FicWad

Monday morning
Phil walked around the hallways with Dan, nervous as hell, as he tried to avoid everyone. They entered their first class and Phil was pulled to a seat next to Dan. They had been sleeping in each other's arms for the last couple of nights and Phil didn't know where he stood. He spent the majority of the lesson drawing in his notebook.

Dan kept glancing at Phil throughout the lesson, making sure he was okay. His weekend was a bit of an emotional roller-coaster, and the normalcy of going to classes was a bit strange. He tried to pay attention and gave up, as was his usual routine. He wasn't much of a scholar.

Phil ripped a sheet out of his notebook and wrote 'Where do we stand?' before sliding it to Dan.

Dan read over the words a few times. 'In regards to...?' he wrote back, waiting for the teacher to turn his back before sliding it back.

'Us. I need to hear, well read, your thoughts on us. I have been thinking about it all morning.' Phil replied. He turned his paper and waited for the teacher's gaze to return to the board before pushing it towards Dan.

Dan tapped his pencil on the desk, thinking about how to craft his reply. 'I'm interested in being with you love, that is, if you are? No pressure if you're not.' he decided on, and passed it back to Phil.

Phil smiled and scrunched the paper up, before they got caught. He slid his hand onto Dan's thigh and squeezing it, looking at Dan's beautiful face.

Dan put his hand over Phil's, tucking his fingers into his palm and grinned back. He took that as a yes.

Phil felt more at home with Dan than he ever had before in his life. The bell rang and he watched as everyone scrambled to get out of the lesson. For Phil the lesson flew by quickly and the next thing he knew it was lunch. "Dan, I'm going to go to the bathroom."

Dan looked him up and down. "Okay, I'll met you dining hall? The usual table?" he offered, not wanting to mother Phil too much.

Phil nodded. "Don't worry, It's purely innocent." He smiled and walked off. He found the bathroom and walked in, but was soon pushed against a wall. "The fuck you think you're doing with my Dan?" he heard. Phil turned around to recognise the guy from dinner, the one with the crush in Dan. Phil thought his name was Ryan. Phil started to shake as he replied "Aren't I allowed to touch my boyfriend?" This irritated the bigger boy and he pushed Phil harder into the wall before kicking him to the ground. Phil was positioned on his knees before he heard a zipper. Ryan towered over him with his erection pointing through his fly. What happened next was something Phil never thought he'd experience. Ryan sighed as yellow liquid started to spurt from his cock, all over Phil. Phil was crying by now, but that didn't convince Ryan to stop. Once the bully was done, he shoved his length all the way down Phil's throat choking him and fucked his mouth until Phil was forced to swallow Ryan's seed. Phil's new bully left and the poor, soaking boy curled up and cried. It was happening again.

Dan sat down to eat at his usual table, talking to a few of his friends. He hadn't really had a chance to talk to them much over the weekend, not that he minded. He was content with spending all his time with Phil. He kept glancing towards the door, getting slightly worried as Phil didn't return. Dan thought he must have gone back to their room, not wanting to come to the Dining Hall by himself. After the meal he went to their room to look for Phil, and upon finding nothing, grew more worried. He headed in the direction of where he last saw Phil, and finding the nearest set of bathrooms.

Phil felt so dirty and used. He didn't want to move or face the outside world. He just felt so empty and he knew that if he just disappeared he would be doing a lot of people a favour. Phil didn't have any energy, he was so drained. He knew the first day of school wouldn't be a good one, he was proven right again.

Dan entered the bathroom he presumed Phil would have used, not expecting to find anything. He glanced round quickly and saw Phil lying on the floor. "Phil?" he asked, slightly confused and ran over the boy. He put his hand on his shoulder and felt the fabric was wet and took in his crying face. "What happened?" he asked worriedly.

"I told you. It's happening again. I wanna try again Dan, It's like I'm in hell." Phil sat up and wrung out his shirt, screwing his nose up at the smell, and watched as a stream of liquid flowed into the nearby drain.

"Who was it?" Dan asked, as his worry suddenly turned to anger. As the smell hit him he pieced together some of what had happened, and he wasn't pleased.

Phil shook his head. "I can't. If you tell then it just gets worse."

"I'm not going to tell the teachers Phil. I told you if someone laid a finger on you I was going to sort them out." he answered, trying to control his anger so he didn't scare Phil.

"Remember that guy from Dinner? I think his name starts with an R. But please don't Dan. It'll get worse." Phil hugged himself, the wet shirt sticking to his skin.

"Ryan? Mother fucker..." Dan growled. He wanted to go beat him up, but knew that wouldn't solve anything. Plus, Phil needed him. He took a deep breath in to try and calm himself, and exhaled for a long time. "Come on love, we'll go get you a shower and a new shirt, huh?" he asked, offering his hand out.

Phil took Dan's hand and nodded. He was cold and he smelled funny. "Can we get coffee or something to get rid of the taste?"

Dan pulled him out of the room and towards their own bathroom. "I'll make you one when you're in the shower. He made you drink it?" he asked, furrowing his brow. He thought that was pretty fucked up.

Phil shook his head. "Not the piss. My throat is so sore." He hoped Dan would figure it out, because he really didn't want to say it himself.

Dan thought for a few second. "Oh," he answered as he realised, feeling angry again. He subconsciously squeezed Phil's hand quite firmly, then realised what he was doing. "Sorry," he muttered, trying to calm himself down again as they walked.

Phil whimpered and reached for Dan's hand. He needed the comfort of Dan's touch.

Dan took a few more deep breaths as he walked and let his fingers lace with Phil's. He didn't say much and trying to work out how to stop this. Because he was going to stop this.

They made it back to the room with only a couple of jeers. Phil had started crying again. "I'm done Dan. I can't do this any more." he admitted.

Dan let go of Phil's hand and moved it to Phil's chin, turning his head gently to face Dan. "Please don't say that Phil. I don't want you to be done." he said, making him make eye-contact.

"But I can't Dan. I just can't. I think being pissed on finally took it too far. If you don't want me to go, you may have to watch me or at the very least hide all the things I could use." Phil was being 100% serious. He couldn't handle it anymore.

"I will then. I'll hide everything. I'll watch you. I don't want you to go. Please let help Phil." Dan said, feeling a bit overwhelmed. He bit his lip and blinked quite rapidly. He didn't want to cry in front of Phil.

Phil led Dan into the bathroom with him. He took the sopping shirt off and dumped it on the floor. His trousers followed next. "Now go hide."

Dan looked at Phil for a second, before leaning in and briefly kissing him on the lips, so quick that if you blinked you'd missed it. He turned out of the room and headed straight to the drawer he knew Phil had a razor in.

Phil touched his lips, wondering if that had actually happened. He quickly stripped and turned on the shower. He didn't bother with too much cold water and jumped into the hot shower. The scolding water turned his skin a shade of pink as he scrubbed himself. He washed his hair and stood under the stream for a fair few minutes.

Dan put the razor on his bed, and continued to look around Phil's things for anything else. He found another two in a different draw. He put them in a pile, wrapping them in a few tissues and hiding them amongst his stuff, intending to throw them out as soon as he could.

Phil shut of the water and climbed out of the shower. He realised that he had forgotten a towel. "Dan!" he yelled out.

Dan walked over to the door, "Yeah?" he called through the wood.

"I was stupid and forgot a towel. Could you get me one please?" Phil asked. His fingers subconsciously ran over the scars on his stomach and he ached to add more.

"Sure," Dan answered, bounding over to Phil's things and grabbing a towel he just saw earlier in his search. "Here you go love," he announced, waiting for Phil to open the door.

Phil cracked the door open and accepted the towel. He quickly dried himself off and wrapped the towel around his waist, exiting the bathroom. He saw his cutthroat sitting on Dan's bed along with his secret blades. "You're not going to throw them out are you?" he said as he gestured before them.

"Do you not want me to?" Dan asked, trying not to run his eyes over Phil's body, as he guessed that'd probably make him uncomfortable.

"Just not the large one. It's the only thing of my grandfather's I own." Phil slipped on some boxers than let his towel drop. He looked down at his body and disgusted himself. Phil held up a finger and returned to the bathroom, putting his head inside the toilet bowl.

Dan followed Phil through to the bathroom, sitting beside him and rubbing up and down his back. "I won't throw it out, but I'm going to hide it. Is that okay?" he asked, not expecting much of a response.

Phil nodded. He thought about Ryan and what he did and that was enough to make Phil throw up. Several times.

"Baby..." Dan mused empathetically, continuing to run his hand up and down Phil's back as he emptied his stomach.

"I'm repulsive Dan." Phil cried. He threw up again and slouched into the bowl, losing all of his energy.

Stranger: "Not to me," Dan replied, rubbing his back and leant over to kiss his shoulder gently.

Phil heard a bell signifying that lunch was over. "You need to get back to class Dan." Phil wasn't going back. He was going to find Dan's vodka and drink it all. Every last drop.

Dan shook his head. "I'm staying here. If I go to class I'll just be worried about you anyway." he answered. He didn't pay attention in class anyway.

"Well, you're just gonna have to let me go." Phil pulled himself up to clean out his mouth and made his way out to the main room.

"Phil," Dan sighed, slightly exasperated. He pulled himself to his feet and followed Phil out, and sat on his own bed. "I just want to care about you. Please let me do that."

Phil nodded and kneeled down in front of Dan's cupboards and drawers, searching through them for the bottle he desired.

"What're you doing love?" Dan asked, watching Phil rummage. He knew he didn't know about the false back of his drawer.

Phil didn't answer and kept searching. After several minutes of searching, his fingers accidentally tapped the back of the drawer and it made a hollow sound. "A false back? So smart." Phil removed the back and found bottles upon bottles of alcohol. He selected one and popped off the lid, downing a few gulps.

Dan grabbed the bottle, tilting it down and away from Phil's mouth. "Phil, you have nothing in your stomach. You'll be drunk in minutes. Not to mention it's 1pm." Dan explained.

"I don't care Dan. Please. You have to let me go Dan. This is better than what else I wanna do. Please Dan." Phil begged and reached out to grab the bottle back off Dan.

"No Phil," Dan said sternly. "I'm not letting you go." he added, and held the bottle out of Phil's reach.

Phil whimpered, but went back into Dan's cupboard and selected another bottle. Dan couldn't hold all of them.

Dan put the bottle on his side table, and stood up, taking the other bottle Phil had selected out of his hands and set it out of his reach. He grabbed both of his wrists and held him away from the cupboard. "Stop it Phil." he said authoritatively.

"But I just wanna forget, darling. Please, let me forget." Phil pleaded with Dan. 'So pathetic.' his mind interjected.

Dan frowned. "Will you stop when I tell you to?" he asked, obviously relenting a bit. If he were Phil he'd want to forget as well.

Phil nodded. "I'll try. I really will." He made grabby hands at Dan as he pouted and gave the puppy dog eyes.

"You realise it's not going to fix anything?" Dan said, sitting down on his bed and patting the space next to him, still holding the bottle.

Phil crawled over to the bed and pulled himself up onto it. "I know. But please Dan. Just let me experience this."

Dan relented, handing the bottle to Phil. "Take it easy, though. There's no rush, and you'll be drunk pretty quickly anyway." He said, leaning against the head board and pulling Phil up next to him.

Phil started to take huge gulps. The bitter liquid burning his throat as he downed the bottle. He didn't feel any different and downed the bottle in no time. "More?" he asked Dan.

"Phil, it's not on tap. I have to work hard to get this stuff. Give it a few minutes." Dan said, looking at Phil worriedly. That was an entire bottle of vodka, he'd feel the effect soon.

Phil pulled himself up off the bed and made his way to the side table, grabbing the bottle off the table and opening it. "Last one." he promised as he stumbled back to the bed.

Dan closed his eyes, sighing. Phil had him wrapped around his little finger. The second bottle would certainly make him forget, though. "Not all of it, you'll get alcohol poisoning." he chided.

Phil downed half the bottle before answering Dan. "Don't you have to drink a lot to get that?"

"You've drunk a whole bottle of vodka and half a bottle of rum. That is a lot." Dan answered, taking the bottle gently from Phil.

"But I feel the same Dan." Phil made grabby hands at Dan. "And there's a whole stash in the cupboard."

"Phil" Dan said. "Fine. You can have rest of this one. Then you'll be off your tits. Okay?" Dan asked, handing him the bottle back.

Phil nodded. "Thank you Dan." Phil nursed the bottle for a few minutes before taking a few gulps. He started to feel a bit dizzy, but he ignored it and chugged another quarter. "Is dizzy bad?"

Dan giggled, and brushed Phil's fringe out of his eyes using his fingertips. "It's just the beginning love."

"Mmmk. Dan?" Phil chugged the rest of the rum and placed the bottle next to the empty vodka one.

"Yes?" Dan replied, watching as Phil chugged the rest of the bottle and set it down. He'd have to dispose of them later.

Phil poked Dan's side. "Rawr." he giggled and got up to search for his ipod. He made his way over to his bed and reached under his pillow, pulling out his sought after item. He made his way back over to Dan, almost reaching him when he was struck by a dizzy spell and clutched his head, groaning.

Dan chuckled at Phil's antics. When he had nearly returned to him, Dan held out his arms for Phil to come and cuddle into him. "Probably best if you don't walk round too much." Dan offered, stifling a giggle at his groan.

Phil crawled into Dan's arms, holding out his little music machine. "But dancing Dan..." Phil pouted.

Dan held him in a close hug, nuzzling his head a bit with his nose. "You want to dance?" he asked, giggling a bit.

Phil nodded. "Please?" Phil was feeling light headed, but that was the only effects he could feel after downing almost a litre and a half of alcohol.

"Okay darling," Dan said, pulling out of their embrace and walking around to Phil's side of the bed, offering out his hand with a grin.

Phil took Dan's hand. He giggled as he was pulled up and music started playing. "Dance Dan." Phil smiled.

Dan wrapped his arms around Phil's lower back and pulled him a bit closer, and started to move to the music.

Phil wrapped his arms around Dan's neck. Enjoying the moment. They were dancing for about 10 minutes before Phil put his hand to his mouth.

"You all right babe?" Dan asked, slowing his movements down.

"Sick." Phil said through his hand. He tried to stumble over to the bathroom but his legs wouldn't hold him and he crawled.

Dan sighed as he saw Phil crawl towards the bathroom. He went through his own drawers and found a flannel, following Phil into the bathroom and wetting it, waiting for him to throw-up for the umpteenth time since he'd known him.

Phil laid on the tile floor with his head in the shower, trying not to throw up, the tiles cold on his exposed frame.

Dan sat next to Phil and started dabbing at his face with the flannel, knowing that it soothed himself when he felt sick, so why not Phil. "You'll be okay," he reassured him.

Phil reached out and squeezed the first part of Dan his hand fell upon. "Thanks Dan. I'm sorry." Phil's eyes started to close.

"It's okay," he answered, and continued to dab at his face affectionately.

"Luffyou Dan." Phil said in his stupor. "Nightnight" His hand went limp and he passed out with his head in the shower.

Dan laughed at Phil affectionately. He scooped him up in his arms after a few minutes and laid Phil on his bed, deciding that'd be comfier than the floor. He didn't even stir.

Phil woke up the next morning with a throbbing head. He groaned as he cradled his head in his hands and then winced at the loudness of everything.

Dan was still asleep in his bed. It was the first time in a few nights that he'd had it to himself and he was stretched out in a star-fish position. When Phil had passed out it was only 2pm, so he'd gone about the rest of the day, assured in the fact that Phil would be passed out for a while.

Phil pulled himself out of bed and made himself go to the bathroom to shower. He stripped off his boxers and turned the water on, finding the right temperature. He stepped in and stood under the constant stream of water. Phil went about washing when he was hit with waves of dizziness and nausea. He braced himself on the wall and hung his head, groaning. He heaved and the alcohol he consumed the previous afternoon splashed all over him.

Dan woke up when he heard the shower turn on. He glanced over at Phil's bed, confirming the fact to himself that it was Phil using it. He yawned, stretched and waited for Phil to get out of the shower so he could have one himself. He stayed lying in bed, but he was awake.

Phil's body emptied itself. Phil was covered in his own vomit and crying. He didn't know what to do.

Dan lay in bed, content with listening to the constant stream of noise the water hitting the floor made. His eyes almost fluttered closed again, but he willed himself awake.

Phil turned off the shower, just to save the water. He sunk to the ground, not wanting to go to class today, because he could remember everything and he just wanted to punish himself for being such an idiot and drinking as much as he did.

Dan heard the shower turn off and waited a good 10 minutes for Phil to emerge. When he didn't Dan stood up and walked over to the door and knocked on it gently. "Hope you haven't drowned darling," he called through.

Phil's sobs became louder and louder, along with his mutterings of "Stupid, stupid boy. Deserve to be punished." Phil had snapped and he didn't know what he was to do.

Dan heard Phil crying through the door and sighed. "Phil, will you let me in please?" he asked, this time less cheery.

Phil nodded. Then slapped himself for being so stupid before shakily mumbling "Y-yeah."

Dan turned the knob gently and opened the door, seeing Phil crouched in the shower. He stepped in and sat next to him, wrapping his arms around him. He was only in his boxer so it didn't matter if they got wet. "How's your first hangover going?" Dan mused in a caring tone.

"I managed to vomit all over myself, I'm dizzy and I have a headache. But that's not the worst part." Phil cried into himself, his mind playing vivd memories of his first day.

Dan kissed the side of Phil head lovingly. "You're not going to class today," he half asked, and half ordered.

Phil shook his head. "I remember everything Dan. It keeps playing in my mind. I was so stupid Dan."

"The only silly thing you did was drink to much, love. But everyone's done that." Dan answered.

"What are you doing with my Dan, he said. Then he, he.." Phil broke down. He hated this place already.

"My Dan? Jesus. I'm going to sort this out today Phil, I promise. That sick fuck will never touch you again." he answered.

Phil shook his head. "You can't Dan. Please. He'll just make it worse. I hate this place. I hate home. I hate everything. We have panadol right? My head is breaking." Phil's head was killing him, but he would then know where the pain killers were. He already knew where Dan's stash of booze was. All he had to do now was combine them.

Dan shook his head. "You have to go to the nurse if you want Panadol. I don't think she'd appreciate your situation, though." he muttered. "I'm sorry you hate it here Phil," he said, and couldn't help but feel slightly hurt. He knew he shouldn't, though.

"Dan?" Phil looked up at his boyfriend, seeing his face drop and felt immediately bad for wording it how he did. "You're the only reason I'm still here. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here this morning."

Dan took Phil's hand in his own and leant his head against the tiled wall of the shower. "We could run away," Dan thought out loud. "I don't give a shit about this place, and you want to get away." he reasoned.