FicWad

Patrick's POV

As I watch Pete leave the room, I realize there’s no use denying my feelings for him. I most definitely have a bit more than a crush on Pete. I make my way towards the door, deciding I may as well get the money she left me. But once I get to the door, Pete is walking down the hall. I feel myself blush as I look up to him. I should probably move out of his way. My mind, it seems, had a plan of it’s own. My eyes widen once I realize I’m kissing him. I quickly stumble backwards away from him, tripping over my bag full of clothes. I crawl away from him and hurry into my closet, shutting the door. I hear a soft chuckle as he walks over, lightly knocking on the door.

“It’s a bit late to be going back to the closet, ‘Trick.” he turns the door knob.

I bite my lip, “I-I’m s-so sorry I-I.. I-I don’t know why I d-did that I-I’m so sorry p-please don’t hate me.”

He opens the door slowly and holds out his hand to help me up, “I could never hate you.”

I scoot further into the closet, hugging my knees, “B-But y-you could also never-” I cut myself off and begin punching myself in the head.

“Patrick!” Pete dives into the closet, grabbing my hands, struggling to get me to stop, “Patrick stop..”

I look down, afraid to look into his eyes.

“I could never what?” he asks softly.

“L-Like me..” I bury my face in my arms, keeping my knees pulled up against my chest.

Pete's POV

I sit next to Patrick, sighing. He's still cringing away from me as if he's afraid of causing me great bodily damage.

"Patrick. Why... why would you think something like that? Do you seriously think people are incapable of thinking of you in that way?"

He nods. "I'm just... plain and fat and stupid, and-"

I cut him off with a hand on his shoulder. "You're you. And you're not half as bad as you think you are. You're a really good person, 'Trick. And I like you a lot."

"L-Like me h-how?"

I shrug. "I haven't really thought about it. I mean, we're friends. You know? And I haven't known you long. I don't want to make something more than it is. But listen. I think you mostly... kissed me because I'm helping you in this really rough time."

Patrick stares at me, eyes filled with confused tears.

"I mean, I can't be sure. And I think neither can you. Can you?"

"I-I th-think I... I just want to get my stuff and forget this happened. Y-You're right. We're friends. And we need to get Josh out of the w-way. That's what's most important."

I bite my lip. "Patrick, did I hurt your feelings?"

He shakes his head and stands up, grabbing a few things and taking them out to my car. I sit in the closet for a minute, unsure of what to do. I do like him. He's probably the best friend I've had in ages. I'd love to get to know him more; it's not like we started our friendship on good terms. That kiss was probably just the pain of the situation needing to express itself in a less than negative way. But... I have been getting butterflies lately. I love looking into his eyes and seeing the intelligence and compassion. You can tell he has a brain and enjoys using it. Poor Patrick. If only he could see what I see. So what is this? Maybe that kiss was a sign. Maybe it was the world's way of showing me that I felt something I didn't know I felt. That's ridiculous, though. How could I not know? But I guess that's it. I'm conflicted.

Patrick comes back in and looks at me for a moment. "Gonna grab the pictures and money. That's the last of it." I nod and stand up, following him to the kitchen. We're fairly silent and I can feel the air thick with awkwardness.

"Patrick, it was an accident. I don't blame you or anything. And hell, I kissed you. I guess it's payback or something." I chuckle lightly, hoping to relieve tension. Patrick reaches into the freezer and takes the money, turning around and passing me silently. I follow once again and help him grab a few pictures from the mantle in the living room.

"'Trick... please say something."

Patrick’s POV

I shake my head, taking the picture of my mother and I out of the frame. I hurry back to my room and grab a lighter before setting the edge of the picture on fire. I stare at the picture as the flame goes up, and the color begins to distort. As the flame gets closer to my fingertips I drop it onto the floor, stomping the fire out. Pete looks at me with wide eyes as I do the same to another.

“Patrick, maybe this isn’t the best place to set pictures on fire...”

I shrug and put the lighter away, before running back into my bedroom, quickly grabbing my hidden set of razors and shoving them into my pocket as Pete waits in the living room. I’m definitely going to need them tonight. I walk outside to Pete’s car without a word.

Pete bites his lip and follows, starting the car after he puts on his seat belt, “Patrick please...say something.”

“I have nothing to say.” I look to Pete before buckling my seatbelt and looking out the window.

Pete sighs and drives to his house. The ride is quiet, minus a few of Pete’s attempts to kill the awkwardness. Fuck, I’m an idiot. I can’t believe I kissed him. I can’t imagine why I would do something so stupid. Of course I don’t think anyone could like me, in that way. Fucking look at me! And even if someone did get to know me past my looks, my personality wouldn’t help me either. By the time we make it to Pete’s, I’m fuming. I’m not angry at Pete, myself is the problem. A big problem. He attempts to get me to talk once more, before giving up with a sigh and leading me inside. His parents look up when the door opens.

“We were starting to get worried.” his dad looks to us, “Everything okay?”

Pete looks to me, “It’s...fine. We just, we went to get Patrick’s things.”

I walk over to his parents and pull out the envelope with a few hundred dollars, “I-I.. m-my mom left this for me and I... It doesn’t come close to making up for d-dealing with me b-but I thought yo-you should have it.”

Pete’s mom stands and hugs me, “Oh, Patrick sweetie we aren’t ‘dealing’ with you. We’re happy to have you here. And I think that money should stay with you.”

“B-But-”

She shakes her head, “No buts. You keep the money, and maybe we’ll go to the bank tomorrow and put it into a savings account for you, okay?”

“M-Mrs. We-Wentz I-I’d really r-rather you just k-kept it.” I stutter.

Pete’s dad shakes his head, “No sir, the money is yours. It doesn’t come close to what your mother did, but it can definitely help you out.”

I look down and put the envelope into my pocket, “A-Are you s-sure?”

“We’re positive, Patrick. Now let’s all go unpack your things from Pete’s car and get it into your room, okay?” his mom smiles.
The four of us unload Pete’s car full of my belongings and move it into the room they’re letting me stay in. I’ve already decided I need to find a job, because I can’t stand feeling like I’m a burden. I’ve also decided sleeping in a room away from Pete will be a good thing. I think I would just feel more hurt if we shared a room. I shouldn’t feel hurt, it’s not as if Pete was leading me on or anything. I just fell for him, and already knew there was no chance he’d feel the same. I thank his parents again for letting me stay, and sit on the bed, looking around my new room. No, not my room. The room they’re letting me sleep in. I don’t belong here, they’re only being nice. I bite my lip and look to my door, before pulling out the razors, making a few quick cuts and stashing them away. When Pete’s mom calls for dinner, I pretend to be asleep. Pete doesn’t buy it, however, and walks into the room.

“Patrick you need to eat. You can’t pretend you’re sleeping every night around dinner time...”

I continue my facade, keeping my eyes closed. I’m pretty sure I hear Pete’s eyes roll.

Pete's POV

I'm worried about him. Really and truly worried about him, way more than I was on that first day we met. I go back down to the table and sit down.

"Pete, is Patrick coming?" My father asks.

"No, he's asleep." I frown.

"Asleep? At this time? Is he okay?" Mom asks, clearly worried.

"I don't know, mom. He's taking this whole thing pretty hard.

"Just be there for him, Pete. I know that with a friend like you, he'll be okay." Dad smiles reassuringly and I nod.

"I'm gonna take a plate up for him. Maybe he'll eat a bit." With that, I stand and grab the plate they had set out for him and go upstairs. I knock on his door and when I get no answer, I walk in.

"Patrick?" Reaching over to turn on the light, I glance in the direction of his bed and see him lying there, staring at the ceiling.

"Patrick, I've got food for you. Please, just... just try and eat. I know you don't want to and I know life sucks, but you need food."

"Why? Hm? I'm already fat enough and maybe I'll starve to death."

I growl and throw the plate at the wall, making him jump up in surprise.

"What was that for?" Patrick shouts.

"Why the fuck are you wallowing in self-pity? Your mom's a complete bitch who was too selfish to think of her own son. Josh is a homophobic asshole who needs to come to grips with his own sexuality and his minions are brainless drones. And me? I'm your fucking friend. I'm trying to help you. And instead, you give me the silent treatment because of a little kiss. I'm not gonna hate you for it, especially not when I liked it! And as for my parents, you need to just accept the fact that there ARE people who are capable of caring even when they don't have to. But no. You lie here and insult them by not even bothering to eat her food. Did you know she saw the food you threw out? I didn't want to mention it to you. I gave her this whole thing about you having a bit of heartburn and you couldn't finish it. I think she could tell I was lying. So now she thinks you don't like her food. And yeah. Maybe I am guilt tripping you. But you need to wake the fuck up, Patrick. Nothing's perfect. But if you just try maybe you could have a bit of a better life." I take a deep breath, shaking.

"Are you saying this is my fault?" Patrick finally says, eyes wide. I scream, making him jump.

"No! Yes! Goddammit, Patrick. You're blaming yourself for all the wrong things. Your mom leaving, Josh, all of that... that's on them. But you letting it ruin you, letting yourself just sit there and mope and cry and even cut yourself like you did the other morning... that is your fault."

Patrick just stares at me. I glare back, fists clenched at my sides.

"Y-You should probably pick up that plate..." he murmurs. I nod and go to clean up the food and shards of ceramic. Without another word, I leave his room. I go downstairs and nearly walk right into my father. He takes one look at the broken plate and shakes his head.

"I guess getting Patrick to eat didn't work. Is there a way you could... gingerly tell him it's probably not a good idea to break your mother's flatware?"

"I uh... that was actually me. I got pissed. And knowing Patrick, he's probably gonna remember what I said and let it eat at him for ages. I deserve it, though. I was a dick. I was then and I am now. I'm just trying to help, and I guess I'm no good at that."

"Pete, kiddo. You've never been good with your temper. You know that. And I guess if you two are gonna be friends, you might as well let him know to expect the crazy." Dad chuckles, messing with my hair. I cringe and rub my head on his shoulder, trying to flatten my hair without using my hands. It doesn't work, so I go to the kitchen and set the plate on the counter. Dad follows me and Mom looks up from the table to see the plate.

"Pete, you didn't."

"I did. I'm sorry, Mom."

She sighs and goes to throw the shards away. "I heard it break, knew right away it was probably you. I just wish you'd stop doing that, Peter."

"It was one time..." I murmur.

"Two now," she replies, turning to me. "Pete?"

"Be nice to the poor kid. He needs a friend."

"Sounds like you're asking me to give charity, Mom." I retort.

"Well..." she frowns.

"I'm not giving him my charity. I don't do it because I feel sorry for him. I do it because I actually give a shit about-"

"Peter! Language!"

"Sorry. I do it because I actually care about him. A lot. Mom, I've known him for a few days and I'm already so attached to him. He's like no friend I've ever had. And I wish more than anything that he could see that. It's not fair. It's just not. And now I've messed even that up. So if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go play my bass. Night, Mom. Night, Dad." I kiss them both on the cheek and go to the stairs, sighing. I glance up the stairs and I can swear something just moved on the landing. I shrug and ignore it, going up and locking myself in my room.

Patrick’s POV

I lie there, thinking about Pete said for a while. I guess..maybe he’s right. What my mother did....it’s not my fault, it’s hers. And Josh... I’m not even sure how I made that my fault. I pissed him off, though. He probably won’t want to talk to me for a while, but... I didn’t want to talk to him, and he didn’t let me ignore him. I think now it’s time for me to do the same. I slowly walk out of the bedroom and look at Pete’s door. I heard him lock it, and I’m sure he doesn’t want me bothering him. I bite my lip, trying my hardest not to chicken out. I walk back into the room and grab the razors. I need to be honest with him, and despite what I said, I do need his help. I lightly knock on the door.

“Mom, I’m sorry about the plate, please leave me alone.”

“I-It’s not...” I look down and fidget, “I-I.. I’m sorry. Y-You’re right, o-okay? I.. I don’t know why I let things eat at me l-like I do but... I-I don’t m-mean to...” my voice cracks, “Y-You’re r-right. I-I shouldn’t blame myself for the w-way people are. I-I can’t control them. A-All I can do is try n-not to let it hurt me but...” a few tears fall down my cheeks, “P-Pete that’s r-really hard a-and I don’t know h-how..”

I hear the door slowly unlock.

“I-I just... I’m sorry. I-I’m sorry about sn-snapping at you a-and refusing to eat, a-and hurting m-myself a-and kissing you I-I just.. e-everything hurts...”

He opens the door and pulls me into a hug, “I know Patrick...I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have thrown the plate, and I shouldn’t have yelled at you. That was me being a bad friend, and I’m sorry. Your mom just ditched you, of course you’re going to be miserable...”

I sniffle and cling to him. He hugs back tightly, rubbing my back as I start to calm down.

“D-Did I r-really hurt your m-mom’s feelings?” I look up to him guiltily.

He nods and frowns, “A bit...”

“I-I need to go a-apologize.” I let go of Pete and go downstairs where his parents are talking quietly, “I-I d-don’t mean to interrupt...”

His mother shakes her head, “It’s no problem, dear, what’s on your mind?”

“I-I’m sorry about throwing the food a-away last night. Y-Your cooking w-was more than w-wonderful, I-I just wasn’t feeling emotionally well enough to eat. A-And as for t-tonight... I-I was still u-upset and pretended to be asleep a-and I’m r-really sorry I-I know that’s dishonest b-but I d-didn’t feel like wasting a-anymore of your f-food.” I jump slightly in surprise when I feel Pete’s hand on my shoulder.

“Patrick, I’m really glad you decided to be honest with me.” she smiles warmly, “And I see you two are okay again?”

Pete nods and pulls me into a quick hug, “Well of course, we’re best friends.” he smiles at me.

I blush lightly and look to the floor.

“Well, Patrick, if you don’t mind, I’d really like it if you tried to eat, alright? I was actually about to bring up another plate after someone broke the other.”

Pete scrunches his nose, “I said I’m sorry...”

“You two can go upstairs while Patrick eats, alright? We’re about to head off to bed.”

His father yawns, “Goodnight boys.” and goes into their bedroom.

His mother gives us each a big hug, “I love you two, goodnight.”

“Y-You love me?” I ask uncontrollably.

She smiles, “Of course I do, Patrick. I may not have known you for very long, but I do know you’re a great kid.”

I fidget and nod, “Th-Thank you.”

She gives me one more hug, “No thanks needed.” she smiles and follows Pete’s dad to their bedroom.

I look to Pete before going into the kitchen and making a plate, biting my lip. Despite how much I don’t feel like eating, I owe it to them, including Pete, to eat, so I’m going to do it. I wince, remembering the blades in my pocket. I had better wait until we get upstairs to give them to Pete.

Pete's POV

We go up to my room together and sit on my bed. I lean back against the headboard and watch Patrick start eating slowly.

"P-Pete?"

"Hm?"

"Can you not stare at me while I eat? I-It's a bit creepy."

"Oh yeah, sorry." I bite my lip and look around for something to do. I finally decide on my bass and pick it up, plucking out a quiet melody. Patrick glances over at me and turns to face me a bit. I can see he's still trying to eat. That fact makes me smile. He returns my smile, blushing slightly.

"I like your blush, 'Trick. Have I mentioned that?"

"Wh-What? Why?" He asks, puzzled.

I shrug. "It's honest. I like a little honesty sometimes. Even if we're not honest with ourselves, the blush is a constant. It's just nice."

"You notice the weirdest things, Pete," Patrick shakes his head.

"Nah. Just true forms of beauty," I reply. More blushing.

"B-Beauty?"

"You heard me. I see the beauty in many different things that other people wouldn't notice."

"I-I'm noticing a f-form of beauty right now," Patrick says quietly.

"Oh yeah? What would that be?"

"Your h-hands as you play. The b-bass... it sounds so beautiful when you play it."

Now it's my turn to blush. "This? It's nothing. It's not even good. I bet you're amazing at drums, though."

He shrugs. "I-I'm okay. Wish I had them here though."

"Aw, don't worry. We'll get them over here soon enough. Do you play anything else?"

Patrick nods. "P-Pretty much everything."

"Oh yeah? Do you sing?"

He shrugs again. "I-I... well..."

"Well what?" I ask. "Sing something."

"N-No... I c-can't."

"Pleeeeease, 'Trick?" I pout obnoxiously. He rolls his eyes and sets his plate aside. I notice he's managed to finish half of his food.

"What sh-should I sing?" Patrick asks nervously.

"How about something simple? Hey Jude."

Patrick takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, shuddering slightly before he starts singing.

"Hey Jude... don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better..."

My eyes widen as he begins to get comfortable with the song.

"Remember to let her into your heart... then you can start to make it better. Hey Jude... don't be afraid... you were made to go out and get her. The minute you let her under your skin... then you begin to make it better...

I sit there, shocked, as he opens his eyes and looks over at me.

"I-I know... i-it was horrible." Patrick frowns.

"Horrible?! Are you insane? It's amazing! You have the voice of an angel, really."

Patrick bites his lip and looks down. "I-I think I'm gonna go to bed now. I-I'm not feeling too well."

"Whoa, what happened? Did I say something stupid again?"

"N-No..."

"Then what?"

"I um... you'll be mad."

"Tell me..."

Patrick sighs and takes a razor out of his pocket. Before I can react, he's talking quickly. "I slipped up earlier and I was stupid but I brought these from my house and I feel so bad because now you're being nice and I don't deserve it especially after I did this even though I promised." Patrick takes a deep breath and I just stare at him for a moment.

"I'd tell you to slow down, but you already finished..." I murmur quietly. "Listen, 'Trick. I know it's not gonna happen instantly. But... I'd really like it if you tried not to. If not for you... for me?"

Patrick nods before reaching over and hugging me. I hug back, closing my eyes and holding onto him tightly. A moment later, we break apart and smile at each other.

"Good night, Patrick."

"G-Good night, Pete." Patrick leaves the room, letting me alone with my thoughts. I lean back against my pillows, grabbing my bass and plucking at a few chords with my eyes closed. His voice remained in my memory, and it was as if I could still hear it.

I open my eyes suddenly, realizing what thinking about his voice is doing to me. Completely stunned, I rush to the bathroom.