Categories > Books > Good Omens
Unexpected Discoveries
4 reviewsCrowley discovers something Aziraphale would rather keep secret.
4Funny
Crowley was bored. He considered dropping by Aziraphale's and carefully rearranging his books while his back was turned but that would mean leaving the luxury of his flat. Besides, it was raining. Miserable country, thought Crowley. He flopped down onto his sleek yet comfortable designer sofa, one leg artfully sprawled across the arm, idly twirling his sunglasses around his finger. He sighed, aware that he was the very image of overprivileged, dissatisfied (yet rather attractive, he thought) youth and no one was around to appreciate it. Or, more likely, be irritated by it. Either way suited him. His world-weary gaze drifted around the room until it alighted on the slim modern plasma television that hung on the opposite wall. He had yet to turn it on once since its purchase over two years ago. He gestured languidly and the television switched itself on in a soundless burst of light. Crowley slouched as the television flickered through channels of its own accord. Infomercial, car commercial, talk show (topic: angels fathered my bastard child, making Crowley smirk), ridiculous crowd of football fans whose painted torsos declared their love for Manchester United, Doctor Who rerun...Crowley sat up abruptly, knocking his sunglasses onto the floor. He gestured frantically to the television and it dutifully skipped back to the bare-chested Manchester United fans. Crowley got a quick, hazy shot of a familiar face before the camera switched to another subject. What was Aziraphale doing half-naked at a football game?!
The next day, Crowley casually pulled up to Aziraphale's bookshop. He sauntered in, trying his best to look casual. He was apparently trying a little too hard judging by the raised eyebrow Aziraphale was giving him. He was relieved to find that Aziraphale was fully clothed; he hadn't seen that much of the angel since ancient Rome and his toga had slipped at a victory party of Constantine I's.
"Good morning, Crowley, would you like a cup of tea?" asked Aziraphale politely and a little suspiciously.
"Sure, sure," Crowley waved a hand vaguely and sat in the chair opposite the table from Aziraphale.
Aziraphale got up, left the room and quickly returned with Crowley's tea. Crowley took the cup and sipped the tea reflexively.
"So," he began.
"So?" echoed Aziraphale giving him another odd look.
"What have you been up to lately? Healing the sick, helping the poor and all that garbage, I trust?" Crowley asked, blowing onto his tea to cool it.
"Er, of course!" Aziraphale looked guiltily at the thick book lying in front of him on the table.
"I see, I see...so, yesterday you were not, I take it, half-naked at a football game with a bunch of other half-naked crazed football fans?"
Aziraphale narrowly avoided spraying Crowley and, more importantly, his book with a mouthful of tea. He blushed scarlet.
"Ah, er, I was on business!" he stammered.
Crowley raised a single amused eyebrow.
"Really, my dear. That man standing next to me just a few days ago was on the verge of suicide. He lost his job and his wife had left him and he thought he might be impotent and it was my duty to convince him that his life was worth living. And it's good to do some one-on-one work occasionally, don't want to lose my touch you know," Aziraphale babbled.
"You convinced him life was worth living by going to a football game?" asked Crowley skeptically.
"He's quite a big fan," said Aziraphale. "Besides, by that time, he had changed his mind and wanted to take me, as a thank you. It was kind of him to share something he loved with me," he added firmly.
Crowley rolled his eyes. "I should have known you had some boring, do-gooder reason." He drank his tea in silence.
Aziraphale was just starting to relax again when Crowley joked, "By the way, you haven't been going around impregnating any mortal women, have you?"
Aziraphale's head snapped up abruptly and his arm jerked, spilling tea all over the table and the hapless book. "Of course not, I always take the proper precautions!" exclaimed Aziraphale.
"What?!"
The next day, Crowley casually pulled up to Aziraphale's bookshop. He sauntered in, trying his best to look casual. He was apparently trying a little too hard judging by the raised eyebrow Aziraphale was giving him. He was relieved to find that Aziraphale was fully clothed; he hadn't seen that much of the angel since ancient Rome and his toga had slipped at a victory party of Constantine I's.
"Good morning, Crowley, would you like a cup of tea?" asked Aziraphale politely and a little suspiciously.
"Sure, sure," Crowley waved a hand vaguely and sat in the chair opposite the table from Aziraphale.
Aziraphale got up, left the room and quickly returned with Crowley's tea. Crowley took the cup and sipped the tea reflexively.
"So," he began.
"So?" echoed Aziraphale giving him another odd look.
"What have you been up to lately? Healing the sick, helping the poor and all that garbage, I trust?" Crowley asked, blowing onto his tea to cool it.
"Er, of course!" Aziraphale looked guiltily at the thick book lying in front of him on the table.
"I see, I see...so, yesterday you were not, I take it, half-naked at a football game with a bunch of other half-naked crazed football fans?"
Aziraphale narrowly avoided spraying Crowley and, more importantly, his book with a mouthful of tea. He blushed scarlet.
"Ah, er, I was on business!" he stammered.
Crowley raised a single amused eyebrow.
"Really, my dear. That man standing next to me just a few days ago was on the verge of suicide. He lost his job and his wife had left him and he thought he might be impotent and it was my duty to convince him that his life was worth living. And it's good to do some one-on-one work occasionally, don't want to lose my touch you know," Aziraphale babbled.
"You convinced him life was worth living by going to a football game?" asked Crowley skeptically.
"He's quite a big fan," said Aziraphale. "Besides, by that time, he had changed his mind and wanted to take me, as a thank you. It was kind of him to share something he loved with me," he added firmly.
Crowley rolled his eyes. "I should have known you had some boring, do-gooder reason." He drank his tea in silence.
Aziraphale was just starting to relax again when Crowley joked, "By the way, you haven't been going around impregnating any mortal women, have you?"
Aziraphale's head snapped up abruptly and his arm jerked, spilling tea all over the table and the hapless book. "Of course not, I always take the proper precautions!" exclaimed Aziraphale.
"What?!"
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