberg locked in a cage.

THE STORM ELECTRIC BLACK
THIS WAR IS ALL DEPICTED
THIS STORY HAS BEEN PREDICTED

Bender & Hermes break in, slap both men, & place them in a cage. The 2 men are sent to jail.

WE TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY
WE’VE GONE DARK
WE ARE EVIL
ARCHAIC DISGUSTION
NORMALIC REPULSION
VOMITOUS REACTION
ABHORRENT TRANSACTION
WE TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY
WE TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY
WE TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY

Bender & Hermes save the crew.

Shunsuke is getting depressed. He needs to talk to his lovers. Shunsuke says “I need to talk to you guys about something.” Fry-A asks “What up?” Shunsuke says “I’m sad.” Bender asks “Why?” Shunsuke says “How do you guys feel about underpants? You know I love them but Fry, you ruined a pair on tv & you said you’d burn them in a comic. Bender, you also ruined a pair. That makes me sad.” Fry-A says “Don’t be sad. You know we don’t have control over Futurama. That’s why we’re forced to lie. You know we love you & that I don’t love Leela. That’s what the fans wanna see. The quote I said about underpants in Brannigan, Begin Again is how I truly feel.” Shunsuke says “I’m glad. I’m happy again.” Fry-A says “Cool! Let's drink beer in our underpants!” Shunsuke says “Yay ~ !”

Daddy I’m so sorry I’m so so sorry yah
We just like to party like to p-p-party-yah