Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Lies Of The Taken
Remember This Night When You're Gone
2 reviewsMikey is determined to get what he wants, while Frank suddenly remembers something that could have changed his life, had he only noticed at the time.
1Ambiance
Chapter 4
The sudden bang of the front door slamming caused Gerard to awaken, practically jumping out of his skin. He’d fallen asleep- no… he’d cried himself to sleep, right there on the floor next to his messy bed. His perfect sketch of the one person he wanted so bad and whose heart he’d just lost still staring up at him from the floor with eyes so full of innocence and laughter, as he grinned at Gerard, much like he had in the original photograph.
Tears flooded Gerard’s sunken, bloodshot eyes as he stared down at the face of everything he needed to be happy. He wanted Frankie so bad. He’d wanted him for so long. But he couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t hurt family… could he?
Gerard immediately shook away the oncoming tears and shut his sketchbook, shoving it quickly under his bed along with everything else he never bothered to put away, as he heard heavy, slow footsteps creeping up the stairs, growing louder as they got closer. He stretched his lips into the most realistic smile he could fake. He’d mastered the art of fake smiling years ago. He had to, living in this family.
There was a long, silent pause, the tension rising ever so slightly with every passing second. Gerard glanced at the old, battered door, with its rusty handle and peeling white paint, imagining all the possible scenarios that could occur next. He’d already figured out who was on the other side. It was anything but soundproof, and Gerard could recognize the footsteps and nervous, shaky breaths since he was eight years old.
After two or three seconds of struggling to turn the doorknob, a fourteen-year-old Mikey stumbled into the room as the door flew open. His left arm was hugging the edge of the door while his right hand was resting heavily on the boy’s forehead, his long, skinny fingers intertwined in his messed up, sandy-blond hair.
The boy’s tall and almost unnaturally thin body seemed to sway a little as he squinted at Gerard, who was still on the floor, leaning against his black nightstand.
Forgetting everything, including what happened with Frank, Gerard finally smirked to himself. His little brother was so cute when he was drunk, and the best part was, the intoxication usually didn’t wear off until just before noon.
“Have fun at the ‘movie night’? Gerard giggled, eyeing his brother in amusement, remembering the excuse for being out all night which Mikey had told their mother the night before.
He responded with a grunt and mumbled something that Gerard didn’t understand, before wandering out into the middle of the room, swaying slightly.
“Did…”Mikey yawned. “Did you happen to talk to him about me?” His words till slurred slightly.
The amusement left Gerard’s face as if someone had taken a wet Kleenex and wiped it right off. Instead it was replaced with a look of defeat and heartache, as he looked down, drawing random patterns in the carpet with his pinky finger. He remembered the day of Frank’s fifteenth birthday, when he nearly had what he wanted. Then he remembered the day that followed.
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~
As Gerard shut the front door, returning home from school, he found Mikey slumped on the stained, old couch. His eyes were frighteningly vacant behind the thick lenses of his glassed, his mind obviously since he barely noticed Gerard coming home. He could tell that Mikey had been running his hand through his hair for at least ten minutes, and his lip was visibly chewed.
Without hesitation Gerard dropped his tatty old school bag onto the floor and raced over to the couch, where he dropped down next to his brother in slight panic.
“Mikey! Mikey, what’s up? Is everything alright? You look…” Gerard struggled to find the correct word to describe Mikey. That’s because there probably wasn’t one in the English language. The look on Mikey’s face was something Gerard had never seen before, and he was sure that the rest of the world wouldn’t have either.
Mikey just stared at the opposite wall, his head resting in his shaky hand, the expression on his face suggesting that he either didn’t give a fuck about anything anymore, or that he’d just killed someone and had no idea what to do with the body.
“Mikes, talk to me. Please.” Gerard pleaded, a look of terror and deep concern displayed in his murky hazel-green eyes.
Mikey finally decided to look at his brother, taking his time to turn his head, his hand shaking more than it normally did as he pulled it away from his hair.
Gerard was close to tears. He and Mikey had always been so close, he hated the idea that something was wrong with him and he didn’t know how to help. It killed him.
“If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell mom, or anyone else for that matter?” Mikey sighed so quietly that the sound barely reached Gerard’s ears before melting away into the air. His voice was slightly hoarse and more shaky than ever.
Gerard was now convinced that his brother must have killed someone. What else could it be?
“I don’t… I mean… I’ve always hoped this wouldn’t happen… It’s just a shock, that’s all…” Mikey trailed off, looking down at his favorite gray jeans.
Gerard waited for Mikey to finish the sentence. That’s if you could even call it a proper sentence. Mikey always spoke awkwardly and trailed off, but never like this.
“I’m telling you this because you’re my best friend as well as my brother and you’re the only one I can trust to keep a secret. But, I couldn’t live without telling anyone…”
On the inside Gerard was sighing, slowly growing more agitated. He just wanted to know what was bothering Mikey so he could help him.
“I… I think I’m gay…” He finally uttered.
Gerard now couldn’t tell whether he was relieved because nothing was really wrong, or disappointed because he’d expected something more interesting from the way Mikey had been acting.
“That’s it?” He smiled with sympathy and understanding. He definitely understood Mikey, he’d just never come out, and he wasn’t planning on it anytime soon.
Mikey stared blankly at him, his worries momentarily clouded over with confusion.
“Look, it’s not a big deal… You don’t have to stress so much about it!” Gerard chuckled ever so slightly.
“How would you know?” Mikey raised his voice, looking at his brother with a look that almost said the words for him.
“Because I-” Gerard paused, halfway through getting up from the couch. He sighed. He wasn’t quite ready to tell anyone, even if it was only Mikey. “I’ll keep it a secret. Promise.” He finally finished, turning towards the stairs.
“T- There is one more thing…” Mikey called uncertainly, causing Gerard to stop in his tracks and turn around.
“Yeah?”
“Well, you know your friend Frank…?” His face turned bright pink as he said the name out loud…~
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“Gee!” Mikey snapped, though he didn’t seem any less drunk.
Gerard jumped, suddenly realizing where he was and snapping out of his flashback. He could feel that if Mikey didn’t leave soon, he would most likely start crying and then it would all be too obvious and Mikey would hate him forever.
“Did you talk to Frank about me?” Agitated, Mikey tried to give Gerard ‘the stare’, which just resulted in him looking uncomfortable and just plain stupid.
“Uhh… yeah.” Gerard lied, continuing to draw patterns on the carpet with his finger.
“Well, what good things did you say?” Mikey whined, refusing to leave Gerard alone.
“Just, uh… Just how you’re awesome at bass and… yeah…”
“You didn’t tell him I like him, did you?” Mikey’s eyes widened for a second at the sudden realization.
“Of course not!” Gerard looked up at Mikey in surprise, telling the truth this time.
A smile finally appeared on Mikey’s pale face. “I really appreciate this…” He went to hug Gerard, but ended up just hitting his head on the slanted ceiling Gerard was sitting under.
The older boy chuckled, “I think you should take a shower and get some sleep.” He paused. “And shrink a little!”
Mikey nodded sleepily, then left the room, dragging his feet lazily along the carpet.
When the door was shut once again, Gerard leant back against his bed and shut his eyes, letting his head drop. It felt heavier than ever from the hangover, as did his eyelids. He let them drop too, before giving in to his sleepiness and watching the world slowly fade to black, as his thoughts faded away once again.
*
After an hour or so of lying face down in the pile of pillows and tangle of various blankets that made up his bed, Frank figured that it would just continue making him feel more depressed. But getting up was so hard…
His thoughts were all over the place and the pounding in his head grew louder and more powerful and he slowly lifted his face from the foot of the bed. His hair looked like a bird’s nest, unwashed, not brushed and covered in Monster Energy on the tips from when he spilt half of the can onto his pillow – the reason why he was now lying the wrong way around. His face was red and slightly puffy, eyeliner from the night before still smeared around his swollen eyes and red nose, partly covered up by the torn, wet tissue, hanging loosely off his right cheek where it was stuck on with Monster and tears. He didn’t know why it hurt him that much. He was lucky he got to kiss Gerard at all.
Maybe it was the disappointment, he thought. I mean, I woke up thinking it had all come true… that Gerard felt the same way…
Frank ended up blaming it on the hangover and telling himself that it would all be much better tomorrow. At least he hoped it would.
His head spun with a million and one thoughts as he slowly pushed himself up into a sitting position. The dizziness practically pushed him off the bed, and he was forced to grab the edge of the littered nightstand, knocking several empty coffee mugs onto the carpet.
Pansy, was all Frank could think at this point as he reached for his beloved white guitar and picked the cable up off the floor, plugging it in and flicking the switch on his small, old amp.
He didn’t feel like playing any songs he knew, copying the work of other artists. It wasn’t that fun anymore. But he wanted to play. So he placed his little finger on the third string from the bottom and played it on every fret, until he found a sound he liked on fret 7. A smile finally broke through the dried up tears and smeared eyeliner. A little smile, nothing special really, just the corners of his chapped lips twitching slightly. But it lit up his face immediately. This is why he loved playing the guitar so much. He moved his finger up one string, then slid it over to the 5th fret, followed by the 4th. And his first ever song was beginning to come together.
“I’m not okay… I’m not okay…” His own words were still ringing in his mind, and he surprised himself when they accidentally escaped past his lips in the form of a soft, hoarse whisper. His smile widened into a grin as he repeated the notes one more time. This was why artists wrote the best songs when they were upset…
Frank already had the perfect riff and was playing it repeatedly, unable to stop smiling at his success in writing a song, when his phone began to vibrate in his pocket, causing his to squeal and drop Pansy in surprise.
Please, PLEASE say that it’s Gerard calling to say that he lied and he secretly likes me back! The thought ran through his head, suddenly sending a wave of hope through him, only to be disappointed.
As he dug the phone out of his pocket, the words ‘1 New SMS’ made the smile fade slightly. But there was still a ray of hope in him as he hovered his thumb over the open button, hoping to see Gerard’s name in the field labeled ‘From’.
However, all his hope vanished into thin air as he stared at the unfamiliar number on the scratched screen. It wasn’t anyone in his contact list…
‘Hi frank ws wndrin if ur busy 2moz’ Frank stared blankly at the message. He hated people who texted like that. It’s not like it’s that much effort to just type the whole word. After a moment of rereading the message over and over, he decided it’d be best to just text back.
‘That depends, who is this?’
Another message arrived about 15 seconds after Frank pressed send. Seriously impressed by the mystery person’s texting speed, he opened it, eager to find out who it was.
‘Rite crp im so stupid its mikey’
It took frank several seconds to decode the message, but the name at the end was a complete shock. Why was Gerard’s little brother texting him? And how did he get his number? Frank decided it was an appropriate question to ask.
The reply was simple, ‘Gees cell ;)’
Before Frank had a chance to think about it, his phone buzzed once again.
‘So u bsy or..?’
Frank decided to ask a few more questions of his own before answering Mikey’s. After adding his number to his contact list, Frank pressed the reply button and stared blankly at the screen.
He’d met Mikey once before, at a Halloween/birthday party. Gerard had dragged Mikey to Frank’s, whose birthday happened to be on Halloween, but the boy was thirteen at the time and he and Frank didn’t speak much, other than a casual ‘hey’ and awkward ‘happy birthday’. He didn’t even know what Mikey looked like when he wasn’t dressed up as Robin.
Frank smirked at the memory. Gerard had promised Mikey that he’d dress up as Batman so that he wouldn’t look stupid, but ended up going as a vampire, the way he did every year. It was their very own tradition. Gerard was the vampire and Frank was the skeleton.
A wave of loneliness and heartache washed over Frank once again as he remembered that he may have ruined all of this. It could all be gone forever, all the memories. There was a chance that it would all be forgotten and his life would return to where it was, dull and without love, but at least he’d have his best- his only friend back. Though… could it ever be exactly the same again…?
Frank gasped as he realized he hadn’t responded to Mikey’s text yet. But… what could he say? It was clear that things with Gerard would never be the same again, so he could at least try and make new friends. Even if it was his old best friend’s little brother, awkward, quiet and a year and a half younger.
‘Nah, I’m free tomorrow’ he found himself typing, and pressed send before he could change his mind.
‘11@ strbcks?’
Frank could only assume Mikey meant Starbucks, so he replied with a casual ‘okay’ and a smiley face just to be nice, before throwing his phone across the room and collapsing back onto his bed. What was he doing with his life? And, although he loved coffee, Starbucks wasn’t his favorite place in the world. He was lactose intolerant, couldn’t have any dairy, and the sweet smell of hazelnut coffee with milk and whipped cream on top just tortured him.
*
Mikey felt incredibly refreshed and cheerful as he pulled on a fresh, ironed Misfits T-shirt which he’d ‘borrowed’ from Gerard. He barely knew the Misfits, maybe just one or two songs, but he really wanted to make a good impression on Frank. That’s why he’d just had a shower that seemed to go on forever, ignoring Gerard who was smacking the door with his fists and screaming at him to get out, and was now pulling on a neatly ironed pair of dark blue skinny jeans.
He carefully opened the bathroom door just a crack, clouds of hot, swirling steam rolling out into the hallway. He was hoping that Gerard had finally given up, and after making sure that he had, he made his way silently back to his room and locked his door, his soaked hair, now dark brown after the shower, dripping onto the already wet towel around his back.
He couldn’t be more excited for today. He was finally going to Starbucks with Frank Iero. He thought about how Frank could possibly be unaware of how many people liked him. He’d practically turned five guys at their school bi, and he had no idea about any of it. Although at their school, it was apparently shameful to like Frank. They all pretended that to them he was just this creepy alternative kid with a pierced nose and lip. Rumors got out about someone liking him every now and then, but somehow died down before they reached him. It was like this taboo subject that everyone actually knew about other than Frank.
As Mikey blow-dried his hair, he opened Facebook on the battered old laptop on the desk in front of him. He always did this, stalked Frank’s status updates and pictures.
His eyes widened and the hairdryer dropped to the floor as he saw it; Frank’s relationship status. Single. Mikey actually had no idea that he and Naomi had broken up.
“Wh- what? When…?” He uttered, unable to stop a smile from spreading across his face. Frank… Frank was available. This meant that he had a much better chance of convincing Frank that he liked guys. Of course, he didn’t know that Frank didn’t need convincing anymore. Not just yet. His heart raced as he stared wide-eyed at the old, scratched screen of his laptop, his lips parted slightly in surprise and joy. He knew he had to do his best to impress him now…
*
Frank groaned as he practically fell out of bed, reaching for his alarm clock to shut him up. He had half an hour before he had to leave, and after spending another night in the same clothes, he thought a long shower was the only appropriate option at the moment.
Stumbling to the bathroom, he began to pull off his sweat-drenched hoodie, tripping over his own feet as his face twisted in disgust. He was sure this was rock bottom. It had to be. Spending two nights in the same clothing without a shower, covered in Monster and bits of torn up tissues was something he never imagined doing unless he ended up living on the street. It was disgusting, he knew that, but he couldn’t bring himself to have a shower or even to just get up last night. On the bright side, he was no longer hung over. If anything, he felt better than before he got drunk, despite the memory of what happened, and the overwhelming sleepiness.
As soon as he switched on the hot water, it hit him. He was grounded. Frank wasn’t the type to disobey rules or sneak out, and he considered whether he should just text Mikey that he couldn’t come. But it was too late now; the boy may have been on his way there already and cancelling now would be inconvenient and rude. Then again, so was disobeying his mother…
Running his hands through his hair as he shampooed, Frank decided to give it a go and see what would happen. People did it all the time. Gerard did it all the time. But Gerard didn’t really give two shits about what his mother thought, the way she didn’t care what Gerard and Mikey thought of her.
What’s the worst that can happen? Frank shrugged to himself, remembering that he already had no life for the next three months.
The water began to run cold, reminding Frank that he didn’t have long before he had to leave. He washed off the last of the shampoo, then switched off the water and wrapped a long towel around his waist before making his way back to his cold, messy room, looking down awkwardly as the posters all around him observed his every move, their crazy rock star eyes following him around the room.
His old skeleton hoodie – a personal favorite of his – was hung carelessly over the open closet door. Together with his skeleton gloves it almost felt like his birthday. He could at least use that to cheer himself up.
Frank noticed a small rip in one of the sleeves and smirked to himself.
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~
”Shit! Run faster!” Called the voice in front of him, although with the echo it would have been hard to tell where it was coming from.
The sky was slowly growing darker, now a deep violet-blue, fading into black on the horizon. The trees that surrounded Frank were like ghosts of the ones who never made it, reaching out with their sharp, long broken fingers… reaching for their next victim.
Frank had just turned fifteen, he shouldn’t be thinking that. Though his constant fear was now growing, threatening to cause him to break down and panic. Footsteps. Where was Gerard?
Frank picked up the pace. A flash of Gerard’s red and purple cape in between the black, ghastly trees indicated where to run. The leaves beneath his aching feet rustled loudly and twigs snapped with every step he took.
“Get back here you freakin’ fucktards!” The voices echoed all over the place. They seemed to be everywhere, but wherever they actually were, it wasn’t far.
“Frank! Over here!” Gerard’s voice seemed clearer now, which meant the distance between them must be closing. As was the distance between him and the soccer team.
He stopped as he heard a scream. Gerard’s scream. The only thing he could do was run towards the noise and hope that it would be alright. Hope that Gerard would be alright. He didn’t care about saving himself.
The footsteps behind him were getting louder, closer. Frank’s heart thudded rapidly in his chest. As he turned his head to scan the forest behind him, the ground beneath his feet began to crumble, his feet searching desperately for something to land on. His back hit what seemed to be a wall of dirt, his body rolling down helplessly. THUD! He’d hit something soft. Something like…
Frank gasped, beginning to panic, as he realized that whatever he’d hit felt like a human body. His palms were sweating, his eyes beginning to water and his breath growing uneven.
A pained groan escaped the person’s mouth. Frank froze.
“Frank,” The person smiled, and the panic slowly left Frank. Gerard was directly underneath him, their faces only inches away from one another, their short, shallow breaths melting together in the cold October air.
“Frank, you didn’t have to…” Gerard breathed, clearly thankful.
“They were harassing you, of course I had to!”
“You should have let them harass me. I would have been fine.” Gerard insisted. Frank was unable to see his smile in the endless darkness, but he could hear it in his voice.
Frank thought about how, just minutes earlier, the soccer team was pushing Gerard around, slamming him against a brick wall, trying to pull the fake fangs right out of his mouth while they held him down. Then he thought what more they could have done if Frank hadn’t taken action, causing them to focus their attention on him while Gerard broke into a run. They probably wouldn’t have chased them deep into the woods, but they would have beaten up Gerard, and Frank couldn’t let that happen again.
“You wouldn’t have been fine. They’re not that nice…” Frank whispered, blushing fiercely as he realized how close he was to his best friend.
Gerard muttered a quick ‘yeah’ in response. “Thank you.”
All Frank wanted to do was lean down and let their lips collide, but he knew that he couldn’t. It would mess everything up. He couldn’t do that to their friendship.
“Err… I- I should probably get off you now.” Frank stammered and cleared his throat, sitting up next to Gerard.
“So soon?” Gerard smiled, though as soon as he said it, he wished he hadn’t.
Frank didn’t get it, though. Instead of responding, he stood up and dusted himself off.
~
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So soon? Frank repeated in his head, grinning at the memory. That’s when his eyes widened at the sudden realization. He finally got what Gerard had meant…
Was- was he interested in me back then? Frank panicked. He must have liked me and I ruined it! I ruined everything!
He was no longer sure if he wanted to meet Mikey in Starbucks or not. But it was too late now, he had to. Still in shock from what he’d just realized, he pulled on the hoodie, along with a black pair of skinny jeans, and tip-toed down the stairs after carelessly applying his eyeliner. He couldn’t concentrate on anything other than that night.
The sudden bang of the front door slamming caused Gerard to awaken, practically jumping out of his skin. He’d fallen asleep- no… he’d cried himself to sleep, right there on the floor next to his messy bed. His perfect sketch of the one person he wanted so bad and whose heart he’d just lost still staring up at him from the floor with eyes so full of innocence and laughter, as he grinned at Gerard, much like he had in the original photograph.
Tears flooded Gerard’s sunken, bloodshot eyes as he stared down at the face of everything he needed to be happy. He wanted Frankie so bad. He’d wanted him for so long. But he couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t hurt family… could he?
Gerard immediately shook away the oncoming tears and shut his sketchbook, shoving it quickly under his bed along with everything else he never bothered to put away, as he heard heavy, slow footsteps creeping up the stairs, growing louder as they got closer. He stretched his lips into the most realistic smile he could fake. He’d mastered the art of fake smiling years ago. He had to, living in this family.
There was a long, silent pause, the tension rising ever so slightly with every passing second. Gerard glanced at the old, battered door, with its rusty handle and peeling white paint, imagining all the possible scenarios that could occur next. He’d already figured out who was on the other side. It was anything but soundproof, and Gerard could recognize the footsteps and nervous, shaky breaths since he was eight years old.
After two or three seconds of struggling to turn the doorknob, a fourteen-year-old Mikey stumbled into the room as the door flew open. His left arm was hugging the edge of the door while his right hand was resting heavily on the boy’s forehead, his long, skinny fingers intertwined in his messed up, sandy-blond hair.
The boy’s tall and almost unnaturally thin body seemed to sway a little as he squinted at Gerard, who was still on the floor, leaning against his black nightstand.
Forgetting everything, including what happened with Frank, Gerard finally smirked to himself. His little brother was so cute when he was drunk, and the best part was, the intoxication usually didn’t wear off until just before noon.
“Have fun at the ‘movie night’? Gerard giggled, eyeing his brother in amusement, remembering the excuse for being out all night which Mikey had told their mother the night before.
He responded with a grunt and mumbled something that Gerard didn’t understand, before wandering out into the middle of the room, swaying slightly.
“Did…”Mikey yawned. “Did you happen to talk to him about me?” His words till slurred slightly.
The amusement left Gerard’s face as if someone had taken a wet Kleenex and wiped it right off. Instead it was replaced with a look of defeat and heartache, as he looked down, drawing random patterns in the carpet with his pinky finger. He remembered the day of Frank’s fifteenth birthday, when he nearly had what he wanted. Then he remembered the day that followed.
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~
As Gerard shut the front door, returning home from school, he found Mikey slumped on the stained, old couch. His eyes were frighteningly vacant behind the thick lenses of his glassed, his mind obviously since he barely noticed Gerard coming home. He could tell that Mikey had been running his hand through his hair for at least ten minutes, and his lip was visibly chewed.
Without hesitation Gerard dropped his tatty old school bag onto the floor and raced over to the couch, where he dropped down next to his brother in slight panic.
“Mikey! Mikey, what’s up? Is everything alright? You look…” Gerard struggled to find the correct word to describe Mikey. That’s because there probably wasn’t one in the English language. The look on Mikey’s face was something Gerard had never seen before, and he was sure that the rest of the world wouldn’t have either.
Mikey just stared at the opposite wall, his head resting in his shaky hand, the expression on his face suggesting that he either didn’t give a fuck about anything anymore, or that he’d just killed someone and had no idea what to do with the body.
“Mikes, talk to me. Please.” Gerard pleaded, a look of terror and deep concern displayed in his murky hazel-green eyes.
Mikey finally decided to look at his brother, taking his time to turn his head, his hand shaking more than it normally did as he pulled it away from his hair.
Gerard was close to tears. He and Mikey had always been so close, he hated the idea that something was wrong with him and he didn’t know how to help. It killed him.
“If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell mom, or anyone else for that matter?” Mikey sighed so quietly that the sound barely reached Gerard’s ears before melting away into the air. His voice was slightly hoarse and more shaky than ever.
Gerard was now convinced that his brother must have killed someone. What else could it be?
“I don’t… I mean… I’ve always hoped this wouldn’t happen… It’s just a shock, that’s all…” Mikey trailed off, looking down at his favorite gray jeans.
Gerard waited for Mikey to finish the sentence. That’s if you could even call it a proper sentence. Mikey always spoke awkwardly and trailed off, but never like this.
“I’m telling you this because you’re my best friend as well as my brother and you’re the only one I can trust to keep a secret. But, I couldn’t live without telling anyone…”
On the inside Gerard was sighing, slowly growing more agitated. He just wanted to know what was bothering Mikey so he could help him.
“I… I think I’m gay…” He finally uttered.
Gerard now couldn’t tell whether he was relieved because nothing was really wrong, or disappointed because he’d expected something more interesting from the way Mikey had been acting.
“That’s it?” He smiled with sympathy and understanding. He definitely understood Mikey, he’d just never come out, and he wasn’t planning on it anytime soon.
Mikey stared blankly at him, his worries momentarily clouded over with confusion.
“Look, it’s not a big deal… You don’t have to stress so much about it!” Gerard chuckled ever so slightly.
“How would you know?” Mikey raised his voice, looking at his brother with a look that almost said the words for him.
“Because I-” Gerard paused, halfway through getting up from the couch. He sighed. He wasn’t quite ready to tell anyone, even if it was only Mikey. “I’ll keep it a secret. Promise.” He finally finished, turning towards the stairs.
“T- There is one more thing…” Mikey called uncertainly, causing Gerard to stop in his tracks and turn around.
“Yeah?”
“Well, you know your friend Frank…?” His face turned bright pink as he said the name out loud…~
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“Gee!” Mikey snapped, though he didn’t seem any less drunk.
Gerard jumped, suddenly realizing where he was and snapping out of his flashback. He could feel that if Mikey didn’t leave soon, he would most likely start crying and then it would all be too obvious and Mikey would hate him forever.
“Did you talk to Frank about me?” Agitated, Mikey tried to give Gerard ‘the stare’, which just resulted in him looking uncomfortable and just plain stupid.
“Uhh… yeah.” Gerard lied, continuing to draw patterns on the carpet with his finger.
“Well, what good things did you say?” Mikey whined, refusing to leave Gerard alone.
“Just, uh… Just how you’re awesome at bass and… yeah…”
“You didn’t tell him I like him, did you?” Mikey’s eyes widened for a second at the sudden realization.
“Of course not!” Gerard looked up at Mikey in surprise, telling the truth this time.
A smile finally appeared on Mikey’s pale face. “I really appreciate this…” He went to hug Gerard, but ended up just hitting his head on the slanted ceiling Gerard was sitting under.
The older boy chuckled, “I think you should take a shower and get some sleep.” He paused. “And shrink a little!”
Mikey nodded sleepily, then left the room, dragging his feet lazily along the carpet.
When the door was shut once again, Gerard leant back against his bed and shut his eyes, letting his head drop. It felt heavier than ever from the hangover, as did his eyelids. He let them drop too, before giving in to his sleepiness and watching the world slowly fade to black, as his thoughts faded away once again.
*
After an hour or so of lying face down in the pile of pillows and tangle of various blankets that made up his bed, Frank figured that it would just continue making him feel more depressed. But getting up was so hard…
His thoughts were all over the place and the pounding in his head grew louder and more powerful and he slowly lifted his face from the foot of the bed. His hair looked like a bird’s nest, unwashed, not brushed and covered in Monster Energy on the tips from when he spilt half of the can onto his pillow – the reason why he was now lying the wrong way around. His face was red and slightly puffy, eyeliner from the night before still smeared around his swollen eyes and red nose, partly covered up by the torn, wet tissue, hanging loosely off his right cheek where it was stuck on with Monster and tears. He didn’t know why it hurt him that much. He was lucky he got to kiss Gerard at all.
Maybe it was the disappointment, he thought. I mean, I woke up thinking it had all come true… that Gerard felt the same way…
Frank ended up blaming it on the hangover and telling himself that it would all be much better tomorrow. At least he hoped it would.
His head spun with a million and one thoughts as he slowly pushed himself up into a sitting position. The dizziness practically pushed him off the bed, and he was forced to grab the edge of the littered nightstand, knocking several empty coffee mugs onto the carpet.
Pansy, was all Frank could think at this point as he reached for his beloved white guitar and picked the cable up off the floor, plugging it in and flicking the switch on his small, old amp.
He didn’t feel like playing any songs he knew, copying the work of other artists. It wasn’t that fun anymore. But he wanted to play. So he placed his little finger on the third string from the bottom and played it on every fret, until he found a sound he liked on fret 7. A smile finally broke through the dried up tears and smeared eyeliner. A little smile, nothing special really, just the corners of his chapped lips twitching slightly. But it lit up his face immediately. This is why he loved playing the guitar so much. He moved his finger up one string, then slid it over to the 5th fret, followed by the 4th. And his first ever song was beginning to come together.
“I’m not okay… I’m not okay…” His own words were still ringing in his mind, and he surprised himself when they accidentally escaped past his lips in the form of a soft, hoarse whisper. His smile widened into a grin as he repeated the notes one more time. This was why artists wrote the best songs when they were upset…
Frank already had the perfect riff and was playing it repeatedly, unable to stop smiling at his success in writing a song, when his phone began to vibrate in his pocket, causing his to squeal and drop Pansy in surprise.
Please, PLEASE say that it’s Gerard calling to say that he lied and he secretly likes me back! The thought ran through his head, suddenly sending a wave of hope through him, only to be disappointed.
As he dug the phone out of his pocket, the words ‘1 New SMS’ made the smile fade slightly. But there was still a ray of hope in him as he hovered his thumb over the open button, hoping to see Gerard’s name in the field labeled ‘From’.
However, all his hope vanished into thin air as he stared at the unfamiliar number on the scratched screen. It wasn’t anyone in his contact list…
‘Hi frank ws wndrin if ur busy 2moz’ Frank stared blankly at the message. He hated people who texted like that. It’s not like it’s that much effort to just type the whole word. After a moment of rereading the message over and over, he decided it’d be best to just text back.
‘That depends, who is this?’
Another message arrived about 15 seconds after Frank pressed send. Seriously impressed by the mystery person’s texting speed, he opened it, eager to find out who it was.
‘Rite crp im so stupid its mikey’
It took frank several seconds to decode the message, but the name at the end was a complete shock. Why was Gerard’s little brother texting him? And how did he get his number? Frank decided it was an appropriate question to ask.
The reply was simple, ‘Gees cell ;)’
Before Frank had a chance to think about it, his phone buzzed once again.
‘So u bsy or..?’
Frank decided to ask a few more questions of his own before answering Mikey’s. After adding his number to his contact list, Frank pressed the reply button and stared blankly at the screen.
He’d met Mikey once before, at a Halloween/birthday party. Gerard had dragged Mikey to Frank’s, whose birthday happened to be on Halloween, but the boy was thirteen at the time and he and Frank didn’t speak much, other than a casual ‘hey’ and awkward ‘happy birthday’. He didn’t even know what Mikey looked like when he wasn’t dressed up as Robin.
Frank smirked at the memory. Gerard had promised Mikey that he’d dress up as Batman so that he wouldn’t look stupid, but ended up going as a vampire, the way he did every year. It was their very own tradition. Gerard was the vampire and Frank was the skeleton.
A wave of loneliness and heartache washed over Frank once again as he remembered that he may have ruined all of this. It could all be gone forever, all the memories. There was a chance that it would all be forgotten and his life would return to where it was, dull and without love, but at least he’d have his best- his only friend back. Though… could it ever be exactly the same again…?
Frank gasped as he realized he hadn’t responded to Mikey’s text yet. But… what could he say? It was clear that things with Gerard would never be the same again, so he could at least try and make new friends. Even if it was his old best friend’s little brother, awkward, quiet and a year and a half younger.
‘Nah, I’m free tomorrow’ he found himself typing, and pressed send before he could change his mind.
‘11@ strbcks?’
Frank could only assume Mikey meant Starbucks, so he replied with a casual ‘okay’ and a smiley face just to be nice, before throwing his phone across the room and collapsing back onto his bed. What was he doing with his life? And, although he loved coffee, Starbucks wasn’t his favorite place in the world. He was lactose intolerant, couldn’t have any dairy, and the sweet smell of hazelnut coffee with milk and whipped cream on top just tortured him.
*
Mikey felt incredibly refreshed and cheerful as he pulled on a fresh, ironed Misfits T-shirt which he’d ‘borrowed’ from Gerard. He barely knew the Misfits, maybe just one or two songs, but he really wanted to make a good impression on Frank. That’s why he’d just had a shower that seemed to go on forever, ignoring Gerard who was smacking the door with his fists and screaming at him to get out, and was now pulling on a neatly ironed pair of dark blue skinny jeans.
He carefully opened the bathroom door just a crack, clouds of hot, swirling steam rolling out into the hallway. He was hoping that Gerard had finally given up, and after making sure that he had, he made his way silently back to his room and locked his door, his soaked hair, now dark brown after the shower, dripping onto the already wet towel around his back.
He couldn’t be more excited for today. He was finally going to Starbucks with Frank Iero. He thought about how Frank could possibly be unaware of how many people liked him. He’d practically turned five guys at their school bi, and he had no idea about any of it. Although at their school, it was apparently shameful to like Frank. They all pretended that to them he was just this creepy alternative kid with a pierced nose and lip. Rumors got out about someone liking him every now and then, but somehow died down before they reached him. It was like this taboo subject that everyone actually knew about other than Frank.
As Mikey blow-dried his hair, he opened Facebook on the battered old laptop on the desk in front of him. He always did this, stalked Frank’s status updates and pictures.
His eyes widened and the hairdryer dropped to the floor as he saw it; Frank’s relationship status. Single. Mikey actually had no idea that he and Naomi had broken up.
“Wh- what? When…?” He uttered, unable to stop a smile from spreading across his face. Frank… Frank was available. This meant that he had a much better chance of convincing Frank that he liked guys. Of course, he didn’t know that Frank didn’t need convincing anymore. Not just yet. His heart raced as he stared wide-eyed at the old, scratched screen of his laptop, his lips parted slightly in surprise and joy. He knew he had to do his best to impress him now…
*
Frank groaned as he practically fell out of bed, reaching for his alarm clock to shut him up. He had half an hour before he had to leave, and after spending another night in the same clothes, he thought a long shower was the only appropriate option at the moment.
Stumbling to the bathroom, he began to pull off his sweat-drenched hoodie, tripping over his own feet as his face twisted in disgust. He was sure this was rock bottom. It had to be. Spending two nights in the same clothing without a shower, covered in Monster and bits of torn up tissues was something he never imagined doing unless he ended up living on the street. It was disgusting, he knew that, but he couldn’t bring himself to have a shower or even to just get up last night. On the bright side, he was no longer hung over. If anything, he felt better than before he got drunk, despite the memory of what happened, and the overwhelming sleepiness.
As soon as he switched on the hot water, it hit him. He was grounded. Frank wasn’t the type to disobey rules or sneak out, and he considered whether he should just text Mikey that he couldn’t come. But it was too late now; the boy may have been on his way there already and cancelling now would be inconvenient and rude. Then again, so was disobeying his mother…
Running his hands through his hair as he shampooed, Frank decided to give it a go and see what would happen. People did it all the time. Gerard did it all the time. But Gerard didn’t really give two shits about what his mother thought, the way she didn’t care what Gerard and Mikey thought of her.
What’s the worst that can happen? Frank shrugged to himself, remembering that he already had no life for the next three months.
The water began to run cold, reminding Frank that he didn’t have long before he had to leave. He washed off the last of the shampoo, then switched off the water and wrapped a long towel around his waist before making his way back to his cold, messy room, looking down awkwardly as the posters all around him observed his every move, their crazy rock star eyes following him around the room.
His old skeleton hoodie – a personal favorite of his – was hung carelessly over the open closet door. Together with his skeleton gloves it almost felt like his birthday. He could at least use that to cheer himself up.
Frank noticed a small rip in one of the sleeves and smirked to himself.
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~
”Shit! Run faster!” Called the voice in front of him, although with the echo it would have been hard to tell where it was coming from.
The sky was slowly growing darker, now a deep violet-blue, fading into black on the horizon. The trees that surrounded Frank were like ghosts of the ones who never made it, reaching out with their sharp, long broken fingers… reaching for their next victim.
Frank had just turned fifteen, he shouldn’t be thinking that. Though his constant fear was now growing, threatening to cause him to break down and panic. Footsteps. Where was Gerard?
Frank picked up the pace. A flash of Gerard’s red and purple cape in between the black, ghastly trees indicated where to run. The leaves beneath his aching feet rustled loudly and twigs snapped with every step he took.
“Get back here you freakin’ fucktards!” The voices echoed all over the place. They seemed to be everywhere, but wherever they actually were, it wasn’t far.
“Frank! Over here!” Gerard’s voice seemed clearer now, which meant the distance between them must be closing. As was the distance between him and the soccer team.
He stopped as he heard a scream. Gerard’s scream. The only thing he could do was run towards the noise and hope that it would be alright. Hope that Gerard would be alright. He didn’t care about saving himself.
The footsteps behind him were getting louder, closer. Frank’s heart thudded rapidly in his chest. As he turned his head to scan the forest behind him, the ground beneath his feet began to crumble, his feet searching desperately for something to land on. His back hit what seemed to be a wall of dirt, his body rolling down helplessly. THUD! He’d hit something soft. Something like…
Frank gasped, beginning to panic, as he realized that whatever he’d hit felt like a human body. His palms were sweating, his eyes beginning to water and his breath growing uneven.
A pained groan escaped the person’s mouth. Frank froze.
“Frank,” The person smiled, and the panic slowly left Frank. Gerard was directly underneath him, their faces only inches away from one another, their short, shallow breaths melting together in the cold October air.
“Frank, you didn’t have to…” Gerard breathed, clearly thankful.
“They were harassing you, of course I had to!”
“You should have let them harass me. I would have been fine.” Gerard insisted. Frank was unable to see his smile in the endless darkness, but he could hear it in his voice.
Frank thought about how, just minutes earlier, the soccer team was pushing Gerard around, slamming him against a brick wall, trying to pull the fake fangs right out of his mouth while they held him down. Then he thought what more they could have done if Frank hadn’t taken action, causing them to focus their attention on him while Gerard broke into a run. They probably wouldn’t have chased them deep into the woods, but they would have beaten up Gerard, and Frank couldn’t let that happen again.
“You wouldn’t have been fine. They’re not that nice…” Frank whispered, blushing fiercely as he realized how close he was to his best friend.
Gerard muttered a quick ‘yeah’ in response. “Thank you.”
All Frank wanted to do was lean down and let their lips collide, but he knew that he couldn’t. It would mess everything up. He couldn’t do that to their friendship.
“Err… I- I should probably get off you now.” Frank stammered and cleared his throat, sitting up next to Gerard.
“So soon?” Gerard smiled, though as soon as he said it, he wished he hadn’t.
Frank didn’t get it, though. Instead of responding, he stood up and dusted himself off.
~
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So soon? Frank repeated in his head, grinning at the memory. That’s when his eyes widened at the sudden realization. He finally got what Gerard had meant…
Was- was he interested in me back then? Frank panicked. He must have liked me and I ruined it! I ruined everything!
He was no longer sure if he wanted to meet Mikey in Starbucks or not. But it was too late now, he had to. Still in shock from what he’d just realized, he pulled on the hoodie, along with a black pair of skinny jeans, and tip-toed down the stairs after carelessly applying his eyeliner. He couldn’t concentrate on anything other than that night.
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