FicWad

Here’s something somebody (that motherfuckin’ somebody being Pottermore) forgot to give me the delirious bizznasty on. The thing you combine your sprite egg with also becomes what your enemies resemble. So when the monsters in The Medium attack your treehouse, they all look like Fretardsprite. Except toothier. And meaner.
And they’re made of glittery rainbow shit, like my Cruxite towels. Fuck. DOWELS. It’s not a speech impediment, okay. God.

So basically, I’m facing down a huge fucking horde of glittery, two-headed, lazy-eyed poor-ass anatomy monsters varying in size. And I can’t even make my fucking escape out the windows because there is literally nothing outside. The Medium is a fucking void. It’s just my treehouse, and a little patch of land for my treehouse to stand on. Then nothing.
So I’m pretty much accurately in the middle of East Jesus Nowhere surrounded by monsters, and trying to get through something called a gate which is way up in the fucking sky (at least, I think it’s the sky, because everything’s the same goddamn color of inky fucking blackness so I’ve no clue). The gate will take me to my planet, and out of The Medium.

The game lets you combine things now. Like, I’ve got these really old rifles, called One-Shots and Two-shots. Blocky as hell. Ugly as sin. Always jam. No flow. Et cetera.
BUT I’ve combined them with a few things, like my MCR poster, and I’ve got a new gun called Headfirst for Headshots (instead of Halos. Get it? GET IT?!!?!). I’ve made battle armor from an old knight costume and more MCR shit. Bulletproof Heartguard. I look like Tron.
Sweet. I even built in my computer to the Heartguard helmet.

I blast the head off a toothy little guy and shove my foot down the throat of another. No idea how to get out of The Medium, and Fretardsprite’s not exactly being a big help.
“Furkwerd! Mernsters!” he shouts, banging his head on the ceiling.
“Yeah, I know! Dealing with it!”
“Ferkwerd! Erm Scared!” Fretardsprite wails. Ugh. “If you’re scared, see if you can find a way outta here, got it?” I shout, swinging Headfirst around in an arc to smash the face in of a snake-like little number. Bodies are really starting to pile up.
“Urkay! Lerve you!”
“...Love you too. Retard,” I mutter. Fretardsprite floats through the window, analyzing the treehouse. I don’t think he heard my last remark.

A message pops up on the corner of my visor.
Huh. I don’t think I know this person. Like, at all.

[?????????? (DA) messaged Ficwad (FW)!]

DA: Konichiwa, Ficwad-chan!
FW: what even. who are you.
DA: ~(^u^)~
FW: don’t help much, random girl.
FW: or boy. whatevs.
DA: Hee hee!
DA: My name is...............................
DA: Imoto-Genki Kokoro-Miko Yume Doki Doki!
FW: what the fuck no way.
FW: im Ficwad.
DA: Ohayo Ficwad! Can I be ur patron player for this super-sugoi game?
FW: wut is a patron playa yo.
DA: Hee hee! OuO
DA: A patron player is somebody who helps out another player in another session!
DA: It’s watashi if u want to continue at this game.

I pause, monster in my grip trying to break out of my stranglehold.
Help would be good. Help would be excellent. But do I want her help?

FW: sounds good. my sprite’s completely useless.
DA: Hee hee! Arigato, Ficwad-chan!
DA: (=OwO=)
FW: dat a kitty face. look at the kitty face.
DA: Kawaii, ne?
FW: so motherfucking kawaii.
DA: EEEEEEEEEE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DA: Let’s be bestus friends desu!
FW: hahaha lolz sure.
FW: wait. gimme a name. Because that lolita shit is totes not it.
DA: ;n;
DA: My birth name is DeviantArt. Maid of heart.
FW: that so hard?
DA: Ganbatte, Ficwad-chan. Ja-ne!!!!!

I have no idea what that chick was saying half the time, But whatever, y’know?
For the rest of the day, I ingore (IGNORE!) Fretardsprite and chatter with DeviantArt. She’s nice, although the Japanese is tough to follow. She tells me a whole bunch of stuff, and shows me how to combine six different things to make a jetpack. Whoo! New BFFSIES!
She likes to draw, too, and keeps sending me links to her art. She also gives me this title, “Sylph of Doom”, whatever the fuck that even means. It’s got something to do with the game.
She’s a Prospit dreamer, and I’m Derse, according to her, because I’m super deep and mysterious.
Wow. I’ve made a friend.

Most of my friends are made through Fanfiction and Fictionpress. I’ve never made one on my own before. I’m not too bad at this making friends thing. I’m awesome at it!
DeviantArt does not shut up ever, though. Whatever. My new friend is awesome just like me.