Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Can't Be Saved
I turned on the shower as hot as i could stand it. I backed up and
stood in front of the mirror I peeled off my shirt and threw it onto
the floor I stepped back and looked at my chest in the mirror. I was
skinny you could see my ribs, my collar bone. When i turned around you
could see my spine and ribs. The scars the decorated my chest were
really noticeable. Marks i have made, marks other men have made. I
look terrible, all but my tattoos that decorate my body covering up
most of the scars. I unzipped my pants and pulled my pants and boxers
off placing them with my shirt. Taking one last look in the mirror
disgusted with what i see i stepped into the shower. The water was
really hot, it help with the ache i'm feeling. I started to wash
myself scrubbing as hard as i could until my skin turned red.
"Frank?" Gerard knocked at the bathroom door.
"I-i--'ll be j-just a sec." I say the best i could my body hurt so
bad. I sat in the bathtub just letting the water hit my back.
"Are you alright? You've been in here a while." He said opening the
door. "Frank?" He opened the shower curtain. I just looked up at him
tears running out of my eyes. eyes red and puffy skin pink from how
hot the water is. He leaned into the shower and turned off the water.
"Come lets get you dried off and clothed." He said throwing a towel
over me and helping me out of the tub. I started to shiver. Part
because i was cold part because of the withdraw.
"I don't think i can do this." I say to Gerard as he watches me dry off.
"Do what?"
"Be sober."
"Why?"
"I haven't been sober in like 6 years. I don't know how." I said
slipping on my underwear. I'm starting to feel comfortable around
Gerard for some reason.
"That's what I'm here for, to show you how to live normally." He said
smiling at me.
I slip on the black skinny jeans and red and black striped long sleeve
shirt Gerard brought me and follow him out into the living room. I
glance at the clock it 11:30 am. I don't think I've been up this early
in a long time. Gerard disappears into the kitchen and i take a seat
on the couch switching on the tv and turning it to the cartoon
station.
"Here." Gerard says handing me a plate with a ham sandwich on it.
"Thanks." I take it and turn back to the TV. I take small bits of it
as i watch the TV but i get the feeling Gerard is staring at me. I
look out of the corner of my eye and see that he is.
"Frank tell me why you start using drugs?" He asked i looked over at
him with a shocked look. I never told anyone why or how i really got
into this mess.
"Um....."
"It's ok, you can tell me."
"I um..... I started because I......I just was tired." I said to him
putting my half eaten sandwich down on the coffee table.
"Frank that doesn't make sense " Gerard said to me looking a little angry.
"Um i mean i was tired of living. My mom and dad were arguing all the
time and it made me depressed, so i started drinking a lot and smoking
weed. I got invited to a party by a guy i was crushing on. he started
to talk to me being really nice i thought he liked me.He asked me if i
wanted to go up to a bedroom with him. I said sure i was quite
intoxicated already and he pulled out a bagging filled with this white
powder and asked me if i wanted some. I asked what it was and he told
me it was coke. I thought sure why not, I thought that maybe he would
want to be with me if i did, so we ended up doing a couple of lines
and he ended up coming at me and trying to have sex with me but i
didn't want to i never had before and i was wasted but He told me that
if i did he would give me a stronger drug for free and he would be my
boyfriend. And at this point i was so high on the coke that it all
sounded like a good idea." I started to cry. "So I agreed and he
pretty much had his way with me since i didn't know what i was doing.
but before he left me in the room he put a baggie and a note in my
pocket gave me a kiss and left. After I had stumbled home it was
really late and my parents we pissedme dad started yelling and
screaming at me but i could barely stand up. on my own anymore. he
asked me if i was drunk and i just stood there staring at him. He
slapped me across the face and pushed me, told me to straighten my act
up or else and sent me to my room."
"Has your dad done that to you before?" Gerard asked. I just nodded
tears streaming down my face."How often?"
"A lot, whenever i screwed up, which was a lot."
"What happened next?" Gerard said moving to sit next to me.
"I had went to my room and passed out on my bed. The next thing i
remember is my dad yelling at me and pushing me telling me to get out
of his house that no junkie was allowed to live there. He told me i
had 5 minutes to pack a bag and get out. I rushed around the room
packing a few things and slowly walked down the stairs. I remember my
mom sitting at the dining room table crying and my dad standing by the
door opening it up for me as i walked out he told me i could come back
when i was clean." I started to cry harder as the memories were coming
back, the memories i had tried so hard to erase but now that i have
been clean for 2 days its coming back. "I didn't have anywhere to go
so i wandered around till I ran into that guy from the party from a
few hours earlier. He asked me if i had tried the stuff he gave me yet
i said 'no i didn't get a chance' he asked me why, i said my dad and i
got into a argument and he kicked me out, he said oh bummer and wanted
to know if he could show me how to do it. i said yes. He took my hand
and we walked some more until we were behind Jazzhands where i work
now. Thats where i met jepha. and it all just kinda went downhill from
there. the guy i was crushing on wanted me to Be his boyfriend or so i
thought. all he really wanted was to sell me for drug and boss me
around which only lead me farther into heroin and drinking."
"Is that how you started working at Jazzhands?" Gerard asked moving closer.
"Yeah he ended up selling me to them when i was 18, But by that time i
didn't care about anything anymore. so i just did whatever i could to
make as much money." I said looking at Gerard who was inches away from
me.
"Sounds like you've had it rough." Gerard says looking at me.
"I guess it's my fault really, I trust too easily, fall for people to
easily. My head is all messed up. I don't know how to be normal." I
said tears flowing from my eyes once more.
"It's ok, I'm hear to teach you and help you." Gerard said pulling me
into a hug and softly stroking my hair calming me down. I'm beginning
to feel this is my new safe place.
Rate and Reviews are always liked :)
stood in front of the mirror I peeled off my shirt and threw it onto
the floor I stepped back and looked at my chest in the mirror. I was
skinny you could see my ribs, my collar bone. When i turned around you
could see my spine and ribs. The scars the decorated my chest were
really noticeable. Marks i have made, marks other men have made. I
look terrible, all but my tattoos that decorate my body covering up
most of the scars. I unzipped my pants and pulled my pants and boxers
off placing them with my shirt. Taking one last look in the mirror
disgusted with what i see i stepped into the shower. The water was
really hot, it help with the ache i'm feeling. I started to wash
myself scrubbing as hard as i could until my skin turned red.
"Frank?" Gerard knocked at the bathroom door.
"I-i--'ll be j-just a sec." I say the best i could my body hurt so
bad. I sat in the bathtub just letting the water hit my back.
"Are you alright? You've been in here a while." He said opening the
door. "Frank?" He opened the shower curtain. I just looked up at him
tears running out of my eyes. eyes red and puffy skin pink from how
hot the water is. He leaned into the shower and turned off the water.
"Come lets get you dried off and clothed." He said throwing a towel
over me and helping me out of the tub. I started to shiver. Part
because i was cold part because of the withdraw.
"I don't think i can do this." I say to Gerard as he watches me dry off.
"Do what?"
"Be sober."
"Why?"
"I haven't been sober in like 6 years. I don't know how." I said
slipping on my underwear. I'm starting to feel comfortable around
Gerard for some reason.
"That's what I'm here for, to show you how to live normally." He said
smiling at me.
I slip on the black skinny jeans and red and black striped long sleeve
shirt Gerard brought me and follow him out into the living room. I
glance at the clock it 11:30 am. I don't think I've been up this early
in a long time. Gerard disappears into the kitchen and i take a seat
on the couch switching on the tv and turning it to the cartoon
station.
"Here." Gerard says handing me a plate with a ham sandwich on it.
"Thanks." I take it and turn back to the TV. I take small bits of it
as i watch the TV but i get the feeling Gerard is staring at me. I
look out of the corner of my eye and see that he is.
"Frank tell me why you start using drugs?" He asked i looked over at
him with a shocked look. I never told anyone why or how i really got
into this mess.
"Um....."
"It's ok, you can tell me."
"I um..... I started because I......I just was tired." I said to him
putting my half eaten sandwich down on the coffee table.
"Frank that doesn't make sense " Gerard said to me looking a little angry.
"Um i mean i was tired of living. My mom and dad were arguing all the
time and it made me depressed, so i started drinking a lot and smoking
weed. I got invited to a party by a guy i was crushing on. he started
to talk to me being really nice i thought he liked me.He asked me if i
wanted to go up to a bedroom with him. I said sure i was quite
intoxicated already and he pulled out a bagging filled with this white
powder and asked me if i wanted some. I asked what it was and he told
me it was coke. I thought sure why not, I thought that maybe he would
want to be with me if i did, so we ended up doing a couple of lines
and he ended up coming at me and trying to have sex with me but i
didn't want to i never had before and i was wasted but He told me that
if i did he would give me a stronger drug for free and he would be my
boyfriend. And at this point i was so high on the coke that it all
sounded like a good idea." I started to cry. "So I agreed and he
pretty much had his way with me since i didn't know what i was doing.
but before he left me in the room he put a baggie and a note in my
pocket gave me a kiss and left. After I had stumbled home it was
really late and my parents we pissedme dad started yelling and
screaming at me but i could barely stand up. on my own anymore. he
asked me if i was drunk and i just stood there staring at him. He
slapped me across the face and pushed me, told me to straighten my act
up or else and sent me to my room."
"Has your dad done that to you before?" Gerard asked. I just nodded
tears streaming down my face."How often?"
"A lot, whenever i screwed up, which was a lot."
"What happened next?" Gerard said moving to sit next to me.
"I had went to my room and passed out on my bed. The next thing i
remember is my dad yelling at me and pushing me telling me to get out
of his house that no junkie was allowed to live there. He told me i
had 5 minutes to pack a bag and get out. I rushed around the room
packing a few things and slowly walked down the stairs. I remember my
mom sitting at the dining room table crying and my dad standing by the
door opening it up for me as i walked out he told me i could come back
when i was clean." I started to cry harder as the memories were coming
back, the memories i had tried so hard to erase but now that i have
been clean for 2 days its coming back. "I didn't have anywhere to go
so i wandered around till I ran into that guy from the party from a
few hours earlier. He asked me if i had tried the stuff he gave me yet
i said 'no i didn't get a chance' he asked me why, i said my dad and i
got into a argument and he kicked me out, he said oh bummer and wanted
to know if he could show me how to do it. i said yes. He took my hand
and we walked some more until we were behind Jazzhands where i work
now. Thats where i met jepha. and it all just kinda went downhill from
there. the guy i was crushing on wanted me to Be his boyfriend or so i
thought. all he really wanted was to sell me for drug and boss me
around which only lead me farther into heroin and drinking."
"Is that how you started working at Jazzhands?" Gerard asked moving closer.
"Yeah he ended up selling me to them when i was 18, But by that time i
didn't care about anything anymore. so i just did whatever i could to
make as much money." I said looking at Gerard who was inches away from
me.
"Sounds like you've had it rough." Gerard says looking at me.
"I guess it's my fault really, I trust too easily, fall for people to
easily. My head is all messed up. I don't know how to be normal." I
said tears flowing from my eyes once more.
"It's ok, I'm hear to teach you and help you." Gerard said pulling me
into a hug and softly stroking my hair calming me down. I'm beginning
to feel this is my new safe place.
Rate and Reviews are always liked :)
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