-And the next part is the hardest.-
By the time Mikey and I stepped back inside the large ‘cozy’ home it was dark out, and I was exhausted. Mikey hadn’t said a word since we left my brother’s grave but that was for the best. I couldn’t stand to hear a single thing he had to say, because I knew it would hurt- and I was emotionally exhausted for the night. Hell, for the rest of my life.
Gerard was standing in the entry way, along with Frank, Ray, and Bob.
Everything happened in slow motion and I felt like I was losing my mind.
Gerard dropped to one knee in front of me.
“Taylor, will you marry me?” The words didn’t mean anything, but he said them.
I stared at him for what felt like an eternity, but found nothing in his eyes because this wasn’t how things were supposed to go. This wasn’t our story, it was our lie.
“Gerard-“ I turned, to find Mikey watching me carefully.
“Mikey-“ The words wouldn’t come.
Mikey shook his head, as his eyes fell to the floor.
I looked back at Gerard and knew this was what he meant about tripling the money. It wasn’t money for nothing after all. “Yes.” I whispered the word, and they were followed by tears. Ray and Bob broke in to applause. Even Frank clapped, though his heart wasn’t in it.
Gerard smiled but I turned towards Mikey, just in time to see him turning away from me.
And I really, really knew what it was like to be my brother- to have a mistake that overshadowed all that you were, and everything you wanted.
I didn’t hate him. I never had.
I’d always hated myself.
“How could you do that?” The words didn’t sound right. I couldn’t even be properly angry. Gerard shrugged, but said nothing. “No, seriously- what do you expect? I’m not going to marry you.”
“Why not?” Gerard gazed at me. “It would be a marriage of convenience.”
“I don’t need your money, nor your fame- and I’m not going to play your puppet. My time is almost up, and when I leave I’m not coming back.” I spit out.
Gerard frowned, “My proposal was an apology of sorts. I’m sorry I didn’t stand up for you to Frank.”
“I don’t care about that.” I muttered, “You’re doing this to spite Frank. You’re doing it for all the wrong reasons… and I don’t want to marry you Gerard. Marriage is a union of-“
Gerard rolled his eyes and cut me off, “But you don’t mind whoring yourself out for money? Sex is supposed to be about love too sweetheart.”
“I didn’t fuck you.” I reminded him.
“No, but you fucked my brother.”
“On your orders.” Like that helped. “You didn’t even ask me if I wanted to fuck him, and if you had I’d have said no.”
“Is that what you’re so upset about?”
I didn’t say anything.
Gerard rolled his eyes again, “It’s what you do. It’s your job.”
“I’m not in the business of betrayal actually. I’ve never fucked someone under these circumstances before. It feels like rape. I feel like I’ve stolen something from him.”
Gerard’s eyes narrowed, “This is all about Mikey, isn’t it? The fight with Frank, your anger towards me- it’s all about him.”
I looked away because the truth was written all over my face.
Gerard continued on. “You like Mikey. You really like him.”
The conversation closed. I made my point by immaturely slamming the bathroom door behind me. My feelings were all out on the table though, and now there was nothing I could do.
This mistake was eating me alive.
I had been sitting on the bathroom floor for hours. I didn’t have my cell phone with me, nor my IPOD. I had nothing, and I was starting to regret the decision but I couldn’t leave the safety of the room yet. I wasn’t ready to face whatever words Gerard had in store for me. I wasn’t ready to talk over his fucked up proposal.
The knock at the bathroom door startled me. “Just go away.” I called, thinking it was Gerard.
“What happened?” Mikey called, “Are you okay Taylor?”
I scrambled for the door, quickly pulling it open.
It was just Mikey.
“What the hell happened?” Mikey asked, stepping over the threshold and in to the bathroom. I wasn’t quite standing, but I wasn’t sitting either. Mikey pulled me to my feet but I couldn’t look at him. I was ashamed, and dirty- and I’d never felt so wrong in my entire life, for all the wrong I’d done.
It had never been like this before.
“I’m celebrating.” I weakly muttered.
“You’re not very good at it.” Mikey replied, “You’re cold. How long have you been in here?”
“Where is Gerard?” I suddenly felt weary, and this was just as much of a betrayal as we’d planned, but it wasn’t supposed to be like this… and now Gerard knew. He knew that I liked Mikey. I liked Mikey.
“He went out.” Mikey answered, “I thought you were asleep. I just- I came to check on you. He seemed upset. Is something wrong?”
“I told him.” I lied, glancing at Mikey.
Mikey let go of me and it looked as if the air had been punched from his body. He just stood there, looking dumbstruck. “You… told him?”
I nodded, “I told him.”
“So… you’re not getting married then?”
“We are.” I jumped at Gerard’s voice. He was standing in the bedroom watching us, and he looked every bit the part of ‘angry boyfriend’ that I was starting to feel more like the amateur, and him the professional.
Mikey’s mouth fell open.
So did mine.
Gerard shrugged, “We are starting this marriage with honesty, aren’t we Taylor?”
I nodded, unable to speak.
This was so out of control.
“And I forgive you both.” Gerard sounded so smug, because he knew he had me right where he wanted me. “Taylor just didn’t want me to be upset with you Mikey.”
Mikey glanced at me, but still I could say nothing. I was stuck, and confused.
“What happened? Why is Taylor hiding in the bathroom?” Mikey’s throat sounded dry, and he sounded worried. No matter what he was always such a good guy. I couldn’t see any bad in him.
“I was upset.” I spoke softly, “After telling Gerard I just felt so ashamed and I… I didn’t think he’d forgive me because I did such a terrible thing, to both of you. I just needed to be alone.” I was such a great liar, and paying for it.
Mikey looked uncomfortable, “I’m sorry.” He finally apologized, right before quickly leaving the room.
Gerard cleared his throat, “There, everything is better Taylor.”
“How is everything better?” My eyes narrowed. “It all kind of looked fucked up to me.”
“It’s not.” Gerard shook his head. “We can set a wedding date after telling my parents about the proposal. Mikey and you can remain… er, friends. I don’t really care what you do with him. You can fuck him if you want, just be quiet about it and- um, you’ll have access to my money. It’s the ultimate payout.”
My head was spinning, “And what about you?”
“Well, I’ll er- have my own special friends.” Gerard shrugged, “Call it an open marriage, if you need a name for it.”
“How romantic.” I shook my head.
“Just make sure you don’t fall in love with my brother. He doesn’t need that.” Gerard warned, “He doesn’t need some whore to ruin his life.”
“I love you too.” I sarcastically remarked, before turning away from him.
I would play the part for now, but as for the future… I didn’t see myself becoming Mrs. Way, with a gay husband while I fucked his brother. Not even I was that fucked up.
But for now… I was a little trapped.
So what the hell was I supposed to do?
Sign up to rate and review this story