Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > A Crossing of Man and the Gods
Chapter 4: Firsts
The weather, still on the fritz, brought about sleet, and a chilly wind which brought the temperature of 20° to a whopping 12°. To prepare myself with my date with Gerard, I had followed just about the same routine I had before I went to the club just a week ago. A little less self-loathing, I am happy to admit, but the same routine nonetheless. I had put on a semiformal bluish-grey button up with a silky black, and over top of it went a black sweater my mother had bought me for Christmas of maybe 2009, making this thing a little over four years old. I’m happy it still fits.
Giving the mirror a fleeting look, I huffed slightly at myself. I really hope this doesn’t make me look like a pretentious wannabe Goth ‘too edgy for you’ types. I thought I looked nice for once as I brushed my short hair over to the side once again. I straightened my facial piercings, and brushed off my sweater. I probably didn’t look like a 10/10, but I had definitely upgraded from a 2.
I had called Gerard Thursday to make sure he would be up for a get together so late. We had talked for about thirty minutes, and he sounded as excited as I was. He agreed to pick me up for what he also called our date saying he knew those tickets were probably expensive, so it was the least he could do. You can say I’m just star-struck, but either way you split it, he's quite the gentleman.
I slipped downstairs into the lobby, and waited for Gerard to show up. This is my first date ever, and my mind is racing. What about after the date? Would I give myself to him, too? What if he leaves without hesitation like Ray did? What if this turns into something platonic? I do want a friend, but I'd rather have Gerard as a boyfriend. Maybe I shouldn't be thinking in terms of the future -I should definitely keep myself here, in the present. I want to make tonight good, and whatever happens can't be changed, so there is no point stressing over it before I have to choose, and no point dwelling on it after. That, and I’m giving myself the creeps already planning on trying to get into a relationship with him, imagine what he’d think.
I picked at my nails and fingers with my teeth, gnawing on my skin. I've never been one to get anxious, but I felt the awful knots forming in my stomach. The butterflies’ wings had turned into razor blades, and they danced around in my stomach with more fervor than ever. It would be a lot easier if he just got here already and I didn't have to wait. Then it hit me, the worst thought I could possibly have in this situation. What if he stands me up?
I've got a couple minutes before 8 o'clock (I once again left work early), so I've got an hour or two before I'm officially stood up. Patting my hands on my legs so that way I didn't maul my fingers and mangle them more, I heard the purring of an unfamiliar car outside. I approached the door, peering out the exit subconsciously stuffing my fingers in my mouth.
Early evening darkness enveloped a small, sleek vehicle. It was obviously new, or at least in great condition. The engine of the machine hummed as someone stepped out of the car slowly. I glimpsed at the clock, and it read 7:56. Resident butterflies lurched forward in my stomach, presenting a less unpleasant tingling sensation than before.
The body advanced to the entry, and in the dim light of the lobby, I saw Gerard standing outside the door. He was about to tap on the glass, but he looked up and saw me. Waving slightly, he stepped away from the door so I could exit. I stepped out into the night, and the icy air bit my cheeks. My hair was swept with the bitter wind, and I crossed my arms over my chest. I should’ve grabbed a jacket, but it’s too late for that now.
I examined Gerard’s smiling dimple-less face. His rich black hair was swept back -on purpose, and it feathered out in a unique way. His hair looked about as soft to the touch as his ivory skin as it blew gracefully with the wind. He had an unzipped leather jacket over his clothes, a dressy vest, white button up and a red tie. Saying he looked great was an insult. He was radiant and statuesque as he stood over me with a pleased look on his face.
“This way.” He said, tucking an arm behind his back, and leading me to his car.
I sniggered quietly as he did, and opened the car door for me. I slid into the small leather interior, and sat on the cool seat. Wriggling around slightly, I searched for a seat belt. Gerard shut the door after I had gotten in, quickly made his way into the driver’s seat smoothly, and hooked his seat belt in with one fluid motion. I wondered if everything he owned was like this, flashy and top of the line. Not that I wanted it to be, I was just curious. I looked over at Gerard, and he smiled softly at me.
"Enjoy the finer things?" I asked, patting the dash of the car lightly.
"I wish I could." He chuckled. "This is going to sound like that regular idiot rich person pretending to be normal bullshit," he began as he pulled out of the parking lot. "But material goods mean nothing to me. I'd honestly prefer a tiny apartment to some 750,000 dollar mansion. Not that I own a 750,000 dollar home, but I hope you get my point."
"No, I totally understand." I said, shaking my head. "My mom remarried when I was 4, to Ryan Wynnfeld," I said flatly, seeing Gerard look over at me out of the corner of my eye, and I understood he knew exactly who I was talking about. "And she's a very successful real estate agent. She's sold land to Pamela Anderson, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and everyone in between. Point is I've always been surrounded by money, and it's a bunch of shit."
"Ryan Wynnfeld?" He asked, looking from the road to me every couple seconds. "He wanted me to do something for his firm once. I'm pretty sure he's the one that spread a rumor I was addicted to prescription pain killers because I didn't."
He adjusted his shoulders and slouched back slightly, his jaw setting a little and his eyebrows nearly furrowing. I examined his body language; he was obviously pissed at the thought of a professional doing such a slimy thing. It actually made me kind of angry, though I really didn't put it past Ryan.
"Don't take it personally, he treats me like a barbarian because I won't go to college, and for all intents and purposes, this man is my father." I said and shrugged.
"That's no excuse." He murmured. "He really shouldn't treat you the way he treats people he doesn't like."
"As much as I agree it doesn't change the fact that when it's his business and reputation, he'll throw anyone under the bus to keep it intact." I smiled slightly, and looked over at him. "Besides, we can piss him off in return by hanging out and stuff more."
He chuckled once again and nodded. "Yeah. That sounds like a plan."
---
Gerard and I stood behind our large countertop, waiting for the instructor to instruct. It had dawned on me earlier that I'm a vegetarian, and they're probably going to make me cook meat. I grimaced to myself, half tempted to sneak over to the freezer and check. I don’t want to cook some poor animal some company slaughtered for mass consumption. I didn’t really like meat to begin with, so that puts me at absolutely no chance in hell of me eating tonight.
The room was lit nicely, the iridescent light showering over everyone and everything in the happy medium between obnoxiously bright and too dim to be productive. The wooden countertops were a slick polished Walnut, no visible scratches or impurities on its glistening surface.
I had a hard time not ogling Gerard. One of his strong large hands rested against his waist as he stared at the instructor intently. I gawked at his toned smooth arms, and I suddenly realized I officially have a type. I have a type, and Gerard is it. I hope this doesn't go platonic; I've never wanted anyone like this. It's strange wanting someone you've just met.
I analyzed his flat chest, wondering what it would be like to touch him. Maybe not even in a sexual way, just to be close to him. I've never wanted any specific person to hold me, but now the faceless man that I pictured holding me close on a cold night is Gerard. He just fits the part perfectly. I want his hands tangled in my hair with his nice big arms enveloping me in his warmth. I'd be okay with holding him too. Chest to chest, just feeling his upper body rise and fall against mine.
My head snapped up to the older man's face, which had another very small grin plastered to it. His head turned slowly in my direction, and his eyes nearly met mine before I looked away. I didn't want him to know I was staring. He chuckled slightly and I saw him shake his head out of the corner of my eye.
"You know, it’s okay if you-" He started with a smile before he instructor started talking. He stopped himself and focused on the brunette up front once again.
"Alright folks, I'm Olivia Fare, and we'll be preparing some arugula-stuffed leg of lamb with roasted spring vegetables.” She announced, and began to take out the things she'd need for cooking.
I grunted and helped Gerard get our things out of the mini fridge and cabinets. They didn't have more than we needed stocked up, so we emptied everything, and spread the supplies out across the large wooden countertop. I made yet another wry face as my stomach grumbled quietly.
"Not enjoying yourself?" Gerard asked me quietly, looking over me as if he was genuinely concerned.
"No, no it's not that." I protested, shaking my head vigorously. "I'm hungry; I haven't eaten anything since lunch."
He nodded, and plunged his hand into his pocket. Wriggling it around for a moment, he stopped and removed a pack of gum. He opened the little container and handed me a piece of winter mint.
"Not sure if that will help you any." He said, waiting for me to take it.
My hand brushed against his for a second and my entire arm began to tingle. I bit my lip ring slightly, before unwrapping the piece, and putting it in my mouth. I began to gnaw on my fingers once again and quickly corrected myself.
Chew the gum, not your hands, you asshole.
Gerard giggled at me, and once again began paying attention to the woman at the front of the kitchen. She had been focusing on him for a while now, too. I was curious as to whether or not they knew each other, or if they just recognized each other. I mean, I hadn't heard of Gerard up until this point, so this lady could be royalty and I just don't know.
---
I had made Gerard prepare the lamb and I worked with the spring vegetables. Other than the few people (including the instructor) that approached us to ask if he was in fact Gerard Way, nothing went badly, and I actually had a very good time helping him cook something I wasn’t about to eat. We talked about my tattoos, and his fear of needles, and he tossed a couple pinches of salt in my direction playfully, and I threw a couple garlic cloves back.
Ms./Mrs. Olivia Fare had made a few irritating jokes.
”Don’t listen too close to the oven, the lamb may get startled and scream.” She laughed, and I only managed to glare. Fuck her. I had also asked Gerard if he knew her, and why he was staring so hard, and he just said he was being a good listener, which sounded like a fair excuse.
As we finished plating the dish, Gerard handed me a fork. I chewed more rapidly on the piece of gum that had lost its flavor, to try and get the last of the sustenance out of it. I’ve been half tempted to swallow it for the past half hour, actually. I looked over at Gerard who was staring at me intently. He had some of the meal on his fork, and was obviously waiting for me to try some.
"Well?" He asked, nodding at my fork.
I'm a vegetarian." I admitted quietly, poking one of the stray cherry tomatoes with a fork and eating it.
Gerard raised an eyebrow, and began to laugh boisterously. Capturing the attention of the dozen other people in the room, he continued to laugh, placing one of his hands lightly over his stomach. Throwing his head back and sighing as the laughter faded, he chuckled a little.
"You should've said something, silly." He giggled. "Or were you planning that just to make me laugh?"
"I didn't really plan any of it." I mumbled with a slight blush growing on my cheeks. I avoided eye contact as I spoke.
"You are honestly the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life. I'll buy a pizza for us okay? We can hang out at my house." He suggested with a shrug of his shoulders.
"Yeah, I'd love to." I agreed, trying to mask the overwhelming excitement that was bubbling inside me.
"C'mon." He said approaching the door, and waved to the exit.
I grabbed a large handful cherry tomatoes and followed him like a lost puppy, shuffling to the door after checking to see if I had forgot anything. I dashed after him as he made his way into the hall. Popping one of the small fruits in my mouth, I caught up to him.
"Want one?" I asked, and held out my hand.
"You're a thief." He snickered, grabbing one and slipping it in his mouth chewing carefully.
"It was what, 70 dollars per ticket, and we didn't even eat the food. I think a couple cents worth of tiny tomatoes is okay, especially since they get our leftovers." I said, grinning.
"The plating was probably the only good thing about it." He said, a smile still on his beautiful face.
"If you're trying to insult my cooking, I'll have you know I make a mean bowl of cereal." I replied, tossing another tomato into the air and catching it with my mouth.
"You'll just have to show me then." He responded, that hint of sultriness in his voice returning.
I inhaled sharply, and nearly choked on my food. I coughed loudly as my lungs fought the puny invader, though there wasn't much of a struggle. Gerard looked at me with an eyebrow raised, and patted my back.
"Thought I was going to have to save your life. You alright?" He asked with genuine concern in his eyes.
"Y-yeah," I stammered and coughed a little again. "Still can't breathe and swallow, so that's a bummer."
"You've got quite the sense of humor." He chuckled, rubbing my back softly, pulling me over to him and closing the gap between us.
"That's a good thing, right?" I questioned, looking up at the taller man intently, trying to read his face before he spoke.
"Yeah, actually. I don't recall laughing this much recently. It's really nice." He said and wrapped an arm around my shoulder.
I beamed and felt another blush creep up to my cheeks. I bit my lip ring, and pulled at the cold ring of metal. My hands weren't available to chew on, and I didn't want to do that in front of Gerard, so the lip ring will have to do. He looked down at me, our eyes locking momentarily. I bit my lip harder, officially chewing on my skin.
"I wasn't lying when I said you're the cutest thing I’ve ever seen." He said as we neared the exit. He pushed open the door, and with his hand drifting to my lower back and leading me out the door.
---
Gerard once again opened my car door and shut it behind me. His house looked cozy, definitely nothing flashy and ridiculously expensive like his car. He lived relatively far away from a lot other people, but he did have neighbors.
His dim porch light lead the way to the metal door. He had a lot of large windows that allowed me to see into the darkness of his home. I stood behind him as he unlocked a deadbolt and the door lock. I rubbed my thighs in an effort to warm them; the cold had practically rendered my legs giant blocks of useless meat. Gerard opened the door, and stepped inside, and I followed closely like a fly to light. It was much warmer in his home than it was outside, and I was very thankful for that.
"So this is my house." He said, flicking the lights on to reveal a warm, inviting cabin styled home. The walls looked like wooden boards, and the floor had a soft grey carpet. He started to his kitchen. "Make yourself at home, I'll preheat the oven. Pick out a movie we can watch or something. The stand is by the TV." He waved his arm in the general direction of the living room, and sunk into the darkness of the rest of his house.
I trotted over to the media stand, and looked around. There was a wide array of films, and it seems he's got about the same taste as me. I dragged my hand over a few cases, and then decided to surprise us both. I closed my eyes, and dragged my pointer finger across the row of cases, and back down. I repeated this enough times until I felt that I was truly picking at random. I stopped and pulled out a DVD without opening my eyes. Out of the titles I had seen, I tried to guess which one I picked. Opening my eyes, I went into a fit of laughter.
Broke Back Mountain.
I raised an eyebrow at the film, and examined its cover. I’ve heard a lot about this movie, but I don’t think I ever heard anything accurate about the film. Only that it was about two gay cowboys on a ranch. I found it a little ironic that that’s the one I picked, seeing as Gerard owns a cabin-esque house, and we’re both gay and
stop.
"You have a really nice laugh, too." He said, and flopped on his couch.
I jumped in reaction to him. Setting the movie back in its place I swiveled around on my heals, my eyes wide with surprise. He grinned at me as his head nodded in the general direction of the shelf. I let out a quiet ‘oh’ and turned around again, this time picking ‘The Empire Strikes Back’, and holding it out for him to see, waiting for his approval.
“Just when I thought you couldn’t get any better.” He laughed quietly.
A blush returned to my face, I honestly don’t think it had gone very far since the last time I had felt my cheeks get hot and rosy, and I quickly set the movie on the glass coffee table in front of his leather couch. I wasn’t sure which seat I wanted, and I’m assuming Gerard could tell because he patted the space immediately to his left, and smiled warmly at me. I sat next to him, my legs and side touching his.
The movie had been on for at least 15 minutes before the oven finally heated up, and we paused it and slipped the pizza in. I forgot how this movie is the most sexually charged of the original Star Wars trilogy, and mentally kicked myself for choosing that one. Gerard did have his arm locked around my shoulders the entire time, which was very nice. After we finished eating, I smiled and silently thanked him.
We were about two thirds through the film, and I felt a mild tingling sensation on my scalp. I only ever felt that when people stared, and that tingle had been there for a while. So there are two possibilities. I have either finally lost it, or Gerard is staring at me. I will be safe and assume the former, but I should check. I glanced up at Gerard, who was in fact staring a hole through my skull. This was a pleasantly unpleasant surprise; I wasn’t sure if I had done anything wrong, or if I had something embarrassing on my head that he should be staring at. Or he could just be into me.
We locked eyes momentarily as I saw his right hand drift from its resting position on his leg to my face slowly. He turned his torso toward me, and placed his fingers under my jaw, resting his thumb lightly on my chin. The older man tilted my head toward his slowly, gazing into my eyes. I felt myself being reduced to a gooey paste again. My heart jumped into my throat as he leaned closer to me, his soft, luscious lips inching closer to mine.
His lips met mine, closed, but obviously wanting more. The kiss was passionate, and he was dominant. Taking place as the best kisser I've met that wasn't myself, I started to feel the electricity. I opened my mouth slightly, giving into the want we both had. He allowed himself into my mouth gently. I really appreciated his not darting his tongue into my mouth like many before him had done.
He explored the inside of my mouth, and I allowed him to do so without argument. Things began to heat up as he placed one of his strong hands on my hip, his fingers tightening slightly around my side. I would've had a spaz and a half had anyone else touched me, because I'm repulsive and don't want people to know, though it seemed like Gerard wouldn't mind what I looked like. That doesn't change the fact there's probably no way in hell I would show anyone my skin. I don't even know if this is going to escalate to sex. I don't know if I'll let it escalate to sex before I cry, and sob, and whine because being alone is killing me. I'll have to be alone again if I fuck this up by freaking out again.
I placed my hand on his muscular arm, and squeezed lightly. The squeezing was brief, but I did it off and on for a while. I heard him let out a few short moans, and I could feel my abdomen begin to tingle in response. I tried to wish what I knew was coming away. To my own surprise I had succeeded in willing it away, and I'm glad I have such self-control. I don't know what's wrong with me, I've had really hot make out sessions before, but I've never even almost got hard from it.
Moving my I placed a light hand on one of his toned pectorals, and if it's even possible, I melted more. Damn he is perfect. Our tongues danced together in a fit of need coupled with an unbearable want. We moved together, one fluid motion from start to finish. He brought his hand from my hip to the back of my neck, bringing me a tad closer than before. I grinned into the kiss slightly as his fingers lightly dragged up my neck, sending goose bumps all over my upper body. He rested his hand against the back of my head, tugging at my hair softly causing me to let out a quiet moan in response.
I pulled away from the kiss lightly, and decided to improvise and began nipping lightly at his pale neck. He tilted his head to the side, allowing me to kiss around his perfect jaw line. Slowly, he tilted his head back toward me and reciprocated the kisses, planting a few on my neck. I began working to his collarbone after about three hot sloppy kisses from the artist, and he groaned slightly, his head returning to a normal position.
"God Frank." He muttered breathlessly.
At that moment, I could feel them. The new shipment of tears had finally arrived and my eyes were getting ready to unpack. I stopped kissing his neck, and froze, trying to contain them.
You will not cry now.
I held my breath, and shut my eyes tightly. I refused to cry, and that only made me feel worse. I wanted to break down and cry, I mean look at me. I'll go to town on any guy that pays attention to me for ten fucking minutes, I'm pitiful.
"Would you rather cuddle?" He asked gingerly, like he knew all about my conflicting emotions. Wanting to keep him, wanting to please him, and just wanting someone to care.
Inhaling sharply, I thought about my answer. If I said yes, and he wanted sex he'd resent me and just use me later. If I said no, and he didn't want sex, he'd reject me.
"Cuddling sounds fine." I nodded after a moment, moving away from Gerard. I felt embarrassed for coming on to him, and even more embarrassed for almost losing my shit. "I'm sorry." I apologized, hanging my head.
"For what? You're not ready, and that's fine." He shrugged, and wrapped his arms around me.
"I don't know if you're going to want to see me again, and I just really need someone." I stated, letting fly what I've been needing to for so long. "Not that I picked you at random, I really like you. I just want someone to care about me."
"I really like you too, so don't worry. You'll see me again, I'll be right here for you." He said, and stroked my hair gently. He smiled at me, his happy face making me feel less absolutely horrible about the past hour or so. "God your hair is soft." He snickered.
I shook my head, and rested my head against his chest, smiling absentmindedly. I brushed my hand over his arm occasionally, and listened to him breath. It was more than nice to finally be close to someone. I don't care if he was lying to me about liking me at this point. I don't care if he didn't want more than getting his dick sucked at this point. I don't care right now, I feel better than I ever have. He understood what was happening to me immediately, so I've either got the world’s most obvious tell, or he knows something. None of this matters to me now, though.
I breathe in and hold the air in my lungs for a second, Gerard still petting my hair as the credits began on the television. I exhaled slowly.
I'm finally okay.
A/N;
Longer chapter. Which is good. Hope the grammar is fine, I double checked. I’ve been out of it from not sleeping lately so forgive me if something doesn’t make sense.
Thank you for reading, I really appreciate it. Ficwad reviews are finally working. Tell me things here. That's great.
Review, rate, favorite, put in your alerts whatever.
Seriously, thank you so much for reading.
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Thanks friend
Um just noticed that "fear of music" error. Sorry about that, I'm surprised I didn't catch it. xD
The weather, still on the fritz, brought about sleet, and a chilly wind which brought the temperature of 20° to a whopping 12°. To prepare myself with my date with Gerard, I had followed just about the same routine I had before I went to the club just a week ago. A little less self-loathing, I am happy to admit, but the same routine nonetheless. I had put on a semiformal bluish-grey button up with a silky black, and over top of it went a black sweater my mother had bought me for Christmas of maybe 2009, making this thing a little over four years old. I’m happy it still fits.
Giving the mirror a fleeting look, I huffed slightly at myself. I really hope this doesn’t make me look like a pretentious wannabe Goth ‘too edgy for you’ types. I thought I looked nice for once as I brushed my short hair over to the side once again. I straightened my facial piercings, and brushed off my sweater. I probably didn’t look like a 10/10, but I had definitely upgraded from a 2.
I had called Gerard Thursday to make sure he would be up for a get together so late. We had talked for about thirty minutes, and he sounded as excited as I was. He agreed to pick me up for what he also called our date saying he knew those tickets were probably expensive, so it was the least he could do. You can say I’m just star-struck, but either way you split it, he's quite the gentleman.
I slipped downstairs into the lobby, and waited for Gerard to show up. This is my first date ever, and my mind is racing. What about after the date? Would I give myself to him, too? What if he leaves without hesitation like Ray did? What if this turns into something platonic? I do want a friend, but I'd rather have Gerard as a boyfriend. Maybe I shouldn't be thinking in terms of the future -I should definitely keep myself here, in the present. I want to make tonight good, and whatever happens can't be changed, so there is no point stressing over it before I have to choose, and no point dwelling on it after. That, and I’m giving myself the creeps already planning on trying to get into a relationship with him, imagine what he’d think.
I picked at my nails and fingers with my teeth, gnawing on my skin. I've never been one to get anxious, but I felt the awful knots forming in my stomach. The butterflies’ wings had turned into razor blades, and they danced around in my stomach with more fervor than ever. It would be a lot easier if he just got here already and I didn't have to wait. Then it hit me, the worst thought I could possibly have in this situation. What if he stands me up?
I've got a couple minutes before 8 o'clock (I once again left work early), so I've got an hour or two before I'm officially stood up. Patting my hands on my legs so that way I didn't maul my fingers and mangle them more, I heard the purring of an unfamiliar car outside. I approached the door, peering out the exit subconsciously stuffing my fingers in my mouth.
Early evening darkness enveloped a small, sleek vehicle. It was obviously new, or at least in great condition. The engine of the machine hummed as someone stepped out of the car slowly. I glimpsed at the clock, and it read 7:56. Resident butterflies lurched forward in my stomach, presenting a less unpleasant tingling sensation than before.
The body advanced to the entry, and in the dim light of the lobby, I saw Gerard standing outside the door. He was about to tap on the glass, but he looked up and saw me. Waving slightly, he stepped away from the door so I could exit. I stepped out into the night, and the icy air bit my cheeks. My hair was swept with the bitter wind, and I crossed my arms over my chest. I should’ve grabbed a jacket, but it’s too late for that now.
I examined Gerard’s smiling dimple-less face. His rich black hair was swept back -on purpose, and it feathered out in a unique way. His hair looked about as soft to the touch as his ivory skin as it blew gracefully with the wind. He had an unzipped leather jacket over his clothes, a dressy vest, white button up and a red tie. Saying he looked great was an insult. He was radiant and statuesque as he stood over me with a pleased look on his face.
“This way.” He said, tucking an arm behind his back, and leading me to his car.
I sniggered quietly as he did, and opened the car door for me. I slid into the small leather interior, and sat on the cool seat. Wriggling around slightly, I searched for a seat belt. Gerard shut the door after I had gotten in, quickly made his way into the driver’s seat smoothly, and hooked his seat belt in with one fluid motion. I wondered if everything he owned was like this, flashy and top of the line. Not that I wanted it to be, I was just curious. I looked over at Gerard, and he smiled softly at me.
"Enjoy the finer things?" I asked, patting the dash of the car lightly.
"I wish I could." He chuckled. "This is going to sound like that regular idiot rich person pretending to be normal bullshit," he began as he pulled out of the parking lot. "But material goods mean nothing to me. I'd honestly prefer a tiny apartment to some 750,000 dollar mansion. Not that I own a 750,000 dollar home, but I hope you get my point."
"No, I totally understand." I said, shaking my head. "My mom remarried when I was 4, to Ryan Wynnfeld," I said flatly, seeing Gerard look over at me out of the corner of my eye, and I understood he knew exactly who I was talking about. "And she's a very successful real estate agent. She's sold land to Pamela Anderson, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and everyone in between. Point is I've always been surrounded by money, and it's a bunch of shit."
"Ryan Wynnfeld?" He asked, looking from the road to me every couple seconds. "He wanted me to do something for his firm once. I'm pretty sure he's the one that spread a rumor I was addicted to prescription pain killers because I didn't."
He adjusted his shoulders and slouched back slightly, his jaw setting a little and his eyebrows nearly furrowing. I examined his body language; he was obviously pissed at the thought of a professional doing such a slimy thing. It actually made me kind of angry, though I really didn't put it past Ryan.
"Don't take it personally, he treats me like a barbarian because I won't go to college, and for all intents and purposes, this man is my father." I said and shrugged.
"That's no excuse." He murmured. "He really shouldn't treat you the way he treats people he doesn't like."
"As much as I agree it doesn't change the fact that when it's his business and reputation, he'll throw anyone under the bus to keep it intact." I smiled slightly, and looked over at him. "Besides, we can piss him off in return by hanging out and stuff more."
He chuckled once again and nodded. "Yeah. That sounds like a plan."
---
Gerard and I stood behind our large countertop, waiting for the instructor to instruct. It had dawned on me earlier that I'm a vegetarian, and they're probably going to make me cook meat. I grimaced to myself, half tempted to sneak over to the freezer and check. I don’t want to cook some poor animal some company slaughtered for mass consumption. I didn’t really like meat to begin with, so that puts me at absolutely no chance in hell of me eating tonight.
The room was lit nicely, the iridescent light showering over everyone and everything in the happy medium between obnoxiously bright and too dim to be productive. The wooden countertops were a slick polished Walnut, no visible scratches or impurities on its glistening surface.
I had a hard time not ogling Gerard. One of his strong large hands rested against his waist as he stared at the instructor intently. I gawked at his toned smooth arms, and I suddenly realized I officially have a type. I have a type, and Gerard is it. I hope this doesn't go platonic; I've never wanted anyone like this. It's strange wanting someone you've just met.
I analyzed his flat chest, wondering what it would be like to touch him. Maybe not even in a sexual way, just to be close to him. I've never wanted any specific person to hold me, but now the faceless man that I pictured holding me close on a cold night is Gerard. He just fits the part perfectly. I want his hands tangled in my hair with his nice big arms enveloping me in his warmth. I'd be okay with holding him too. Chest to chest, just feeling his upper body rise and fall against mine.
My head snapped up to the older man's face, which had another very small grin plastered to it. His head turned slowly in my direction, and his eyes nearly met mine before I looked away. I didn't want him to know I was staring. He chuckled slightly and I saw him shake his head out of the corner of my eye.
"You know, it’s okay if you-" He started with a smile before he instructor started talking. He stopped himself and focused on the brunette up front once again.
"Alright folks, I'm Olivia Fare, and we'll be preparing some arugula-stuffed leg of lamb with roasted spring vegetables.” She announced, and began to take out the things she'd need for cooking.
I grunted and helped Gerard get our things out of the mini fridge and cabinets. They didn't have more than we needed stocked up, so we emptied everything, and spread the supplies out across the large wooden countertop. I made yet another wry face as my stomach grumbled quietly.
"Not enjoying yourself?" Gerard asked me quietly, looking over me as if he was genuinely concerned.
"No, no it's not that." I protested, shaking my head vigorously. "I'm hungry; I haven't eaten anything since lunch."
He nodded, and plunged his hand into his pocket. Wriggling it around for a moment, he stopped and removed a pack of gum. He opened the little container and handed me a piece of winter mint.
"Not sure if that will help you any." He said, waiting for me to take it.
My hand brushed against his for a second and my entire arm began to tingle. I bit my lip ring slightly, before unwrapping the piece, and putting it in my mouth. I began to gnaw on my fingers once again and quickly corrected myself.
Chew the gum, not your hands, you asshole.
Gerard giggled at me, and once again began paying attention to the woman at the front of the kitchen. She had been focusing on him for a while now, too. I was curious as to whether or not they knew each other, or if they just recognized each other. I mean, I hadn't heard of Gerard up until this point, so this lady could be royalty and I just don't know.
---
I had made Gerard prepare the lamb and I worked with the spring vegetables. Other than the few people (including the instructor) that approached us to ask if he was in fact Gerard Way, nothing went badly, and I actually had a very good time helping him cook something I wasn’t about to eat. We talked about my tattoos, and his fear of needles, and he tossed a couple pinches of salt in my direction playfully, and I threw a couple garlic cloves back.
Ms./Mrs. Olivia Fare had made a few irritating jokes.
”Don’t listen too close to the oven, the lamb may get startled and scream.” She laughed, and I only managed to glare. Fuck her. I had also asked Gerard if he knew her, and why he was staring so hard, and he just said he was being a good listener, which sounded like a fair excuse.
As we finished plating the dish, Gerard handed me a fork. I chewed more rapidly on the piece of gum that had lost its flavor, to try and get the last of the sustenance out of it. I’ve been half tempted to swallow it for the past half hour, actually. I looked over at Gerard who was staring at me intently. He had some of the meal on his fork, and was obviously waiting for me to try some.
"Well?" He asked, nodding at my fork.
I'm a vegetarian." I admitted quietly, poking one of the stray cherry tomatoes with a fork and eating it.
Gerard raised an eyebrow, and began to laugh boisterously. Capturing the attention of the dozen other people in the room, he continued to laugh, placing one of his hands lightly over his stomach. Throwing his head back and sighing as the laughter faded, he chuckled a little.
"You should've said something, silly." He giggled. "Or were you planning that just to make me laugh?"
"I didn't really plan any of it." I mumbled with a slight blush growing on my cheeks. I avoided eye contact as I spoke.
"You are honestly the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life. I'll buy a pizza for us okay? We can hang out at my house." He suggested with a shrug of his shoulders.
"Yeah, I'd love to." I agreed, trying to mask the overwhelming excitement that was bubbling inside me.
"C'mon." He said approaching the door, and waved to the exit.
I grabbed a large handful cherry tomatoes and followed him like a lost puppy, shuffling to the door after checking to see if I had forgot anything. I dashed after him as he made his way into the hall. Popping one of the small fruits in my mouth, I caught up to him.
"Want one?" I asked, and held out my hand.
"You're a thief." He snickered, grabbing one and slipping it in his mouth chewing carefully.
"It was what, 70 dollars per ticket, and we didn't even eat the food. I think a couple cents worth of tiny tomatoes is okay, especially since they get our leftovers." I said, grinning.
"The plating was probably the only good thing about it." He said, a smile still on his beautiful face.
"If you're trying to insult my cooking, I'll have you know I make a mean bowl of cereal." I replied, tossing another tomato into the air and catching it with my mouth.
"You'll just have to show me then." He responded, that hint of sultriness in his voice returning.
I inhaled sharply, and nearly choked on my food. I coughed loudly as my lungs fought the puny invader, though there wasn't much of a struggle. Gerard looked at me with an eyebrow raised, and patted my back.
"Thought I was going to have to save your life. You alright?" He asked with genuine concern in his eyes.
"Y-yeah," I stammered and coughed a little again. "Still can't breathe and swallow, so that's a bummer."
"You've got quite the sense of humor." He chuckled, rubbing my back softly, pulling me over to him and closing the gap between us.
"That's a good thing, right?" I questioned, looking up at the taller man intently, trying to read his face before he spoke.
"Yeah, actually. I don't recall laughing this much recently. It's really nice." He said and wrapped an arm around my shoulder.
I beamed and felt another blush creep up to my cheeks. I bit my lip ring, and pulled at the cold ring of metal. My hands weren't available to chew on, and I didn't want to do that in front of Gerard, so the lip ring will have to do. He looked down at me, our eyes locking momentarily. I bit my lip harder, officially chewing on my skin.
"I wasn't lying when I said you're the cutest thing I’ve ever seen." He said as we neared the exit. He pushed open the door, and with his hand drifting to my lower back and leading me out the door.
---
Gerard once again opened my car door and shut it behind me. His house looked cozy, definitely nothing flashy and ridiculously expensive like his car. He lived relatively far away from a lot other people, but he did have neighbors.
His dim porch light lead the way to the metal door. He had a lot of large windows that allowed me to see into the darkness of his home. I stood behind him as he unlocked a deadbolt and the door lock. I rubbed my thighs in an effort to warm them; the cold had practically rendered my legs giant blocks of useless meat. Gerard opened the door, and stepped inside, and I followed closely like a fly to light. It was much warmer in his home than it was outside, and I was very thankful for that.
"So this is my house." He said, flicking the lights on to reveal a warm, inviting cabin styled home. The walls looked like wooden boards, and the floor had a soft grey carpet. He started to his kitchen. "Make yourself at home, I'll preheat the oven. Pick out a movie we can watch or something. The stand is by the TV." He waved his arm in the general direction of the living room, and sunk into the darkness of the rest of his house.
I trotted over to the media stand, and looked around. There was a wide array of films, and it seems he's got about the same taste as me. I dragged my hand over a few cases, and then decided to surprise us both. I closed my eyes, and dragged my pointer finger across the row of cases, and back down. I repeated this enough times until I felt that I was truly picking at random. I stopped and pulled out a DVD without opening my eyes. Out of the titles I had seen, I tried to guess which one I picked. Opening my eyes, I went into a fit of laughter.
Broke Back Mountain.
I raised an eyebrow at the film, and examined its cover. I’ve heard a lot about this movie, but I don’t think I ever heard anything accurate about the film. Only that it was about two gay cowboys on a ranch. I found it a little ironic that that’s the one I picked, seeing as Gerard owns a cabin-esque house, and we’re both gay and
stop.
"You have a really nice laugh, too." He said, and flopped on his couch.
I jumped in reaction to him. Setting the movie back in its place I swiveled around on my heals, my eyes wide with surprise. He grinned at me as his head nodded in the general direction of the shelf. I let out a quiet ‘oh’ and turned around again, this time picking ‘The Empire Strikes Back’, and holding it out for him to see, waiting for his approval.
“Just when I thought you couldn’t get any better.” He laughed quietly.
A blush returned to my face, I honestly don’t think it had gone very far since the last time I had felt my cheeks get hot and rosy, and I quickly set the movie on the glass coffee table in front of his leather couch. I wasn’t sure which seat I wanted, and I’m assuming Gerard could tell because he patted the space immediately to his left, and smiled warmly at me. I sat next to him, my legs and side touching his.
The movie had been on for at least 15 minutes before the oven finally heated up, and we paused it and slipped the pizza in. I forgot how this movie is the most sexually charged of the original Star Wars trilogy, and mentally kicked myself for choosing that one. Gerard did have his arm locked around my shoulders the entire time, which was very nice. After we finished eating, I smiled and silently thanked him.
We were about two thirds through the film, and I felt a mild tingling sensation on my scalp. I only ever felt that when people stared, and that tingle had been there for a while. So there are two possibilities. I have either finally lost it, or Gerard is staring at me. I will be safe and assume the former, but I should check. I glanced up at Gerard, who was in fact staring a hole through my skull. This was a pleasantly unpleasant surprise; I wasn’t sure if I had done anything wrong, or if I had something embarrassing on my head that he should be staring at. Or he could just be into me.
We locked eyes momentarily as I saw his right hand drift from its resting position on his leg to my face slowly. He turned his torso toward me, and placed his fingers under my jaw, resting his thumb lightly on my chin. The older man tilted my head toward his slowly, gazing into my eyes. I felt myself being reduced to a gooey paste again. My heart jumped into my throat as he leaned closer to me, his soft, luscious lips inching closer to mine.
His lips met mine, closed, but obviously wanting more. The kiss was passionate, and he was dominant. Taking place as the best kisser I've met that wasn't myself, I started to feel the electricity. I opened my mouth slightly, giving into the want we both had. He allowed himself into my mouth gently. I really appreciated his not darting his tongue into my mouth like many before him had done.
He explored the inside of my mouth, and I allowed him to do so without argument. Things began to heat up as he placed one of his strong hands on my hip, his fingers tightening slightly around my side. I would've had a spaz and a half had anyone else touched me, because I'm repulsive and don't want people to know, though it seemed like Gerard wouldn't mind what I looked like. That doesn't change the fact there's probably no way in hell I would show anyone my skin. I don't even know if this is going to escalate to sex. I don't know if I'll let it escalate to sex before I cry, and sob, and whine because being alone is killing me. I'll have to be alone again if I fuck this up by freaking out again.
I placed my hand on his muscular arm, and squeezed lightly. The squeezing was brief, but I did it off and on for a while. I heard him let out a few short moans, and I could feel my abdomen begin to tingle in response. I tried to wish what I knew was coming away. To my own surprise I had succeeded in willing it away, and I'm glad I have such self-control. I don't know what's wrong with me, I've had really hot make out sessions before, but I've never even almost got hard from it.
Moving my I placed a light hand on one of his toned pectorals, and if it's even possible, I melted more. Damn he is perfect. Our tongues danced together in a fit of need coupled with an unbearable want. We moved together, one fluid motion from start to finish. He brought his hand from my hip to the back of my neck, bringing me a tad closer than before. I grinned into the kiss slightly as his fingers lightly dragged up my neck, sending goose bumps all over my upper body. He rested his hand against the back of my head, tugging at my hair softly causing me to let out a quiet moan in response.
I pulled away from the kiss lightly, and decided to improvise and began nipping lightly at his pale neck. He tilted his head to the side, allowing me to kiss around his perfect jaw line. Slowly, he tilted his head back toward me and reciprocated the kisses, planting a few on my neck. I began working to his collarbone after about three hot sloppy kisses from the artist, and he groaned slightly, his head returning to a normal position.
"God Frank." He muttered breathlessly.
At that moment, I could feel them. The new shipment of tears had finally arrived and my eyes were getting ready to unpack. I stopped kissing his neck, and froze, trying to contain them.
You will not cry now.
I held my breath, and shut my eyes tightly. I refused to cry, and that only made me feel worse. I wanted to break down and cry, I mean look at me. I'll go to town on any guy that pays attention to me for ten fucking minutes, I'm pitiful.
"Would you rather cuddle?" He asked gingerly, like he knew all about my conflicting emotions. Wanting to keep him, wanting to please him, and just wanting someone to care.
Inhaling sharply, I thought about my answer. If I said yes, and he wanted sex he'd resent me and just use me later. If I said no, and he didn't want sex, he'd reject me.
"Cuddling sounds fine." I nodded after a moment, moving away from Gerard. I felt embarrassed for coming on to him, and even more embarrassed for almost losing my shit. "I'm sorry." I apologized, hanging my head.
"For what? You're not ready, and that's fine." He shrugged, and wrapped his arms around me.
"I don't know if you're going to want to see me again, and I just really need someone." I stated, letting fly what I've been needing to for so long. "Not that I picked you at random, I really like you. I just want someone to care about me."
"I really like you too, so don't worry. You'll see me again, I'll be right here for you." He said, and stroked my hair gently. He smiled at me, his happy face making me feel less absolutely horrible about the past hour or so. "God your hair is soft." He snickered.
I shook my head, and rested my head against his chest, smiling absentmindedly. I brushed my hand over his arm occasionally, and listened to him breath. It was more than nice to finally be close to someone. I don't care if he was lying to me about liking me at this point. I don't care if he didn't want more than getting his dick sucked at this point. I don't care right now, I feel better than I ever have. He understood what was happening to me immediately, so I've either got the world’s most obvious tell, or he knows something. None of this matters to me now, though.
I breathe in and hold the air in my lungs for a second, Gerard still petting my hair as the credits began on the television. I exhaled slowly.
I'm finally okay.
A/N;
Longer chapter. Which is good. Hope the grammar is fine, I double checked. I’ve been out of it from not sleeping lately so forgive me if something doesn’t make sense.
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Um just noticed that "fear of music" error. Sorry about that, I'm surprised I didn't catch it. xD
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