FicWad

"I'm back, finally," Ed said as he entered the apartment he and Al were renting during their stay in Central. Ed dropped the twenty overstuffed bags by the foot of his bed and plopped on the bed, exhausted from the shopping trip he had with Winry. "Oh, I'm still not used to this female voice being mine now."

"Welcome back, Brother," Al said, "or should I call you 'Sister' from now on?"

"Very funny, Al," Ed groaned as he rolled on his side toward his brother.

"Hey, um, those clothes you're wearing right now…aren't they Winry's?"

"Well, I couldn't go around town in a hospital gown and my old clothes are too…well…they don't fit anymore, so Winry let me borrow her clothes."

Ed reminded himself of what he had discovered that morning. During a battle last night, Al activated a transmutation circle that caused his body and the body of a woman they had been fighting named Lust to transmute into each other. The worst news came when Al said he couldn't be changed back for a week.

Hearing this news, Winry decided to take Ed shopping for a more feminine wardrobe, makeup and an afternoon at the spa, which included a mud bath, manicures, pedicures and a steam bath. During that time, Winry filled Ed in on everything he needed to do to keep his new female body looking beautiful.

After explaining everything to Al, Ed wearily grabbed one of the bags and said, "Anyway, I'm going to take a bath."

"A bath? But didn't you already—"

"I need some time to myself, okay? I've had a really rough day with all that's happened and I need a little relief."

Surprised at Ed's snapping back at him, Al could only say, "Okay, Brother," as he watched Ed walk into the bathroom.

After drawing the water, Ed took off Winry's clothes and sunk into the tub, the water feeling weird as it touched his new body. While he was bathing, Ed thought about all the things Winry told him he'd have to do to take care of his female body. "Why do girls have so many things to do? Makeup, hair products, tons of clothes and shoes; I'll be so glad when I'm back to normal."

After roughly 20 minutes, Ed removed himself from the tub, dried off and started to put on the clothes he and Winry bought earlier. As he was about to put on a shirt, Ed noticed something about his body. "Wait, didn't the woman have a tattoo here?" he thought as he let his hand hover at the spot above his new breasts. "My automail arm and leg switched over to her when we switched bodies, so why didn't her tattoo? Something's not right here."

"Brother!" Al's voice shouted through the door. "We've got trouble!"

"Hold on; I'll be out in a sec!"

(10 minutes later)

"Brother, come on!" Al whined as he waited for Ed to get out of the bathroom.

"I'm almost done; it's just so annoying what I have to do to prepare myself as a girl!" Ed's voice shouted back.

"Well is there any way to get done quicker? This is an emergency!"

"I just got done," Ed said as he emerged from the bathroom.

For his new female body, Ed got a tank top that fit snugly over his breasts and revealed the lower half of his midriff. His red coat was put on over the shirt. He had black skinny jeans on his legs and leather, low-heeled boots on his feet. Taking a suggestion Winry gave him during their day out, Ed had applied some dark eyeliner and a thin layer of dark lipstick on his lips.

"Um, Brother, is that stuff on your face—"

"Shut up, Al. Winry wouldn't let me come back unless I knew how to put on makeup and promised to put it on every chance I could get. Now, what's the emergency?"

"Oh, right! The hospital where that woman's being kept is under attack!"

"If she goes free, I'll never go back to my normal life! Enough chit-chat, Al; let's go!"

(At the hospital; 10 minutes later)

"Are you sure this is the right way?"

"Yes, Lust is here, I'm sure of it!"

"You'd better be right, 'cause Father's gonna be really pissed if we don't get her back."

Gluttony continued his search for Lust, ignoring the remarks of his companion Envy. Along the way, several soldiers tried to stop them, but Gluttony ate them and continued his search for Lust's smell, leaving a trail of blood and entrails in his wake.

Envy calmly walked behind him and complained, "Geez, I haven't even had a chance to see any action for myself. Aren't you ever satisfied?"

Gluttony stopped in his tracks and smelled the air. "Lust…she's here!"

"How can you be sure?"

"Her smell…it's getting stronger."

"Stop right there!"

Envy turned around and saw Ed and Al coming up behind them. Envy then burst out laughing, pointing to Ed and saying, "Just what the hell are you wearing? Those clothes don't flatter you at all, Lust!"

"Lust?" Al asked. "What are you talking about?"

"That's what the fat guy called this woman, but I don't know if it's her actual name or a code name," Ed said.

Envy looked at the two confused and said, "Okay, what kind of lame-ass joke is this? If you're trying to play me for a fool, you've got to try a lot harder than—"

"Envy, this way!" Gluttony said, walking further down the hall away from the others.

Envy turned and shouted, "What? Why? Lust is right there!"

"That's someone else. He's got a different scent."

"He?" Envy turned to Ed and back at Gluttony. "You mean that's a…Oh, I get it. Howitzer's handiwork, right? Haven't seen that in a while."

"You know Howitzer?" Ed asked back. "Do you know where he is now?"

"I don't see any reason why I should tell you anything," Envy snidely remarked.

"You'd better tell me, or you'll be sliced to ribbons!" Ed said, pointing his finger at his new opponent.

"Ooh! I'm so scared!" Envy mocked. Then it dropped the mocking tone and asked, "And how exactly are you going to do that?"

"Easy," Al said. "Big Brother's got your friends body, so he can use her powers to—"

"I can't!"

Al turned to see Ed staring at the finger he was pointing with. "I tried, but I can't use that strange power of hers! What's going on?"

Envy smirked and said, "Don't worry, you won't have to worry about that for much longer." It then started to charge at the brothers, laughing all the way. "I've always wanted to punch that bitch's face in for all the times she's tried to be the boss of me. Now's the perfect opportunity!"

Before Envy reached the two, a blur flew past them and punched Envy, sending it back to where it started its charge. "I'm not too late, am I?"

Al looked up and saw the person who saved them. "Major Armstrong? Is that you?"

"Indeed it is!" Armstrong proclaimed as he took off his shirt and started flexing his muscles. "I, the Strong Arm Alchemist, have come to offer my assistance."

"Hey, don't forget about me!" Hughes said as he walked up the stairs Armstrong had come from. Ignoring Ed, he said, "Hey, Al! Are you sure you should be fighting with your brother out of commission?"

"Um, actually—"

"I know, you're trying to protect him, but I'm sure the bean sprout can defend himself, even in—"

"CALL ME A BEAN SPROUT AGAIN AND I'LL MAKE YOU REGRET IT!" Ed screamed as he lunged toward Hughes. Al caught him before he could reach Hughes. "Al, let me go!"

"Calm down, Brother; you're not…um…vertically challenged anymore, so you don't have to be offended."

After soaking in Al's statement, Ed calmed and said, "It'll still piss me off."

"Wait, so you're Ed?" Hughes asked. "Then who's in the hospital? And for that matter, when did you become such a babe?"

Annoyed at Hughes questions, Ed said, "Okay, look, Al used some freaky transmutation circle to make me switch bodies with a woman who attacked us last night. That woman now has my body and is being kept in this hospital until I can switch back with her again. Now, if you'll excuse us, we have to stop these two from breaking her out. You take care of this one, and we'll go after the fat one."

"Hey, wait a—" Before Hughes could object, Ed and Al ran past him and Armstrong, straight towards Envy.

"Where do you think you're going?" Envy commented, changing his arms to pointed tentacles. "I'm not finished with you ye—" Envy cut its sentence short as it dodged a fist that emerged from the ground, courtesy of Armstrong.

"Your fight is with us, creature," Armstrong commented, assuming a fighting stance. "Show us what you've got."

(With Gluttony)

Gluttony tore open the door of the last room in the hall. After eating the staff that was in the room, he looked over on the table and saw the blond-haired man sedated on the bed. He then ate the machines the man was hooked to and picked up the body. "Don't worry, Lust; I'll get you back to Father."

"Hold it!"

Gluttony turned and saw Ed and Al rounding the corner and blocking the exit.

Looking on Gluttony's shoulder, Al told Ed, "Brother, he's taking the lady you switched bodies with!"

"Put her down, big guy, or you'll regret it," Ed threatened.

"No, not again! I'm not leaving Lust again!" Gluttony cried as he threw several punches at the brothers. They easily dodged the punches done only with his free hand.

"This is gonna be easy, Al," Ed commented. "As long as he's got something to carry, he can't fight at—"

"Brother, look out!"

Ed ducked just before a metallic looking spike could pierce his head. Looking up, he saw the spike retract and become a finger on the automail arm of his old body. He watched in horror as Lust, now in Ed's body, got off of Gluttony's shoulder and stare the brothers down.

"What's going on, Gluttony?" Lust said, adding a sinister tone to Ed's voice. "How can I be in two places at once; and why do I sound like a boy all of a sudden?"

"Lust, you're okay!" Gluttony happily said. He then turned to the brothers and said, "Somehow these two took your body and stuck you in that body."

"A transference of physical appearances? Only Howitzer's alchemy could have pulled this off," Lust commented as she looked at her new male body.

"Oh, come on! Does everybody know about Howitzer except us?" Ed complained.

Causing the fingers of her new male hands to sharpen, Lust commented, "However, it was just a physical exchange. I still have all of my skills."

Ed then thought, "Wait, if she has all her skills, then I must still have mine." He then smirked, clapped his hands together and slammed them to the ground. A makeshift cage formed around Lust and Gluttony and trapped them.

Before either side could comment, Envy's body crashed into the room, followed quickly by the shirtless Armstrong. "Is that all you've got, monster? I've had tougher fights against my sister!"

Envy picked itself off the ground and started chuckling evilly. "Oh, so you want me to be tougher? I'd be happy to obli—"

"Envy, that's enough," Lust calmly said. "Gluttony freed me, so let's get out of here."

Envy turned to Lust and smirked. "You look like you've seen better days."

"Is that what's really important to discuss, or should we be thinking of a way to escape before we all end up captured?"

Envy frowned, but said, "Yeah, whatever. Gluttony, free a path, will ya?"

At this, Gluttony gathered up a ball of spit in his mouth and spat it out at one of the machines he had left intact. As the liquid ate away the machine, it started to crackle until finally the machine exploded. When the smoke cleared, Ed, Al, Armstrong and Hughes were left in the room all alone. Gluttony, Lust and Envy had escaped through another hole.

Realizing he'd have to remain in a female body for longer than was expected, Ed screamed, "DAMN IT!" The scream echoed through the night as military personnel arrived at the hospital to assess the damage.