Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Killjoys

Killjoys1. Eaten away by guilt

by NotKissingYouGoodBye 2 reviews

killjoy theme. XD give it a read and tell me what you think of it so far.

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama - Characters: Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way,Ray Toro - Published: 2012-12-04 - Updated: 2012-12-13 - 3874 words

A/N killjoy theme. currently unfinished. XD give it a read and tell me what you think. P.s. I have't eddit this yet so sorry for any spelling or grammar issues XD .XOXO.

“Listen to me Party, it’s not your fault.” Kobra tried to reassure his brother for the hundredth time today as he walked beside him. I watch silently with sad eyes as Kobra gently placed a hand on Party’s shoulder. The vibrant red head looked up at his younger brother with glistening hazel eyes.

“But it is. It was my idea to go. I should have known it was a trap.” his voice sounds kind of broken and it made my heart tighten. I don’t like seeing any of my friends upset. I sigh and roll my eyes as frustration boiled in my blood. I stomped my boots hard onto the dust and dirt. I was getting annoyed at his self-blaming because it just made everyone feel like shit. I turned around and looked Party right in his eyes from a few feet away.

“Party! Get over it. We all decided to go willingly. None of us knew it was a set up. We all trusted Adrenaline Angel but she’s the one that bartered us, not you. So stop beating yourself up over it for fuck sakes.” I snap with irritation. Jet Star was a few feet in front when he stopped walking and turned around to look at me. We all stood still for a moment as Jet and Kobra Kid just blinked at me for a minute. I’m usually the one jumping around and acting like this fucked up life is just one big motherfucking party. But after not getting enough sleep, been bartered but someone we thought was a friend, been hungry as all hell, nearly been killed and having Party Poison mopping around all day blaming himself and constantly apologizing to us nonstop, especially to me, for something he didn’t even do has worn down my enthusiasm and patience.

Party dropped his head down in shame.

“I’m-“ he started to mumble but I cut him off

“Quit saying that! It’s not your fucking fault!” I snapped again knowing he was going to try and apologize again. I grunted in frustration. Party just kept his head down and I began to feel bad for going off at him. Kobra just blankly stared at me unsure of what to say, as I said I don’t usually lose my temper.

“Fuck Ghoul, you alright?” Jet asked raising his eyebrows at me as the hot wind blows his fro. I rub my eyes and take a deep breath in.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I’m just tired and really fucking hungry.” I turn my head in the direction of Party poison, our slightly off center leader and one of my best friends.

“Party, I didn’t mean to snap at you, ok?” I say gently “it’s just I don’t like watching you blaming yourself.” Party just keeps his head down but nods at my words. I drop my head and look at my dusty boots. “Sorry.” I finish as I look back up at him. His soft voice gently dances in the air as he mumbles.

“It’s ok.” He finally looks up and offers me a sadden smile. I return one straight back at him. Kobra sighs quietly with relief and begins to move forward.

“We better keep moving. It’ll be night fall soon.”

We all begin to walk again as a slightly awkward/comfortable silence falls upon us.

We had thought Adrenaline Angel was our friend. She led us into a trap set up by Korse to exterminate us. She had told us that she had found a warehouse full of supplies, food, water, batteries and weaponry. Us killjoys had supplies hidden all over the desert for us to come back to later or for other killjoys who may be in need to find. The rule was you only took what you need and if possible leave something behind to make up for what you took. The Draculoids only searched for killjoys and never really touched the supplies if they came across them.

As we continued to walk without conversation I let my mind wonder back to yesterday at the warehouse.

As soon as we entered the warehouse I had a bad feeling churning in my gut but just thought it was because I hadn’t eaten in a while. Party ventured to the back of the building towards the West searching for bottled water and food. We were doing alright with batteries and weapons at that point in time so we didn’t even bother looking for them. While we were searching the place we discovered that it was completely empty like a fat kid’s lunch box.

I turned around to ask Adrenaline Angel were she seen the supplies to see her slam the door shut. A spick of panic ran up my spin as I heard the ‘click’ of the lock echo though out the abandoned building. My first instincts were to duck, cover up and free my ray-gun from its holster. I crouched behind some old boxes and pulled my bandanna up over half my face and slid on my sun glasses. I looked around for any sign of moving white. The others were already set to attack with their faces covered, ray-guns at the ready and searching the hollow warehouse with hawk like eyes.

Since Adrenaline Angel had locked the East door we came in through I turned my back to it and watched the other end searching for another door. I caught Jet Stars attention and signaled for him to watch the West side. He nodded at me and silently singled the brothers to watch the East. We remained quiet and shuffled around elegantly, which was a real accomplishment for me….and Party Poison. We’re two of the most clumsily people to have ever walked this dust ball of a planet. We are so skillful that we can trip on completely flat surfaces and not only fall down stairs but up them too.

As I had expected the Draculoids came from the West. All Jet and I had to do was look at each other and we knew the plan. He swiftly slid down the visor of his helmet then rolled to the side. I lunged in the opposite direction than, faster than Show Pony on his roller-skates, Jet and I take out about seven Draculoids. As their lifeless bodies hit the ground in piles of red and white I find Party crouched down next to me. A smirk swept across his face whit his canary yellow mask on. I smile back at him even knowing he couldn’t see it.

He pokes his head up over the boxes like a market and swiftly shoots three Draculoids in a row. He ducks back down next to me as he narrowly missies a white laser shot from the vampire like goon. Our shoulders and outside thighs brush against each other as we tried to keep our bodies protected from lasers. Jet and Kobra handle the second wave of Draculoids as they flooded through the door. I glace around the boxes to assess the situation were in. Party suddenly jerks me back behind our barrier saving me from a white laser beam that would have surely got me right between the eyes. A shot of adrenaline pumped through my veins as I thought about the near miss. Suddenly Party is a lot closer than he was before. He leans in so close to me that I can feel his hot breath on my ear.

“That door is our only way out.” He tells me over the sound of shots and dying Draculoids. His lips gently brushed against the soft flesh of my ear as he talked.

“Ahhh!!!! FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!” I was suddenly pulled out of my memory by the sound of Kobra’s shouts. Jet, Party and I all whip out our guns and twist in the direction of Kobra’s curse’s.

“What!” We all yell in union, Party’s a little panicked. Kobra hopes around on one foot and continues to swear. We all relax a bit as we determine that there is no immediate danger.

“Stupid fucking rock.” Kobra mumbles as he hops to catch up to us.

“Did you break anything?” Party asks with concern for his younger brother referring to broken bones.

“Nah, Just swiped the side of my foot on that stupid fucking rock.” He sates as he limps. Party just frowns with more concern.

“I think we should probably stop for today. Well need to build up a fire and hunt before it gets too dark.” He announces and none of us object, we’d been walking all day in the sun and we’re tied as hell.

We drop our bags and break off into two groups. Jet and Kobra move out to set up some small traps to try and maybe catch some fresh meat for dinner, search for any berries and ensure that there was no nearby danger. Party and I head off to gather as much wood and sticks as possible to make sure the fire will last all night to keep the wild animals away while we sleep. We also look out for any nearby dangers and have a quick glace around for any berries.

“Ghoul, you need to eat tonight ok?” Party randomly says out of nowhere. I turn around to face him.

“Where the fuck did that come from?” I ask with amusement. He just softly smirks back at me and picks up some more sticks and piles them in his arms.

“I’ve noticed you haven’t been eating. I know it’s hard for you eating meat but you can’t starve yourself.” He sighs sadly and I look down at my feet. I’m a vegetarian and have been one for many years. I really can’t stand eating meat, even the idea of it makes me feel like throwing up. I’d been pretty lucky up till recently, there was always some kind of eatable vegetation or canned food that I could eat but for the last couple of nights I haven’t had that option. I just skipped dinner altogether and thought no one noticed, but obviously Party noticed. Sure we had some cans of food but they were our emergence supplies.

I sigh heavily and carry as much as I can back to the camp site with Party close behind. We drop our load the go and gather more. We do this until we start to form a decent pile.

“One more round should do it.” Party says as he stands in front of gathered sticks and wood with his hands on his hips. I smirk and shake my head.

“You know sometimes you look so much like a diva.” I half laugh and he flicks his hair as he playfully punches me in the arm than walks away with his hips swinging side to side. Fucking sassy bitch, I think to myself as I smile and catch up to him. We walk a little further away from the camp site searching for more usable fuel. I keep an eye on the sun to make sure we get back before dark.

“Hey Party maybe we should head back soon? I mean it’s getting dark and I don’t wanna be wondering around in the desert when I can’t see.” I watch as party stands up straight and quickly views the landscape.

“Ok help me with this dead tree and we should have enough to last all night.” He says as he points slightly to the right down a small hill where there was a small dried out and broken tree, laying on the dirt. Party starts to walk towards it and I follow. Next thing I know I’m rolling down the hill. I trip on a rock half sticking out from underground and fall face first into the sand. I half roll half slide down the Sandy hill and knock over a surprised Party Poison.

We come to a halt at the bottom of the hill. Me on my back facing up and Party’s chest across my stomach, we kinda looked like a ‘X’. He lifts his head and looks at me with surprise.

“Hummm…..what just happen?” He asked completely confused and I just crack up laughing at his expression. As I laugh my stomach bounces Party and he laughs too.

“You all right?” I ask while I continue to laugh. He sits up still laughing and smiles widely at me.

“Yeah I’m fine, what ‘bout you?” He asks as he kneels beside me and looks down at me as I continue to laugh like a mad man still on my back.
“Great!” I laugh hysterically and cover my face. I don’t even know what so funny anymore but I do know it feels great to actually laugh. I hear Party been infected with laughter as he watches me loss my mind.

“ya’ sure you’re alright?” He laughs. I can’t even form legible words anymore so I just nod my head. Eventually I begin to calm down and regain composter. My eyes are full of tears of laughter, one or too roll down the side of my face as I sit up and look at Party. He smiles at me and lifts his hand to wipe those tears away. I drop my head and look at my hands still smiling.

“Sorry, for knocking you over.” I says and almost begin to laugh again but I quickly compose myself. Next thing I know Party has wrapped his arms around my shoulders in a tight embrace. Instantly I hug him back. I’m a little confused though.

“Party….?” I ask a little concern that something is wrong. He pulls back with a huge grin stretched across his face which reassures me that he’s fine.

“I…I just haven’t heard you laugh so much at nothing for so long,” He says as he looks down at his hands then back up at me. “It was kinda like the old days.” He says with a smile but also with sad eyes.

“Oh, Party...” I sigh and Hug him. We all miss the old days where life was a hell of a lot safer and simple. But I kinda enjoy a bit of this life too, sure we nearly get killed every three days and run out of food and water, there’s no showers and it’s hot and sometimes boring as fuck but It’s also exciting and we know that we’re fighting for something that we need, this life just seems more….colorful and it feels more like we’re actually living, instead of existing. As long as my closest friends are right by my side and alive…than I’m happy.

“Come on we should start dragging that tree back.” I say as we pull back from the comforting hug. I pat him on the shoulder and stand up, Party quickly follows. I swing my arm around his shoulders and he swings his over mine. We both walk to the tree like we were coming home from a bar.

“fuck, this shit is heavier than it fucking looked” I complained as I tried to drag the front of the dead tree while Party turned red in the face from trying to lift the back. I roll my eyes.

“Party! This ain’t working.” I puff then drop my end. Party gives up and drops the back then he drops to the ground himself as he tries to catch his breath, he crosses his legs and leans back on his hands while looking up with his eyes closed. I smirk and walk over towards him. We managed to get it about half way back to the camp site. I stand in front of him and chuckle. He opens his eyes questioningly.

“What?” he asks out of breath.

“Your face is nearly as red as your hair.” I laugh and he just rolls his hazel eyes at me.

“Shut up.” He smirks as I sit down beside him.

“We’ll rest for a min then continue.” He informs me as he looks towards the sun. We really didn’t have a lot of time to waste. I grab my water bottle and pass it to Party.

“Here, you need to drink.” I say as he takes the bottle gently from my hand “And you need to eat.” He comments before taking a big mouthful of water and handing it back. I just wrinkle my nose at him and have a drink myself then put the bottle away.

“Fuck Ghoul! Your hands.” He gasps as he takes a gentle hold of them to look closely. I wasn’t wearing gloves like Party and the tree and torn my hands to shreds, they were full of splinters that Stung like hell. They were bleeding and dripping with blood but not dramatically. I try to pull my hands back gently but Party wouldn’t let go.

“Their fine, it looks worse than it actually is.” I try to reassure him while I tug my hands from his. He just looks at me like he is about to burst into tears. Fucking hell Party don’t do that! I think to myself. We just stare at each other for a moment and say nothing. I’m concerned because he still looks like he’s about to cry.

“Party?” I ask quietly and unsure. He drops his head into his hands and cries. What the fuck? I just watched him completely confused.

“Party? What’s wrong?” I ask really concerned for my friend. He’s usually so strong.

“It’s my entire fault!” he cries into his hands. I just blink at him.

“What?” I ask still confused. He sits up and looks at me. Tears escape his glistening eyes and run down his slightly sunburned cheeks.

“It’s my fault, I was the one that suggested dragging the tree, and now you’re hurt. It was my idea to follow Adrenaline Angel, I should have known it was a fucking set up!” He cries out as more salty tears over flow from his hazel eyes. I sigh and frown. He’s still fucking blaming himself for everything that goes wrong. He shut up about it after I snapped earlier today but he’d still been blaming himself inside his head. The pressure and guilt must have just been too much for him to handle after seeing my hands and now he’s crying and I feel like shit because it’s partly my fault. He’d seen my hands and instantly blamed himself.

“PARTY! It’s NOT your fucking fault! It doesn’t matter.” I snap again. I can tell that that just makes him feel worse because now I’m upset because he’s upset.

“Ghoul! We lost nearly all our supplies because I let Adrenaline Angel trick us. You nearly got killed because of my stupid escape plan and now your hands are hurt because it was my fucked up idea to drag this motherfucking dead piece of shit tree to the camp site.” He glares at the said tree. I watch as mix emotions flash across his face. Guilt, anger, sadness, frustration, embarrassment. It all just makes me feel shittier because I don’t know what to do to make it all better.

After we escaped the warehouse we discover that Adrenaline Angel had taken all she could carried, leaving us with only three cans of food, two 1leter bottles of water and only one battery.

“Party! If it wasn’t for your plan we would all be ghosted in that fucking warehouse. Adrenaline Angel is the bitch that fooled us all, And it’s my own fucking fault for my hands…Not yours!” Oh great now I’ve lost my temper. I violently stand up with anger racing and bubbling in my blood. I pace back and forth for a moment than turn back to face Party who is still sitting on the ground looking as miserable as a kid that’s lost their mother in a supermarket.

“Stop this self-blaming BULLSHIT! Because in case you didn’t notice it pisses me off because I don’t know what to do to make you see that none of this is your fucking fault. We love you Party and we most defiantly would have been ghosted a long, long time ago if it wasn’t for you. We owe you our lives.” I breathe in deep and drag out a long deep sigh then drop to sit in front of Party looking down at my own hands.

I breezes flows between us, I look up to see Party had stop crying but looked emotionless. I sigh quietly and look back at my hands, they’d stopped bleeding but were covered in dirt, splinters and dried blood.

“Ghoul, you need to wash them to prevent them from getting infected.” I heard Party’s broken voice reach my ears as he referred to my hands. I just nod my head silently and keep my head down. I can’t look at him because I know it will break my heart to see the sadness and guilt swimming in his bright hazel eyes.

He moves towards me and grabs my water bottle, I snap my head up and give him a look that says ‘don’t waste the water’ but he just shot me back a look that said ‘shut up’. He dampened one of his bandannas and gently wiped away the dried blood and dirt. I hissed as the fabric caught on the splinters.

“sorry.” Party whispered as he continued to clean my hands as much as possible.

“It’s okay.” I whisper back. I watch him as he avoids my eye contact. I feel a small Spink of pain in my chest that feels like rejection, why won’t he look at me?

“We’re gonna have to wait till we get back to the site till we can remove the splinters” he says as he gently wraps the bandanna around one of my hands. I handed him mine so he could wrap it around my other hand.

“Thanks.” I whisper as he finishes tying off the bandanna. Party says nothing in return. I sigh and stand up to move towards the front of the tree.

“We need to get moving.” I state in a mono tone as I half turn to face Party. He’s still sitting in the same place just staring off into space. Oh Party why do you have to look so lost and sad? It breaks my heart. all i wanna do is make him feel better, i'd do anything.

A/N did you like it? let me know and I'll try to finish it off or something. .XOXO.
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