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Chpt 4: So this is what you call apathy?

The next few seconds are a blur as he quickly pulls away and runs after her. I sit on the couch unable to move for the second time in two weeks. I know what just happened. I can't believe it though. I'm not sure I want to.

The tension around the apartment is thick, and it makes the air hard to breath. He managed to calm her down. After she threw the lamp and called me a bitch. He hasn't said much to me since I got up from the couch. I called Pete half an hour ago. He's coming to pick me up. I don't think I'll be safe with Nan, the psycho whore, running around. I pack a bag and walk down to the stoop with out a word. This day has been more than I can handle.

I don't explain things to Pete he seems to know. The ride is quiet with the exception of the engine and Panic! At The Disco playing low in the background. I watch Wilmette pass by the window, trying to think of anything but what has just happened.

I haven't reacted to anything yet. I don't know how. Should I be happy? Angry? Envious? Satisfied?

I don't want to think about this right now. My only goal is getting a shower and to bed. We stop at a medium sized house, Pete shuts off the car and grabs my bag from the trunk. We go inside, Joe and Makena are sitting on the couch across from the TV engrossed in an episode of Jackass. The door shuts behind us and Makena turns her head to smile and wave.. Joe does the same.

Pete leads me back to the spare room and drops my bags inside the door. He wraps an arm around my waist and kisses the top of my head, "I right next door if you need me. I love ya kid, remember that. Ok?"

I nod and give him a weak smile. I take my shower and go back to my room. I stare at the walls and lay with my head hanging off the side of the bed. This room smells like Pete. Pandora sits at the door staring back at me. I half smile at her and pat her head before getting dressed. I lay back down on the bed and she climbed in beside me laying her head on my stomach and looking at me. I scratch her ears and smile. She's so much like Pete. Or maybe Pete is more like a dog. I don't think it matters.

How did things manage to turn out this way? I should be at home, in my room. But instead she's at my home, in his room. I think I know that kiss was a mistake, but I want to hear him say it. And let it hurt that much more. I want him to tell me to go to hell, that I'm ruining his life. And hope that he doesn't mean it. I know he won't. I don't know what I want anymore, I'm not even sure of what I still have.


I wake up the next morning to find Pete sitting on the floor across from the bed watching me. I lean up on one elbow and look at him with a raised eyebrow, "how long have you been there?"

"since about 4:30 this morning," He replies pushing up and walking over to the bed, "I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine," I lie and pick at the sheets. He knows I'm lying and sighs.

"You don't have to lie to me. I'm not Mak, and I'm not Joe. Jil either. I'm Pete. The go to guy for all your romantic needs." He smiled and laid down next to me.

"I know. I'm not fine. I don't know what I am. How do I deal with this Petey?" I ask staring at the ceiling tiles.

He shrugs and moves to rest his head on my stomach like Pandora the night before.
I smile noticing how much they really are alike and pet Pete running my fingers through his hair. He closes his eyes and we both fall asleep comfortable, knowing the other is there.

I wake up sometime later to find the house empty and two notes on the table. One from Pete : Ane,
Went to the store. I know bad idea, but I called Dirty to come with. Gonna grab a movie and some ice cream. GIRLS NIGHT!.
Love- Peteena
I laugh. I remember when he created that alter-ego. So he could hear all the gossip on the tour at the weekly girls and girlfriends meetings. The other note was from Joe and Makena: Ane,
We went for dinner. Will bring you back something, promise.
Later- J & M
Makena had to have written it. It was legible. I grab an Yoohoo! From the fridge and walk into the family room. Its raining. Which makes it cold for August. I settle into a corner of the larger cushy sofa, Pandora climbs up beside me and lays her head in my lap. We sit flipping through the hundreds of digital cable channels, finding nothing on we settle for a rerun of SNL.

The door bell rings some time later. I cross the room to the door and open it slowly. I almost don't believe what is standing before me. Patrick. Soaking wet and shivering. His eyes cast toward the ground concentrating on his well worn converse. I open the door further and move aside so that he can step inside. He does so, his eyes still not meeting mine.

" You didn't say good-bye." He says hoarsely. He sounds horrible. Worn out and sick.

"I didn't see the need." I say and walk toward the room where I'm staying. He follows closely.

"I might deserve that." He says. I hand him a shirt and PJ pants and usher him into the bathroom. I grab a towel and sit on the counter. He peels off the drenched hoodie and T-shirt he came in and stepped closer to me. I drape the towel over his head and try to get the water out of his hair. He puts his hands on mine and slides the towel over his shoulders. He looks so young now.

"You might have. What's happening to us Trick? Make it stop. Please." I notice the tears this time. Mine and his. He finishes changing and we walk into the living room without a word. He props himself up on the arm of the larger sofa and stretches his legs out of the remainder and motions for me to sit with him. I sit between his knees and lean against him. And for now yesterday is forgotten.

"Nan is going to visit her mother tomorrow in New York." He says out of nowhere.

"Oh?" I manage and look over at Pandora helplessly.

"Yeah, I'm going with her." He replies and repositions himself a little and I move with him.

"Oh." I say again. I can feel his fingers in my hair, braiding and unbraiding it. I remember when Jil taught him to braid. He was 9 and I was 8. I was is Princess then. Patrick always had a chivalric sense about him. Always in a world of his own. And sometimes it was mine too.

We sit a few more moments. Before it becomes unbearable and we both stand. He thanks me for the dry clothes and I give him a hug and umbrella before he walks back out into the rainy Wilmette afternoon.

I sit back down on the couch and pull my knees up to my chest. This should be getting better. But I guess things can always go further down hill.

Pete comes in sometime later. Maybe twenty minutes. I can't bother with time anymore. He sets three white bags on the kitchen table and waves Dirty home. I look up and smile at him, he gives me a wave and closes the door behind him. Pete pats Pandora on the head and sits beside me handing me a tub of Cookies-n-cream. I smile at him gratefully and lay my head on his shoulder. He rests his atop mine and scratches my forehead with his stubble and presses play on the remote to start the video.

Somewhere in the middle of "Sleepless in Seattle" I fall asleep. Pete has the worst taste in Chick Flicks. When it finally ends Pete nudges me. I look up at him evilly. I was comfortable with my legs stretched out across his lap and my head on his chest. A position that might look questionable if it were any other two people.

"What happened while I was gone?" He asks with his chin atop my head. I hug him tighter and shrug through the forming tears. He sighs as I listen to him breath. "You can tell me you know. I'm Peteena wonder girl."

I take a deep breath and sit up a little, "Patrick came over today."

"And?"

"And...I don't know Pete. I don't know anything anymore. He came in and asked me why I didn't say good-bye. I dried him off. Put him in a clean shirt and we sat on the couch. Just sat there. He braided my hair and told me he was going to New York with Nan tomorrow." I say all in one breath. And it feels good. Just really good.

"I can't tell you what to do Anmarie, but I think you should let him go. Mind you this is Peteena speaking. Pete would tell you to go for it," He shifts his weight like he wants to tell me something, "We'll go tomorrow after they leave. You can get the rest of your things. You're going to stay here."

I only nod in reply. I lay back against him and stare on as the next movie starts to play. I don't pay much attention to it. Not enough to be bothered with what its about. I want to live right here on this couch. I don't want to go home. Too many memories there. Too much of him there. Too much of him out there.

Joe and Makena make it home around nine and set a plastic bag on the counter. Makena walks over to me and pats my head. She reminds me of Jilly. Just nicer. More sisterly. Less asinine.

"I brought you back a Chicken ceasar salad when you get hungry." She smiles. I can't see her face, its hidden by Pete, but I know. I smile back weakly and pat her hand as a silent "Thank You." She tells Pete that his sandwich is with my food in the kitchen and Joe leads her back to his room. I manage to get off the couch at the mention of real food. We wander in to the kitchen and eat before going to bed. I go to my own room and lay down. I stare at the door a moment before going to the next room and laying down next to Pete's snoring figure. He rolls over and puts an arm over me. I smile. Feeling safe. And fall asleep.

The next morning Pete jumps on the bed and wakes me up. He stops abruptly when I snag a leg hair. I roll over and see that he isn't dressed yet. I flip him off with all intentions of going back to sleep but he picks me up and drags me to my room. "Get dressed. Though. My boxers are quite becoming on you." I glare at him. He laughs and backs out of the room. I peel off his boxers and t-shirt. I replace them with a pair of old jeans and my Motion City Soundtrack shirt. I run my fingers through my hair. I don't know how I managed to get it this long. Pete walks in at some point and goes back into the closet to return with a black Clandestine hat and wraps my hair in a random bandana before tucking it all under the hat. I spin around to face him.

"Why am I awake at," I pause to look at the clock, "9:23 in the morning?"

He gives me his famous smile, "We have things to do. People to see. Food to eat. A dog to walk?" he says almost like a question as Pandora walks in holding a leash. "Joe put you up to this, didn't he girl?" He asks the dog patting him on the head.

We start by going the mall so I can explain to my boss why I didn't bother calling in last night. We enter the store from the back door and I'm greeted by a not so happy looking Niki. She huffs and points around her. A truck came in yesterday. I guess she got stuck unloading. Oops. I offer a look of apology and walk into Matt's office. I make up some story about my period. He gets grossed out somewhere in the middle and tells me to work Sunday in stead. With our mission accomplished we head off to Patrick's apartment. I really don't want to go. I just. Don't.