FicWad

[Ficwad (FW) messaged DeviantArt (DA)!]

FW: *the wonderous queen of the night glides thru the air with her vampire powers*
FW: *she opens her bright red eyes to this new world*
DA: ((^u^))
DA: *Princess Kokoro thinks that Cristancia’s dramatic attitude is unbefitting!*
DA: *And she giggles!
FW: *Empress Cristancia Enoby Dark’ness-Way rolls her fcuking eyes at Princess Kokoro’s light-hearted attitude.
DA: “You Vampire-Elf-human hybrids are SOOO BAKA!” *shouts Princess Kokoro!*
FW: “Urusai, Kokoro-chan! I am AN EMPRESS HAI OKAY.”
FW: ((OMG this is the best thang everz!))
DA: ((IKR! can’t believe u’ve never Rp’d! u’re so sugoi at it!))
FW: ((thanx u’re sugio too.))
FW: “I know we have our differences, but we must fight evil together!” *shouts Empress Cristancia dramatically.*
DA: Princess Kokoro-chan nods “Hai! WE MUST COMBINE POWERS TO BECOME A SUPER KAWAII SOLDIER SAILOR!”

DA: ((Wait wait wait! I CALLZ BREAK!))
FW: Break acknolged!

I sit cross-legged on a light blue rock. My new world, The Land of Rainbows and Foreboding, is mostly doctor-suess (SEUSS) like wilderness. All the trees are neaon (NEON) colors, brightly tufted little motherfuckers with skinny yellow trunks. There’s this really big orange desert with purple and blue rock formations, sort of like Australia. Back home.
But the water here’s green, but it’s still safe to drink. And! And and and! There’s a junlge! (YOU KNOW WHAT I FUCKING MEAN, ASSHOLE.) It’s got purple trees and rivers and big rocks and it’s shady and it’s got stuff to climb on! The monsters aren’t that bad. I can kill them really easy.
But there’s not a lot of fruit here, and I haven’t heard from the moron cousin, so I don’t know where FP is.
I’m just kind of hungry. That’s all.

There’s a rustling in the corner of the trees. I aim Headfirst, teeth gritted, even though my head feels like it’s trailing a goddamn foot behind me. I can count my ribs now.
A mustard-yellow basilisk snakes out, twin heads snapping at me. Too easy. I ignore the heads, and blast the space in between them.
Black blood spurts, sprays, and the damn thing twitches to death. My mouth tastes like salt.
God, I’m hungry. I’m so, so hungry. I haven’t eaten since...I’ve been into the game. Wow. That’s...three days. Whoa.
The dead basilisk would just rot. Something else would eat it.
I don’t eat animals. I’m a vegetarian.

Damn, this thing is good. It’s good raw.

[DeviantArt (DA) messaged Ficwad (FW)!]

DA: O M G FICWAD-CHANN!!!!!!!!
DA: WAT’RE YOU DOING??!?!?!?!?!
FW: oh uh yeah
FW: I got a bit hungry and jumped off the veggie wagon
FW: men meat is good cant believe ive been missed this
DA: this is gross omg
FW: ur gross im just eating
DA: UV BUTCHERED IT.
DA: LIKE A TAUNTAUN!!!!!
FW: om nom nom! TAUNTAUN! THE OTHER WHITE MEAT!
DA: O____O
DA: look anata ive got issues
FW: OOOH WAT TELL ME TELL EM!
DA: sempai doesnt notice me!
FW: who’s this mystreious sempai? :O
DA: HSG-KUN!!!!
FW: isnt he a jerk?
DA: BUT HE’S SOOOO HOT!

FW: lol okay
DA: but he’s not into me!
FW: o?????
DA: Yeah! He’s into some guy!
FW: REALLLY?
DA: ya!!!
FW: 2 secs!

I take a break from eating raw basilisk and message FFN.

[Ficwad (FW) messaged Fanfiction.net (FFN)!]

FW: HEY YOU ASSHOLE
FFN: Ugh. Language, please.
FFN: I’m kind of busy. What do you want?
FW: you talkin to ur booooyyyyyyfrieeeenddd????
FFN: WHAT?
FFN: NO!
FFN: HE’S NOT MY BOYFRIEND AND I’M NOT GAY.
FW: whatevs listen ive got things
FW: DA said that hes into some guy!
FFN: Oh. Wow.
FFN: Well, he’s not gay. So that’s not true.
FW: UGGGH!
FFN: Don’t you have monogamous shipping to do or something? :/:
FW: F U

I sign off. God. Asshole. He didn’t even care about my land or anything. Whatever. I don’t care about his either.

DA: Annnd???
FW: Let’s RP.
DA: wat’s up?
FW: Shut up and RP with me.
DA: SIGH.