Categories > Original > Drama > This Love, This Hate
This Love, This Hate
02/10/12 12:02am
Wow. I haven’t done this in ages. Ty and I broke up. I’ve lost my blade so I can’t cut anymore, Megan and I are officially Sam and Dean and oh yeah, I think I’m in love with Gozza. Scratch that, I AM in love with her. Great. So, am I bi, because I’m not a lesbian, but she just ruins me. You cannot imagine what it’s like to want something that you can’t have because people tell you you can’t have it, and having it once before ruined EVERYTHING. I LOVE HER. i love her. I Love Her. I lOvE hEr. i LoVe HeR. I love her. What is love anyway? It’s this tearing, pulling, YEARNING sensation right in the core of everything when she kisses Jared. When she laughs. When she hugs me. When she kisses my scars. When she does anything with anyone but me. And I hate it. Oh, how I hate it. It HURTS. And I actually for once in my life, want to be normal. I want to fall in love with my best guy friend, and not want –what do I want from her?- and not want EVERYTHING from Caitlyn. And I actually, legitimately, honest-to-god HATE myself for wanting and feeling this. For all and any of it. I want a skater boy who loves his cat and loves his best friend that he’s had since he was two, and wears vans or volleys and shorts and a jay jay’s t-shirt with some smart-ass funny saying, or a singlet, and wears snapbacks with “OBEY” written on them and has an iphone and loves my music and wears hemp friendship bracelets with the little coloured beads and loves me for me, no matter how cliché that is. I want him to love Nightmare Before Christmas and play guitar and secretly love Disney and have a lip piercing and have that brown-blonde-dark hair that is hopelessly adorable and is swished to one side at the front. He loves Supernatural and Doctor Who and will build pillow-castles with me and get all my nerdy references and play and be silly and maybe he’ll smoke, but only at the park when his parents can’t tell, and he absolutely adores everything he’s got, he loves his best friend, and his dog, and his cat, and his skate board and his bike, and his crazy family, and his stack of cd’s and his guitar and his bedroom and his view and his school and me. And I love him. Not because I can’t have her or because he’s like duct tape to my broken everything, but just because I love HIM.
And I still can’t get rid of her, of my best friend that I love love. No matter how hard I try.
And they don’t know where we go, when we turn off our phones, and those nights we went out, and we never came home, they were clueless so, they made up their own little stories, with little glory
- Together Forever, SET IT OFF
02/10/12 12:02am
Wow. I haven’t done this in ages. Ty and I broke up. I’ve lost my blade so I can’t cut anymore, Megan and I are officially Sam and Dean and oh yeah, I think I’m in love with Gozza. Scratch that, I AM in love with her. Great. So, am I bi, because I’m not a lesbian, but she just ruins me. You cannot imagine what it’s like to want something that you can’t have because people tell you you can’t have it, and having it once before ruined EVERYTHING. I LOVE HER. i love her. I Love Her. I lOvE hEr. i LoVe HeR. I love her. What is love anyway? It’s this tearing, pulling, YEARNING sensation right in the core of everything when she kisses Jared. When she laughs. When she hugs me. When she kisses my scars. When she does anything with anyone but me. And I hate it. Oh, how I hate it. It HURTS. And I actually for once in my life, want to be normal. I want to fall in love with my best guy friend, and not want –what do I want from her?- and not want EVERYTHING from Caitlyn. And I actually, legitimately, honest-to-god HATE myself for wanting and feeling this. For all and any of it. I want a skater boy who loves his cat and loves his best friend that he’s had since he was two, and wears vans or volleys and shorts and a jay jay’s t-shirt with some smart-ass funny saying, or a singlet, and wears snapbacks with “OBEY” written on them and has an iphone and loves my music and wears hemp friendship bracelets with the little coloured beads and loves me for me, no matter how cliché that is. I want him to love Nightmare Before Christmas and play guitar and secretly love Disney and have a lip piercing and have that brown-blonde-dark hair that is hopelessly adorable and is swished to one side at the front. He loves Supernatural and Doctor Who and will build pillow-castles with me and get all my nerdy references and play and be silly and maybe he’ll smoke, but only at the park when his parents can’t tell, and he absolutely adores everything he’s got, he loves his best friend, and his dog, and his cat, and his skate board and his bike, and his crazy family, and his stack of cd’s and his guitar and his bedroom and his view and his school and me. And I love him. Not because I can’t have her or because he’s like duct tape to my broken everything, but just because I love HIM.
And I still can’t get rid of her, of my best friend that I love love. No matter how hard I try.
And they don’t know where we go, when we turn off our phones, and those nights we went out, and we never came home, they were clueless so, they made up their own little stories, with little glory
- Together Forever, SET IT OFF
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