FicWad

It had been a year now, since Helena’s death. Gerard had found no other, and he wasn’t planning on being with any other. She was the only one for him. He hadn't slept for weeks now, so many restless nights thinking about Helena, his true love, his only love.

The only two events Gerard could remember were the night she died, and her funeral. It was a constant loop of those two events playing over and over again in his head; two very tragic affairs that were now memories. Memories Gerard wanted to bury deep inside, so he could forget even it was just for a second the great pain and loss he was feeling.

Gerard spent most of his days in the little bar at the end of his street, sitting right at the very end of the bar, drinking cheap whiskey from the bottle. He wasn’t a pretty sight at all, his eyes were red and puffy from lack of sleep and from the amount of tears he shed each night her dear Helena, his once black glossy hair was now coated in a thick layer of grease; his once clean shaven face was now a dry, stubbly, red patchy mess.

“She was an absolute beauty, my girl..” Gerard slurred to the bartender, whilst waving the bottle of whiskey around freely while he spoke. He sighed deeply then brought the bottle to his lips and took a long deep sip of the honey brown liquid. He sighed in relief as the liquid travelled down his throat and through his body, slowly warming his stone cold insides up for a little while. He slammed the bottle down on the bar hard, shattering the glass into a thousand tiny pieces. “We planned… We planned a June wedding you know? Well… Umm… I did.” He mumbled, his speech still slurred. “But then she died, so I planned her June funeral…” He laughed harshly, not realising how cruel and insensitive his last sentence sounded.

He stared down at the dirty white tiled floor of the bar. “I’m gonna kill the guy who done it to her, you know? Mr barar.. bartender sir dude. The guy who run my beaut over, he’s a dead man” Gerard looked up at the bartender, they exchanged eye contact. Gerard could be very intimidating sometimes without even realising it, he intimidated Helena greatly and never really realised it. Gerard slowly stood up, grasping tightly onto the bar to stop himself falling over. He slowly put one foot in front of the over, walking towards the door. He stumbled ever so slightly with each step, but catching his balance each time before he fell.

When he finally made it outside, he looked down at the pavement. The pavement was covered with fresh raindrops, and the air held that unusually beautiful smell of fresh rain hitting a warm ground. He looked up at the dark grey sky, watching the raindrops fall and gently hit the ground. This fascinated him, but also brought back the memory. That one memory more than any other that pained him, that memory that no matter how hard he tried to forget or bury deep inside it would always find a way to push its way back to the surface and inflict it’s damage. This memory was Helena’s death.

Gerard turned his view towards the road, he stood there watching as the hundreds of cars speeded past him. His hand suddenly clenched into a tight fist. “Revenge! Revenge!” He hissed, his voice sounded so acidic, so venomous. His posture suddenly straighten, every muscle in his body tensed up tightly. He suddenly realised that the only way he could forgot his pain, to make him feel better was to get revenge on the people that took her away from him. Those people were almighty god himself, and the driver of the car.

He start walking down the street, the faster the pace the bigger the step. “Bet you didn’t know, I got you license plate number… Stupid cunt! Bet you didn’t know, I know where you live… Stupid cunt! Bet you didn’t know I’m gonna kill you, like you did my Helena… Stupid cunt!” Gerard muttered to himself. You could feel the resentment and anger radiating of Gerard, you could hear the bitterness in his voice, and you could see the pain behind his eyes. That pain, the pain that felt like a blow to his stomach. That pain, the pain that gave him a lump in his throat every time he swallowed. That pain, the pain that made his lungs feel so tight when he took a breath, that he was scared he couldn’t breathe out again.

He briskly turned the corner of the street, still muttering words to himself. A visage of images came flooding back to Gerard of that frightful day. He closed his eyes tightly, and brought had hands up to his head, banging the sides of it hard to try and make it stop. “I’m not o-fucking-kay..” He screamed at the top of his lungs, his voice broke towards the end of the sentence as floods of tears rolled down his face, stinging the sore and broken flesh on his cheeks.

He quickly and quietly inhaled a deep breath, slowly opening his eyes. He glanced down to the cross around his neck, slowly he wrapped his hand around the cross ripping it from around his neck and tossing it into the gutter. He had no faith anymore, that little faith he once had had gone away. Turned to dust and blown away in the wind.

Gerard stopped outside an old looking flat. The paintwork on the doors and window frames was all chipped and peeling. He shook his head, then pressed the buzzers. Waiting for the ‘cunt’ to come and answer the door. That worthless cunt, who had ruined his life and took away the only good thing he had left. Gerard slowly ran his fingers through his greasy hair, and looked around. This neighbourhood seemed rough, not somewhere for someone of his class to hanging around in.

A tall thin man opened the door. All his features sharp and defined, the bridge of his nose was slightly crooked, his eyes were beady and the colour of two clear glass balls.

“Hello..?” He said, the man’s voice sounded slightly high pitched.
“You killed my world..” Gerard growled, leaping at the man and grasping his throat tightly with both hands.
“I did..?” the man choked, coughed and spultered.
“You did.. Now, I will end your time in this world..” Gerard’s grip tightened, both his thumbs pressing hard against the man’s windpipe which stopped all air entering his lungs. The man’s face was being to turn pale with a hint of blue, his beady glass eyes wide with shock. Gerard tightened his grip even further, he was determined to end him right there and then and at that very moment in time he didn’t care much for the future consequences as long as he got the revenge he wanted.

The man inhaled his last breath, as his head drooped forward, his lifeless body in Gerard’s arms. Gerard threw the man to the floor abruptly and sprinted of down the street. Yes he did feel guilty for his actions, but a huge part of him didn’t care the man got what he deserved. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth Gerard saw it as. He saw it as revenge, the only way of justice for Helena. He just wanted to be able to sleep at night without feeling bad about her death. Although he did spend most of the night longing for her to come back to him but he knew that was impossible. What Gerard also knew was the only way they could be reunited was if he was to die, but he was just to cowardice to take away his own life, the thought of death and dying terrified him. The thought of dying and death chilled him to the core.

Suddenly it struck him, what if his actions meant he and Helena couldn’t be together in his afterlife. Gerard’s body suddenly froze, his body felt numb and cold inside like his veins were pumping liquid hydrogen. The thought of not seeing Helena ever again, made him feel sick inside, but maybe it was for the best. Although he loved her with every inch of his soul, he didn’t deserve her or to even see her again. Gerard hurt her in so many ways and he knew it, he knew she was better off without him now she was in a better place, but he needed her. She was the one who filled the empty place inside his stone cold heart, she was the one who made him whole. She was, she was his everything.

Gerard suddenly fell to the pavement, his knees hit the earth with a thud. He quickly threw his arms up in the air and screamed at the top of his lungs “Please, I’ll do anything just to see her again. I will die one hundred times if I have to, just to taste her lips again..” His head dropped down in shame, he knew no matter what he said nothing was going to change the fact, he’d lost his faith and his chance to see her again. Gerard reluctantly climbed to his feet, and shuffled down the pavement searching for somewhere he could fit in and call home because his home he once shared with Helena was no longer a home, it was his idea of a personal hell…