Categories > TV > Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Hanging the Monkey

Chapter Four.

by Hussar 0 reviews

Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Rating: R - Genres:  - Published: 2013-01-27 - Updated: 2013-01-27 - 2897 words - Complete


Somewhere in Hartlepool.

“Control to Zed-Victor-one,” the radio clicked on in Faith’s hand; there was an unintelligible reply to ‘control’s’ call from Zed-Victor-One.

“Zed-Victor-One, go to the junction of York Road and Elwick Road,” the woman at control spoke calmly over the radio, “possible sighting of the escaped ape, over.”

Once again the reply from Zed-Victor-One was unintelligible; the police had put out the story that there was a dangerous animal on the loose in Hartlepool. They'd called in armed response units from all over north-eastern England to help track it down.

“Go down this street,” ordered Faith as Xander drove the Land Rover through the backstreets, “then turn left then first right. That’ll bring us out on Elwick Road just down from the junction.”

Putting his foot down Xander followed Faith’s directions.

“How come you know where to go?” he asked as he turned the vehicle into the first street.

“Hey,” Faith replied as she peered out of the windscreen and up at the darkened roofs, “I know my way around…I’ve been here once or twice, okay?”

“You never said,” Xander glanced at Faith for a second before making the next turn.

“I don’t tell you everything, Harris,” Faith shot him a glance; “I have other interests outside slaying and work y’know…here we go!”

Bringing the Land Rover to a halt, Xander switched off the engine and looked out of the windscreen to where the two roads met. A police car, probably Zed-Victor-One, was stopped diagonally across the junction with its doors wide open and its blue lights flashing. On the road lay the two firearms officers who'd crewed the vehicle; from where Xander sat they looked unconscious. Around them on the road surface lay dozens of steaming bananas.

“What should we…” began Xander, but he was cut off by the sound of Faith’s door opening as she climbed out into the road.

“See what you can do for the cops,” Faith ordered, the next moment she was gone.


Moving silently from shadow to shadow, Faith scanned the rooftops of the buildings that lined the road. Even her slayer enhanced eyes found it difficult to see past the glare of the streetlights. Just as she was beginning to think the trail had gone cold she noticed something move up on the roof of a street corner newsagent. Immediately she went into a crouch and started to hunt.

Running swiftly and silently across the road, Faith saw the giant monkey start to rip the tiles free from the roof of the newsagents. Realising that this must be the home of one of the monkey’s prospective victims she changed direction towards the shop. Sprinting towards the door she noticed the monkey had vanished; it must have ripped a hole large enough for it to enter the building.

Crashing through the door, just as the monkey broke in through the roof, Faith found herself in the shop part of the building. Over the sound of the burglar alarm going off, she could hear the monkey smashing his way through the ceiling and into the living quarters upstairs. Looking around she saw the stairs leading up from the back of the shop to the flat above.

Taking the steps three at a time Faith soon found herself on the landing at the top of the stairs. Dangling from the ceiling above her was the monkey’s legs as it tried to free itself from the narrow gap between the joists. Just then a door burst open and a man stumbled out onto the landing. He was dressed in blue and white striped pyjamas and clutched a cricket bat in his hands. He cried in alarm as he came face to face with the monkey’s trouser clad lower half.

“GET BACK!” yelled Faith as she jumped up and grabbed the monkey around the waist.

The added weight of Faith hanging around its hips forced the monkey through the hole to join everyone on the landing. The man with the bat screamed and rushed back into his bedroom slamming the door behind him as he went. Faith scrambled to her feet and aimed a vicious side-kick at the monkey’s head. Her booted foot made solid contact with the monkey’s jaw, however, it didn't seem to slow the creature down.

“OOOK!” the monkey shook his head to clear it before it picked Faith up and hurled her through the door and into the shopkeeper’s bedroom.

Crashing to a halt amongst the splintered remains of the door, Faith once more got to her feet to confront the monkey. The shopkeeper showing more bravery than good sense leaped across the bed (where his wife lay screaming) and swung his bat and caught Faith a resounding THWACK! across the shoulders, luckily he hit her with the flat of the bat and only injured Faith’s dignity.

“HEY!” Faith turned on the shopkeeper, “I’M ON YOUR FREAKING SIDE!”

“Sorry, lass!” the shopkeeper swung his bat again, this time aiming for the monkey.

The creature for its part simply caught the bat in its ham sized fist and yanked it from the storekeepers grasp. It jumped up on the bed eliciting more screams from the shopkeeper’s wife, he snarled menacingly at the newsagent. The man backed away from the monster before him frantically looking around for some sort of weapon.

Although slightly stunned by the cricket bat attack, Faith launched herself at the monkey again. She tackled it around the waist, the force of her charge driving it off the bed and onto the floor on the far side of the room. Lifting her fist she aimed a punch at the creature’s head when a vase exploded against the wall by her head.

“WILL YOU GIVE IT UP!” she yelled at the shopkeeper as he heaved another china knick-knack in her direction.

Taking advantage of the distracted slayer the monkey broke free of her hold and jumped towards his primary target. His jump was brought up short and his fingers grasped ineffectually at the shopkeeper as Faith grabbed his foot and pulled him back towards her. The monkey kicked out with his free foot but only caught Faith a glancing blow on the hip.

Jumping onto the creature, Faith landed astride its chest pinning its arms down by its side. Raining blows to its head and upper body; Faith saw, much to her disgust and confusion, that she didn’t appear to be having much effect on the murderous monkey monster. This was so wrong, she thought, even a vampire would be near beaten to a pulp by now. Yet this French sailor monkey seemed as fresh as a daisy!

Pausing in her assault, Faith found herself once again sailing through the air only stopping when she hit the wall above the dressing table; she crashed onto the table scattering make up and hair brushes onto the floor. The storekeeper renewed his pottery barrage scoring several good hits but having even less effect than Faith’s attacks had.

This was getting so old, Faith told herself as she climbed once more to her feet, she had things to do on Saturday afternoon and this was cutting into her well earned beauty sleep. Okay, she reasoned, this thing must have a weakness but could she find it before it wounded her so much that she couldn’t stop it. Once again, Faith bravely hurled herself at her opponent. This time she didn’t try to kill or wound it, she clawed at its clothes hoping to uncover any charm or talisman that might be protecting it.

The monkey appeared to sense the reason behind Faith’s latest attack; it tried madly to fight off Faith’s probing fingers. Knocking her hands aside the monkey didn’t notice it was being backed into a corner, by the time it did it was too late. Faith aimed a ferocious kick at the creature’s shin. Her steel toed boot made contact and the monkey screamed with pain and hoped about the on its one good leg while it grasped the other in both its hands. As it leant forward a shinny object on a silver chain swung free from under its ripped and torn shirt. As quick as lightning, Faith’s hand shot out, grabbed the trinket and ripped it from around the creature’s neck. For a moment the monkey looked in confusion at Faith…just before he picked her up and threw her across the room…again.

Shaking her head to clear it of the stars and small blue birds that appeared to have taken up residence inside her skull; Faith fought clear of the clothes and splintered wood of the wardrobe that had broken her fall. Pulling a heavy overcoat from off her head she looked up to see the monkey holding the shopkeeper against the wall with one hand while in the other it held a large, viciously sharp looking banana.

“NO!” yelled Faith as she fought her way clear of the clothes and wrecked closet.

Launching herself across the room she caught the monkey around the waist and knocked him off his feet. Slayer and monkey fell in a struggling heap on the floor of the bedroom while the storekeeper staggered back to his feet from where he’d been thrown. Rolling across the floor, Faith and the monkey exchanged blows only this time Faith’s punches seemed to be having some effect. The monkey ‘EEEK!-ed’ loudly as Faith landed a blow to the side of his jaw. The creature scrambled away from her as it rubbed its face and climbed back to its feet.

“Got ya now!” Faith smirked as she moved in for the kill, “Lost y’magic trinket have ya?”

Holding up the talisman, Faith hoped the monkey would make a grab for it, obviously the pendant protected it from harm. Without it he was vulnerable; the monkey turned its head as the sound of police sirens got closer and closer, it looked quickly at Faith before it ripped down the curtains and leapt out of the window.

“Hey,” Faith turned to where the shopkeeper lay nursing his many injuries; she gestured apologetically to the wrecked bedroom, “I think it’s safe now,” Faith went to look out the smashed window, she could see police lights flashing in the distance, “Sorry I gotta go,” she put her foot on the windowsill making ready to jump out of the window and follow the monkey.

“But…but what do we tell the police, lass?” the shopkeeper had found his voice again.

“Anything you want,” Faith called from the window, “just don’t mention me.”

“Of course not lass,” the shopkeeper nodded his head, “mums the word, eh?”

“Right on,” Faith waved to the shopkeeper and his wife just before she disappeared through the hole in the window and the first police car screeched to a halt outside.


Stumbling a little as she landed, Faith looked around for any sign of the monstrous monkey. Seeing it knuckle its way into a side street, Faith was just about to give chase when a police car squealed to a halt in front of her. Hardly breaking step, she jumped up on to the bonnet of the car and using it as a springboard ran off after the monkey.


“AAAAGH!” Xander screamed like a girl as he was almost knocked flying by the speeding simian.

After doing what he could to make the two police officers comfortable, Xander had jumped back into the Rover and backed it into a side street. Here he waited for Faith to reappear. With increasing apprehension he’d watched as more and more police cars and vans turned up. To Xander it looked like every policeman in northern England was heading towards the road junction. Just as he was recovering from his narrow squeak with the creature he was almost knocked flying as Faith sprinted around the corner. Wrenching open the passenger door she pointed down the street.

“Follow that monkey,” Faith ordered as she climbed into the Land Rover; moments later they were speeding around the backstreets in hot pursuit with most of the Cleveland police on their tail.


“Down here!” Faith pointed to yet another backstreet, “looks like its heading for the townhall.”

Glancing out of the back of the Rover she saw the flashing blue lights of the police as they followed her in their wild career through Hartlepool.

“Can’t you go any faster?” Faith turned to check on the monkey’s position as it headed down the centre of the road at high speed, “I really don’t wanna explain this to the local cops.”

“I’m not overly excited about explaining this to any cops!” Xander hauled on the steering wheel making the Rover go up on two wheels as they sped around a corner.

Finding themselves in a square or market place, Faith and Xander looked up at the imposing Victorian bulk of Hartlepool townhall. There, caught in the glare of the spot lights as it climbed up the front of the building, was the monkey.

“Oh no,” sighed Xander despairingly, “not another ‘King Kong’ cliché?”

The Land Rover screeched to a halt; Faith leapt out but stopped to speak to Xander before she gave chase.

“Its okay for you,” she glanced up to where the monkey climbed, “you don’t have to climb up there after him. Now get outta here before the cops come, meet me ‘round the back when it’s all over.”

Slamming the passenger door, Faith sprinted towards the townhall as the first of the police cars screamed into the square.


“THERE!” cried DI Higgins as he pointed up to the climbing monkey.

A police Land Rover shone its spot lights up at the townhall as members of the Regional Support Group ran to take up positions, clutching their MP5’s and looking more like science fiction stormtroopers than traditional police officers. There in the light from the spotlights the police plainly saw the monkey as it climbed towards the townhall roof. Behind him they could also see a dark haired young woman in jeans and leather jacket climbing up wall after him.

“Who the hell’s that!?” DI Higgins turned to DC Head as if expecting him to have the answer, Head shrugged his shoulder; Higgins turned back to look at the townhall. “Whoever she is,” muttered Higgins, “I hope she’s not one of these eco-freaks!”


The monkey turned menacingly and bared its teeth at Faith as she climbed up onto the roof. Glancing at the great yellow tombstone like teeth, Faith stood up and started to advance on the creature unafraid.

“Nowhere else to run, huh?” she told the creature as she slowly got closer and closer.

The monkey, perhaps sensing that it was trapped, looked over the edge of the roof. It saw the flashing lights of all the police cars in the square below. It saw the men with guns as they dashed about below him taking up position to get a clear shot at him. The monkey must have known it was doomed as it turned to face Faith once again.

It screamed in a mixture or fear and rage as it turned to find Faith’s grinning face mere inches from its own. Striking the creature across the jaw, Faith sent it staggering across the roof; it stumbled to a halt and grabbed hold of the flagpole in the middle of the town hall roof to steady itself. Not giving the creature a chance to recover, Faith was on it in an instant; she rained punches and kicks on the creature. Frantically it tried to fight back, but without its talisman it was vulnerable to Faith’s attacks.

Having beaten the creature to its knees, Faith was eager to bring the fight to a swift and decisive end; but she’d brought no weapons; she knew the police would be making their way up through the building, they’d be here any moment now! Seizing the only weapon available to her, Faith grabbed the rope from the flagpole and wrapped it firmly around the monkey’s neck before heaving on the free end.

The monkey struggled as Faith raised it up the flagpole and tied off the rope, watching for a moment as the monkey’s struggles grew weaker as the life was choked out of it, she turned towards the edge of the roof. Climbing over the side of the building just as the police SWAT team burst out onto the roof, Faith watched as the police riddled the hanging monkey with bullets. Climbing down the side of the building furthest away from the police spot lights, Faith eventually gained the ground and went in search of Xander.


Waiting anxiously in the Land Rover, Xander nearly jumped out of his skin (again) as the passenger door was pulled roughly open.

“Here,” Faith tossed the talisman to Xander; he fumbled the catch due to his lack of depth perception. “You better let Red have a look at that,” Faith yawned, “now take me home to my bed. I’ll fill you in on the way back.”

“Yes, mi’lady,” replied Xander in his best ‘Parker’ voice.

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