FicWad

[A/N: Thanks for the reviews, I'd have stopped writing this by now if I hadn't have gotten them! Happy birthday to theflock7 and thanks for keeping me writing.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Frank whispered, stroking Gerard’s hair tenderly, “It wasn’t your fault, you were upset and… You wanna talk about it?” Gerard nodded against Frank’s shoulders and took a deep, shaky breath.
“Mm, I just,” He croaked, “I blamed it all on you like it was your fault and I promise it wasn’t, Frankie, it wasn’t anyone’s, I know; I was angry and upset and…” He hugged Frank’s back and sighed, “I think there’s something wrong with me, Frank.”
“Gerard,” Frank said softly, playing with his hair still, “Something terrible happened, you can’t help how you reacted and it was normal. Well, sort of normal – normal enough,” He giggled and kissed the side of Gerard’s head, who smiled slightly and squeezed his shoulders.
“I just… I miss him, for the first time in… months, is it? Oh, God…” Gerard dug his chin into Frank’s neck and a few tears escaped his eyes. Was he seriously such a bad person that he forgot his own brother? “Why did… How did I forget about him?”
“Don’t feel so bad, okay?” Frank said, twirling his hair round his fingers, “You never really forgot about him, you know that? Sometimes, when something really bad happens, all we want is to forget about it, but we can’t always do that. Mikey knew how much you loved him, and I know it still hurts to think about him, but it’s the only way you’re ever gonna move on from this… I’ll always be here for you; especially when nobody else is. And we’re gonna make you better, okay?” Gerard nodded and bit his lip and Frank held his neck gently. “I love you, Gerard.”
“I love you too,” Gerard said, “I love you so much and I’m so sorry for everything…” He moved his head from Frank’s shoulder and looked at him through teary eyes, his hair stuck up in some places and overly flat in others. “What gonna happen to me?” Frank sighed.
“I dunno. You might need to… I dunno, Gerard. We could Google it, I guess, or I could go to a doctor and ask him what we should do, but you should know that, if I can afford it, maybe rehab would-“
“Frank,” Gerard interrupted him, “If I go to rehab, what if they don’t let me see you?” Frank didn’t know how to answer that. He put his arm around Gerard and kissed his cheek.
“I want you to get better,” He said, softly, “I don’t wanna lose you. You know I’d see you as much as I could and I promise you’d be so glad you went when it was over – you can’t just stop. Even if you managed to, I mean, it’d take a lot of willpower but if you did, it’d wreck your insides, I’ve seen it on TV and movies and stuff. You know I wouldn’t let you go if it was gonna be bad for you, don’t you?”
“I know, I know,” Gerard groaned, “You’re right, no, I should, I should go, I’ll… If we can afford it, I mean. Should we ask someone, though, like, you said a doctor or something?”
“Yeah, totally,” Frank nodded and pulled Gerard closer, “’Cause they’re gonna know better than I do. We don’t have to go today, but-“
“No, we do,” Gerard said grimly, “Please.” Frank’s eyes prickled and he nodded, leaning his head on Gerard’s shoulder.
“Sure, I’ll call soon. You wanna talk about Mikey s’more?”

Frank didn’t want to talk about Mikey. He didn’t want to talk about how it’d been all his fault, how he’d asked Mikey to go drinking with him and he didn’t want to remember the way his face had dropped when the car had smashed into a wall or how his head had smacked against the steering wheel. He remembered how the windows had shattered and fallen like rain onto them both and how the car behind them had skidded then collided with the back end of the car, jolting them forward and forcing Mikey’s head against the steering wheel for a second time. He remembered screaming at Mikey to move, to say something, to do anything and how a lone drop of crimson blood had smeared down his forehead and over his cheek. He even remembered choking on the thick, smoky air as he forced his door open and shot round to the other side of the car, and how he’d dragged Mikey out and cried so hard at the blank look in his eyes. But the worst thing he remembered, the absolute worst thing was how Mikey had looked at him, his eyebrows knitted together and his face tired and drifting, and croaked out the last thing he’d ever say – ”Is Gerard okay?” Because Gerard hadn’t been there; he and Frank had argued and he’d refused to come out that night. It was all Frank’s fault.

“Frank,” Gerard mumbled, “I know you feel guilty, but… don’t.” He leaned forward and held Frank’s jaw with his cold, jittering hand, then kissed him slowly, closing his eyes. Frank kissed back for a second and held Gerard’s neck, gently, moving closer to him and feeling comforted by the gesture. “Wasn’t your fault.” Said Gerard, smiling sadly, his eyes glazed over. Frank flushed pink slightly and looked away, half smiling.

“I’ll… Go call the doctor’s,” He said, scratching the back of his head, “You wanna come? I could go on my own and ask them if you want; or you could go and I’ll stay here. Whatever you want.”
“Come with me?” Gerard asked, crossing his legs and fiddling with the bottom of his old, black jeans.
Frank smiled at him.
“Sure,” he said, standing up and walking towards the door to go get his cell from downstairs. When he reached the cracked doorway he hesitated then turned to look over and Gerard, smiling slightly. “I’m so proud of you.” He said, quietly. Gerard smiled and rubbed his eyes. He was going to do this for Frank, he was determined – he was going to get better.