Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Perks of Being A Wallflower
Should Be Stronger
1 review"I hate bringing people down with me, yet I can't do it alone..."
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Dear friend,
I know I should be stronger than this, be able to hide it better. But I can’t, I really can’t; it hurts to think about it, hurts to accept it, hurts to even write about it.
Oh dang, I should explain what happened than shouldn’t I? Okay, I guess I need to tell someone about this besides Jack.
It started yesterday, just a normal as-fuck day. I woke up and got ready for school and all that stuff; but when I went downstairs my mom seemed so sad.
I asked her what was wrong and only got a,
“It’s nothing to worry about Mikey.” Why? What? What shouldn’t I worry about? So I got to school and before I knew it, Jack looked sad too!
“I’m sorry man.” Was all he said, pulling me into a hug. No not the stupid pat-on-the back things most guys do; a serious hug.
Call me girly, call me queer, I don’t care; it was the last good thing that happened that morning.
I was pretty confused on what he was talking about, but I didn’t want to be rude and ask “about what?”. I didn’t want to make him seem like I didn’t care about him being kind.
We talked for a bit, Alex joined us at one point, saying the same “I’m sorry” as Jack.
I mumbled a soft “thanks guys, but what’s going on?”
Jack shot a look at Alex, obviously having no idea how to answer my stupid question.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t of asked such a stupid question.” I apologized and walked away as fast as I could; I didn’t try to be rude, it’s just that I was being an idiot.
While making my escape, and swerving around the various people to get to my first class, someone stopped me.
“Mikey, can we talk?” It was the guidance counselor, Mrs.Leila, she was a kind woman, I was thankful for her because she helped Gerard get through the depression and all that.
“Uh okay? What do you want to talk about?” I asked, as people bumped into me.
“Let’s take this to my office, okay? It’s not exactly something we should talk about in a crowded hallway. I nodded, following her as we walked down the corridor to her office.
“Please sit,” Gesturing towards a chair across from where she would sit when having a session. I sat in the chair, leaning back awkwardly, as she did the same.
“So Mikey, what do you like to do in your free time?” I wasn’t that surprised that she would begin with easy questions, try to ease into the reason why I was here.
“I’m learning bass, I read a lot, write letters.” I shrugged, as she nodded.
“I see, so you don’t go out with friends very much?” I nodded, feeling a wave of shame come over me; most people my age would be out every chance they got.
But not me, I was more of a hermit, shying away from human contact.
“Well I sometimes go play video games with Jack, if he’s not busy.”
“Jack Barakat?” I nodded, as she continued “You two hang out quiet a lot at school, right?” Once again I nodded. “Then you know Alex?”
“His boyfriend? Yeah, I’m not really friends with him..but he seems like a cool guy.” This got a smile out of her.
“Mikey, you are a great kind of person you know that?” I raised an eyebrow, never really enjoying who I was. “You always find the good side in people; for example when talking about Alex, you said you weren’t really friends with him, yet you added on how you felt he was a good guy.”
“Of course, I’m not going to judge him. I know others might, but who cares?” I shrugged
“So, Mikey; the reason why you’re here is…I hate telling people this, but you were friends with Kat right?” I nodded, a feeling in my stomach telling me this news wasn’t good. “Well over the weekend, she commited suicide.” This causing tears to spill over my eyelids in seconds.
“Wha-What? No, no she couldn’t have!! She seemed so happy.” I pressed my face into my arms, wiping at my wet face.
“I know, but even those who seem the happiest can do this.” I sat there, fighting back the sobs that threatened to wrack my thin frame.
Yeah, it was bad…realizing one of my closest childhood friend’s had killed herself.
I ended up staying there, for about another hour until I calmed down enough to go back to class; when I left the office I realized that Jack had been sitting outside the door, waiting for me to come out.
I asked him why he would skip class and sit there doing nothing, just for me. He told me, he wanted to “be there for you, because I know how this kind of stuff can affect people.”
I wonder how, did it happen to him? Did his family ever experience it? A thousand questions flew through my mind, a thousand questions I wouldn’t ask.
Love always,
Mikey
I know I should be stronger than this, be able to hide it better. But I can’t, I really can’t; it hurts to think about it, hurts to accept it, hurts to even write about it.
Oh dang, I should explain what happened than shouldn’t I? Okay, I guess I need to tell someone about this besides Jack.
It started yesterday, just a normal as-fuck day. I woke up and got ready for school and all that stuff; but when I went downstairs my mom seemed so sad.
I asked her what was wrong and only got a,
“It’s nothing to worry about Mikey.” Why? What? What shouldn’t I worry about? So I got to school and before I knew it, Jack looked sad too!
“I’m sorry man.” Was all he said, pulling me into a hug. No not the stupid pat-on-the back things most guys do; a serious hug.
Call me girly, call me queer, I don’t care; it was the last good thing that happened that morning.
I was pretty confused on what he was talking about, but I didn’t want to be rude and ask “about what?”. I didn’t want to make him seem like I didn’t care about him being kind.
We talked for a bit, Alex joined us at one point, saying the same “I’m sorry” as Jack.
I mumbled a soft “thanks guys, but what’s going on?”
Jack shot a look at Alex, obviously having no idea how to answer my stupid question.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t of asked such a stupid question.” I apologized and walked away as fast as I could; I didn’t try to be rude, it’s just that I was being an idiot.
While making my escape, and swerving around the various people to get to my first class, someone stopped me.
“Mikey, can we talk?” It was the guidance counselor, Mrs.Leila, she was a kind woman, I was thankful for her because she helped Gerard get through the depression and all that.
“Uh okay? What do you want to talk about?” I asked, as people bumped into me.
“Let’s take this to my office, okay? It’s not exactly something we should talk about in a crowded hallway. I nodded, following her as we walked down the corridor to her office.
“Please sit,” Gesturing towards a chair across from where she would sit when having a session. I sat in the chair, leaning back awkwardly, as she did the same.
“So Mikey, what do you like to do in your free time?” I wasn’t that surprised that she would begin with easy questions, try to ease into the reason why I was here.
“I’m learning bass, I read a lot, write letters.” I shrugged, as she nodded.
“I see, so you don’t go out with friends very much?” I nodded, feeling a wave of shame come over me; most people my age would be out every chance they got.
But not me, I was more of a hermit, shying away from human contact.
“Well I sometimes go play video games with Jack, if he’s not busy.”
“Jack Barakat?” I nodded, as she continued “You two hang out quiet a lot at school, right?” Once again I nodded. “Then you know Alex?”
“His boyfriend? Yeah, I’m not really friends with him..but he seems like a cool guy.” This got a smile out of her.
“Mikey, you are a great kind of person you know that?” I raised an eyebrow, never really enjoying who I was. “You always find the good side in people; for example when talking about Alex, you said you weren’t really friends with him, yet you added on how you felt he was a good guy.”
“Of course, I’m not going to judge him. I know others might, but who cares?” I shrugged
“So, Mikey; the reason why you’re here is…I hate telling people this, but you were friends with Kat right?” I nodded, a feeling in my stomach telling me this news wasn’t good. “Well over the weekend, she commited suicide.” This causing tears to spill over my eyelids in seconds.
“Wha-What? No, no she couldn’t have!! She seemed so happy.” I pressed my face into my arms, wiping at my wet face.
“I know, but even those who seem the happiest can do this.” I sat there, fighting back the sobs that threatened to wrack my thin frame.
Yeah, it was bad…realizing one of my closest childhood friend’s had killed herself.
I ended up staying there, for about another hour until I calmed down enough to go back to class; when I left the office I realized that Jack had been sitting outside the door, waiting for me to come out.
I asked him why he would skip class and sit there doing nothing, just for me. He told me, he wanted to “be there for you, because I know how this kind of stuff can affect people.”
I wonder how, did it happen to him? Did his family ever experience it? A thousand questions flew through my mind, a thousand questions I wouldn’t ask.
Love always,
Mikey
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